Tag Archives: Lisa Vanderpump

Not a Good Look

Bethenny jet-setting with billionaire Warren Lichtenstein and her daughter Bryn in the midst of a messy divorce is not a good look.Adrienne Maloof and Sean Stewart serving us Harold and Maude is definitely not a good look. Joan Rivers conspicuously ignoring Giuliana’s heinous Globes gown on Fashion Police is suspiciously not a good look. Lance Armstrong’s reluctantly contrite (but for sure contrived) ass was not a good look on Oprah’s Next Chapter.

JLo’s People cover = Not a Good Look. Lisa Vanderpoop’s insipid new spinoff celebrating adulterers is not a good look.

 

Tori & Dean: The Chicken or the Preg?

Pregnancy speculation themed this week’s Tori & Dean yet again.  Since this child was born months ago, do we really care?May I comment on the fact that Stella is like the most delightful child ever?  I have yet to see her throw a tantrum, and I’ve been watching closely.  Even Liam is less of an asshole this season.  That Adderall-laced breakfast cereal must be working. The last press-heavy event scheduled to take place during Tori’s first trimester was the GLAAD Awards.  This bitch obviously has no fucking idea of how to disguise a pregnancy with intelligent fashion choices.  Tori thought it appropriate to wear a shiny black tent attached to a Wilma Flintstone-style set of oversized gold pearls.  The dress draped over her bump and the shiny fabric betrayed her secret.  Who needs a confirmation?  This fug dress is the confirmation.  Oh, and she took the chicken.  It was Dean’s turn to spin the career wheel this week and his arrow landed on “culinary student.”  Because every opportunist actor needs a back up plan, Dean decided to enroll in a culinary arts program to secure his future as a sous chef.

He fucked up his first frittata.

After getting the clear from her long-suffering OBGYN, Tori decided to scoop the gossip weeklies and announce the pregnancy on her own Twitter feed.  Then she thoroughly enjoyed taking a fame bath in her self-drawn trending-topic tub.Naturally, Kathie Lee was butt-hurt over Tori denying the pregnancy to her face on the 4th hour, but a bouquet of flowers and a cheeky note seemed to smooth things over.

Bethenny Ever After: $120 Million Dollar Baby?

Bethenny and Jason needed a new nanny since Gina left to convalesce after her surgery.  Their top choice is a woman named Dawa.  Born in India and of Tibetan descent, Dawa must be genetically calm or some such racist shit according to her new employers.After butchering her four letter name repeatedly, Bethenny and Jason gave Dawa the grand tour of the nursery and pantry.  Bethenny in particular put on a high-drama neurotic show for the cameras.  No wonder ratings are way down this season.  Truthfully, this mundane shit is dreadfully dull.Dawa informed Bethenny that she doubles as a hair dresser, so Bethenny got a blowout from the new two-for nanny.  Not sure how long ago Dawa werked weaves in India but her technique and finish on the blowout left much room for improvement.  Stick to burping babes Dawa.Over dinner, Jason told Bethenny that sales of Skinnygirl expanded from 13 states to 40.  She contemplated the future sale of Skinnygirl and revealed that several companies that had previously turned her down were now begging to buy her out.  No doubt a satisfying moment for Bethenny, but it is disappointing to think the same people that doubted her are now financially profiting from her idea.Speaking of sell outs, a few episodes back we discussed the sale of Skinnygirl to Beam, and at the time the sale price was undisclosed.  Recently, several outlets from the Wall Street Journal to Wendy Williams reported Bethenny sold Skinnygirl for $120 million.  Does that officially make her the richest Housewife?  (Bitch please, spin-off or not she’ll always be a Housewife.)  The timing of the sale makes sense because Bethenny officially peaked awhile ago, even if she continues to fight against her inevitable decline.Despite her public bitch fight with Johnny Weir (Team Johnny!), Bethenny made it all the way to The Skating with the Stars finale show by riding a wave of drunken Skinnygirl fan support.  To properly prepare, Bethenny rented a beachfront house in Malibu and invited Ethan over for a Mexican fiesta and tabletop dance.Bethenny keeps hinting that a move to California is around the corner.  Can we look forward to a new cast member on The Real Housewives of Beverly HillsBethenny and Kyle go way back, so the notion isn’t that far afield.  Plant the seed ya’ll.

Sunday with Santa