Did you watch Flowers in the Attic on Lifetime? What the fuck was that? The greatest source of dramatic tension in the 2 hour shit show came from Heather Graham’s forehead straining against the forced relaxation of the Botox. It looked like tiny aliens pulsating beneath her brow. (I’m just watching the DVR playback and realized that Botox is an actual sponsor, like there’s a Botox commercial running during this program for real.)I wanted to love Kiernan Shipka as Cathy, but I didn’t. I don’t blame her for failing to deliver the type of performance required to emotionally ground the story. Understandably, It’s hard to bring gravitas to a scene when you are exchanging dialogue with Rollergirl. And that’s pretty much how Heather played Corrine (and every role of her career), as fucking Rollergirl. Do they give Razzies for television movies? Heather Graham’s acting in FITA makes Elizabeth Berkley’s Showgirls performance look like Meryl fucking Streep. To add insult to bad acting, the movie looked super budget. The styling was so lazy they didn’t even finish the back of Heather’s hair in some scenes. We don’t get a clear shot of the twins until 20 minutes in, and then I realized that the little girl who plays Carrie looks like a miniature version of Hatchet-Face from Cry-Baby. I can’t even get into it with Ellen Burstyn. I’m just going to leave her in the stairwell screaming.
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