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The Best: Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli
This gorgeous gown fit her body perfectly, accentuated her tiny waist, and stood out in a sea of mediocrity. Don’t love the accessories, but I’m not in the mood to quibble.
You Saw It Here First: Shailene Woodley in Valentino Couture
Fresh from the couture collections, Shailene Woodley wore this modern, white, long-sleeved number. It might look familiar since we featured it as part of the best of Fall 2012 Couture earlier this month. It’s a little old for her, and her face would benefit from a pop of color, but not a flop by any means.
Most Confusing: Viola Davis in Vera Wang
This looks like the homicide of Puff the Magic Dragon. A full-on unmitigated lapse in aesthetic judgment.
Fulfilled Potential: Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera
We’ve all been waiting for Tina Fey to step out looking this good. Finally, she’s really come into her own in this navy peplum-detailed gown.
Evoking a Cult Leader: Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford
I’m not saying I don’t like this, but she’s delivering a whole lot of white here. Can’t you picture her standing at a podium condescendingly addressing an arena full of Goopies in this odd get-up? “Follow me, affluent women, to the land of organic peas…”
Most Offensive Overtry: Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad
Nude illusion Fruit Stripe Gum.
Culmination of a Bad Fashion Awards Season Run: Jessica Chastain
Fashion-wise, Chastain hasn’t found her identity. Her style choices were as varied and uneven as her performances this year. It looks like she skinned Kimora Lee’s sofa. Let this be a lesson – McQueen is not for everyone.
Let Me Upgrade You: Clooney in Armani, Keibler in Marchesa
Clooney’s clout ensures his girls-of-the-moment have access to all the best fashion houses and some very high-end clothes, but even in all their borrowed sartorial finery, his dates still look like they should be holding cards above their heads in the middle of a wrestling ring.
Most Predictable: Pitt in Tom Ford and Jolie in Versace Atelier
I’m so bored with these two. Oh, how fucking shocking you two bitches showed up in black. Close your legs dear, you’re not dancing the can-can. Ever since I heard that thing she said to him at the Globes, I’ve kinda hated them. She turned to him and said “you’re prettier than me.” Fucking voms yo.
The Bridesmaids: Kristin Wiig in J. Mendel
While the bodice of this dress is tailored beautifully for her body, the placement of the break into the texture is awkward and unflattering.
Melissa McCarthy in Marina Rinaldi
Are we calling this mauve? I’m pretty sure we issued a fatwa on mauve at the end of the 80’s.
Maya Rudolph in Johanna Johnson
Here’s one of the few purple looks of the night. It’s a safe, conservative, and unoffensive choice. The side-swept hair is very Mariah.
Building Relationships Pays Off: Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji
After favorable reviews from fashion folk for her Globes look, Octavia went back to Tadashi Shoji for her Oscar gown. Clearly, cultivating that relationship has paid off; the designer knows her body and the fit is beautiful. Second best of the night.
Dress I wanna like, but Don’t: Cameron Diaz in Gucci
I really want to like this Gucci gown, but I don’t. She needs a waist and this dress gives her no shape through the torso. It reminds me of a melting chocolate and vanilla soft-serve twist cone.
Consistently Wasted Potential: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton
This dress is too fussy, ill-fitting, and heavy for such a delicate wisp of a girl. This ensemble ain’t right – the necklace, the bag (and I get where they are going with the clash, but here, no), and that gawd awful frump of a saloon-girl-gone-wrong disaster of a frock.
Sure to be Critically Eviscerated: Rooney Mara in Givenchy
No one will get this. Even if they did, the cut isn’t flattering to her body. If you do avant-garde, you have to do it impeccably.
Post-baby Blah: Natalie Portman in vintage Dior
She gave birth to a new era of shitty style.
Two A-List Underwhelmers: Sandra Bullock in Marchesa and Penelope Cruz in Giorgio Armani.
