Tag Archives: Madonna

Skin Obsession Acne Stop

DUANE READEKnow what I want when it comes to skin care?  Lasting, meaningful, noticeable results.  Whether it’s age, tolerance, climate, or hormones, my skin just doesn’t respond to most mass-market products anymore.  I need more power.  SKIN OBSESSION ACNE STOPSkin Obsession Acne Stop only has three ingredients: 10% Salicylic acid and 5% Lactic acid in an Ethyl Alcohol base.  Apparently, that’s all we need because this treatment makes things happen.  This supertonic uncovers your freshest skin, fades spots (FOR REAL), melts stubborn black heads, attacks acne, and softens lines.  With much power comes much responsibility, so recognize this toner-style product doesn’t play.  It acts as a mini-peel.  Expect temporary burning, superficial flaking and redness.  It is blindingly strong.  Like if you get it in your eyes, you’ll probably go blind.  Be careful Little Doves.HANDS AND FEETAs an unexpected bonus, Skin Obsession Acne Stop gets at those stubborn rough spots on my feet and my weird elbow patches.  I also paint a layer on the back of my hands because I don’t want to be wearing gloves like Madonna in my 50’s.  The hands and the neck don’t lie!MADONNA GLOVES

September 2013 Horoscopes

Virgo

VIRGO BURBERRY TRENCH

Happy Birthday Virgo!  All frothy over a new project, the workhorse in you can’t wait to gallop ahead.  Rein in your enthusiastic stallion Virgo, there are a few pesky details you can’t just swat away.  Without proper planning, organization, and forethought, your big idea could get majorly deflated by embarrassing messiness.  Confusion plagues relationships this month, so now isn’t the time to commit.  Mistakes and miscommunication muddy an already tense situation.  A planetary shift around the 20th should bring clarity on a big decision, relationship, or domestic matter.  Usually so thrifty, this autumn invest in a few well-made pieces that make you feel so unbelievably amazing and lux that it justifies the pricetag.

 Libra

PIERRE HARDY LIBRA

Now is the time for intuitive daydreaming, preparation, and planning.  Think broadly and freely about what you want and where you want to go.  Others may try to inject their opinions into what is best, but sweep all that chatter up into a dustpan and pitch it.  Let the guidance come from within.  Professionally, now is the time to listen – to advice and even gossip.  It will come in handy when those rumors of professional opportunity and advancement crystallize into reality.  Inject colorful accessories into your stable of reliable wardrobe classics to reinvent yourself without spending a fortune.

Scorpio

SCORPIO 3.1 PHILLIP LIM

September finally frees Scorpios from an annoying retrograde that’s been creating lag since April.  Get out and make new friends, contacts, and professional connections.  With Mars at your back you’ll have all the energetic momentum to make things happen.  September is a wonderful time to fall in love.  Enjoy a courtship.  Attached Scorpios arrange the groundwork for a lasting lifelong commitment this September.  Insecure Scorpios fetter their obvious sex appeal for the comfort of others.  Insecurity isn’t hot for fall.  You heard it here first.  Bust out the wine-red lip and let the cards fall where they may.  Own the undeniable power of your own beauty and sexuality.

Sagittarius

SAG CHANEL

You’ve been dodging some sinister relationship undercurrents that have been eating away at the foundation of your relationship one drip at a time like a leaky pipe.  Well this September, the proverbial floor is about to fall out, and you will be ill-prepared to receive the bitchslap of bad news coming your way vis-a-vis your frustrated partner.  If it’s over, it’s over.   Optimistically speaking, a fun little rendezvous weekend getaway midmonth could be really cute.  Working Sags see a career flutter the first week of the month.  More money and a better title are not off the table.  Sags tend to choose the same silhouette and then attempt to trick the eye by introducing variations in color and pattern.  It isn’t a bad fashion strategy overall, but you can do better.  Consider whether your own rather fixed misconceptions about your body cause you to pick the same outfit over and over.

