Tag Archives: Lisa Kudrow

July 2014 Horoscopes

CancerCANCER

Happy Birthday Little Crab!  Since last June, your life has been awash in change thanks to Jupiter in Cancer, but he’s shifting into your career sector which means travel, money, and most importantly enjoying the tangible fruits of your labor.  Over the next year, enjoy massive professional growth potential.  At long last, your paycheck becomes commensurate with your long undervalued abilities.  Stability sounds really good right?  Save your money.  This is not the time to take an expensive vacation, but feel free to plan for January or February of next year.  Buckle down at work while the wind is at your back.  When your shit’s together you make a rather attractive prospect, so don’t be surprised if an engagement arrives seemingly out of the blue.  Just remember dear Cancer, you are worthy and deserving of all the good fortune coming your way.  Rather than indulging in the anxiety of waiting for the proverbial “other shoe to drop,” enjoy the blessings life has bestowed upon you.

LeoLEO

July is a huge month for you Leo as Jupiter moves into your house mid-month and stays for the next year like some sort of sofa-crashing celestial fairy godmother.  For you Leo, over the next year Jupiter means true love.  If you are single, it is unlikely you will remain so for very long.  Established relationships feel ripe for matrimony now under Jupiter’s influence.  Before Jupiter comes on the 16th, meet unmet obligations and finish the unfinished.  Messiness won’t serve you during your reign.  Also, parcel out some quiet and solitude.  The beginning of the month feels a bit low energy, so don’t force the socializing.  Your time to shine will come the last two weeks of the month and especially between the 24-26th.  Hold on to your dick Leo, life’s about to get much BIGGER.

VirgoVIRGO

The first two weeks of July serve up a series of last minute opportunities for travel and adventure.  Enjoy a few spontaneous moments before settling into a quieter period of healing and self-reflection that will continue over the next year.  Weeding out the dead leaves to allow for new growth proves pivotal in preparing for new blessings.  With regard to work, schedule important talks with valuable contacts on the 24th when the Sun is shining on you favorably.  Jupiter’s shift indicates an end to a twelve year cycle or relationship.  Is it time to say good by to an unsatisfying relationship or addiction?  Now is the time to tackle the emotional work you’ve been neglecting. Therapy, anyone?  For some Virgos, you are making the emotional room for a baby.

LibraLIBRA

Libra enjoyed the bountiful influence of Jupiter professionally over the last year, but this month Jupiter moves out of your career and into your teamwork and tech support departments.  This shift provides a more comfortable collaborative energy for you and it leads you into some interesting philanthropic endeavors.  Hope you stashed some cash during your successful professional run because roving Mars enters to increase your living expenses on the 25th.  Unexpected costs arise concerning your home.  Mid-month your social life blooms.  Family plays a major part in making July special.  Take a little trip to your favorite spot with your sweetie and enjoy one another.  A stork might visit.

ScorpioSCORPIO

On July 16th, Jupiter transitions into Leo the governess of your career, expect your professional life to promptly catch fire and stay aflame for the next year, Scorpio.  Opportunity arises for relocation.  Make decisions based on your highest calling.  When Jupiter lives in Cancer, the energy is a little laid back for you.  Scorpio prefers the intensity of Jupiter in Leo where you can make mogul shit happen.  Schedule important communications on July 12th when the reflected light of the full moon illuminates the clarity of your speech.  Saturn’s retrograde has been bogging Scorpio down for months and shaken your confidence.  Saturn finally moves direct this month and she will reward you for all your tenacity and attention to detail before she finally spins out of Scorpio at the end of the year.

SagittariusSAG

The Sagittarius we all know and love reappears with a flourish this July after a lengthy period of charismatic drought.  The past year has tested your closest relationships.  You’ve been hurt and you’ve hurt others.  These experiences have taught you a great deal about vulnerability and trust.  Use the painful moments as evidence of your strength, not as an excuse to harden against others.  Your inner drag queen hasn’t died Sagittarius.  She’s just been at the spa while you do your emotional homework.  Now she’s ready to come back with the high-kicking flourish of a Rockette.  By the time the last two weeks of July roll around, all your mojo returns and you are ready to share what you’ve learned with those who want to know.

