Tag Archives: Leo

December 2014 Horoscopes

Sagittarius

SAG
Happy Birthday Sagittarius!  With the Sun shining on you for most of the month, Sags enjoy the warmth of attention and adulation in December.  Not to be mistaken as self-centered, Sags now thrive in a self-focused energy devoted to physical, spiritual, and psychological wellness.  Venus enters the scene to enhance your appearance and smooth the jagged edges of your personality.  The darker side of this planet encourages self-indulgence and overspending.  Do you seriously you want to spend January dragging yourself out of a caloric or financial hole?  Can you honestly afford to go that BIG this month?  The first half of December will involve a ton of chat, mostly electronic, and much of it tediously boring.  Information overload leaves you feeling buried in minutia.  Don’t feel like you have to respond to every text instantaneously.  It would do you good to wait a beat.

Capricorn

CAP
December serves as a period of introspection and ego softening before the spotlight shines on you during your birthday.  Rely on December’s gift of unusually keen emotional perceptions because your trusty analytical skills fail in December.  You find yourself drifting away into future visions and then startling back to reality.  Less expressive externally, but churning on the inside, Capricorn feels misunderstood, unseen, and unheard for much of December.  If you want someone to know it; say it.  Capricorn tends to guard hard-earned money, but Venus ushers in a bit of a self-indulgent streak.  When you want to splurge, you find a way to justify it.  Your best moments this month will be the ones you spend alone.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Pop the champers Aquarius!  You are the fizz in the zodiac cocktail in December.  Aquarius cultivates assertiveness and leadership in social situations this month.  Knitting together friends, acquaintances, and business contacts is crucial for materializing a future dream.  Achievement is within your reach if you assemble the right team.  Uncertainty clouds your emotions.  Use a constructive activity like yoga, meditation, or prayer to quiet the storm.  Many demands threaten to drain your vital energy.  Sleep often and soundly.  Avoid sick people.  Eat nutritiously.  Any slips in self-care will manifest as inconvenient illness.

PiscesPISCES

In December, you become acutely aware of your physical appearance, Pisces.  More than a vain preoccupation, you yearn to be taken seriously.  You understand the limitations of the rules currently binding your life and are willing to take on the accompanying responsibility.  The boss notices for sure.  Friendship plays a major role in December.  Offer a good word to help a colleague ascend.  The kind deed will come back threefold.  An opportunity to pool resources with an old friend could result in material gain for you should you both be willing to overcome the short-term obstacles.  Neptune’s on-going influence makes you overly accommodating.  Don’t sacrifice your own agenda for the preferences of others.

AriesARIES

You’ve got an inkling to get outta town in December, Aries. It’s not just about a change of scenery, though you crave that too, it’s more about exposure to new ideas.  Consider a retreat or brief study abroad program.  If you are scared to go alone, recruit a friend, just know you’ll need to assume the lead.  Much of what you wish to accomplish this month requires a great deal of physical effort on your part.  Take on the responsibility rather than delegate it.  Mars adds an aggressive tenor to conversations which can make you and others appear pushy.  When tensions arise, hold your position without reacting impulsively.  For the next several months, Aries enjoys Jupiter’s influence which means fun with kids and animals.

Taurus

TAURUS

December triggers emotional sea change for Taurus.  Ultimately, your theme in December is “feel it out.”  During this tumult, give due weight to another’s feelings and consider a change in your own behavior.  Under the influence of Venus, you will benefit from the generosity of others.  Use this energy to guide any pending negotiations.  Close the deal with detailed communications and careful review.  Taurus, when you sign on the dotted line prepare to follow through.  The second half of the month launches a fresh palette and new discoveries.  Make sure you are physically strong enough to get the most out of this time as it will require substantial energy.

Gemini

GEMINI
Partner-up Gemini, you’re not feeling solo situations in December.  Through the 11th, Venus has you all loved up, feeling closer than ever, and adding new depth to your relationship.  You may decide to invest in property together or create other material bonds.  A paperwork bog threatens to dampen the festive mood.  Work through the thick stack with attention to detail.  It’s best you handle sensitive information yourself.  Gemini relies heavily on your analytical mind, but your intuition is particularly strong and clear in December.  Use this heightened sense to your advantage, but play your cards close to your chest.

Cancer

CANCERDecember highlights your need to get organized in a particular area of concern like health or home, Cancer.  Start with a fatty to-do list and work your way through systematically.  Cancer doesn’t love manual labor and your list of chores is grueling.  Get the whole gang together for a worthwhile effort like a group clean up for an ailing relative.  Daily drivel like paperwork, email, and busy work require substantial energy this month, but fear not, December isn’t all mundane practicality.  Venus serves to enhance and deepen bonds.  Smooch under the mistletoe.  Rather than overspend on frivolity this holiday season, invest in the future of your children.

Leo

LEO
Lit up like a Christmas tree, Leo brightens up the room in December.  Enjoy fun silliness with the kids and animals.  Play pranks and laugh loudly.  Plan a surprise outing for you and your sweetie.  Such gestures serve to strengthen the bonds and good memories between the two of you.  Ask for help when you need it.  Leo works better as a member of a team in December.  The second half of the month will ground you in the more mundane details of life like home repairs, organization, cleaning, and paperwork.  Leo makes the drudgery lighthearted with your gregarious go-getter attitude. Your upbeat tenor inspires others to help you cross every last task off your list.

Virgo

VIRGO
Matters involving home improvements and acquisition of property dominate December for Virgo.  Some of the changes you are inspired to make in your home are tied to your desire to find a quiet place to think.  Venus ushers in a period of domestic tranquility.  This month you’ll actually enjoy your family.  Virgo’s best moments are among kids and animals during the last two weeks of the month.  Allocate resources towards a special gift for your sweetheart.  This is not the time to be cheap.  Emotionally speaking, Virgos like to schedule over their feelings.  Saturn’s got something to say about that this month.  There’s no avoiding it; you gotta do the work.

Libra

LIBRA
You are busy in December, Libra.  There are people to meet, cards to send, parties to attend, and presents to wrap.  The first half of the month, Mercury will support this flurry of activity with a chatty and social influence.  Your home will require a great deal of physical effort.  Turn to your friends and family for help if you are overwhelmed.  Venus makes a good fence mender, so if you are in conflict with a family member now is a good time to make peace.  This is a wonderful time to start or continue a tradition with your Dad.  Fight every urge to overspend this month.

Scorpio

SCORPIO

In December, matters of financial security occupy the Scorpio mind.  Where you live, how to make ends overlap, and opportunities for growth have all your attention as you form your agenda for the New Year.  Venus greases negotiations, so if you are ready to buy or sell your home now is the time to field offers.  The influence of Venus helps ameliorate conflict, so use this softening to make peace with any warring factions.  Scorpio loathes small talk, but in December those seemingly insignificant daily interactions burst with fruit flavor.  Just as Christmas Eve rolls in so will a wave of financial insecurity. Consume less.

November 2014 Horoscopes

Scorpio

SCORPIO
Happy Birthday Scorpio!  Enough lurking in the shadows calculating your plan, assert yourself and put your strategy in play.  Enjoy the energetic emphasis on your sign this month and use the focus to make some serious headway on your personal fatty to-do list.  Don’t confuse selfishness with self-prioritizing.  Scorpios think they have great ideas for everybody else’s life, but that ain’t your biznass kid.  Turn that analytic eye into the looking glass and make a change.  Have you been rocking a signature look for eons like your Scorpio sister Anna Wintour?  Well it might just be time to rework that bob, girl.  To paraphrase Diane Von Furstenberg, become the woman you want to be even if you aren’t exactly sure what you want to do.  Craft your appearance and attitude to emit the perception you want to exude.  Scorpio stands to make great professional strides by materializing concrete plans, especially after the 22nd.  Scattered Scorpios pull it together by cutting the bullshit and prioritizing.

Sagittarius

SAG
November serves Sagittarius by providing a time for reconciliation, healing, and closure.  Theme on forgiveness; mend fences, and clear any lingering tension.  Use this time before your birthday to relax, rest, and restore.  Avoid pressured social situations.  Don’t feel any guilt about your non-committal attitude towards parties and engagements.  Evaluate your eating and overall physical wellness this month.  How do you feel?  What habits are weighing you down, literally and figuratively?  Depression-prone Sags experience a dip in mood and enthusiasm in November. Don’t confuse this totally normal seasonal valley with anything more sinister.  It will pass and soon you’ll be blowing out the candles on your birthday cake.

