Nobody wants to smell your stank pits.  If you can smell yourself, you smell.  Don’t impose your funk on others.

Quietly roll out your mat.  You aren’t unfurling a scroll from the King, save the pomp and circumstance.  Same with your towel, I really don’t appreciate the gust of wind that billows dust and hair all over me as you fan your towel about.

Don’t touch my mat, my towel, my water, or my person.  Your mat is your space, my mat is my space.

This one’s for the yoga teachers, don’t confuse class with your American Idol audition.  No matter how much you love chanting and the sound of your own voice, the whole class doesn’t want to listen to you chant for several minutes.  A short chant is fine if that’s your thing, but save the anything over a minute for your personal practice.

Shut the fuck up.  There are very few places left in the world where silence is honored and respected.  The yoga studio room is supposed to be one of the last bastions of quiet.  If you want to talk to your friend, go outside.  Under NO circumstances should your cell phone or your shoes ever enter the practice space.

Learn the basics first.  You should spend several weeks in beginner classes to learn alignment and form.  As you progress you can advance in your classes, but if you lack adequate foundation you risk injury. Don’t be such a pussy.  You are going to feel some discomfort; it’s just part of the process.  Sharp pain is not.  Take it easy, but don’t give up at the first pang of resistance.   Yoga is character building because it teaches you how to cope with discomfort.

Namaste Bitches!