CapricornCAP

Hard-working Capricorns just keep trudging, but lately you haven’t advanced as quickly as you are accustomed.   The gridlock of your life is about to free up in July allowing you to ascend unhindered.  The top can be lonely and you crave intimacy.  Ready to make your relationship more permanent?  The 27th is a fortuitous day for an engagement.  Those looking to exit an unsatisfying situation should wait until after the 16th to file dissolution papers.  Caps with no current romantic attachment should direct this potent energy into relationships that can turn a profit.

AquariusAQUARIUS

At the beginning of July, honor Jupiter’s influence for a few final days by focusing on health and well-being.  Exercise, eat well, sleep, and enjoy the nourishment of the outdoors.  Prepare your mind and your body for love because that’s where Jupiter is headed – to your house of partnerships and commitments.  The energy is right for you to find your life partner in the next year.  For those already lovesick, the July 24-26th window makes an exception to stage an engagement or ceremony.  Water Bearers in steady relationships may wake up this month and realize that your relationship feels like high school when you’ve emotionally graduated on to college.  Kindly part ways as lovers and restructure as friends.

PiscesPISCES

These last months have been creative, glamorous, and fun for you Pisces, but they haven’t been the most financially secure with Mars draining your finances.  July requires you get series about your career.  You’ll certainly have the celestial support as Mars enters Scorpio.  Love always matters to Pisces, but even more so over the last year.  Your investment in your partner has resulted in a tight, strong, bond.  Celebrate with a party around the 12th and invite all your single friends.  Mid-month, Jupiter moves into your house of organization, health, and fitness.  Yes, you’d like to lose the gut once and for all, but more importantly this energy is about disciplined focus.  Get your body right.  Get your mind right.  Get your money right.  That’s your three-part mantra this month.

AriesARIES

Felt a bit dazed Aries?  July kicks off right with the release of Mercury’s retrograde which delivers clarity and a jolt of energy.  Saturn too spins out of retrograde freeing up your chances for fame, honor, and acclaim.  Don’t pretend you don’t love to be told how great you are.  After spending the last year governing your home and family, Jupiter moseys on into your realm of pleasure, creativity, and romance where it can turn up the heat dancing with Leo.  Combustion causes change, so get ready for some major shifts.  You shine on July 24th, so get outta the house that day for sure and remind everybody what you’re working with Aries.

Taurus

TAURUS

The first two weeks of July make an excellent time for travel Taurus, so go ahead and take a little trip to the seaside you’ve been longing for.  Even if you can’t go far, go somewhere on the 12th which is a particularly fortuitous day for adventure.  Mid-month Jupiter rolls into the realm of home, personal life, and family where it settles in for the next year.  A change of home, an addition of a baby, or cultivation of family relationships all make sense with Jupiter’s expansive influence.  Mars enters Scorpio which governs your relationships – expect passion, pleasure, and conflict.  Prepare for intense fucking and fighting through the first half of September.

GeminiGEMINI

With expansive Jupiter fattening your bank account over the last year, you’ve had the opportunity to accrue quite the savings.  During the first week of July, you’ll have the opportunity to put some of that wealth at risk for a potentially huge payday.  Whether you win or lose, you’ll learn a great deal about yourself from calculating the risk and forcing yourself to make a decision after much dithering.  Due to massive work demands, you’ll see more fluorescent lighting than daylight this summer.  When you start bitching to yourself about the grind, be grateful you have a job where you can excel.  Feeling restless?  This year provides opportunities to work away from home, travel, and has you contemplating a second piece of property where you can get away.  You have an itch to catch up with far-flung friends, so squeeze those moments in between work obligations.

