Tag Archives: Love

Bethenny’s dumbass relationship book

I SUCKAs you already know, Bethenny’s got a new book out called I Suck at Relationships So You Don’t Have To: 10 Rules for Not Screwing Up Your Happily Ever After.  Let me ask you this, would you trust a cookbook written by someone who can’t cook?  No?  Well  then don’t bother with this overindulgent mess of a relationship advice book.  Bethenny has no business giving advice on the topic of relationships.  She’s destroyed or failed to maintain virtually every relationship in her life – parents, friends, and lovers.  It’s not like she’s been through it and come out the other side healthy and healed.  Bethenny’s still duking it out in court with her opportunist of a soon-to-be ex-husband.  Most of the advice isn’t bad per se, it’s just self-evident and obvious.  Examples include: make your own money; listen to your gut; and don’t waste time on relationships that are going nowhere.  No shit, Skinnygirl.BETHENNY BLUEI wish she would have written on topics on which she is more qualified to pontificate.  I’d rather read How to Bust Balls and Not Give a Shit, or Enjoy Your Wealth without Longing for a Man.BETHENNY RING ON ITGet yourself an accommodating cabana boy and quit your boofuckinghooing, Frankel.FRANKEL CABANA BOY

Girls Love Horses

REBEL TESTLike most girls, I love horses.  I had a horse when I was a girl.  Yes, I actually got the pony, eyeroll.  I drifted away from riding horses around 14, but as a grown woman I take every opportunity to ride that I can.  Through a thoughtful and generous friend, I was invited to ride this weekend.  A woman just moved out this way with her horses and was up for hosting a little group trot.HORSE MAGIC

Because horses are dangerous, usually equine owners are understandably cautious.  I expected very little excitement or free rein (if you will) during the evening, and was frankly just happy for the opportunity to ride.  One horse needed to rest, so we all took turns riding the mare, Peanut.  First, very nice owner mounted and completed a few laps on Peanut in the hopes of tuckering her out for the novice riders.  Perhaps not exercised as frequently since the recent move, Peanut was all full of piss and vinegar, itching to run, buck, and act wildly.BUCK WILD

Finally, it was my turn to ride Peanut.  I turned to owner and I said “Look, I know horses are dangerous. I really appreciate you letting me ride.  I won’t do anything crazy.  I will ask permission before I change gaits.”  So I hop on, and Peanut understandably runs me through all the standard horsey antics to see what she can get away with, which is nothing.  After I got the feel of her, I ask owner if I may trot.  She said “yeah, go ahead.”  Seriously she was the chillest horse mom ever.  After a few circles and half-halting obedience conversations with Peanut, I asked her for an easy canter.  Peanut is a Maserati of a horse and we had a good speedy go around the ring.  I kept Peanut in control, so owner apparently trusted me enough to have a nice little ride without any interference.  I was so stunned by her permissive and easy-going attitude.  I may make her my new best friend.  We can go riding together.HORSE LOVEI’m super grateful for my homie who organized the evening because he would much rather ride a skateboard than a horse and just arranged the gathering to make me happy.  Sweet, right?GIRLS LOVE HORSES


The longest night

SNOWY CABINWishing you a warm winter solstice on the longest night of the year.  BABY BIRDS

Many blessings and much love.



a big heartfelt hug

HUGSMy friend had the worst day of her life today.  She suffered a life-altering loss.  I’m not there to hug her.  We live 1400 miles apart.  I have to hug her here.  She’s a loyal reader.  Send a little love to our girl today.  She needs it.  I available to you, call me anytime.  Anything you need.  I love you and I understand.  FRIEND HUG