Capricorn

CAPRICORN
Capricorns experience a lift of enthusiasm this November.  Others welcome your upbeat spirit at gatherings.  Capricorns make a great first impression around the punch bowl.  Whatever your professional, social, or romantic overtures they will be well-received.  Much of your charm originates in your dry wit which always houses a generous dose of honesty.  Your truth-talking really dampens the panties.  Great sex is yours for the taking.  Mid-month, a wet blanket of a Debbie Downer tries to dim your shine.  Don’t let anyone drag you back into tarpits of pessimism.  Towards the end of November, tuck in for your annual pre-birthday reflection and respite.

Aquarius

AQUARIUS
Go get it Aquarius!  In November, your vision for long-term professional success matters most to you.  For sure, decide what you want and go after it hard in your Aquarian way, but also clean up the murkiness in your professional relationships.  Folks respond better when they know where they stand with you.  Expect a few and don’t get discouraged by “nos” before you hit that goldmine “yes.”  Work with women you love and respect to get your home in order.  It’s not that men can’t or shouldn’t clean, specifically this a time for your to surround yourself with feminine energy.  Freshen up your situation before the holidays, as you may end up hosting some impromptu gatherings.  All this womanly togetherness has you thinking… about a baby?  How would a child fit (if at all) into the life you’re building?

Pisces

PISCES
November will test you to stand up for yourself in a number of ways, Pisces.  Usually so easy-going, asserting yourself can feel downright foreign.  November challenges you to embrace your power without hesitation.  That feeling isn’t paranoia.  Someone is working against you.  Handle that bitch.  Implement simple structure to achieve professional success.  Strengthen your organization muscles.  You wouldn’t mind a trip, would you?  Now that we’re out of Mercury’s retrograde, it’s a less complicated time to travel.  Venture forth with confidence.  With your own ruler Neptune moving out of retrograde, the confusion lifts and you start to see everything more clearly.

Aries

ARIES
In November, you are obsessed with the love of your life, Aries.  Permanent decisions scare you less now.  You consider an engagement or professional merger.  All that work you’ve put in the last year finally blossoms into something tangible and credit-worthy.  Use the accomplishment as a barometer.  Are you proud of what you’ve achieved?  Do your values align with the investment of your energy?  If not, make a change.  You are prone to melancholia this month.  You can wallow in superficial ways for a day or two, and then get on with it.  Gloom doesn’t suit you.  Just in time for Thanksgiving and through most of mid-month, travel appeals to your adventurous streak.  Spend a few days with friends or family and a few days for yourself.

Taurus

TAURUS
Timely for the Thanksgiving holiday, you feel especially generous this November, Taurus.  You crave partnership, and partnership requires compromise – not exactly your strength.  Strike a balance between give and take.  Coupledom doesn’t require a forfeiture of your personal interests.  When you get in your favorite activities it relieves stress, and you are more fun to be around.  You are not alone in feeling depressed this month; many of your zodiac brethren suffer the same rut.  Experience the dimming, and then get right back to your typically optimistic nature.  Definitely don’t throw your relationship away over a fleeting dark mood.  Reject your tendency towards self-flagellation and self-criticism in favor of compassion.

Gemini

GEMINI
Get your life in order Gemini!  Organization is your theme this November.  You already have a keen eye for detail, but you get so mired down in the minutia you have trouble moving forward and clearing space.  Changing your ways requires self-discipline, but curbing your self-indulgent habits makes you a better human, so it’s worth a try.  Have you been wrapped in the wish of a person or idea that lives only in your imagination?  The first week of November allows you to put the unrealistic notion to rest and let go.  Gemini prefers solitude over thick crowds in November, but when you are alone you can easily slip into sadness.  Use this time constructively for finishing rather than initiating – you won’t have the ooomf to finish what you start this month.

Cancer

CANCER
Your old pals bold and sexy narrate your story in November, Cancer.  Accept every invitation, and enjoy every party.  Laugh loudly and without restraint.  You’ll meet new acquaintances with your friendly and engaging manner.  Tipple a little, but avoid getting drunk.  Not only could it lead to embarrassing (but funny) interludes, the hangovers could lure you into an late autumn depression.  The last few months have served up dramatic change.  Finally, you begin to hit a steady rhythm and can see your path clearly.  A cardinal sign, you’re already a great initiator.  November makes a great time for fresh starts and new projects.

Leo

BLAKE LIVELY
Leo temporarily morphs into Blake Lively this November and cares only for homespun sentiments and nostalgia.  You have the sudden urge to invite folks over for tea and feed them your signature snack.  Welcome this warm and homey side and enjoy relaxed entertaining.  On or near the 6th, a make-or-break moment happens in your career.  You’ll break through or you break out; either way you’ll be a happier Leo.  Zingy for the holidays, everyone welcomes your enthusiastic attitude at family gatherings.  If you are single, there are opportunities for love.  Leos interested in a baby, November is a favorable month for fertility.

Virgo

VIRGO
Easily bored, Virgo requires intellectual stimulation in November.  Surround yourself with big thinkers and life-long learners.  Your best moments this month are conversations of substance.  Generally speaking, Virgo prefers a full day, so pack as much in as you can, energy withstanding.  A wave of pessimism washes through the zodiac this month and you too could easily get swept away in a sad sea change.  More capable than most at reversing the frowns, lend a listening ear and ease the suffering of those around you.  When it comes to relationships, speak your truth kindly, but hold off on committing.

Libra

LIBRA
Financial concerns weigh heavily in November for Libra.  You vacillate between craving luxury and luxuriating in savings.  Feelings of depression, shame, and fear spring up around the topic of money.  You are the sign of balance, so spend a little, save a little.  Follow the advice of wise investors that you trust.  November heightens senses and experiences.  Food tastes better.  Sex goes deeper.  It’s not your usual approach to indulge, but when the going is good, why not?  Share your ideas and speak freely.  Direct and unequivocal communication plays an important part in the latter part of the month.  Remember that indecision is unattractive.

October 2014 Horoscopes

LibraLIBRA

Happy Birthday Libra!  Enjoy the warm glow of the sun shining on you during October.  Your flock has been rather needy lately, but this month focus on yourself and your own agenda.  Instead of trying to organize a self-fête, let your friends plan your birthday celebration.  Use Mercury’s retrograde to bathe in nostalgia; include a few pals from the past in your party.  Libras will feel the impact of the retrograde professionally.  Leave yourself extra time and patience to deal with the accompanying snafus.  Realize that the retrograde has a protective quality.  Should a situation that you’ve pinned your hopes on fall apart, consider it a blessing in disguise.  A lunar eclipse on the 8th strongly nudges Libra to make a decision with regard to your relationship.  The second eclipse on the 23rd shifts your standard of living.  You’re movin’ on up.  Dress the part.

 ScorpioSCORPIO

The month before your birthday is best spent resting and preparing for the excitement to come, Scorpio.  This restorative energy supports healing and closure.  With Mercury in retrograde for most of the month, work the backspinning energy to finish what’s undone and release whatever you need to let go.  Retire your bossy and assertive qualities in October in favor of quiet and easy-going because (unusually) you just won’t feel up to a fight.  Optimize your health on the lunar eclipse which lands on the 8th.  Use this energy to restore balance, clean up any personal messiness, and see a professional if you have any lingering concerns.  By the 23rd, the cocooning concludes and you are ready to step into the light of your birthday shine.  Caution: October is NOT the month for a radical alteration of your physical appearance.

 SagittariusSAG

October yields numerous social benefits as Sagittarius acts as unofficial cruise director for the rest of the zodiac.  Gee wiz, with Mercury in retrograde and two different eclipses occurring this month, we could all use a little levity.  The best connections come from situations where you are selflessly giving of your time, talent, and resources.  Embrace an “out with the old in with the new” philosophy when it comes to relationships.  A person in your sphere may be dicking around working unscrupulous angles behind your back.  If the situation smells fishy, pass on the sushi.  This is a terrible month to rely heavily or exclusively on technology.  Have a secondary plan in place should your device fail you.

