Tag Archives: Mercedes

What You Should NOT Do for a Dollah

1) Don’t get lured into exploitative direct marketing or pyramid schemes.  I recently was invited to an Arbonne event by someone.  Arbonne is a “natural” beauty company sold through representatives in the vein of Mary Kay or Avon.  At first, I thought this person was just asking me for a friendly drink.  Then it turned into: watch these chicks get Mercedes for selling skincare.  Despite the aggressive tactics, it is almost impossible to make any money with the slim profit margins in these shady ventures.  If they ask you for money up front, back away.2) Why waste energy on enterprises that don’t value what you have to offer?  As you well know, life is short.  You can waste yours lining unworthy pockets or you can refuse to settle for anything less than a fulfilling use of your time, talent, and resources.  3) Please don’t resort to performing sexual favors; depleting your plasma; permanently moving back in with your parents; signing up for a reality show; sacrificing your pride and dignity, or staying on at a job you truly loathe. 

autoeroticism

Yesterday I was in a three car pile up on a major freeway because some ignorant uninsured bitch can’t merge.  No one was hurt, but the truck I’ve loyally driven for the last ten years is probably totaled.  When thinking about replacing my ride, I’m totally uninspired by the current options.  Even though I bought my last car new, this time around I’m going used because I just can’t stomach the depreciation.  There are a few different categories under consideration: prestige, environmental, or classic.  What to choose?

Prestige 

BMW, Lexus, Mercedes, Range Rover, since pre-owned is an option, why not splurge for a chic ride?  These cars tend to be safe and reliable, but when they do breakdown, repairs can be pricey.  Good thing I have a special relationship with an impeccable mechanic.  Another drawback?  Driving these cars can be the equivalent of carrying a logo bag – a little gauche and showy.

Environmental

I promised myself that the next time I purchased a car, environmental impact would be a major factor in the decision.  I can’t with the Prius.  I just can’t.  There is a Lexus Hybrid that looks interesting, so maybe I can combine prestige + fuel efficiency into one purchase.  There are some obvious advantages to this route.  Low inventory is the main challenge with a general lack of available, desirable vehicles in the pre-owned market.  Even the used ones are pricey, but at least they retain value.  The fuel savings are also no fucking joke and offset some of the initial sticker shock.  I’d love an electric, but they are even more rare.

Classic

Every time I see a cherried out classic car, I think to myself how fucking sweet and styley it would be to roll in one.  Nothing grabs more attention than a mint condition vintage ride.  Sexy cars generate aesthetic goodwill, and after the dust up I just had, I need some good automotive karma.  The disadvantage to oldies is they require constant tinkering and maintenance.  My ass doesn’t like to get stranded on the side of the road like a truckstop hooker, so reliability does matter.  The eternal question: style over substance?  Another downside?  Unlike prestige + fuel efficient, classic + fuel efficient is a mutually exclusive combination, and therefore going with a restored Bronco is like giving mother Earth the middle finger.

Thoughts?  Do you love your car?  Tell me everything.