Tag Archives: men

Most Annoying

LAUREN CONRADIt is most annoying when I am making plans with a friend and she frames the agenda around her boyfriend’s needs.  “My boyfriend wants to stay here.” or “I can’t.  My boyfriend’s work schedule changed.”  I get partnership, responsibility sharing and whatnot, but I don’t give a fuck about your boyfriend’s preferences.  I’m friends with you and not your boyfriend.  Chances are I’ve known you longer than you’ve known your boyfriend.  I was here before your boyfriend.  I will be here long after your boyfriend is gone.  Please remember that truth when you dick me to swing off your boyfriend’s nutsack.  Furthermore, your boyfriend would find you a lot more interesting if you had your own life and exercised a modicum of independence.NUTSACK

I Know It’s Not Right When…

SODA SHOP DATEHe has to google words I use in text messages.  You don’t know what auspicious means?

Auspicious: showing or suggesting that future success is likely.

He spends three dates talking exclusively about himself and then says “I can’t wait to learn everything about you.”BAD DATE CARTOON

I hate his shoes.hermes brown suedeHe cares more about being perceived as cool than he does about my feelings.ONJ AND JOHN TRAVOLTA GREASE

KELLY LE BROCKMy Kelly LeBrock and James Spader references sailed over his thinning hair.JAMES SPADER MANNEQUIN

 

Fall 2014 Menswear: Pringle of Scotland

PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 1PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 2PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 3PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 4PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 5PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 6PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 7PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 8PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 9PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014 10PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND MENSWEAR FALL 2014

peen

DUDE'S PEENWarning internet daters!  Here’s what happens when you send my friend a dick pic.  She generously shares it with me, and I in turn share it with my faithful readers.  Isn’t it bad enough that those predatory online dating sites mine your personal information and sell it off to any interested party?  Oh, you didn’t know that?  Yes Doves, all that delicate intel included in your application profile – your STD status, whether you are a drug user, whether you’re gay or straight – companies harvest that private information and use it for marketing purposes and Lord knows what else.  Now back to the peen.  What do you think?  I sense its yearning. DUDE HOLDS PEEN

guys

TRASH LINER OBSESSION

Guys obsess over pushing out every last gasp of air between the trash can and the liner.

SINDY MARTINGuys back into parking spaces.DOUCHE PLEASEGuys nudge their junk in public. AIRPLANE ARMRESTGuys take the armrest.  HOT SAUCEGuys love hot sauce. GUYS

 

 

Monday’s Menswear: Saint Laurent Spring 2014

SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 11SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 5SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 1SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 6SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 4SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 7SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 2SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 8SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 9SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 10SAINT LAURENT MENSWEAR SPRING 2014 3

Monday’s Menswear: Burberry Prorsum Spring 2014

Monday’s Menswear: Balmain Spring 2014

BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 11BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 1BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 8BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 6BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 3BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 4BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 7BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 5BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 2BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 10BALMAIN MENSWEAR SPIRNG 2014 9

Internet Dating is Beneath You

DATING SITESI have never dated online, so I wouldn’t exactly call the next set of opinions “educated.”  While I have been ensconced in the false security of a dead-end relationship for the past nine years, the internet dating craze has apparently become the main vehicle for getting sets of genitals together.ONLINE DATING STATSThe site you choose says a lot about you.  The broke and horny go to okcupid or one of its free cousins.  Just remember, you get what you pay for.  Okcupid is the Goodwill of online dating sites.  Whatever you find there will be heavily used.OKCUPIDIf you want the Target of online dating, go to MatchMatch mirrors the vastness of Target, and much like Target, on Match you will stumble upon mostly cheap crap gussied up in slightly better packaging.MATCH DOUCHESIf you are looking for sincere fatties hunting for matrimony, well then eHarmony is for you.  eHarmony is the Sears of online dating – conservative, dependable, and for the 55+set.EHARMONYIn an informal survey of my friends who have dated online, there is an obvious and detectable pattern.  You and dickhead break up.  You and dickhead de-friend each other on Facebook.  You resolve to get out there and meet someone better.  You google online dating sites.  Depending on whether you want to shop at Goodwill, Target, or Sears, you pick one and begin to write your profile.  You realize instantly that you have no idea how to pithily summarize yourself in six sentences or less without sounding like a Russian mail-order bride.  You sort through all your photos and pick out several which are misleading, but you would never admit that to yourself.  You publish your profile and wait.  You sit and pathetically wait for some internet douche to sift through a million other misleading and inaccurate profiles until you hope he is sufficiently misled by yours.  What actually happens is 13 different middle-aged married couples solicit you for a threesome.  You get depressed when you realize the only guy who contacted you is a 24 year old, unemployed, balding, internet troll who just wants to three pump chump you tonight and never call you again.DOUCHEWhile almost every single person I know disagrees with me about internet dating, none of them have met anyone of merit online.  Save yourself a lot of time and energy and go interact with people in person.  In the flesh, you will know within 30 seconds if you want to fuck and you can save yourself the tedious email/texting getting-to-know you period that internet dating requires.EMILY H