 CapricornCAP

October spells achievement for Capricorn.  No aim is too high.  Go for it because success is likely with the sun illuminating your professional accomplishments.  Mercury goes retrograde for most of this month.  This energy can cause disruptions in technology and communication, so be patient if your underlings spend most of the month pathetically thrashing around in their own chaos.  The first eclipse on the 8th is bound to influence the way you see your relationships.  A definitive answer will reveal itself clearly.  The second eclipse on the 23rd invites a new circle of friends into your life.  Single Caps may find a suitable partner among this new group.

 AquariusAQUARIUS

October has a conflicted agenda for you Aquarius.  You are imbued with an urge to fly free and travel, but grounded by the complications of pesky Mercury in retrograde which can really fuck up your travel plans.  Plan a getaway to commence after the 25th for your best luck in adventuring.  For sure you’ll want to flee because an uncomfortably tense work environment develops over the next month.  Avoiding the conflict or annoying person won’t work this time.  You’re gonna have to nut-up and address it lest it escalate further into a professional embarrassment.  The first eclipse of the month on the 8th drops unexpected news.  The second eclipse later in the month provides a fresh start at work.

 PiscesPISCES

October is best spent with your most trusted circle, Pisces.  Distribution of finances serves as a major theme this month.  Suddenly, you are very interested in where your money goes and with whom you share it.  Money plays out as a key issue in relationships – from whether you choose to partner to whether you opt to split.  Opportunities for passive income are great, just don’t get seduced by sketchy schemers offering you the world before you see a dime.  Use Mercury’s retrograde energy to seal up any old heartbreaks.  Reach out to make amends.  Avoid signing contracts this month as you are likely to miss important details.

Aries

ARIES

I wouldn’t call it flailing, but the last couple months haven’t been your most graceful, Aries.  October blows a crisp wind of change in your favor.  You return to your rightful place at the head of the pack where you express your individuality without reservation.  Especially interested getting noticed and heard, take effort to look your best.  Quality food and sleep make a substantive difference in your attitude and appearance.  Others notice you’re bursting with extra fruit flavor this month and want to get close for a taste.  The lunar eclipse in Aries happens on the 8th which will be one of your most auspicious days of the year, and therefore a perfect day for setting a plan into motion.  Drop any dead (relationship) weight before this day so as not to obstruct your good luck.

 TaurusTAURUS

Taurus loves a good organization sesh, and October is the perfect time to clean up the mess.  Which dark corners of your life could use a good sweep, Taurus?  Are you fat?  Are you living in filth?  Is your credit shameful?  Of course not, you’re perfect, right?  You work well within the structure of a system, just keep it simple.  When you over-complicate you’re less likely to follow through.  Mercury’s retrograde tosses in the standard communication complications this month, but it’s nothing you can’t handle with your trademark patience.  The lunar eclipse is known for suddenly shifting energy, so change is on the menu for October especially in the realm of healing.

 GeminiGEMINI

October brings big fun Gemini!  You are especially attractive and bold this month.  Choose among your many admirers.  Mercury retrogrades for most of the month.  For Gemini this backspin manifests in saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person.  A verbal lapse in judgment could cost you dearly.  Curtail your gossipy nature this fall.  The lunar eclipse promises a healthy dose of like-it-or-not change.  Expect to clean out your friendship circle under the influence of this eclipse in particular.  On the 23rd, take proactive steps to protect your health.  Administrate kid!  Become the Tracy Flick of your own life.

 CancerCANCER

Snug in at home this October, Cancer.  While you’re staring at the wall, rearrange the furniture so you can stare at a different one.  Funnel your energy into a home makeover, it’s a lot more constructive than most of your other self-soothing activities.  From October 4-25, Mercury goes retrograde and travel plans delay, communication breaks down and electronics glitch.  Draw upon your most saintly patience and wait out the storm.  Provide yourself options in the event you’re stranded.  Wrap yourself up in nostalgia to take your mind off annoying retrograde-related distractions.  October makes a great month to catch up with old allies.

 Leo

LEO

Speak your truth, Leo!  October makes an excellent time for devout honesty.  Expect October to fly by with a ton of responsibility and opportunities for fun.  Get your best fall outfit together and go get ‘em.  You catch wind of a number of inspiring ideas from interesting people during your myriad engagements.  Mercury goes retrograde and with all the possible complications, there are definitely better times to travel, contract, and communicate crucial information.  That said, life can’t grind to a halt based on one little backspining planet, so take the proper precautions, back up your data and march ahead soldier.  With regard to relationships, Leo feels this retrograde in dealings with a female relative this month.  Say what needs to be said Lion – after all your theme this month is devout honesty!  Just take a cue from the retrograde and pause a beat before you go hard on anyone.  Some words can’t be unsaid.

 Virgo

VIRGOPrioritize work this October, Virgo.  Always industrious, October’s work focus allays some of your post-birthday financial anxiety.  As you may have heard, Mercury goes retrograde for most of October and that means electronics glitch, planes delay, and contracting should be avoided.  In addition to the retrograde, a pair of eclipses – a lunar on the 8th and a new moon on the 23rd – cause quite a reckoning.  The first event forces blunt endings to unsatisfying situations, especially shitty relationships.  The second of these two celestial events makes an ideal time for seeding a dream into a future reality.

September 2014 Horoscopes

VirgoVIRGO

Happy Birthday Virgo!  This September, emerge from the shadows and take your place in the limelight where you belong.  Before you step into the shine, check your outfit.  Honestly, you could do better.  While you’re at it, freshen the hair and face.  When all eyes turn your way this month, offer the best aesthetic version of yourself in return.  Most Virgo penny-pinchers can afford to spend a little on an upgrade.  The full moon on the 8th magnifies any weird energy percolating in your relationships.  To mitigate the frustration, move forward in some direction.  Recognize stagnation is the root problem.  While your passion is admirable Virgo, obsessive single-minded tendencies prevent you from making genuine connections with others.  Towards the end of the month, get your financial situation organized.  Build your life around what is important to you and funnel your resources accordingly.

LibraLIBRA

The days before your birthday are the best time for quiet rest and solitude, Libra.  Relinquish as many responsibilities as possible the first three weeks of the September.  Your theme this month: No unnecessary pressure.  Remain as unscheduled as possible because Libras need plenty of naps and relaxation.  During this personal retreat, Libra may experience a series of unusual dreams.  What is your subconscious trying to tell you?  In between sleeps, get some fresh air and move your body which will help process your emotional backlog.  After a week of lounging, your space is a mess.  Use the energy boost of the full moon to tidy up.  Clean the floors.  You’ll feel better about your life.

 ScorpioSCORPIO

September always feels very back-to-school which reflects the social tempo for Scorpio this month.  Even though light, airy, and introductory isn’t your favorite way to converse, the Sun in Virgo makes you especially chatty.  The first half of the month, you are especially attractive and dynamic.  You will feel the heat of attention.  Speak your truth compassionately.  Use your power for good not evil, Scorpio.  Get ready to spill your guts on the full moon (the 8th); you won’t be able to contain yourself.  A truthful confession of feeling will bring you two closer.  When Scorpio connects with someone of equal passion the union’s combustible.  Why fight the obvious lust?  Just keep in mind, this is a fertile time.

SagittariusSAG

You’re one hard-working bitch in September, Sag.  Much of your valuable time and energy will go towards professional obligations.  Your loved ones will have to wait because Sags prioritize achievement over relationships this month.  To make it up to them, show your love by hosting a dinner for family and friends around full moon (8th).  Sags in baby-making mode revel in the fertility of the full moon.  Along with added charisma, Mars can bring a combative, aggressive edge to your personality.  Listen carefully to the subtle cues delivered in the subtext of conversations.  If you thoughtlessly overstep, you won’t get away with it this month.

CapricornCAPRICORN

If you can get away Capricorn – do it!  The first three weeks of September are perfect for a trip.  Spend the time away focusing on yourself.  Emerge from your travels with an optimistic perspective.  The full moon brings news that could shape the future.  The fallout could involve a sibling.  Nothing holds you back but your own self-doubt, and it is high time you silenced the negative self-talk.  If anyone is capable of achieving the unlikely, you are Capricorn, so untether your dreams.  Others respect you professionally because you are so reliable and consistent.  Keep every promise to protect that sterling reputation.

AquariusAQUARIUS

While intelligent, no one really ever accused you of being “too deep,” Aquarius.  You take in the big picture, but also tend to skim the surface.  In September, you’ll feel everything more intensely which leads to you to reconsider certain relationships and situations that have proved dissatisfying.  Jealousy isn’t really your thing, so if you experience such feelings consider them a red flag.  September’s great for real estate deals if you are thinking of purchasing property.  Use the energy of the full moon to make a professional change.  If you are dissatisfied no matter how much recognition you receive then you are in the wrong line of work.