Sandra’s dress isn’t doing her body any favors. Is a gold shrub trying to munch her bush? WTF? Pene, you are almost forty, enough with the princess shit. Join us in 2012.
Happy Birthday Aquarius! Neptune enters the scene this month for Aquarius, leaving you cloudy, burry, and seeing life through a Vaseline-coated lens. This is not the month for communication, big decisions, or executing plans. Seek a second opinion from a trusted expert if you must move ahead with major moments in February. This phase of lapsed judgment will pass as the stars change, so don’t panic. Stick to habits, routines, and grounding activities. Your greatest moments of clarity will come from artistic expression, so put energy towards painting, sewing, dancing, or whatever your form of creativity. The theme of your romantic life this month should be STFU. Don’t whine and keep your feelings to yourself. You will save yourself from a mountain full of unnecessary drama, and others will not only notice, but admire your silent suffering.
Pisces turn inward this February and regroup with periods of peaceful isolation. To move forward, Pisces must formulate a plan without distraction. Money has never been of greater concern, and financial strategy becomes an essential part of charting the course ahead. Get ultra organized, follow a schedule, and handle your bizness. As you well know, time is passing quickly. Do not let it pass you by. As for love, inhibitions leave you uncommunicative, and you rightly sense a general lack of receptivity to your ideas. If relations become too strained, take a break.
The theme for Aries in February is caretaking. Take care of yourself, family, friends and animals. Clean the house. Bake a muffin. Make others feel loved and important. Push through daily goals. Receive acknowledgments, praise, and recognition with tact. In intimate relations, frustrated desires and obstacles trigger anger resulting in rash behavior and ultimately regret. Control that fiery temper in the face of unavoidable conflict and confrontation.
Taurus splits energy between two areas this February: spirituality and law. First, the strictures and confines of traditional religion comfort Taurus, and now more than ever you may feel drawn to worship in the traditional sense. Feel no shame in exploring this path further. Legal matters take practical precedence. Document drafting, financial planning, and future predictions mix together to make or break the venture. Provide authentic and accurate information.
Geminis always feel a bit put upon, like no one appreciates their gifts. Give the constant quest for recognition a rest, and turn your energy towards your financial resources. Are you allocating them wisely? Tend to debts and everything you and your partner hold in common. Speaking of partners, perplexing relationship issues seem clear to you now. Geminis begin to understand their part and the part their honeys play in relationship breakdowns. Patience, compassion, and kindness smooth rough patches.
February continues a theme of balance and stability which extends throughout 2012. To really feel heard, you need to share your troubles with those around you. The wise advice of your confidants proves especially helpful and soothing. Listen to your intuition and avoid involvements that feel uncomfortable. This time you’ll get a second bite at the apple. When on a pessimistic jag, Cancers can get a little me-against-the-world. Don’t give into that self-pitying tendency. Indulge it, and you’ll end up feeling overwhelmed and pressured.
Leos must balance practicality against romanticism and provide a generous allotment of time for both. Professionally, get organized and maximize your contribution by remaining orderly and efficient. Make deliberate and mindful decisions. This is not the month to play therapist with troubled co-workers. At most, help colleagues with new methods. Play with puppies, ride horses, and walk the dog. Now is the time for the joy of animals. Leos fan the flames of romance this Valentine’s Day, and your effort is noticed and appreciated by the recipient of all your good woo. Leos relax competitiveness, work to please and create harmony. Someone will try and seduce you; only you can decide if you want to fuck.
Spend energy showing others how much you care this February Virgo. Repair any frayed relationship edges. Put your own concerns aside and offer others sustenance and praise. You will receive great blessings for your generosity. Unfortunately this February won’t be particularly romantic. Discord plagues personal relationships. Finding meaningful emotional connections proves challenging this month. This fleeting phase will pass, so don’t overreact. Closeness resumes between you and your partner as the stars change. Allow this energy to pass without forcing any issues and all will return to normal soon.
