Tag Archives: Lauren Conrad

I’m watchingk the Hills


MTV has been running morning bingewatch seshes of The Hills every weekday and since there’s nothing like 2006, I’ve been unable to withstand the draw of these vapid bitches.  Can someone please inform Whitney Port there is no “k” at the end of “ing.”  Listen to her.  “Lauren, where are you goingk?” and “Oh my God, that was so embarassingk!”

WHITNEY PORT KAlso, I’ve spotted 2006 versions of Taylor Armstrong, Kourtney Kardashian and Tom Sandoval (from Vanderpump Rules) in The Hills background.  Watching this show years later is like a fun game of spot the desperate social-climbing fame-seeker!TAYLOR ARMSTRONG THE HILLS


Most Annoying

LAUREN CONRADIt is most annoying when I am making plans with a friend and she frames the agenda around her boyfriend’s needs.  “My boyfriend wants to stay here.” or “I can’t.  My boyfriend’s work schedule changed.”  I get partnership, responsibility sharing and whatnot, but I don’t give a fuck about your boyfriend’s preferences.  I’m friends with you and not your boyfriend.  Chances are I’ve known you longer than you’ve known your boyfriend.  I was here before your boyfriend.  I will be here long after your boyfriend is gone.  Please remember that truth when you dick me to swing off your boyfriend’s nutsack.  Furthermore, your boyfriend would find you a lot more interesting if you had your own life and exercised a modicum of independence.NUTSACK

Rachel Zoe’s Boring and Obvious Coachella Picks

Rachel Zoe’s annual Coachella recommendation list came out a couple days ago.  I actually wanted to post on this yesterday, but would it surprise you to learn the link wasn’t working?  Get it together Team Zoe.  Some of her choices are decent and others downright daft.  Let’s discuss.  I saw these Loeffler Randal sandals on Shopbop and thought to myself, “those look like something Rachel Zoe would recommend for Coachella.”  The $175 pair are ugly-cute, but in reality I don’t think these are going to work on most feet.  By the way, the worst idea ever is wearing a brand new pair of shoes to a show.  For heaven’s sake, break those babies in before you stand outside in a field all day.  Comfort is queen at CoachellaWho rushed right out to order this $450 Paul & Joe fringed poncho?  I love a good poncho, but this get-up looks hot and impractical for a day in the sun.  For evening, perhaps, but this print is truly heinous.  Furthermore, no man will find this fug sack attractive.  I know some of you are hoping to make a Coachella Chlamydia connection.  We discussed the short-shorts at Coachella before and of course Zoe had to go and encourage the trite trend.  Look, I understand that you’re dying to wear your perfectly destroyed cut-offs.  Feel free, as long as you have no visible cellulite and you keep your cooter covered.  No cottage cheese at Coachella.  I’m not being anti-fat, but child you know dairy turns in the sun.  Really Rachel?  These Top Shop boots make no sense for Coachella.  Actually, the steel toe might come in handy for negotiating the port-o-potty line.  I’m seriously racking my brain for one outfit that might work with these awkward booties.   Kevin Murphy created Color Bug for those who want bold, non-committal, one-day color.  Rub the color on for an ombré effect à la Abbey Lee.  Working a style like this in the confined environment of an editorial makes it look so easy.  Try this at Coachella and you’ll be wearing temporary color all over your Paul & Joe fringed tunic. 


The Rachel Zoe Project: Who’s buying?

Rachel arrived in New York and fussed with the final touches to the collection.  Jessica Iredale from Women’s Wear Daily arrived for a private preview.  Zoe described the collection to Iredale and not-so-subtly dropped the sex of her unborn child in the mix.  Interesting PR strategy.Overall, the color in the collection is off.  The camel isn’t quite right.  The gold buttons are a bit too garish.  It does feel very Studio 54 Halston-y and therefore true to Rachel’s aesthetic.  The larger problem is that her viewpoint is predictable and one-note.We all agree that creatively Zoe isn’t in the same stratosphere as Alexander Wang, right?  Put it this way – you’ve got $400 bucks are you gonna buy Wang, or are you going to buy the Rachel Zoe Collection?  Ask Lauren fucking Conrad.

Zoe themed with clichés like “the Parisian Girl” and “the London Girl” and “the Uptown Chic Girl.”  The buyers and editors humored her.  Nobody’s gonna to tell a pregnant woman her debut collection sucks, even in this cut-throat fashist crowd.The lemming buyers must have liked what they saw because more than one high-end department store scooped up the collection.  A QVC sell-through is one thing, but can Rachel attract a high-end shopper?  In Zoe’s case, what she lacks in design talent she overcompensates for in reality show exposure.  We’ll see how the collection sells with its well-timed commercial release.