A New Treatment Modality

You guys watching Web Therapy on ShowtimeKudrow plays Fiona Wallice, the innovator of a new “treatment modality” made of three minute web therapy sessions.  Already a buzzy internet hit, the online experiment transitioned to the premium channel this year. Lisa Kudrow has a knack for affectations, and in many ways this show left off where the hilariously self-aware The Comeback left off. Lily Tomlin drops in as Wallice’s insecurity-inducing pot puffing mom.  Jennifer Elise Cox delivers deadpan ditzy vacant like no other blonde on the scene.Give Web Therapy a chance; it isn’t perfect, but it is smart and relevant.

PLEASE, FOR YOU TO WATCH

10.   Beverly Hills 90210, Season 3

We all know that like many shows Beverly Hills, 90210 stuck around long after its expiration date, but that does not diminish the pure back stabbing joy of season three.  While Brenda and Donna eat brains, fake French accents, and narrowly escape dabbling in porn, Kelly and Dylan heat things up back in L.A.  I can already hear Sadie B. Hawkins “Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover” swelling in the background.

9.   The Comeback

Fuck Friends, this is Lisa Kudrow at her very best.  At times squeamishly uncomfortable, this show hits a pitch perfect tone that feels totally authentic.  Look for early performances from Malin Akerman, Laura Silverman (Sarah Silverman‘s sister), and Kellan Lutz.  Brought to you by Michael Patrick King of SATC fame.

8. That 70′s Show, Seasons 1-4

This show is a stoner’s delight.  Seasons 1-4 maintain consistent laughs with enjoyable fashion and Ashton Kutcher before his ego made him unattractive.  Pull out the bong, gather your friends, and revisit this hilarious series.  Don’t bother with seasons 5+, it’ll just make you wonder how they managed to fuck up such a good thing.

7.   The L Word

To really enjoy a show I need some juicy women characters, and The L Word is in no short supply of strong female leads.  Jennifer Beals of Flashdance nostalgia anchors the show with gravitas; while the poor man’s Jennifer Connelly, Mia Kirshner, brings a certain goth Lolita charm.  Good fashion, great hair, and with all the girl on girl action you might even be able to get your boyfriend on board.

6.  True Blood

I won’t bore you by recapitulating the heaps of praise already ladled on this show, but if you are staying away because you are over the vampire thing, you are really missing out.  True Blood’s heady mood stanks like a Louisiana swamp, think Anne Rice + Twin Peaks + Cheers + a healthy dose of homoeroticism thrown in for good measure.  Don’t worry, after the first or second episode you’ll forget about that huge fucking gap in Paquin’s teeth.

5.  Mad Men

Painstaking research and attention to detail goes into making this show as historically accurate as possible.  No sloppy anachronisms here.  The award-winning costume designers bring bold fashion, raising the stakes each episode.  I don’t know if I love Don Draper or hate him, but I do know I would kill to raid Betty’s closet.

4.  Freaks and Geeks

As far as I’m concerned this is where James Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jason Segel got their start, and they aren’t even the best part of this show. Gets the feeling of early 80′s Detroit just right, and is probably the most accurate depiction of high school of all the high school series.

3.  My So-Called Life

Jordan fucking Catalano bitches!  Jared Leto justifies his increasingly irrelevant existence by having served as Jordan fucking Catalano.  Trust me, this was his peak.  Beyond that muffin, Claire Danes does good work here, as does A.J. Langer as Rayanne Graff.  This show succeeds where many fail in seamlessly integrating the parental story lines with that of the teenagers.  Endlessly quotable dialogue makes up for the dreadful fashion.

2.  Gilmore Girls

When I criticized Gossip Girl for its failure to create over-arching story lines to sustain the series, I was thinking about how Gilmore Girls did this so brilliantly.  The Luke/Lorelai relationship stretched seven seasons without contrived delays.  Lauren Graham was fucking robbed in having never been nominated for an Emmy.  She really shows her chops with her natural delivery of quick-fire witty dialogue.  I will never tire of this show.

  1. Sex and the City

I recently re-watched the entire series to see if it holds up, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel as fresh now as it did in the late 90′s.  Patricia Field created genius, detailed, memorable images.  Every time I watch it, I see something new and brilliant.  She succeeded in never dating the series with clothes.  The themes remain relevant, and Sarah Jessica Parker is at her very best as Carrie Bradshaw.