Libras need to tie up loose ends in February. Envision the end result and then consider how to methodically implement order and complete the unfinished. Picturing goals accomplished conjures magic that will help Libras spin action into manifestation. Remain patient. Use talents for the benefit of others. You will shine brightest when you share your resources. Appreciation and positivity follows. A beneficial opportunity may arise from an opportunity or contact.
Scorpios look to find their highest purpose and means of serving this year. You must communicate values, ideals, and beliefs to shape your destiny. Chat with neighbors, reach out to family, and keep the lines of communication open. Honor responsibilities and commitments. So few folks are reliable; take pride in your dependability. Now more than ever, Scorpios crave love, affection, beauty and pleasure. Impulse control might be a problem for Scorpios who haven’t learned to manage their baser instincts. Lingering unhappiness in a close relationship surfaces now. Discuss your concerns, make an effort and see what happens. Short trips provide beneficial insights.
Ambition surges through Sags in February. This is a time to define and determine your values. Give thoughtfully. Surprise your loved ones with unexpected tokens of affection. These small gestures create indelible memories for the recipients. Sags reap rewards when they let go of expectation. Extra charming, your flirting boosts the confidence of those around you. Those in your circle perceive you as loving, affectionate, and aware of their needs and feelings. Because of your strong relationships, others are willing to help and cooperate with your trajectory.
Capricorns focus on health and creating a lifestyle which supports wellness. With this new regimen of self-care, you will take on a new glow and even the Sun will shine a little brighter. Capricorns spin self-esteem out of accomplishment. The New Moon brings old conflicts. The easiest solution is to flee the scene. Strange, cryptic, or unsettling moments are actually disguised compliments. Unexpected friendly messages arrive from unlikely sources. While you may not understand, listen. Use honesty and share. Avoid assumptions.
No single attendee of the the 2012 SAG Awards snatched “best dressed” by a landslide; rather this red carpet showed subtle improvements – like Tilda Swinton in Lanvin, and not so subtle disappointments like a gawd-awful green Emily Blunt in Oscar de la Renta. Many will point to Lea Michele in Versace as best dressed. Does she look good? Yes. Would I be disgusted with myself to name her best dressed? Yes. I’m just not personally feeling this silhouette right now. Even though certain designers are pushing this awkward tea length it’s so hard to wear, as proven by Emma Stone in Alexander McQueen. Michelle Williams wore Valentino. From the waist up, it is magnificent. The shoes and bracelet aren’t right. I’m torn on the subtle asymmetrical hem. She werks the Mia Farrow better than anyone, no?Jessica Chastain let Calvin Klein sculpt her bosom to delightful results. One of the best of the night. What the fuck Kristen Wiig? Explain this deranged necklace choice. Shame on you for ruining a Balanciaga with a bad choker. Shall we discuss the couples? Pitt wore Balenciaga and Jolie wore a Jenny Packham gown reminiscent of a Hefty bag. Clooney wore Armani and Keibler wore a boring black lace Marchesa. Is the dress boring or is she? Both?Me likey Melissa McCarthy’s drapey Badgley Mischka and Natalie Portman in Giambattista Valli too. Glenn Close went big in Zac Posen. Diane Lane wasted her incredible body in David Meister. Vergara and Bowen in Marchesa and Temperely London respectively. I’m not moved by either.Weird whites: Rose Byrne taking a risk in a jumpsuit, (p.s. Is she filming the Anna Wintour biopic with that new hair?)…Zoe Saldana wore Givenchy and it didn’t photograph well. Viola Davis brought the twins to the party in Marchesa. Let’s end on a high note with Kyra in Pucci, though let this serve as a cautionary tale against tattoos. The ink on the rib cheapens the look.
Jolie served in Atelier Versace. She turned it out to pimp her directorial debut. Don’t love the shoes, but when she tries even a little she easily steals the show.