Capricorn

CAP TREACYSeptember evokes back-to-school nostalgia that gets Caps thirsty for knowledge and learning.  It may mean a trip geared towards exploration and discovery or it may take any number of shapes.  The aim is to broaden, widen, and deepen your understanding of yourself and others.  Financial demands continue through the end of September and into next month, so relax the extracurricular spending.  Two words to describe your closet: 1) utilitarian and 2) pragmatic.  There’s something to be said for military chic, but does everything have to have a cargo pocket?  Buy a raspberry beret or something similarly flashy you would never wear and then wear the fuck out of it.

Aquarius

AQUARIUS FENDI

The first third of the month is a fantastic time for a getaway where there is a legitimate possibility for romance.  That financial divot you’ve been experiencing finally turns around and a number of buoying opportunities come your way which serves as a huge relief.  If Aquarius is in need of financing, September is the time.  Aquarius experiences energetic inertia this month.  If you don’t get the outcome you want, listen to the advice and guidance of others, and withhold judgment.  Your ability to see the big picture means you usually get it right when it comes to proportion and head-to-toe first impression.  Collect a few whimsical accessories to make the impression a lasting one.

 Pisces

PISCES GARETH PUGH

Love. Love. Love Pisces.  September is the month for romance, swooning, and uniting together in a common coalition. Whether single or attached, the planets are prepared to bestow you with blessings if you are ready to receive.  Look to the 7th and the 26th as optimal date days.  Come the 19th it’s all about Pisces as the stars align to shine all over you.  The professional pace will pick up as the month rolls on.  Your creative ideas are appreciated, but you must manage the day-to-day details with the same interest.  Turn that creativity towards solving problems, no matter how mundane.  Rolling with a new upgraded look has you feeling ultra-confident.  When you dress better, you feel better, and this new-found swagger only adds to your allure.

AriesARIES JEAN PAUL GAULTIER

The first week of September ushers in a new professional project that levies demands on you all month long.  Productivity won’t be a problem and a gush of energy comes into to carry you along.  That fire you are known for stokes all kinds of interesting interactions with people throughout the month.  Keep an easy-going attitude that leaves you open to last minute opportunities.  Aries’ inherent elegance means you usually look really well put-together, and your willingness to take risks means you turn heads.  Occasionally, your enthusiasm crosses over into costume, so know when to throttle back the flair.

Taurus

TAURUS LOEWE

Summer has never really been your favorite time of year.  Bulls prefer the order and crispness of fall.  A number of social invitations come your way and you have trouble saying no, and why should you?  The interludes you enjoy this month will be some of the most delicious ever.  Even though it all feels so sweet, Taurus learns quickly that some responsibilities can’t be shirked.  Best to stay ahead of assignments and obligations, which shouldn’t too difficult for you since you aren’t particularly prone to procrastination.  Stay off those final sale liquidation websites.  Not only are you potentially stuck with clothes that don’t fit, you aren’t getting the bargain you think you are.  Quality over quantity.

Gemini

Gemini deserves a week off if that is what you need to really close out the summer with a bang.  All summer long, the house has been a mess.  Time to make it more cozy and inviting as you return back inside.  Find practical solutions that last, rather than short-term patches that only serve to temporarily fix the problem.  The first full week of the month is the most favorable for romance, even if you can’t get away for a full week try to enjoy this weekend work-free.  Direct some of that energy into fun and love.  Geminis tend to morph into whomever they are around.  Look to your right.  Look to your left.  Are you the shit filling in a shit sandwich?

Cancer

CANCER BECKHAM BIRKINS

Financially things could be tight this month due to obligation and extracurricular spending that meets up in a way that drains your resources.  Sooner or later you’ll need to take control of your finances and the sooner the better.  Schedule a date on September 26th when your love light shines brightest.  It may sound crazy to tell you to get away if you can on a little trip this September, but be forewarned that serious domestic demands will prohibit much travel over the next several months.  When you shop, you do so in sprees.  You can just buy one and that can be enough.