BRING IT! TOE TOUCHLove ♥ Bring It!  The Lifetime show features a Mississippi dance team called the Dancing Dolls (and their belligerent parents) getting buck in weekly stand battles. DD4L!BRING IT! HEEL TOUCHHate ≈ Bitter, hateful texts from my Ex.  Really?  It’s been over a year, so I was hoping we were well past the intentionally mean break-up phase.MEANLove ♥ Kirkland Sparkling Flavored Water.  In my quest for a zero calorie natural Diet Coke replacement, I stumbled upon this awesome beverage.  This stuff is magical.  I don’t understand how it’s calorie free, artificial sweetener-free, and still bursts with flavor.  Not only that, it’s fortified with Vitamin D, Niacin, B6, B12, Biotin, Pantothenic Acid, and Green Tea Extract.  I’m suspicious because it is seemingly so guilt-free.  By the way, I haven’t had a single Diet Coke since I quit.  Not one.KIRKLAND SPARKLING FLAVORED WATERHate ≈ My Dumbass Bank.  I spent the week untangling a mess at my financial institution because they are too stupid to understand onion routing, and I was too dumb to know not to use to Tor for online banking.  Let this annoying hassle be a cautionary tale.  Bitcoin is the only currency your Tor should ever see. ONION HEADS


The Current Rotation: Nuptial

DIXIE CUPSThe Dixie Cups ♥ Chapel of LoveQUEENS OF THE STONE AGE WHITE WEDDINGWhite Wedding ♥ Queens of the Stone AgeBRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERBridge Over Troubled Water ♥ Aretha FranklinLET'S GET MARRIED AL GREENLet’s Get Married ♥ Al GreenYEAH YEAH YEAHS WEDDING SONGWedding Song ♥ Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Are You the One?

ARE YOU THE ONE CASTI’m not a fan of The Bachelor or any of those dating reality shows.  No judgment.  I know lots of people live for a rose ceremony like it was the Super Bowl of Love, but I’ve always enjoyed a slightly different flavor of trash.  Yet, I admit I’m intrigued by the premise of MTV’sAre You the One?”, premiering tonight.ARE YOU THE ONE GIRLSThe premise: 10 single girls + 10 single guys pre-matched through an intensive compatibility test live together in a herpes hive that looks like it was repurposed from the old Hawaii Real World house.  If the proper preordained matches pair up, everybody splits a million dollars.  ARE YOU THE ONE GUYSDespite the interesting conceit, I may not even make it through the first episode of this show because the kids are so idiotic, but I’m going to try.  I’m in favor of anything that challenges the illusive fairy tale of romantic love and involves potential bitch fighting.    ARE YOU THE ONE SLUTTINES

The Grand Gesture

SAY ANYTHING GRAND GESTURELately, I’ve been thinking about The Grand Gesture.  Almost every romantic comedy ends with one, but in real life what happens after The Grand Gesture?  As many of you know, I recently ended a very long relationship.  I was hoping he was the one, that we could build a future together and support each other through the hard times.  Yet after almost a decade, we discovered it wasn’t to be. NOTTING HILL GRAND GESTUREI’ve sifted through all the breakup emotions: anger, fear, resentment, sadness, grief, jealousy, and regret.  For awhile, I kept pathetically hoping for The Grand Gesture – any kind of indication that he really cared, that he really loved me, that spending nearly a decade of my life with this person wasn’t a complete waste of time.  It never came, and I realized it won’t ever come.  The man is not capable of The Grand Gesture.  Hell, even a few small gestures would have likely kept the relationship together, and he wasn’t even interested in displaying that minimal amount of effort.  He could care even less now that he’s developed a tacky, low-brow interest in the human equivalent of refried beans. FREAKS AND GEEKS ROMANTIC GESTUREEven if a heartfelt display of tender emotion from your ex would provide you comfort, in the face of The Grand Gesture, would you even take him back?  Would it change the reasons for the split?  Probably not.  Let go of the fantasy of the dramatic last-ditch attempt at reconciliation, and find someone who treats you kindly everyday.  I WANT THE FAIRYTALE

5 signs it’s O-V-E-R

You haven’t fucked in months.He abandons you.She criticizes more than kisses.Your futures don’t include each other.You would rather be alone.