The most improved nod goes to Heidi Klum in Calvin Klein Collection, who usually shows up to these events looking wildly out of place and heinously attired. Mila Kunis looked bored and made this one-strap Christian Dior boring too. She can do better, but can’t seem to shake this recent ugly frock streak. Let’s get the brides out of the way. First, Jessica Chastain arrived in an ill-fitting Givenchy. In recent awards seasons, Givenchy seems to lend out dresses willy-nilly and doesn’t bother to make sure they are tailored correctly. For as many style successes as they have, they have an equal number of fashion failures. Kate Beckinsale always brings the over-try, sponsored here by Roberto Cavalli and accompanied by Len Wiseman.Jessica Biel wore a matrimonial Elie Saab, obviously unable to stifle her wedding enthusiasm. Sofia Vergara showed us the source of the Nile in Vera Wang. Sarah Michelle Gellar drowned in a big blue and white tie-dyed Monique L’huillier. Best grown women: Downton Abbey’s Elizabeth McGovern, Diane Lane and Madge both in Reem Acra.Vivienne Westwood dressed Andrea Riseborough who stars in Madonna’s movie W.E.The gorgeous Gucci girls = Salma Hayek and Evan Rachel Wood.God bless Melissa McCarthy; she tried in Badgley Mischka. Take a cue from Octavia Spencer who looked incredible in a light lavender Tadashi Shoji. Modern Family’s Ariel Winter looks all grown up in Dolce & Gabbana. Shailene Woodley chose a lovely Marchesa gown, but unfortunately paired it with bad posture. Claire Danes deviated from her usual favorites Calvin Klein and Narciso Rodriquez in favor of this embellish-backed J. Mendel number. I’m ambivalent – love the back, hate the front. Michelle Williams wore Jason Wu. She should stick to Prada or Miu Miu. Is that burned out velvet? Emma Stone also failed to impress in a mediocre Lanvin gown. Frieda Pinto wore lapis Prada and it won’t be everyone’s favorite, but I think she’s lovely. Juliana Marguilies also chose a bold color statement with this sleek eggplant Naeem Khan.Laura Dern sparkled in an emerald Andrew Gn gown.Did you get the memo that Reese is reinventing herself as sexy? Zac Posen painted her red and gave her hips. Nicole Richie is quickly morphing into a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills. At first, I loved this Julien MacDonald metallic dress, but the more I look at it, the less excited I am, especially over that messy hem. Where have you been Natalie? We’ve barely seen you since you gave birth. Weird dress by Lanvin. Madeleine Stowe celebrated her career revival in Vera Wang. Charlize Theron is like awards show pizza; even when she’s bad she’s not that bad, and here she’s pretty decent in Dior Couture. If only she could wipe that smug-ass look off her (recently tweaked?) face.
Michelle Williams put a bird on it. Daphne Guinness and SJP in McQueen.
A disastrous Blake and shimmery Anna in Chanel (psst, saw it here first Feb 3rd). Newd hued for the youngsters.This is not the couples portion of the pageant B. Madonna and that other Guy. Marc Jacobs and Robert Duffy send a nod of the knee to McQueen’s heritage. Tux on top, tartan down low.The Christinas. Ricci>HendricksKristen Stewart sliced through the party in Proenza Schouler.Paltrow repped Stella McCartney.More beige-y neutrality from Zellweger and Hayek (also in McQueen), but Salma’s just-fucked hair was the best of the night. JLO served severity and overkill. Bleeding Armadillo. An unexceptional showing from the supermodels: Gisele, Naomi, Carolyn, and Miranda. Hey Kayne.