Leo

LEO MADGE

September surges energy into your career sector Leo.  Thankfully, all that summer toil counts for something because others have noticed your commitment and you have impressed the right people.  Now you are in the power position to ask for what you want with regard to salary.  This should significantly lessen your fiscal worries.  Keep a casual attitude in meeting people this month, but always keep one eye on the prize.  You never know who you might encounter.  Leo is never one to shy away from flashy wardrobe moments, just remember flashy is just two little consonants away from trashy ya’ll.

July 2013 Horoscopes

CancerCANCER

Happy Birthday Cancer!  You are so incredibly delightful dear Crab.  When a Cancer accepts you as a friend, you will be loved and cared for as if you were family.  If a Cancer accepts you as a mate, you may expect unyielding support and devotion.  You can also expect excellent food and a well-kept home.  That’s not to say that Cancer isn’t difficult.  The sanctity of Cancer’s home comes first, and when domesticity destabilizes, our little Crab becomes quite unglued.  We’ve all learned that basic needs pyramid at some point in our miserable lives, and for Cancer the need for a secure home base is particularly important.  Cancers aren’t stubborn about much, but they expect to rule the roost.  After a period of visible struggle and unrest, relax and enjoy the summer by focusing on relationships.  A number of people have supported you when you needed it Cancer, and you still have some healing to do.  At work, Cancers contain the intensity of their emotional response because typically feelings aren’t acknowledged as a professional contribution.  That’s bullshit and we know it.  Some of your best creativity and problem-solving derives from your sincere and evocative emotional response to people and situations.  Trust your gut implicitly.  The next year holds much promise for you Cancer.  Accept all forms of discomfort as part of life and you will experience significantly less frustration.  I wish a very special and blessed birthday to my favorite Crab and DC supporter HillyYou shine.

LeoLEO

Uncharacteristically, this summer has presented a number of unexpected obstacles for Leo.  Usually, Little Miss Popularity doesn’t have to hustle quite so hard for acceptance and recognition.  In some ways you feel appreciated, but in many you feel invisible, and that just isn’t going to fly for the Queen of the Jungle.  It is as if you are riding the bumper car ride at the State Fair.  Leo keeps trying to steer out of the chaos, but certain aggressors just won’t let you casually hangout in the corner.  Even though you see the line of tooth-picking trash waiting impatiently for their turn to have fun with whiplash, the carny just won’t call time on your sesh.  What is a Lioness to do?  Play dirty bitch.  How many times are you going to get rammed from behind before you wake up and ram a bitch back?  Too chicken-shit to kick ass?  There is no room in the Zodiac for a cowardly Lion.  Stop waiting from someone else to blow the whistle on your torment.

VirgoVIRGO

In many ways, Virgo has never experienced the type of professional fulfillment that you feel right now.  However, a number of key relationships have taken a beating due to your hyper-focus.  Paradoxically, your single-minded devotion is the source of much of your success and failure.  Now is the time to decide who you are and what you want.  Rather than waiting for others to make decisions that have serious consequences for your life, you choose your path.  Virgo experiences legitimate anxiety over letting go.  What you are grasping for keeps slipping right through your fingers.  Rather than manically clutching, why not just let it fall?  Then you can cup your hands and see what you catch.  In order to feel satisfied with the reality of your life Virgo, you need to shift your expectations.  Not everything can be on your terms.

Libra

Oh Libra, where would we be without your peaceful touch?  I know two Libras that recently became mothers (blessings to Sam and D), and I think about how lucky their little girls are to have such even-tempered women to lead them through life.  Constantly accommodating for balance – lean a little here, give a little there – Libras recalibrate for the greater good.  Libras make it look effortless, but we all know it’s not easy and this high-wire act must be exhausting.  Much of your ability to glide by on the strand of a spiderweb comes from your inherent grace.  However, there are times when that lubricating Libran charm isn’t enough to smooth over the roughness.  July demands Libras cultivate a wider range of skills for navigating conflict.  Think of it this way: would you let your daughter (inner or actual) put up with any shit?  Then you shouldn’t either.

