Tag Archives: Lauren Conrad

February 2015 Horoscopes

Aquarius

AQUARIUSHappy Birthday Aquarius!  The Sun empowers you in February and there’s an undeniable zing to your energy.  Even with your Aquarian glow, mind your manners during Mercury’s retrograde, our collective cross to bear through the 11th.  Miscommunication causes misunderstandings which have the potential for conflict.  Haven’t you seen Three’s Company?  February 18th is a particularly fortuitous day for you.  A new moon brings you the opportunity for fresh starts and planting the seedlings of future growth.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it: focus your romantic energy on one person and discover your capability for a deep and lasting partnership.

Pisces

PISCES

February requires a good deal of personal tidying up and the excuses must stop if you are truly going to evolve.  Pisces are a bit delusional, and that’s because you aren’t much for the nitty-gritty details.  Apply discipline to get dirty deep in minutiae in February.  Start with the stack of paperwork that serves as a wellspring of stress.  Implement and keep up with simple healthy routines.  Pisces tend towards the elaborate, but often find you lack the attention to detail to follow through on such demanding self-imposed requirements.  You are so romantic Pisces; it is one of your best qualities. Chocolate dip your Valentine in love this year.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it: organize your life to support your best health.

Aries

ARIES

February is the month of love and this year is rich with possibilities for romance and pregnancy.  Have you been craving a deeper level of commitment and additional responsibility?  Take the lead and communicate your expectations to your partner.  Everyone appreciates your gutsy personal style, but lately the Aries aesthetic has skewed a bit fug.  One risky statement is fine, but keep the rest of your look simple, well-made, and tailored.  Remember that Mercury’s in retrograde through the 11th, so that explains why your cell phone is on the fritz.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it: propose.

Taurus

TAURUS

The first half of February illuminates your career ambitions and trajectory, Taurus.  Strip away the superfluous to focus your full energy on where you really want to go.  Make plans through the 11th, and then when Mercury comes correct you can begin to implement action.  Take extra care at work where you are prone to making errors under the influence of Mercury’s retrograde.  Some of you will use the Leo full moon as a good excuse to get up and out of your current living situation.  Go for it; a change of scene would do you good.  In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, love, and goodwill, your mission should you choose to accept it: let go of that venomous grudge you’ve been clinging to like a like raft.

GeminiGEMINI

Mercury your ruler is in retrograde and that has you all misty-eyed for the past, Gemini.  Sentimental and nostalgic on the inside, blunt and offensive on the outside, temper your truth-telling tongue through the 11th.  Your version of the truth is a little too bitter for some to swallow.  Use your knack for technology to connect with others in February. Whatever plans you implement during the new moon on the 18th will see full bloom in July.  Think longer-term.  Also on the 18th, the light shifts towards your career and you get a surge of ambition during an already successful period for you professionally.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: exhibit as much compassion as you do intelligence.

CancerCANCER

February’s gotcha thinking about a special few, specifically those with whom you share your resources, Cancer.  Family-oriented and homespun, tap into your inner circle to firm up your sense of long-term security.  Cancer drifts towards the dramatic during Mercury’s retrograde, when you hear yourself picking an unnecessary argument, consider whether it’s a battle even worth winning.  Technological, travel, and money glitches are all on the menu through the 11th.  February 3rd is your best day for career recognition.  February 18th is the best day to evaluate your relationship for long-term viability.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: protect your assets with a financial plan.

LeoLEO

Mercury’s still in retrograde through February 11th, Leo, and for you that means random inconvenient delays often a result of the 2nd hand effects of other folks’ bad luck.  The third’s full moon stokes your fires of self-expression.  Take advantage of this blessing of energy to recognize what you’ve manifested over the last half year or what you would like to initiate now to bloom in July.  The 18th is Leo’s most sexy and auspicious day.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: use Valentine’s Day to go hard for that cutie you’ve had your eye on.

Virgo

VIRGO

In February, the Sun stokes your fires of organization.  Messy Virgos may balk at tidy stereotypes associated with your sign.  That’s really too narrow a reading on your kind.  What you like is control and you assert it by organizing, specifically in the areas of health and wellness.  Mercury spins retrograde through the 11th and as a governing planet; you may find your best laid plans run amok.  The 3rd presents a meaningful opportunity for healing.  Finally, you are able to see situations from a bird’s eye view providing much needed perspective.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: enough with the martyr shit.

LibraLIBRA

You’re like a warm hug this in February, Libra.  Get out and flaunt that famous Libran beauty.  You’ll be welcomed at gatherings for the fun, playful, and sexy energy you add.  With this surge of outgoing communicative energy, also comes the allure to manipulate situations.  With Mercury in retrograde through the 11th, there will be times this month you think you’re cute and you’re really just rude.  Much of that discernment comes from sobriety, so ease up on the libations, bitch.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: open your heart to love.

ScorpioSCORPIO

Make way for a softer Scorpio in February.  Tidy up your nest and settle in to a couple good weeks of domesticity.  When your home is ordered, your life is easier.   You and a friend may have a come to Gsus moment this month.  Should such a conversation arise, navigate it with compassion.  You already know you can “win” any argument, but often at the cost of relationships.  Just let her have her say.  February 3rd is your superstar career day.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: focus only on what is essential.

