Tag Archives: Louboutin

Dita Von Teese: Strip Strip Hooray

Saw Mizz Dita Von Teese and her burlesque buddies on Memorial Day in Portland at the Aladdin Theater.  I anticipated this show for months, set out on an epic journey to be there, and even built a Pacific Northwest trip around it.  So did it live up to all the expectation? 

In two words:  FUCK YES.

Dita started the show with her now classic martini glass routine.  She lip-synched a song about liking it slow, and stripped down from a perfectly fitted tux to a gorgeous corset. Her body is every bit amazing as it looks in pictures.  Her waist is really that tiny and her skin is milky white and flawless.  In between Dita’s four performances, other well-known burlesque stars like Dirty Martini and Catherine D’Lish punctuated the stage with their unique flavor.  This show was interesting because there wasn’t any singing and really not much in the way of dancing.  I’d call it more coquettish posing and prancing.  It is like watching a live editorial photo shoot.  Strike a pose, click.  Strike a pose, click.  The audience takes in a series of beautiful images, but really not much more.  The whole shebang amounts to a gorgeous puff of powder, but what it lacks in substances it makes up for in style.Not to say there are no skills involved; Dita completed much of her mirrored-compact routine en pointe in Louboutin ballet point shoes.  She definitely looked a little nervous and strained during the more challenging balancing requirements of the act.  Truthfully, there were more than a few moments where Dita telegraphed her anxiety.  When the fasteners on her garments didn’t cooperate with her quick release commands a palpable panic swept over both her face and her gestures.  I found this surprising for such a seasoned performer since I’m sure in this type of show wardrobe hiccups are par for the course. While physically stunning, there is a classic stripper disconnect between Dita and the crowd.  Many of her hand-selected co-stars made more meaningful connections with the audience than Dita.  No one looked better, but there was definitely a wall up between Dita and her fans.  Almost as if she was looking past us, or maybe down at us?  Dita closed with a big opium den number set in part to a remixed version of the Cure’s Lullaby.  The incredible finale climaxed with four gloved hands pawing Dita’s body into ecstatic submission.  Nary a nipple was exposed, but the entire show was a pleasing, erotic, and light-hearted delight.  This show was well worth the price of admission, and even worth traveling a distance to catch.  We owe Von Teese a great debt in keeping the art of burlesque alive and relevant, and she’s obviously one of the most stylishly influential women on the scene.  Three cheers for Dita indeed, Strip Strip Hooray!

vh1 Divas: Salute to the Troops

I know ya’ll watched the vh1 Divas: Salute to the Troops last night.

Are we still pretending that Katy Perry can sing?  (Furthermore, are we still pretending that RB exercises matrimonial fidelity despite persistent rumors to the contrary?)  After a cute Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy moment, vocals heavily supported by Hilson and Nettles, Perry turned out a tired-ass song, basic choreo, and an embarrassing harness glitch.  Peddle your low rent, tit-jiggling, cheesecake shtick elsewhere Perry.

Ann and Nancy Wilson murdered Crazy and showed these young-ass bitches how it’s done.  Slow your roll Grace Potter, aka, Heidi Klum circa 2008.  You can sing, but if Ohh La La is lyrically your best, there’s ample room for improvement.My girl Minaj looked super nervous.  I think she was struggling with her Louboutins.  Not sure why Right Thru Me is the song she’s decided to clean up and take live.  It is nowhere near the best track on Pink Friday, a record that grows on me more and more with each listen.  Vocally, she put tone-deaf Katy Perry to shame on Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Paramore played via satellite from Camp Arifjan in Kuwait, and as usual Hayley Williams shows a lot of promise (though clearly not in the realm of fashion, gurl screams Franklin, TN).  Go on and judge, but nothing holds a candle to Misery Business.  Bonus points for making me momentarily not hate that Foo Fighters song.

The Rachel Zoe Project: Team Taylor, Team Giraffe

We’ve been waiting to get the dish on the Taylor and Rachel blow up, and the season three premiere of The Rachel Zoe Project wasted no time in addressing the splinter.  At the end of last season, Rodger stepped in to handle the books.  Rodger broke the news to Rachel that Taylor didn’t really give a fuck when confronted over sketchy expense reports.  As a result, he let her go.  Rachel lied to Rodger constantly about her spending last season.  If the expense reports were sketchy, he should start his inquiries with her. 

In typical Zoe fashion, Rachel completely overreacted, unable to accept that she had been betrayed by her “blessed jewel.”  Rachel, have you met Taylor?  Furthermore, is this your first day in the styling industry?  Fashion is a cruel mistress filled with bitter backstabbing bitches.  Anybody with staying power learns early: trust no one.Brad, Jordan, and Marisa showed up for a staff meeting so Rodger could break the news that was already splattered all over the internet: Taylor was no longer with the company.  Rachel implored her lackeys to recover every sample and shred of company property in Taylor’s possession.Simultaneously, Brad looked ebullient with his promotion to Style Director and terrified at the realization that he would now have to run this ship without Captain Taylor Bitchface.  No surprise that the preeminent assignment for Team Zoe was to find a replacement for Taylor.

Rachel and Rodger interviewed a series of under-qualified, inarticulate candidates, none of which appear to have the fashion knowledge, personal style, or constitution to replace Taylor.  Despite Taylor’s obvious flaws, she clearly ran thangs over at Camp ZoeRachel spins like a well-dressed Muppet on a dradle, but appears to accomplish very little other than to sycophantically gush and twirl.

Brad and Rachel flipped through look books searching for high-fashion editorial looks for Demi’s Bazaar cover.  Both expressed anxiety over pleasing Kutcher’s piece since she had previously worked almost exclusively with Taylor. At the Bazaar shoot, Rachel pulled Chanel, Oscar de la Renta, Alexander McQueen, Dior, and some mayjah red sequined Wizard of Oz Louboutins.  However, watching a fifty-something Demi Moore unironically play coquettish housewife conjured the chunder.  Also, the hair is off in this shot, no?Finally, the much-anticipated Marc Jacobs bloomer outfit arrived, albeit without the necessary undergarments.  Instead of employing actual creative styling talent and reworking the look, the incomplete outfit caused Rachel to nix the ensemble entirely in favor of a Carolina Herrera gown.  Work that bustle Demi!

The mundane shoot got an immediate upgrade with the appearance of the giraffe.  Demi climbed a stairway to the sky where she looked eye to eye with the gorgeous creature.  While feeding the giraffe atop twelve inch McQueen platforms, Demi nearly tumbled head over stilts.  In the struggle between the giraffe and Demi, frankly, I was pulling for the giraffe.  Imagine a subscriber cover with Demi Moore face-planted in the sand?  That would move magazines.

To wrap the episode on an especially spiteful final note, Rachel set images of Taylor from Paper ablaze in the fireplace.  The article stated that Taylor was no longer with Rachel Zoe.  Parsing for subtext here, the inference is that Taylor planned to leave all along, and Paper Magazine knew it before Rachel did.Her haze of self-perceived victimization prevented Rachel from adequately acknowledging Taylor’s huge contribution to the Rachel Zoe name, aesthetic, and business.  Through her skewed, self-absorbed perspective, Rachel failed to recognize that Taylor walked away with nothing except bad press, whereas she has benefited, and will continue to benefit from years of Taylor’s hard work.  To add insult to injury, Rachel utilized her show as a platform from which to defame Taylor and limit her future professional prospects.  If Taylor is a backstabbing bitch, it’s just because Rachel has taught her everything she knows.