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It is most annoying when I am making plans with a friend and she frames the agenda around her boyfriend’s needs. “My boyfriend wants to stay here.” or “I can’t. My boyfriend’s work schedule changed.” I get partnership, responsibility sharing and whatnot, but I don’t give a fuck about your boyfriend’s preferences. I’m friends with you and not your boyfriend. Chances are I’ve known you longer than you’ve known your boyfriend. I was here before your boyfriend. I will be here long after your boyfriend is gone. Please remember that truth when you dick me to swing off your boyfriend’s nutsack. Furthermore, your boyfriend would find you a lot more interesting if you had your own life and exercised a modicum of independence.
He has to google words I use in text messages. You don’t know what auspicious means?
Auspicious: showing or suggesting that future success is likely.
He spends three dates talking exclusively about himself and then says “I can’t wait to learn everything about you.”
I hate his shoes.He cares more about being perceived as cool than he does about my feelings.
My Kelly LeBrock and James Spader references sailed over his thinning hair.
Warning internet daters! Here’s what happens when you send my friend a dick pic. She generously shares it with me, and I in turn share it with my faithful readers. Isn’t it bad enough that those predatory online dating sites mine your personal information and sell it off to any interested party? Oh, you didn’t know that? Yes Doves, all that delicate intel included in your application profile – your STD status, whether you are a drug user, whether you’re gay or straight – companies harvest that private information and use it for marketing purposes and Lord knows what else. Now back to the peen. What do you think? I sense its yearning.
Guys obsess over pushing out every last gasp of air between the trash can and the liner.
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