PiscesPISCES

In September, partnership plays paramount for Pisces.  You crave a true mate, someone who counterbalances the extremes of your personality.  Forming an alliance with an equally giving person will cultivate substantial security for you.  As a logical extension, some Pisces may consider cohabitation or marriage.  This could be a positive change as long as you remember inviting someone else in requires compromise.  The full moon brings a much needed dose of assertiveness to your personality.  Speak your truth unequivocally Pisces; abandon the need to please.

AriesARIES

September provides a great opportunity to organize your life, Aries.  Remove physical clutter first which will give you room to think.  Clean up messy finances by paying off debt and simplifying expenses.  Minimize obligations and soften your schedule to the bare minimum.  You’ll be surprised how much you accomplish when you focus only on essentials.  Remember your health is most important, so examine your routines and cut out destructive patterns.  The full moon gives you the courage to let go of unhealthy emotional attachments.

TaurusTAURUS

Taurus enjoys a super sexy and fertile September.  This month you’re all about a good time and you do your best to coax a party out of every place you go.  Channel dramatic feelings into your personal styling choices and not into your relationships.  The full moon makes you the most popular of all, so you might as well take advantage of the positive energy with a ton of social engagements.  Get the gang together!  Flirt with strangers.  Your best impression is when you are most yourself.  Toward the end of the month, implement strategies in areas where you would like to see improvement.  With six months of commitment, you’ll see results.

 GeminiGEMINI

Nourish yourself and nurture loved ones in September, Gemini.   Enjoy visits with family and friends.  More emotional than usual, you may get a little weepy.  Experience your feelings without judgment and with a healthy dose of compassion.  Get your home organized and tidy for the change of season.  Stock your fridge with healthy foods.  The full moon on the 8th bestows professional benefits on Gemini.  After three weeks of sofa surfing, you’ll be ready to get out and flirt towards the end of September.  If you fancy someone, show it.

CancerCANCER

Cancer is especially chatty this September – and for you that’s saying something!  This boost of quality communication benefits work, family, and relationships.  This type of energy needs an external outlet, so fill your days with spontaneity and an assortment of fun diversions.  If you feel a bit overwhelmed at moments, just remind yourself that this is but a temporary frenzy.  On the eighth, the full moon brings travel lust.  If you can’t get away, fuck a foreigner.

 LeoLEO

Earn your keep in September, Leo.  Work super hard to replenish your finances.  Savings are critical to your long-term success and ability to take risks.  Start with prioritizing what is most important.  Protect and nourish those aspects.  You won’t have the patience for draining people this month.  Just ignore them and they will go away.  Spend free time with fun folks in undemanding situations.  The full moon supports deep bonding with your partner.  Enjoy the best sex of the year and the flood of emotion that follows.

August 2014 Horoscopes

LeoLEO

Happy Birthday Leo!  You like to pretend you don’t like a fuss Leo, but that’s just because you know darn well everyone always makes a fuss for you on your birthday.  Welcome change by altering your look without falling prey to rampant materialism.  Mars-Saturn energy can be used for good or evil.  At worst this combo evokes jealousy, stubbornness, and revenge, but those qualities are not characteristic of you, so instead use the influence as a moral barometer.  In August, if situations feel even a little hinky take the ethical high ground.  Usually a good communicator, you are even better in August, so speak your truth and have “the talk.”  Fertile with creativity, channel your talent into producing tangible beauty.  Surely you already feel Jupiter’s invigorating influence in Leo urging you to fuck and travel, not necessarily in that order.  Mid-August, turn down the covers for Venus as she enters your bedroom, Leo.  Have your sexy fun.  Then pull it together and clean yourself up after the 23rd.

VirgoVIRGO

Astrologically speaking Virgo, the weeks before your birthday are a wise time to quietly regroup for the coming year.  A dietary cleanse, house purge, and visit to the doctor for an annual physical are good places to start.  While experiencing lagging energy, some of your regular routines fall by the way side.  It may feel like you are active because of the demands on your time, but when is the last occasion you actually broke a sweat (unrelated to anxiety)?  You can’t afford to waste energy worrying.  August offers a respite and opportunity to turn inward.  Within this period of soul searching, Virgo may experience some feelings of disappointment, depression, and isolation which should dissipate after the 23rd.  Timing plays a pivotal role in your success this month.

LibraLIBRA

Financial concerns preoccupy your mind through most of the August, Libra.  Partnered Libras must work through these money worries with your mate which could stir domestic discord when sacrifices must be made for the benefit of the budget.  Professionally, Libra wants to work with and for people you admire and trust.  Your little work family means more than you realize.  Value them accordingly because this is a big year for collaborating in groups.  When you are in the trenches, you want someone to have your back.  August presents a number of chances for fun and random encounters.  Libras looking to spark with another should make themselves available at such gatherings (especially August 10th).  Enjoy yourself; just don’t get too wasted.

Scorpio

SCORPIO

Scorpio benefits from an amazing career boosting configuration in August.  Jupiter provides a steady positive influence until this time next year.  Add the glow of the Sun, the popularity and collaboration of Venus, and Mercury’s clarity of communication and you have all the makings for a professionally unstoppable Scorpio.  Strive for excellence to make the most of this power.  While happy to hear that your prestige and earnings are on the upswing, Scorpios long for love.  Family and friends supply the emotional nourishment you need this month.  Look to a strong woman for support.  Scorpio’s health and wellness are vulnerable now, so take quality care of yourself in August.

SagittariusSAG

Sags, your theme in August is distance which manifests in travel, receiving guests, or news from afar.  Take that last minute trip you are itching for.  If geographically bound to home, make an internet friend from the other side of the world.  Sags have a hankering for foreign culture this summer.  August 10th brings long awaited news.  When the going gets tough, love lubricates the difficult moments.  Partnered Sags connect through a deep sense of gratitude.  Over the next year, Jupiter will influence your desire to pursue specialized education.  Practice and study to achieve true mastery.  The areas of concern this month are money and health.  August serves up financial peril – at best delays, at worst substantial loss.  Care for yourself properly and minimize unnecessary risks.

Capricorn

CAP

Venus waltzes in to romance Capricorn and make you especially lucky in love, but watch out because the Sun is in Leo your house of extremes.  The upside to this influence is that it leaves you pliant, easy-going, warm, sexual, and snuggly.  The downside is that emotionally you will feel embarrassingly needy, uncomfortable, and pathetic.  Finances look favorable.  An unexpected investment opportunity may spring forth from the romantic relationship you’re cultivating.  For Cap, money and love make comfortable bedfellows.  Collaboration creates cash flow in August.  Just be judicious with whom you invest with when it comes to friends.  To remain healthy, spend your free time fucking or sleeping instead of fussing and fretting.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Relationships play a central theme for Aquarius over the next year with Jupiter’s influence.  The Sun and Mercury enter the scene to add magnetic glow and support clear communication.  Seek relationships based on reciprocity and balance.  With this three-way energetic influence no one can resist your charm.  A full schedule keeps boredom at bay, but when you get worn out you also get combative, bitchy, and intolerable.  Know when to say no.  August isn’t the time to burn bridges with prosperous contacts because you’re in a bad mood.  Sleep soundly.  Drink less booze.  Eat better.  Spend devoted time with members of your family who nourish, fortify, and love you.

PiscesPISCES

Love, sex, and lust, these are the prominent themes for Pisces this August. With this energy comes risk for a certain degree of naughtiness.  The least prudent among you may commence an illicit affair or engage in other ill-advised risky sexual behavior.  Practical partnered Pisces pour this energy into strengthening the dynamic duo.  Eventually, the tingle in your pants dissipates enough for you to begin to think clearly again.  August offers opportunities for you to make the highest and best use of your talents.  You can relax because you are competent and have a genuine camaraderie with coworkers.  Book beauty and therapy appointments for very favorable results in August.