ScorpioSCORPIO

Scorpios have enjoyed an unexpected, yet deserved wave of good fortune.  Financially, a number of strategic and well-reasoned decisions have begun to pay off.  The difference between you and others is your ability to calculate risk and execute big decisions with far-reaching consequences.  Scorpios possess elephantine nutsacks.  Before your dick gets all engorged with ego, remember the ancient Chinese proverb, “The quacking duck gets shot.”  Keep quiet; because you already understand success puts a target on your back.  That’s why you keep a stinger back there.  Your all-or-nothing relationship mentality creates imbalance.  Thriving Scorpios guard their independence, keep space for themselves first, and fiercely protect it regardless of external demands.  You are fully capable of doing it on your own.

SagittariusSAG

One of your best attributes Sagittarius is your ability to overcome.  You don’t give yourself enough credit for your ability to survive the lows and create your own triumphs.  Take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments.  This exercise in self-admiration should take place safely within the confines of your own head.  Everyone appreciates your enthusiasm, but remember if you are always telling people how great you are it leaves them very little room to compliment you.  We don’t need to hear how much money you made on the deal.  Shut up and buy a round of drinks instead.  You’ve been steeped in championing as of late, put on your skirt and pom-poms and cheer for someone else for a change.

CapricornCAP

Capricorns are the tyrannical dictators of their own lives.  Some of you are like your own abusive spouse constantly beating yourself down.  Other Caps are like the world’s wife beater constantly taking their own bullshit out on the unsuspecting.  Which one are you?  Let July be the month you cut everyone a break and send that inner critic on vacation.  Don’t bother booking a return ticket for that dick either.  In its place, have an affair with spontaneity.  Court compassion this summer.  Barbeque your angst over an open fire.  Even though Caps are smart, efficient, and good company, aesthetics usually take a backseat to more practical considerations.  Look at your clothes, do they fit?  Do you even own a full length mirror?  Time to buy one and take a good long look in it.

AquariusAQUARIUS

July serves up a number of competing interests which never quite reconcile.  Prepare to take a side.  Aquarius must remain detail-oriented in July to avoid making stupid and obvious mistakes that compromise that sterling reputation.  Even though it’s summer, this isn’t a good time for partying and frivolity.  Focus energy on what’s required of you and execute your best effort.  A week before the end of the month Aquarius finds resolution on important issues which have existed as lingering question marks in the recent past.  Spend leisure time chiseling that body to perfection.  Eat well.  Sleep well.  Move well.  Keep with this motto this month and you will meet your goals.  Lastly, listen closely Aquarius: true love could be yours within the first half of the month.  Open your heart.

PiscesPISCES

A triangulation of planetary power forms to create a fertile, ripe, and rich energetic foundation from which your ideas can flourish.  The benefit of momentum and luck favors Pisces, so now is the time to cease the future-thinking and make it happen without further delay.  Apply that Piscean creativity to move forward with a well-considered plan that minimizes risk.  Ask for what you want.  For the next year welcome, love, romance, and seduction into your life and enjoy all the benefits that come from a fully functional and supportive relationship.  Single Fishies flirt and make visible ripples in the waters with their swagger.  Expect some envious sharks to try and take a bite at your style.  In July, the cosmos is in your corner if your intention is to grow your relationships and realize your dreams.

AriesSONY DSC

Aries needs to get realistic about some personal areas of dishonesty this July.  While you’ve been drowning yourself in work, responsibilities, and obligations, something funky has been fermenting at home and I don’t just mean in your fridge (which you should really clean out by the way).  Get more involved in the domestic sphere this month.  Spruce up your place and make sure it rises up to meet you.  Let’s have a come to Jesus conversation about finances.  Even though you think you are rolling in dough, have you adequately planned for the future?  Get a grip on the spending.  Shore up the leaks and secure your loot for an added sense of security.  The weekend of the 20th looks promising for both a family visit and a possible real estate acquisition.  This presents a nice opportunity to squeeze both tits with one hand.