The award for most improved goes to Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein Collection. After a tragic run, bitch clearly got a stylist. Also Calvin Klein-clad was Gwyneth Paltrow. Many went crazy for this look, but the severe middle parted hair with the long narrow plunging neck evoked butt crack. GOOP wins for most over-rated, and that doesn’t just apply to her fashion choices.Two old ladies in Dior Couture: Nicole Kidman and Sharon Stone. Sharon served a little high-end Cruella DeVille with a good dress and bad hair. Marchesa’s minions, Halle and Hailee. This gown’s a little too young and try-hard on Halle. Hailee finally succumbed to the princess pressure after several chic and tailored moments this awards season. This awkward length doesn’t flatter her. Celine Dion and Reese Witherspoon werked Armani Privé, two of the strongest looks of the night. Anyone else suspicious why Reese looked a little too proud of herself all night. We all knew the Rodarte was coming. Portman loves Kate and Laura Mulleavy. After all the built-up expectation, this plum number was just okay. Some of that train should have been repurposed to fill out the front hemline. Also repping purple, Scarjo in Dolce & Gabbana taking the baton from Michelle Williams to finish the defiantly unattractive relay. Mila chose lilac Elie Saab and looked absolutely fantastic. She managed to balance sweet and sexy – arguably the best, except for that awful makeup.Another best dressed contender, the always impeccable and fashion-forward Cate Blanchett in Givenchy Couture. Hilary Swank also ventured into slightly new territory in Gucci. Swank’s softly sculpted eye makeup was undoubtedly some of the best cosmetic artistry of the night. Michelle Williams gave good glam with stunningly perfect hair and makeup. Three ladies arrived in gowns previously featured on Demeter Clarc: Amy Adams in L’Wren Scott, Giuliana Rancic in Christian Siriano, and Mandy Moore in Monique L’huillier. Remember, you saw it here first.Penelope, Jennifer Hudson (Versace), Anne Hathaway (archival Valentino), and Sandra Bullock (Vera Wang) opted for a range of carmine hues. The rosebuds were neither particularly interesting nor especially fug. These four surfed the crimson sea of mediocrity.Worst without needed elaboration: Marisa Tomei in vintage Charles James and Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer.
Best of the night, Anne Hathaway in a modern fashion-forward Armani Privé gown (featured here in best gowns of Fall 2010 waaaay back in August).
Worst of the night, Heidi Klum in Marc Jacobs serving Neapolitan nausea.
Calvin Klein Collection provided intense color and clean lines resulting in two of the most refreshing looks of the evening – Emma Stone and Claire Danes. The two biggest disappointments were Jennifer Lawrence in Louis Vuitton and Scarlett Johansson in Elie Saab. These were not the most offensive gowns of the evening, but neither selection does its wearer justice. Since this was one of Scarjo’s first appearances post-divorce announcement, her failure to turn it out is really inexcusable. More than ever, these mega-gowns feel really antiquated. Catherine Zeta-Jones goes to prom in Monique L’huillier…
Pretty pink princess Lea Michele joins her in Oscar de la Renta…
Eva Longoria looks like she’s dragging her grief behind her in this Zac Posen. Who invited Hewitt?
From the washed-up diva collection, Zuhair Murad dressed both Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez. Awkward and abysmal asymmetry abounded; unfortch, no one executed this look correctly.
Julie Bowen in Tadashi Shoji – we want so much more for you Claire.
Julianne Moore tried her best to work a Lanvin dress that was in desperate need of a good steam. Nicole Kidman bored us in Prada.Granny gown girls: Leighton Meester misfired again in Burberry and Michelle Williams continues her defiantly unappealing streak in Valentino. The two most overrated? Sophia Vergara in Vera loves-a-sash Wang and Angelina Jolie in Versace. Hey Angie, Joan Collins called and demanded you return her gown. The most stylish and appropriately dressed youngin’ was Hailee Steinfeld in Prabal Gurung. Sarah Hyland could have used some guidance away from this fug Max Azria. Many folks will criticize Natalie Portman’s Viktor & Rolf gown, but who can be mad at this feminine display of whimsy? Olivia Wilde deviated from the crowd with this full-skirted, sparkly, starry night Marchesa gown.
The titty committee, January Jones in Versace and Halle Berry in Nina Ricci. The Glee girls gave good gownage.
Single-note strong colors adorn Kyra Sedgwick in Emilio Pucci and Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan.
Most random? A heavy-banged Sandra Bullock in Jenny Packham.
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