Sagittarius

SAG

February’s a brainy month for you, Sagittarius.  If you are thinking about sending out a round of resumes this is a great time to interview.  Sags come off especially well-spoken and confident this month.  On the 3rd, a continuing education seminar wouldn’t hurt, especially if you can turn it into a little trip.  Buzzy communication lights up your phone and you love the wellspring of attention, but a few wires may get crossed thanks to Mercury’s retrograde that runs through the 11th.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: read a book.

Capricorn

CAP

Capricorn amps productivity in all areas in February making this month super busy and likely to fly by.  Mercury’s retrograde annoys you with clerical errors and computer glitches through the 11th.  February 3rd is your best day for a major merger – personal or financial.  February 18th is your best day for money and setting up the groundwork of future stability.  Take some time the second half the February to enjoy creative pursuits.  Balance the work with with fun play.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: accept change like an old friend.

I’m watchingk the Hills

LC THE HILLS

MTV has been running morning bingewatch seshes of The Hills every weekday and since there’s nothing like 2006, I’ve been unable to withstand the draw of these vapid bitches.  Can someone please inform Whitney Port there is no “k” at the end of “ing.”  Listen to her.  “Lauren, where are you goingk?” and “Oh my God, that was so embarassingk!”

WHITNEY PORT KAlso, I’ve spotted 2006 versions of Taylor Armstrong, Kourtney Kardashian and Tom Sandoval (from Vanderpump Rules) in The Hills background.  Watching this show years later is like a fun game of spot the desperate social-climbing fame-seeker!TAYLOR ARMSTRONG THE HILLS

 

Most Annoying

LAUREN CONRADIt is most annoying when I am making plans with a friend and she frames the agenda around her boyfriend’s needs.  “My boyfriend wants to stay here.” or “I can’t.  My boyfriend’s work schedule changed.”  I get partnership, responsibility sharing and whatnot, but I don’t give a fuck about your boyfriend’s preferences.  I’m friends with you and not your boyfriend.  Chances are I’ve known you longer than you’ve known your boyfriend.  I was here before your boyfriend.  I will be here long after your boyfriend is gone.  Please remember that truth when you dick me to swing off your boyfriend’s nutsack.  Furthermore, your boyfriend would find you a lot more interesting if you had your own life and exercised a modicum of independence.NUTSACK

Rachel Zoe’s Boring and Obvious Coachella Picks

Rachel Zoe’s annual Coachella recommendation list came out a couple days ago.  I actually wanted to post on this yesterday, but would it surprise you to learn the link wasn’t working?  Get it together Team Zoe.  Some of her choices are decent and others downright daft.  Let’s discuss.  I saw these Loeffler Randal sandals on Shopbop and thought to myself, “those look like something Rachel Zoe would recommend for Coachella.”  The $175 pair are ugly-cute, but in reality I don’t think these are going to work on most feet.  By the way, the worst idea ever is wearing a brand new pair of shoes to a show.  For heaven’s sake, break those babies in before you stand outside in a field all day.  Comfort is queen at CoachellaWho rushed right out to order this $450 Paul & Joe fringed poncho?  I love a good poncho, but this get-up looks hot and impractical for a day in the sun.  For evening, perhaps, but this print is truly heinous.  Furthermore, no man will find this fug sack attractive.  I know some of you are hoping to make a Coachella Chlamydia connection.  We discussed the short-shorts at Coachella before and of course Zoe had to go and encourage the trite trend.  Look, I understand that you’re dying to wear your perfectly destroyed cut-offs.  Feel free, as long as you have no visible cellulite and you keep your cooter covered.  No cottage cheese at Coachella.  I’m not being anti-fat, but child you know dairy turns in the sun.  Really Rachel?  These Top Shop boots make no sense for Coachella.  Actually, the steel toe might come in handy for negotiating the port-o-potty line.  I’m seriously racking my brain for one outfit that might work with these awkward booties.   Kevin Murphy created Color Bug for those who want bold, non-committal, one-day color.  Rub the color on for an ombré effect à la Abbey Lee.  Working a style like this in the confined environment of an editorial makes it look so easy.  Try this at Coachella and you’ll be wearing temporary color all over your Paul & Joe fringed tunic. 

 

The Rachel Zoe Project: Who’s buying?

Rachel arrived in New York and fussed with the final touches to the collection.  Jessica Iredale from Women’s Wear Daily arrived for a private preview.  Zoe described the collection to Iredale and not-so-subtly dropped the sex of her unborn child in the mix.  Interesting PR strategy.Overall, the color in the collection is off.  The camel isn’t quite right.  The gold buttons are a bit too garish.  It does feel very Studio 54 Halston-y and therefore true to Rachel’s aesthetic.  The larger problem is that her viewpoint is predictable and one-note.We all agree that creatively Zoe isn’t in the same stratosphere as Alexander Wang, right?  Put it this way – you’ve got $400 bucks are you gonna buy Wang, or are you going to buy the Rachel Zoe Collection?  Ask Lauren fucking Conrad.

Zoe themed with clichés like “the Parisian Girl” and “the London Girl” and “the Uptown Chic Girl.”  The buyers and editors humored her.  Nobody’s gonna to tell a pregnant woman her debut collection sucks, even in this cut-throat fashist crowd.The lemming buyers must have liked what they saw because more than one high-end department store scooped up the collection.  A QVC sell-through is one thing, but can Rachel attract a high-end shopper?  In Zoe’s case, what she lacks in design talent she overcompensates for in reality show exposure.  We’ll see how the collection sells with its well-timed commercial release.