TaurusTAURUS

Taurus vacillates between an intense desire to travel and an intense fear of overspending this July.  Don’t worry so much about the expenses of enjoying an adventure, your bank account will see replenishment of funds before month’s end.  All that attentiveness to strengthening your performance at work totally pays off.  Brace yourself for some major advancement news and some public shine as well.  Soon you will have your choice of plum assignments.  Family relationships experience strain due to your overwrought emotional reactions.  Let go of needing everyone to understand your point of view and aim for mutual respect instead.  Your best bet for romance is on that trip we discussed; local love looks unfavorable.

GeminiGEMINI

July proves profitable for industrious Geminis who demand their due.  A good word from a friend situates Gemini perfectly for a golden opportunity.  Planetary energy creates some lag in advancement this month, but there is no use in struggling against what can’t be changed.  Better to reroute that energy into information gathering and preparing to manage your incoming wealth.  You’ve wasted quite a bit of time dithering around, but your operational tempo is about to exponentially increase.  Make sure your basic needs are met – your home and health are in order – because soon you will have no time to think about either.  Geminis find little time for romance this month after a string of questionable dalliances.  With this amount of change afoot, better to let matters settle before you start up anything serious.

Sunday with Mom

MET GALA 2013: punc as phuc

Most people won’t get it, but Anja Rubik (in Anthony Vacarello) managed what many could not at the 2013 Met Gala.  The model executed on the punk theme without falling into some of the most common sartorial traps of the evening (don’t worry, we’ll get there).  The shape, color, and fabric reference punk while remaining high fashion.  If this puresex look isn’t totally fuckable, you tell me what is?  Let’s just get this GOOP out of the way right now before this candy-coated bitch drives me to distraction.  I thought Paltrow swore off pink gowns after that cloying Ralph Lauren she donned for her Oscar win.  Is she fucking with us?  I loathe this Valentino Couture gown on so many levels I can only assume she chose it as her hate campaign uniform.  Nude illusion, really girl?  Pink shiny too short long sleeves?  What?  A puddle of bridesmaid satin pink?  Incomprehensible.  How is she going to sell those expensive gym memberships when the skinny bitch actually looks chubby (gasp!)?Who the fuck did Kanye blow to get Kim in this year?  So this florabomination is courtesy of Riccardo Tisci.  I’m not sure we can blame him.  All I can focus on is her Miss Piggy foot.  Poor pregnant Kim is puffed up painfully and spilling over the edge of that shoe.  The gloves are totally freaking me out.  Hand camo.  Cameron Diaz served up a spiky-waisted Stella McCartney in a bold blue cape style.  I dislike how this frock is both droopy and restrictive. After all that Hathaway drama at the Oscars, Amanda drew upon all her Givenchy spokesbitch connections to score this archive gown.  I think it is fucking genius. Suck it Anne! In Valentino, Anne Hathaway’s boobs channeled Madonna’s titties from the Express Yourself video, right?  Do we like Annie as a blonde?  I don’t hate it, but the brassy color is undoubtedly aging. Christina Ricci knocked on the door of the right fashion house – Vivienne Westwood – for a post-punk glam moment, but it looks like she got tangled up in the tartan.  I do love the orange lip and fishnets.   Ashley Olsen robbed a Palm Beach Socialite of her vintage Christian Dior Couture for her sherbet sparkling Met moment.  In keeping with her body dismorphic trademark style, Mary-Kate wore Chanel and Balmain that was five sizes too big for her. I get the impression Allison Williams takes herself way too seriously.  She smacks of try.  The heinous piecemeal gown is Altuzarra.Anna Wintour stuck with sequined floral Chanel, and Bee wore Dior.  Can’t say I’m particularly wowed by the wicked stepsisters.Does anyone wear clothes better and with more enthusiasm than SJP?  Love her Giles Deacon gown and Phillip Treacy headpiece. Topshop dressed Nicole Richie.  The overall styling isn’t that flattering, but I’m still oddly attracted to her white hair.  Punk Glam Granny?Opa!  Here comes the flaming cheese – Beyoncé in Givenchy.Uma Thurman looked absolutely snatched in this leafy Zac Posen.  What did she do to her face?Stella McCartney must be best friends with Liberty Ross because this outfit is obviously a revenge burn on Kristen Stewart.  Is she smuggling honey-baked ham in there?I’ve been loving me some Rita Ora lately.  She not only successfully fucked-over that whiny Rob Kardashian, she looks super fresh in this white Thakoon.Emma Watson worked her sexy, but she remained eternally adorable and demure in this Prabal Gurung.  She’s our modern day Audrey.  Miley really went for it in Marc Jacobs and it worked.  Hate to admit she’s been serving something savory lately.  Applause. Compare Miley to her contemporary Taylor Swift who looks about 53 in this old lady J. Mendel number.Speaking of 53, Madonna came in her Givenchy costume.  For a woman who hates her thighs, she sure is accentuating them in this fussy get-up.  You could bounce a quarter off that face (and ass!). Dakota Fanning looked super cute in her Rodarte.  Even though this look was understated compared to most, the simple and sweet styling stood out from the crowd. Here is Lena Dunham in Erdem with Erdem.  The makeup is the best ever for her. Jessica Alba belongs on a Maxim list and nowhere else.  Seriously, who wears Tory Burch to a punk themed gala?  Sheesh.  Why don’t you just wear Lilly Pulitizer bitch?  Carey Mulligan is everything in Balenciaga.  Die for the safety pin.  It isn’t showy, but it doesn’t need to be.  Fucking chic.Lopez put a little leopard on it in Michael Kors.  The girl gives good face, and I love the unusual hair Jen!  Bonus points for not letting the cabana boy ruin the shot. May we all be this ravishing at her age.  Diane von Furstenberg rolled in as a disco-dipped Mrs. Roper.  

