Tag Archives: masturbate

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: ass toys are not for sharing

So I was talking to one of my favorite people ever today.  He’s been mentoring a cousin semi-new to the scene and trying to instill the proper etiquette into the young man for navigating the treacherous waters of the modern gay world.My impeccably clean and well-mannered pal has extended his home to his ill-mannered cousin on a number of occasions.  In the past, cugino harmlessly and forgettably annoyed friend and his put-upon partner when staying over, but recently the off-side twat went too far.After arranging his cuz comfortably and appropriately in front of the tv on the couch, friend trusted his cousin in his apartment unattended for a short window of time.

During the brief moment of solitude in his older, respected mentor’s well-kept home, cousin crept upstairs and rifled around in the room he shares with his long term partner.

Primo shamelessly fished through the goody drawer and with unmitigated gall had the audacity to employ a very pricey prostate stimulator and do work on himself.

Take a moment and let it wash over you.  I understand.  Happy to wait. How did friend know about the trespass?  Cousin left the dirty ass toy on a washcloth next to the sink like a parting gift.  He did not even bother to wipe it down with the rubbing alcohol conveniently adjacent.So just in case any of you extra sloppy-ass invasive bitches (paging punk cousin) need a remedial manners moment, using someone else’s butt fun without permission is not a gesture of gratitude.


LOVE Thyself

Five totally legitimate reasons to wank off.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week through masturbating were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer according to one study.  Doctors chalk this up to the benefits of “clearing the pipes” by releasing toxin concentrations which accumulate over time.  Masturbation helps prevent cervical infections and relieve urinary tract infections.  Going into more detail requires a graphic explanation of cervical tenting, so just trust this advice and keep it moving.Studies show masturbation promotes cardiovascular health and lowers the risk of type-2 diabetes.  Rub one out for your heart, man.Self-diddling naturally combats insomnia through hormonal and tension release.  Recently, in the middle of the night, a friend’s roommate walked in while he was in bed with his girlfriend, sat on a chair (strewn with aforementioned girlfriend’s clothing), and took a nice long piss.  The next morning, the roommate claimed a case of Ambienesia, saying she remembered nothing.  Why risk a pharmaceutically-induced unintended public pissing situation?  Put the pharmies down and use that hand for something more useful, like whacking off.  Combine Ambien and wanking at your own risk.Turn that frown upside-down; petting the kitty releases euphoria-inducing oxytocin.  Like ecstasy, but without the pesky brain holes.