Aries

ARIES

August has all the makings for a damn good month, Aries.  The atmosphere is ripe for love.  You look good.  You feel good, and you are ready to take chances.  The Sun, Mercury, and Venus play matchmakers.  People enjoy your charisma and want to make friends.  Open up to the idea of expanding your social circle.  Ambition amps your attitude towards work.  Clear professional objectives literally pay off; initiate mass organization on the 23rd.  Avoid financing and just pay cash.  Resist day-trading or other speculative financial dealings this month.  Push yourself to get sweaty, go beyond working out in the gym and get outside.  Wear a helmet to remain safe during accident-prone August.

TaurusTAURUS

Taurus adopts a stubborn and detrimental stance in relationships in August.  Already unyielding, this influence adds a layer of irrationality that only a hard-headed Bull would entertain.  You’ll find yourself in sticky situations personally and professionally.  Committed Bulls have the added pressure of working through the struggle with your partner.  The discord provides a meaningful test for your relationship.  If you can get through this without tearing each other apart then there’s substance there worth retaining.  Single Bulls should stay that way, as your shitty attitude will spoil the nascent stirrings of love.  August is a favorable time to add to your real estate holdings, so spend the month torturing your real estate agent.

Gemini

GEMINI

Connecting through communication is your theme for August, Gemini.  Hearing the right phrase at the right time, a sense of intellectual collaboration, these are the moments that bring you closer to others this month.  When you find someone that sees the world as you do, it sparks your passion and a number of intense, bonding conversations will follow.  Travel may be on the calendar, but even Geminis remaining close to home will have a packed schedule.  This month, Gemini encounters challenging problems which can leave you in a state of overwhelmed paralysis.  Use humor to get you through the roughest patches.  You are strong enough and smart enough to ultimately persevere.

Cancer

CANCER

Cancer craves stability and security in August.  Practical matters like budgets and organizing your daily routine dominate.  With Jupiter influencing your pocketbook, you can look forward to a full year of solid income.  When some Crabs get their claws on more cash, they spend, spend, spend.  No. No. No.  Line your shell with savings.  Order the small.  Do not take a dessert to go.  Emotionally tender, your closest moments will happen with a loved one near the 10th.  Failure to make your health a priority will result in disastrous consequences.  Keep your body moving and force yourself to break a sweat.  Generally speaking, discipline isn’t your strength, but it’s time to start flexing that muscle.

July 2014 Horoscopes

CancerCANCER

Happy Birthday Little Crab!  Since last June, your life has been awash in change thanks to Jupiter in Cancer, but he’s shifting into your career sector which means travel, money, and most importantly enjoying the tangible fruits of your labor.  Over the next year, enjoy massive professional growth potential.  At long last, your paycheck becomes commensurate with your long undervalued abilities.  Stability sounds really good right?  Save your money.  This is not the time to take an expensive vacation, but feel free to plan for January or February of next year.  Buckle down at work while the wind is at your back.  When your shit’s together you make a rather attractive prospect, so don’t be surprised if an engagement arrives seemingly out of the blue.  Just remember dear Cancer, you are worthy and deserving of all the good fortune coming your way.  Rather than indulging in the anxiety of waiting for the proverbial “other shoe to drop,” enjoy the blessings life has bestowed upon you.

LeoLEO

July is a huge month for you Leo as Jupiter moves into your house mid-month and stays for the next year like some sort of sofa-crashing celestial fairy godmother.  For you Leo, over the next year Jupiter means true love.  If you are single, it is unlikely you will remain so for very long.  Established relationships feel ripe for matrimony now under Jupiter’s influence.  Before Jupiter comes on the 16th, meet unmet obligations and finish the unfinished.  Messiness won’t serve you during your reign.  Also, parcel out some quiet and solitude.  The beginning of the month feels a bit low energy, so don’t force the socializing.  Your time to shine will come the last two weeks of the month and especially between the 24-26th.  Hold on to your dick Leo, life’s about to get much BIGGER.

VirgoVIRGO

The first two weeks of July serve up a series of last minute opportunities for travel and adventure.  Enjoy a few spontaneous moments before settling into a quieter period of healing and self-reflection that will continue over the next year.  Weeding out the dead leaves to allow for new growth proves pivotal in preparing for new blessings.  With regard to work, schedule important talks with valuable contacts on the 24th when the Sun is shining on you favorably.  Jupiter’s shift indicates an end to a twelve year cycle or relationship.  Is it time to say good by to an unsatisfying relationship or addiction?  Now is the time to tackle the emotional work you’ve been neglecting. Therapy, anyone?  For some Virgos, you are making the emotional room for a baby.

LibraLIBRA

Libra enjoyed the bountiful influence of Jupiter professionally over the last year, but this month Jupiter moves out of your career and into your teamwork and tech support departments.  This shift provides a more comfortable collaborative energy for you and it leads you into some interesting philanthropic endeavors.  Hope you stashed some cash during your successful professional run because roving Mars enters to increase your living expenses on the 25th.  Unexpected costs arise concerning your home.  Mid-month your social life blooms.  Family plays a major part in making July special.  Take a little trip to your favorite spot with your sweetie and enjoy one another.  A stork might visit.

ScorpioSCORPIO

On July 16th, Jupiter transitions into Leo the governess of your career, expect your professional life to promptly catch fire and stay aflame for the next year, Scorpio.  Opportunity arises for relocation.  Make decisions based on your highest calling.  When Jupiter lives in Cancer, the energy is a little laid back for you.  Scorpio prefers the intensity of Jupiter in Leo where you can make mogul shit happen.  Schedule important communications on July 12th when the reflected light of the full moon illuminates the clarity of your speech.  Saturn’s retrograde has been bogging Scorpio down for months and shaken your confidence.  Saturn finally moves direct this month and she will reward you for all your tenacity and attention to detail before she finally spins out of Scorpio at the end of the year.

SagittariusSAG

The Sagittarius we all know and love reappears with a flourish this July after a lengthy period of charismatic drought.  The past year has tested your closest relationships.  You’ve been hurt and you’ve hurt others.  These experiences have taught you a great deal about vulnerability and trust.  Use the painful moments as evidence of your strength, not as an excuse to harden against others.  Your inner drag queen hasn’t died Sagittarius.  She’s just been at the spa while you do your emotional homework.  Now she’s ready to come back with the high-kicking flourish of a Rockette.  By the time the last two weeks of July roll around, all your mojo returns and you are ready to share what you’ve learned with those who want to know.

CapricornCAP

Hard-working Capricorns just keep trudging, but lately you haven’t advanced as quickly as you are accustomed.   The gridlock of your life is about to free up in July allowing you to ascend unhindered.  The top can be lonely and you crave intimacy.  Ready to make your relationship more permanent?  The 27th is a fortuitous day for an engagement.  Those looking to exit an unsatisfying situation should wait until after the 16th to file dissolution papers.  Caps with no current romantic attachment should direct this potent energy into relationships that can turn a profit.

AquariusAQUARIUS

At the beginning of July, honor Jupiter’s influence for a few final days by focusing on health and well-being.  Exercise, eat well, sleep, and enjoy the nourishment of the outdoors.  Prepare your mind and your body for love because that’s where Jupiter is headed – to your house of partnerships and commitments.  The energy is right for you to find your life partner in the next year.  For those already lovesick, the July 24-26th window makes an exception to stage an engagement or ceremony.  Water Bearers in steady relationships may wake up this month and realize that your relationship feels like high school when you’ve emotionally graduated on to college.  Kindly part ways as lovers and restructure as friends.

PiscesPISCES

These last months have been creative, glamorous, and fun for you Pisces, but they haven’t been the most financially secure with Mars draining your finances.  July requires you get series about your career.  You’ll certainly have the celestial support as Mars enters Scorpio.  Love always matters to Pisces, but even more so over the last year.  Your investment in your partner has resulted in a tight, strong, bond.  Celebrate with a party around the 12th and invite all your single friends.  Mid-month, Jupiter moves into your house of organization, health, and fitness.  Yes, you’d like to lose the gut once and for all, but more importantly this energy is about disciplined focus.  Get your body right.  Get your mind right.  Get your money right.  That’s your three-part mantra this month.

AriesARIES

Felt a bit dazed Aries?  July kicks off right with the release of Mercury’s retrograde which delivers clarity and a jolt of energy.  Saturn too spins out of retrograde freeing up your chances for fame, honor, and acclaim.  Don’t pretend you don’t love to be told how great you are.  After spending the last year governing your home and family, Jupiter moseys on into your realm of pleasure, creativity, and romance where it can turn up the heat dancing with Leo.  Combustion causes change, so get ready for some major shifts.  You shine on July 24th, so get outta the house that day for sure and remind everybody what you’re working with Aries.