Calm down Gisele.  (From what I hear Cara brought the eight-ball).

easy fixes for big impact

The media latched onto Madonna’s alleged tour contract rider request for a new toilet seat at each venue as if it were the most extravagant thing in the world.  In truth, you can pick up a new toilet seat for next to nothing.  If yours is nasty, replace it.  Changing a toilet seat is simple and cheap, and so there really is no excuse for having a worn, discolored or decaying throne.  The house I just moved into has wooden seats.  Best believe those came off right away.  I personally prefer a white seat, but a clean seat in any color or pattern will do.How do you really get yourself or your shower clean without a detachable shower head?  Masturbatory importance aside, a detachable shower head is a must.  Much like a new toilet seat, a handheld shower is easy to install and is completely DIY.  This fix is a cheap investment in exchange for a major upgrade in luxury.

The final fix is a little more involved, but also well worth it under certain circumstances.  First, why does every kitchen sink leak?  Today the all volunteer in-house maintenance crew came and switched out the kitchen faucet from a shitty, standard, non-hand sprayer variety to a super modern style.  Like the shower, I find a hand sprayer essential to effectively cleaning the kitchen sink.  When he put the house on the market, the owner did a crappy glamor install on a new faucet instead of a proper job and it gushed water from beneath.  Thankfully, my super skillful and handsome handyman fixed it all up and now not only does it not leak, but I have a hand sprayer pull out that I really need to be happy.

the current rotation

Not even 100% sure I like this Actress album R.I.P. yet, but I’m giving it a go as an electronic exploration.I’m thoroughly enjoying Santigold’s long-awaited Master of My Make Believe.  SEE HER LIVE!Spiritualized dropped a fresh album in April called Sweet Heart Sweet Light; snatch it up if you like what Spaceman’s selling.Check out Reign of Terror from Sleigh Bells, their powerful follow up to Treats.  Last time they left me hungry for more; this time around I’m sated. Emeli Sandé somehow manages to exceed the substantial hype surrounding her U.S. breakthrough with the sublime Our Version of Events.You, me, your Aunt Alice, and everybody else I know is listening to Blunderbuss, Jack White’s consistently strong solo effort.  How about a cover album from the Counting Crows?  Try the country-influenced Underwater Sunshine (Or What We Did on Our Summer Vacation).Listen to the evolution (or regression depending on your perspective) of The Mars Volta on Noctourniquet.Had to give MDNA a spin just to see if it was as embarrassingly bad as everyone said it was.  Sadly, it is.  Even though at moments it is lyrically immature, Marina and the Diamonds’ new record Electra Heart is still big fun and has more teeth than the fluff put out by her saccharin pop contemporaries.Not everyone will get the brilliant Julia Holter, but consider challenging your ear with EkstasisBoth nostalgic and fresh sounding, The Cranberries are back with a new album titled RosesDolores retains her distinct and memorable vocal flavor.

