Tag Archives: Misery Business

move it

To be completely honest my life is turned upside down right now.  The moment in nature has ended.  A major relationship has ended.  The dream of a big project has ended.  Some of my stuff is here.  Some of my stuff is there.  Then my dear laptop friend Joan Crawford passed on, and until her replacement arrives I am at the mercy of the kindness of friends to update you.  No excuses.  Just letting you know why the erratic post schedule in case your pussy has been hurting over it or whatever. I know some you bitches are fanatical readers and for that I ♥ you.

They say write what you know, and lately I’ve become a reluctant expert in moving.  (Blanche, I know you feel me on this girl.  You and Ryan are about the only two fools that move more than I do.)  We discussed this topic before, but a few points are worth reiterating and a few worth adding.

You can never have too many boxes, especially smaller ones.  I like a mix of free liquor or grocery store boxes and specialty boxes.   For example, I purchase picture boxes properly sized to protect my art collection.  Yeah bitch, I got an art collection.  And what?  Make sure that if you pack a big box that you can lift the big box.

Smart movers know that tape on a well-made tape gun is an absolute non-negotiable.  You need a gun for everyone and a spare for when one of those fuckers misplaces theirs.  Buy tape in bulk.

Start packing early.  Kitchens, closets, and storage areas will take longer than you think.  Leave extra time.  When I rush, I make careless errors.  When you rush a move, you can actually injure yourself.  Wanna add a trip to the emergency room to an already stressful day?  (Blanche’s elbow says amen.)

I tend to shy away from hiring moving companies, but one way or the other you are going to need some muscle.  Just remember that no one will treat your things with the same care that you would, so keep an eye on folks lugging your possessions.  Move your own electronics.

Use linens to cushion breakables.  Watch how nicely those framed pictures slip inside a pillowcase.  Socks hug drinking glasses.

Clearly mark the contents of your boxes.  There will be a moment when you are surrounded by stacks of boxes at your new place when you are looking for something specific.  Unpacking a bunch of boxes to find the scissors will drive you bananas.

Make a list.  It may seem rather obvious what you are doing here – packing up and cleaning, but in a state of dishevelment a list provides direction and structure.  Plus, everyone can work off a list, so you don’t have to constantly stop what you are doing to supervise others.

Realize that moving sucks.  It kicks up a substantial amount of physical and psychological dirt.  View it as an opportunity to shed the weight of unused possessions, but recognize that process can be painful and difficult.  You will probably act like a twat, so budget some money to take your helpers out to a post-move dinner.

 

vh1 Divas: Salute to the Troops

I know ya’ll watched the vh1 Divas: Salute to the Troops last night.

Are we still pretending that Katy Perry can sing?  (Furthermore, are we still pretending that RB exercises matrimonial fidelity despite persistent rumors to the contrary?)  After a cute Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy moment, vocals heavily supported by Hilson and Nettles, Perry turned out a tired-ass song, basic choreo, and an embarrassing harness glitch.  Peddle your low rent, tit-jiggling, cheesecake shtick elsewhere Perry.

Ann and Nancy Wilson murdered Crazy and showed these young-ass bitches how it’s done.  Slow your roll Grace Potter, aka, Heidi Klum circa 2008.  You can sing, but if Ohh La La is lyrically your best, there’s ample room for improvement.My girl Minaj looked super nervous.  I think she was struggling with her Louboutins.  Not sure why Right Thru Me is the song she’s decided to clean up and take live.  It is nowhere near the best track on Pink Friday, a record that grows on me more and more with each listen.  Vocally, she put tone-deaf Katy Perry to shame on Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Paramore played via satellite from Camp Arifjan in Kuwait, and as usual Hayley Williams shows a lot of promise (though clearly not in the realm of fashion, gurl screams Franklin, TN).  Go on and judge, but nothing holds a candle to Misery Business.  Bonus points for making me momentarily not hate that Foo Fighters song.