Taurus

TAURUS

The first two weeks of July make an excellent time for travel Taurus, so go ahead and take a little trip to the seaside you’ve been longing for.  Even if you can’t go far, go somewhere on the 12th which is a particularly fortuitous day for adventure.  Mid-month Jupiter rolls into the realm of home, personal life, and family where it settles in for the next year.  A change of home, an addition of a baby, or cultivation of family relationships all make sense with Jupiter’s expansive influence.  Mars enters Scorpio which governs your relationships – expect passion, pleasure, and conflict.  Prepare for intense fucking and fighting through the first half of September.

GeminiGEMINI

With expansive Jupiter fattening your bank account over the last year, you’ve had the opportunity to accrue quite the savings.  During the first week of July, you’ll have the opportunity to put some of that wealth at risk for a potentially huge payday.  Whether you win or lose, you’ll learn a great deal about yourself from calculating the risk and forcing yourself to make a decision after much dithering.  Due to massive work demands, you’ll see more fluorescent lighting than daylight this summer.  When you start bitching to yourself about the grind, be grateful you have a job where you can excel.  Feeling restless?  This year provides opportunities to work away from home, travel, and has you contemplating a second piece of property where you can get away.  You have an itch to catch up with far-flung friends, so squeeze those moments in between work obligations.

June 2014 Horoscopes

GeminiGEMINI

Happy Birthday Gemini!  Community-minded Gemini just loves getting the whole gang together for some fun.  Select an adventure, send word through your social network and see who shows up to play.  There’s an excellent chance for a match-making opportunity between two of your friends.  While in the mix, whether you feel unparalleled enthusiasm for your people or needled by the inconsiderate actions of others, speak your truth.  Leave a few metaphorical Yelp reviews on your network of folks and let ‘em know how they rate according to the ever-morphing Gemini standard.  Withholding the truth is how you get that pesky (yet enduring) two-faced reputation.  Since you are the celestial duchess of gadgets Gemini, go ahead and upgrade.  Consider it a birthday gift to yourself.   Just remember Mercury is in retrograde from the 7th on into July, so don’t be surprised if gadgets glitch.

CancerCANCER

Cancer has spent the last six months lining ducks in a perfect row, so now it’s time to clean up any messiness and execute on your carefully devised strategy.  You’ve put in the work and you deserve the pay off, but if you aren’t careful you could easily get in your own way.  The first and most important lesson in June for Cancer is that you are not in control.  Give over to the tumble of the universe.  Next, you must detach from the outcome.  It isn’t going to feel the way you think it is supposed to look.  Finally, rather than soaking in anxiety, allow the flood of new experiences to wash over you as a recipient.  Watch. Learn. Listen.  For Crabs, Mercury’s retrograde comes in the form of a stab in the back.  Careful whom you trust.

LeoLEO

No June gloom for you Leo!  Super aroused by the warm weather and short-shorts, you are a human red Solo cup this month.  Just remember beer-pong won’t pay the bills.  In between keg-stands, keep up with your self-care.  Organize your friends into some healthy outdoor fun – paddle boarding, hiking, beach blanket bingo.  Mercury retrogrades from June 7 to the first of July and for you this means loose lips.  Don’t go spilling secrets.  Avoid signing contracts, postpone important conversations, and above all maintain your sense of humor should life go temporarily and unexpectedly awry.

 VirgoVIRGO

Virgo sees clearly in June through the spectacles of ambition.  With your recent professional achievements, you are able to see how your contribution feeds into the larger good.  The planning and initiative you take now will root six months in the future.  Mercury retrogrades the 7th, and for you this means suboptimal teamwork and communication.  Even though you see clearly this month, your talk is muddy.  Go out of your way to simplify and clarify.  Usually such a heady thinker, a few decisions from the heart wouldn’t kill you.  Mid-month you’ll contemplate a move.  While considering the interests of all relevant parties, use your heart rather than your head to decide.

Libra

LIBRA

Libra lemonade perfectly balances sour and sweet.  Too much sweet and you’re cloying, too much tart and you’re a bitch.  Most of the time you get it just right.  You are the Goldilocks of the Zodiac: not too cold, not too hot.  You know what else fits comfortably right in the middle?  Mediocrity.  You’re beautiful, kind, peace-making, and at times, boring as fuck.  Upset the perfect equipoise with a little offensive or at least unsanctioned behavior.  Though keep in mind that getting too mouthy during the Mercury’s retrograde could damage important relationships.  Schedule travel later for the summer as the June backspin could muss your perfect vacation plans.

 ScorpioSCORPIO

You’ve been working your ass off Scorpio and mid-month you’ll finally see the payoff, but for now you crave intimacy.  Don’t over schedule because interesting spontaneous offers abound this summer.  You shine in small groups and one-on-one, so leave the festival scene for the desperate posers.  With regard to finance, June is about merging assets and energy to create more flow.  Sniff out passive income opportunities to exploit.  Mercury goes retrograde from June 7 to July 1, so during this time avoid contracts, expect tech glitches, and keep your knee-jerk reactions (and your stinger) to yourself.

 SagittariusSAG

Sags land on the tongue in flames, but your flavor could use some depth.  The punch of your personality comes in the first impression, but you could thicken that vivaciousness with some substance.  We are all sick of munching insecurity tacos and we are ready for burritos of love.  Here’s the recipe: take some kindness, add some generosity, sprinkle in trust, hold the ego and wrap it up in compassion.  Tend to the neglected relationships in your life by putting others first.  Mercury in retrograde for Sagittarius means a visit from the ghost of relationships past.  When opportunities arise to resolve old conflicts, snatch them.

 Capricorn

CAPRICORN

Realizing summer is upon us and you’re fucking out of shape, Capricorn motivates towards health and organization in June.  Consider hiring a personal yoga instructor, life coach, or professional organizer to help you get your shit together.  Lately, have you been relying too heavily on substances to socially lubricate situations?  Intoxicants + Mercury Retrograde = relationship disaster.  Lazy people discard you as emotionally remote, but that’s a misread of the reserved Capricorn.  Caps possess great depth of emotion, but it’s how you cope with and channel this well of emotional energy that determines your fate.

 AquariusAQUARIUS

June is about celebrating the contributions of others and toasting to the success of collaboration.  Big thinking Aquarius takes in the whole view which makes you the perfect person to quash drama when it spikes up between croquet rounds at the corporate picnic.  Peace-making aside, Neptune’s retrograde clouds your professional judgment from June 9th and for several months thereafter.  You have a knack for floating in, out, and in-between the scene with ease.  Towards the middle of June you crave more grounding and stability.  June is the time to purify your diet, commit to fitness and simplify your routine.  The (literal) tipping point has come with regard to physical clutter in your life.  Garage sale anyone?

PiscesPISCES

With June enters a supportive basket of feminine energy to guide you little Fish.  Spend time with the important women in your life.  For Pisces, Neptune’s retrograde highlights incongruence between your personal aspirations and your image.  Decide whom you want to embody as this new incarnation and align the inner and outer by making subtle shifts in your appearance and habits.  Mercury’s retrograde means travel drama.  Not much you can do but leave early and pack your sense of humor.  Computer crashes, lost phones, and power outages are also common within Mercury’s backspin, so take appropriate steps to protect your work and privacy.

AriesARIES

Chatty Aries just can’t wait to share every idea brimming in that overactive brain this June.  The problem with your thoughtless blabbing is Mercury is in retrograde which means that you are quite likely to offend others with your verbal diarrhea.  A series of bad decisions have landed you in the lurch and you don’t like hearing about it from your Mom this month.  Once you get past your ego and frustration, will you have the courage and good sense to dig your way out?  When in doubt, work.  Industriousness keeps you out of trouble and keeps that money rolling in to your account.

TaurusTAURUS

You went hard for your birthday Taurus and you have the anxiety-inducing bank balance to prove it.  Thankfully, June offers many opportunities for you to replenish wealth through satisfying hard work.  With financial security at the forefront, trim back the unsatisfying extracurricular lame cash-eating bullshit.  With Mercury in retrograde from the 7th into July, June isn’t ideal for negotiating leases or refinancing.  Anything bitchy you say this month can and will be held against you.  If you wouldn’t say it face to face, bite your tongue.  You will experience the flipside of this energy when you discover a pal has been talking shit.  Will you forgive or foreclose on the friendship?