A Moment with Madge

Did you happen to catch the fleeting clip of Madonna’s new video Give Me All Your Luvin embedded into American Idol’s commercial break last night?  If not, the video is widely available online now.  It is rumored she’ll debut the track at the Super Bowl.  Thoughts?  The song was a bit of a throwback to her earlier work with a touch of Hollaback-girl era Stefani (a comparison Madge will loathe).Nicki left her attitude behind and brought her enthusiasm and tatas instead.  M.I.A. on the other hand looked a little ashamed to be there in a cheerleading uniform.  Some of us haven’t forgotten Toni Basil, okay.

Good wall walk sequence though. 

Golden Globes 2012: Gowns, Gams, & Guns

Jolie served in Atelier Versace.  She turned it out to pimp her directorial debut.  Don’t love the shoes, but when she tries even a little she easily steals the show.

The most improved nod goes to Heidi Klum in Calvin Klein Collection, who usually shows up to these events looking wildly out of place and heinously attired. Mila Kunis looked bored and made this one-strap Christian Dior boring too.  She can do better, but can’t seem to shake this recent ugly frock streak.  Let’s get the brides out of the way.  First, Jessica Chastain arrived in an ill-fitting Givenchy.  In recent awards seasons, Givenchy seems to lend out dresses willy-nilly and doesn’t bother to make sure they are tailored correctly.  For as many style successes as they have, they have an equal number of fashion failures.  Kate Beckinsale always brings the over-try, sponsored here by Roberto Cavalli and accompanied by Len Wiseman.Jessica Biel wore a matrimonial Elie Saab, obviously unable to stifle her wedding enthusiasm. Sofia Vergara showed us the source of the Nile in Vera Wang Sarah Michelle Gellar drowned in a big blue and white tie-dyed Monique L’huillier. Best grown women: Downton Abbey’s Elizabeth McGovern, Diane Lane and Madge both in Reem Acra.Vivienne Westwood dressed Andrea Riseborough who stars in Madonna’s movie W.E.The gorgeous Gucci girls = Salma Hayek and Evan Rachel Wood.God bless Melissa McCarthy; she tried in Badgley Mischka.  Take a cue from Octavia Spencer who looked incredible in a light lavender Tadashi Shoji. Modern Family’s Ariel Winter looks all grown up in Dolce & GabbanaShailene Woodley chose a lovely Marchesa gown, but unfortunately paired it with bad posture.  Claire Danes deviated from her usual favorites Calvin Klein and Narciso Rodriquez in favor of this embellish-backed J. Mendel number.  I’m ambivalent – love the back, hate the front. Michelle Williams wore Jason Wu.  She should stick to Prada or Miu Miu.  Is that burned out velvet?  Emma Stone also failed to impress in a mediocre Lanvin gown. Frieda Pinto wore lapis Prada and it won’t be everyone’s favorite, but I think she’s lovely.  Juliana Marguilies also chose a bold color statement with this sleek eggplant Naeem Khan.Laura Dern sparkled in an emerald Andrew Gn gown.Did you get the memo that Reese is reinventing herself as sexy?  Zac Posen painted her red and gave her hips.  Nicole Richie is quickly morphing into a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills.  At first, I loved this Julien MacDonald metallic dress, but the more I look at it, the less excited I am, especially over that messy hem. Where have you been Natalie?  We’ve barely seen you since you gave birth.  Weird dress by Lanvin. Madeleine Stowe celebrated her career revival in Vera WangCharlize Theron is like awards show pizza; even when she’s bad she’s not that bad, and here she’s pretty decent in Dior Couture.  If only she could wipe that smug-ass look off her (recently tweaked?) face.