Look, I know we’ve all suffered severe Kardashian fatigue, but I can’t deny watching the first and second parts of the Kim Kardashian wedding miniseries (like the rest of you bitches).  I think we can all agree the major takeaway is that Humphries is an insufferable asshole.   Please enjoy five reasons why Kris Humphries will be the second, but not last husband of the poorman’s Elizabeth Taylor, Kim Kardashian.1)  The Dogs.  The moment K+K began bickering over the dogs, it was obvious they were incompatible.  A neat freak will never be comfortable with animals crawling amid the duvet and contaminating the bed.  Furthermore, arriving with dogs without asking first was a totally self-important dick move on Humphries‘ part.  2) He’s late.  Setting aside the absurdity of a modern couple registering at Geary’s, when a groom is scheduled to appear on wedding related-business, he best show up on time.  Kommandant Kris Jenner calls all the shots in this family; a bad impression with her and end up with a million dollar cap on the pre-nup.  3) He talks too much.  This oversized oaf fucking talks too much, no?  He’s yapping at Khloe, poking the bear.  He talks shit behind Kim’s back.  He constantly blurts dumbass comments and causes offense.  He’s confused if he thinks he’s the star of the show, honey.  Know your place Hump; you get paid to toss balls, not provide narrative.  At the time of filming he didn’t even have a ball-tossing job; does he now? 4) He’s controlling.  Raise the red flag when the groom cares so much about the color scheme he’s Skyping the wedding planner.  A recent run-in with an über controlling groom was very unattractive.  Not to sound old timey, but go smoke a cigar and let the womenfolk fuss over arrangements.  5) He’s arrogant.  Humphries emits the stank of undeserved superiority.  Nobody knew who his ass was before Kim, and no one cares now.  He needs to stop acting irreplaceable.  And why did he race outta the room when Khloe pressed him on his STD history?We totally hate him, right?  If for no other reason than because he makes me sympathize with these vapid Kardashian Kuntz.  How long are second marriages running these days?  9 months?  I got $5 on 9 months in our theoretical office pool.