April 2014 Horoscopes

AriesARIES

Happy Birthday Aries!  You wish this month was all cupcakes, balloons, and celebrations, but instead it’s all tense energy and big decisions.  Over the past few months, Aries has struggled in balancing domestic and professional responsibilities.  In April, that struggle to please converts into resentment over ignoring your own personal needs.  You give, you give, and you give and they still want more!  You’ve realized there is no end to their greedy thirst for your energy.  Quench your own thirst first in April.  April gifts you with the Grand Cross of tension between Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, and Pluto.  These are not the four planets you want playing together in your astrological sandbox.  The Grand Cross isn’t having any of your martyr shit, Aries.  If you over-give, it will deplete you.  After several months of waffling, April forces change in your relationships.  Often, you are the one that is difficult to get along with, so stop blaming others for the strife.  Even though energetically this is a challenging month for you Aries, it does give you the opportunity to show off some of your best qualities: your courage, generosity, and strength.  Regardless of the chaos and forced change that ensues in April, make decisions based on compassion.  By doing so, you will surface on the other side of this foursquare of tense energy proud of how you navigated the obstacles.

TaurusTAURUS

The majority of April serves as your pre-birthday rest period Taurus.  Unmotivated to meet the needs of others’ agendas, Taurus would rather stay in and sleep off those springtime allergies.  Embrace positive change in April by applying that notoriously strong self-discipline to areas of slack.  Quit smoking.  Lay off the booze.  Leave the line unsnorted.  The planets provide a helping hand in releasing negative habits.  The “Grand Cross” everyone keeps referring to is not a new Pilates machine.  Jupiter brings an exploration of new ideas which cause you to question and ditch some antiquated beliefs.  Often your inner skeptic keeps you from moving forward.  Let her protect you from all the shady douches running amok this month.  Take extra good care of yourself in April as your immune system is weakened.  Say “No” more than you say “Yes.”

GeminiGEMINI

Gemini gathers up the like-minded in April.  Instead of just talking about wanting to make a positive change in the world why don’t you actually do something positive?  Others welcome your sudden streak of self-expression as long as you serve intelligent ideas that are actually your own.  April’s tense Grand Cross planetary alignment spotlights all your financial messiness.  Sure, you do okay in the paycheck department, but what is your long-term financials strategy?  How much do you piss away on meaningless expenditures?  With regard to romance, beware of unresolved feelings and patterns.  Don’t disappear into other people.  Gemini loves to have a bunch of friends, but you aren’t very selective in who tags along.  In April, it becomes very clear who in your circle actually gives a fuck and who is a user.  By letting go of unhealthy attachments to parasitic people you will open up to new love and more fulfilling relationships.

CancerCANCER

Cancer hyperfocuses on career in April.  By prioritizing your own agenda and using that irrepressible Cancer charm to grease the right people that promotion you’ve been vying for could very well be yours.  Expect family and domestic drama this month – perhaps an unexpected drop-in from your sister or mom?  It could also mean a surprise move or unintended pregnancy.  Whatever excitement the stars have in store for you change is on the menu.  With the Grand Cardinal Cross influence there’s risk of calibrating into old destructive patterns thereby curtailing your progress.  When overwhelmed by the demands of both work and home ask for help.  Your standards for companionship are laughably low and it becomes glaringly obvious this month when you meet someone who’s actually got something to offer.  This giver has you contemplating the meaning of true partnership.

LeoLEO

With the tension innate in the Grand Cross, April is a great time to get the hell outta dodge with a spring break trip Leo.  If physically fleeing isn’t feasible take your mind on an expansive trip to broaden your worldview.  Mid-month closure comes with regard to a pending issue.  Ruling out one possibility paves the way for an entirely new idea.  Emotionally speaking, the opposing energies of the Grand Cross bring a schizophrenic confusion to April.  You feel at once mellow and anxious, disciplined and lazy, and rushed and impatient.  Nothing feels quite right, but take consolation in the fact that it isn’t your fault.  To survive this tense time unscathed, you must quash arguments and think before you lash out over some trivial point.  Avoid big decisions this month.  Look to a mentor who has walked the path you wish to travel and listen to wise advice on how to navigate it successfully.

Virgo

  VIRGO

Other than laying low with your nearest and dearest, you don’t feel like doing much this month Virgo.  Your usual zest for elbow rubbing and small talk vanishes and instead you’d rather stay home and loaf.  April presents opportunities in real estate investment should you be in the market.  Mid-month major change comes to your career sector.  It may mean your current position ends and a new one emerges.  Don’t get nauseous in the tumult.  Use the change to evaluate what you really want from your life.  What do you need to alter to shape your current life into the one you truly long for?  The Cardinal Cross is the energetic equivalent of a four-way rack – as in the torture device which pulls you apart in opposite directions.  Virgo’s opposing interests include money, intimacy, friends, and self-expression.  New friends compete against old loyalties.  Money becomes a source of conflict.  This time you are the one who is acting like a dick.

Libra

 LIBRA

April is a happy month for you Libra as long as you are clear about communicating your needs.  Once you put it out there, it is up to your partner to respond.  Don’t force the situation, but remain assertive.  Libra receives the glow of the lunar eclipse on the 15th.  Take credit for your best qualities and responsibility for your faults.  The Grand Cardinal Cross has special meaning for you as a Cardinal sign.  This tense energy will betray any cracks in the foundation of your life: family, relationships, home, livelihood.  Libra unintentionally causes friction with thoughtless comments.  You can come off as pretentious and haughty when insecure.  This April be extra nice and forgiving without giving away your power.  By the end of the month you’re tapped, and would rather stay rooted at home than fussing with the inconsiderate public.

Scorpio

SCORPIO

Self-care takes precedence in April as Scorpio’s hectic pace has taken a toll on you as of late.  Always one to work smarter rather than harder, structure your life in a way that best supports your current needs.  Clean, organize, and keep it simple.  April brings humbling moments which will require you to surrender your ego and judgments.  Ask for the help you need.  The Grand Cardinal Cross forces action for Scorpio.  You aren’t one to shirk on responsibilities even when overextended.  Let April be a lesson that your energy and talent must be replenished with adequate self-nurturing.  April also brings the possibility for a true partner or the cementing of an important preexisting bond.  The relationship seeds formed under April’s influence blossom into beautiful, lasting flowers over the coming months.

SagittariusSAG

Sagittarius enjoys a little well-deserved levity in April after a rough few months of hard work.  The lunar eclipse brings resolve to old festering issues mid-month.  For you Sagittarius, the Grand Cross emotionally pulls you apart like a dinner roll.  Sags self-limit with stubborn notions.  Your rigid ideas keep people away.  In April, you need help and are forced to soften into compromise.  With this softening comes the realization that you bear the responsibility for a great deal of conflict over the last year.  Sags continue to repeat these negative and hurtful patterns until you bring mindfulness to your interactions.  Others will continue to trigger you until you get a handle on your temper.  By the end of the month, you are ready to get your body in order.  Cut the sugar and get off your ass.

CapricornCAPRICORN

April is an ideal time to reconnect with family, dear Capricorn.  Take a break from work.  Your heart isn’t in it this month.  Your heart does need tending to though so turn inward and ask yourself the tough questions.  Better yet; ask your mom the tough questions and drink in her wisdom like fine wine.  To succeed in relationships (and in sex) you must embrace the concept of reciprocity.  By the 15th the lunar eclipse will force your hand on indecision.  Get clear about what you want, but remain flexible in the face of unpredictability.  A sense of humor makes the last ten days of the month feel substantially lighter and more tolerable.  You are at your best and most attractive when playful and funny.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Even though others are feeling tense this month you are ready for some April foolishness.  Unleash your fun-loving prankster Aquarius.  In between strategic whoopee cushion placements, gobble up all available intel.  Primed to retain new ideas, Aquarius enjoys reading, watching, and learning in April.  Go big the first three weeks, and then when you hit a fatigue wall come back home and recharge.  Reminisce over old photos.  Help your mom organize old memories and soak in the family stories.  These are your roots, and when you look at your life from its nascence you can appreciate your evolution.  Take care of your body.  The Grand Cross weakens your immunity.  Don’t waste energy quarreling with others this month.  You won’t get anywhere in the power struggle and the fussing will just deplete and frustrate you.

