Tag Archives: Kandi Burruss

Sunday for Ma

The Mamas KnowlesJoan and Christina CrawfordLeo loves his Ma and his G’Ma.Kanye and Donda WestGwyneth and BlytheThe JuddsKathy and Maggie GriffinJoan and MelissaJudy and Liza Kandi and JoyceSean and Janice

Leaky Ass & Self-Head

Last night E! closed out the holiday weekend with the premiere of Kim and Kourtney Take New York.  Many tuned in to see the demise of Kris and Kim’s short-lived marriage predictably unfold.  As expected, Kris behaved childishly, and narcissistic Kim remains completely self-involved.  None of this matters though because the only thing worth discussing was the anal leakage Kourtney left behind on the duvet after her Basti (Ayurvedic herbal oil enema).   Just to be clear, oil leaked out of Kourtney’s ass through her pants and onto Kris and Kim’s bed.  Ass oil spill ya’ll.   How do you compete with anal leakage?  Bravo aired a new episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  First, we’re in agreement that Peter’s a bitch, right?  He was a bitch last week to Apollo and he was a bitch this week to Cynthia’s sister MalSheree was right, Peter’s serving bitchassnesss.  Again, none of this matters because the only thing worth discussing was Phaedra’s 35th birthday gift to Kandi in the form of Ridiculous, the stripper who performs self-head.  Like dude can straight suck his own dick.  After the performance, some guests (including Kandi’s Ma) acted deeply appalled at the auto-fellatio, but during the show not a single one of those riveted bitches turned away.

KANDI BURRUSS: KANDI KOATED

On Kandi Koated, Kandi repeatedly whips us with her vocal gymnastics in a labored attempt to separate herself from her itunes Bride of Frankenstein creation Kim Zolciak.  Many critics describe this record as featuring the “soulful” side of Kandi.  If by “soulful,” they mean dull as fuck, then I tend to agree.Kandi should accept that she is the R&B Diane Warren and wisely take a page from her book.  Warren’s written tons of hit songs which she thoughtfully matches with the right artist.  One of the many issues with Kandi Koated is Kandi doesn’t write hits for herself.  She’d much rather massage her ego with displays of her vocal range.Who is this record for exactly?  The juvenile tone doesn’t appeal to grown-ass women, but the antiquated sound won’t catch on with the under-thirty set.  The whole thing feels very 90′s Toni Braxton.“Woe is me and pity on my soul.”  Really girl?  That’s how I felt after listening to this tired-ass record.  The album peaks and concludes with Fly Above, and that familiar track ain’t even new.Kandi won’t move major units with this midtempo snoozefest, even with all the cross-promotion Bravo has provided this season.  Overall, the record is just dreadfully boring and painfully un-modern.  At a minimum, can a sister get a club-banger, damn?  Kandi Koated Krap.