PiscesPISCES

Pisces your mantra in April is you better work bitch.  Stage one: get organized.  Stage two: work systematically with a list.  Stage three: complete your list.  Tap into your network of contacts while connections are fresh and friendly.  April 15th brings a sweep of change vis-à-vis the lunar eclipse.  Situations and relationships that no longer serve you have to go without further room for negotiation.  The energy of the Grand Cross forces further sweeping change in the sacred areas of home, family, and finances.  Stop asking other people’s opinions and then getting aggravated with their answers.  If you don’t want to know, don’t ask.  Get honest about your financial anxiety and cost of living.  Can you afford yourself?  April is not about big talk.  April is about big action.  Now seriously, get to work bitch.

March 2014 Horoscopes

PiscesPISCES

Happy Birthday Pisces!  You feel aglow in the energy of the new moon and all the fresh momentum that comes with Mercury’s forward moment.  Just as Mercury moves out of retrograde, here comes Mars and Saturn spinning backwards to fuck everything up for you Pisces.  Find the benefit of the slowing in certain areas.  Take this time to reevaluate relationships and finances.  These energetic gaps give you time to catch up and get sorted; seize them!  You have every right to get properly laid on your birthday.  Pisces are among the most desirable and intoxicating lovers of the zodiac.  You struggle between wanting nice things and stressing over spending.  Bring more awareness to everyday wasteful habits like those small daily expenditures.  By cutting out mindless comfort spending, you’ll have a money cushion for more significant splurges.  March is wonderful time to explore therapy little Fish.  You could use some help navigating the choppy waters.

AriesARIES

Just as Aries gets oriented to the New Year, all is about to change for you.  It’s time to call upon that Aries adaptability.  Rest and relax to start the month off in a nourished state.  Have a good cry while you’re buried in the covers.  Get your body back in shape before the equinox.  If you’ve gotten overly invested in other people’s problems, pull that energy back and direct it towards your central relationship.  Instead of slipping into martyr mode, ask for help instead.  A series of retrogrades throughout the month cause a marked delay.  Use the tempo change to review and reassess.  Aries on the hunt for a new home finally find a nest.  For those looking to expand the family, the time is right.

TaurusTAURUS

Web-based connections become the source of meaningful collaboration in March for Taurus.  By combining your flair for first impressions with your knack for social media, you’ve created a well of resources for yourself and others to tap.  Use your broad reach to promote a person or idea you believe in strongly.  Easy, fleeting, flirty messaging is most effective – stay out of the deep end of the conversational swimming pool.  After a motivated start to 2014, you are noticeably less committed to all those big wellness goals.  Give yourself a break.  You don’t have to run a marathon just because you signed up three months ago.  Focus on your work and relationships as this is where your energy is most needed now.

GeminiGEMINI

Professionally, Gemini shines in March – perhaps a new offer?  Set up an intentional course which supports your long-term security.  Super spacey, you are known for a lot of hot air and very little hot action.  Why not pick one thing you care about and actually follow through?  Mid-month, spend a little time resting and reconnecting with family.  Schedule baby-making for the full moon.  In an effort to connect with people, you over-give and wind up feeling under-compensated.  You resent your own peace-keeping efforts even though it’s your fear of alienation that keeps you from speaking your truth.  The retrograde may tempt you with the past.  Don’t bother; it will only lead to dissatisfaction.

CancerCANCER

Freedom is your theme in March, Cancer.  A trip will help shift your perspective and allow you to let go of unhealthy attachments.  For awhile now, Cancer has been overly involved in an unsatisfying romantic situation.  Instead of getting frustrated that you can’t set up the dollhouse to your specific liking, put the dolls down and go play outside with the dog.  Better to create breathing room than allow the tension to crest into a frothy wave of frustration.  Step out of self-pity and go for what you want!  You are an achiever!  Enough with the needs of other people; it isn’t your job to gilt their path.  Your work on this planet is to continually evolve into your best self.  Remove obstacles blocking your journey to greatness.

LeoLEO

March is your month to retreat, relax, and focus on intimacy, Leo.  Feeling emotionally raw, you’d rather spend time alone or with a trusted few than risk the salt sting of the insensitive masses.  Ordinarily, Leo has an artful way of operating from ego and still remaining likable.  In March your communication style shifts from likeably effective to overly pushy.  Others notice, and it causes friction in a number of relationships if you don’t mellow a skosh.  Need another reason to stay in bed?  Your immune system is compromised this month, and therefore you are more likely to catch a bug if you are out and about.  Eat and sleep well.  Invest in your retirement mid-month.  Take a spring break trip after the equinox.

 VirgoVIRGO

Enough hibernation – Virgo’s ready for spring!  Now is the time to reach out and solidify important connections.  Meaningfully commit to the most important people in your life.  Make them a priority by your words and actions.  Reevaluate unbalanced relationships, and either create equanimity or cut the energysuck loose.  You’ve only got so much to give.  Lately, giving feels like all you’ve been doing in certain relationships.  Has codependency enslaved you?  Are you still involved because you fear aloneness?  Work stress paired with money panic creates the most anxiety in March.  Don’t need the stars to tell you to curb the extra spending to allay fiscal concerns.

LibraLIBRA

Start March off tight and right with a thorough tidying sesh, Libra.  The dustbunnies have formed a colony; it’s time to go in and eradicate the filth.  Even though housework seems basic, organization saves time – of which you have little to spare.  Libran energy ebbs and flows this March.  When you are feeling it – sweep.  When you don’t feel like vacuuming – lie around in your comfies.  No judgment.  Conserve your resources and make sure your rainy day fund is full.  Emergency money is a must.  Ensure you have the reserves to weather a crisis.  The multiple pulls on your time have you feeling like a ragdoll.  You also feel the shade of a few critical eyes.  Don’t let it getcha down.

ScorpioSCORPIO

March to your own beat and express yourself Scorpio.  From your playful vantage point, you could give a fuck about what anybody thinks this month.  Boldly deliver your message of compassion and love!  Be mindful of retrogrades causing backspins throughout March.  Intense demands on your time coupled with this energetic slowing in certain sectors can make you feel like you can’t access all your power.  Know you’ve already survived the worst this year has to offer.  Continue on your recent path of self-improvement; there’s still more work to do.  The universe will continue to test you by sending people who are all talk.  As you get stronger, needy people swarm.  You aren’t running an emotional soup kitchen.  If folks aren’t bringing anything to the table, don’t invite them to dine.  Communicate gentle truth.  From the 20th forward, it’s all about the spring revamp starting with a super lean and strong body.

SagittariusSAGITTARIUS

Self and home improvements dominate March for Sagittarius.  After a busy few months, you finally have the time to look around and see mess that has accumulated in your haste.  As you take a longer look in the mirror, you’re annoyed by areas of neglect.  March makes a great time for spring cleaning, so stay in and tidy up.  Continue to focus on a few key relationships and mentors.  Call your Dad.  Weakened defenses make you particularly susceptible to a bout of whatever’s currently communicable.  Take every extra precaution against germy contact with the masses.  Nourish and support your body with healthy food and sleep instead of loading up with symptom-masking drugs.  After the equinox, you’ll feel like getting up and out on the scene again.

CapricornCAPRICORN

With a cooling at work, Capricorn has the time and energy to evaluate relationships in March.  You’ve tolerated the flakiness of friends long enough and you’re feeling a lot less patient with the antics of others.  Pursue an equal partner who you can truly trust.  Super attractive in March, you’ll have no issues luring a desirable mate.  Any resistance in relationships lifts as an influential retrograde ends.  Take a spring break trip during the second half of March, but think more metaphysical than meta physical.  If you’re still going hard on your New Year’s resolution workout routine, consider giving your body a rest.  Overdoing it can result in injury altogether sidelining you from the fun.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Aquarius cleans out the ol’ pocketbook and instead of finding extra change you find a gross pile of lint and condom wrappers.  You’ve had your share of fun.  As you recover from your birthday bloat you are ready to get back to work.  Some of your party pals will be disappointed to see you retreat, but you’ll feel better when your bank balance floats above 3 figures.  Your body will feel better when you give up your three drink minimum.  Consolidation is the theme of the March for you Aquarius, as you’ve been scattered here, there, and everywhere recently.  March brings the potential for some really good sex if you focus in on the right person.  When you feel like you can truly merge with someone special, pursue the connection with ferocious aggression.