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Is there anyone on Earth more sublime than Naomi Campbell? Luo Zilin, who you surely remember from Naomi’s Top Model knock-off The Face, learned the hard way this week that you do not fuck with Miss Campbell. After Luo was caught frolicking in Ibiza with Campbell’s ex Vlad Doronin, Naomi blacklisted that ungrateful bitch from the fashion world. I wish Naomi Campbell offered an apprenticeship in bitchery. I too would like to learn how to shank bitches at such an elite and international level.
Seen Girl Code? MTV has finally rolled out something worth watching. Even though Girl Code is paced for the attention span of the modern twelve year old, many of the insights and practical advice transcend age. The show is light, funny, occasionally informative, and provides an important platform for young female comics. Jessimae Peluso will be a star. Watching the RHOC has become an exercise in the grotesque. Need we even discuss Vicki’s face? I guess I do. Instead of the chin implant she should have had her double chin removed and her neck tightened. Gretchen totally fucked up her once lovely face with those lip injections. This show would be so much more interesting if Bravo dropped all these mutilated bitches and just focused on Lydia’s awesome fairy-dusting stoner mom Judy.
Please tell me you are watching the fucking splendor that is The Face. The Face is Naomi Campbell’s new modeling show competition and personal fuck you to Tyra Banks, Nigel Barker included. In a word, the show is sublime. Naomi reigns over the panel in her royal cuntiness. A well-past-her-prime Karolina Kurkova has the sense to steer clear of Mizz Campbell’s side eye, but naive Coco Rocha hasn’t proved so wise. Naomi might shank the Jehovah’s Witness, and I simply can’t miss that. Plus, when Coco Rocha actually speaks she might be one of the scariest looking humans I’ve ever seen. It’s truly troubling. (Her wedding video is worth a view though). Don’t expect any actual modeling talent on this show – the girls are pretty much universally beat. Watching The Face is all about basking in the glow of that iconic Campbell bitchery.
Folks have been seriously out of control with the cell phones for awhile now. Chatting in the car, texting on the train, checking voicemail at lunch, the electronic leash has almost completely choked out authentic face to face communication. Let’s agree the phone should never sit on the table or on your lap during a meal. Who are you? Doogie Fucking Howser, M.D.? You must receive every communication instantaneously?Why not honor the person who is actually in front of you by turning the phone off? Less accessibility = more mystery, so rethink the compulsive availability and occasionally please put the fucking phone down.
Michelle Williams put a bird on it. Daphne Guinness and SJP in McQueen.
A disastrous Blake and shimmery Anna in Chanel (psst, saw it here first Feb 3rd). Newd hued for the youngsters.This is not the couples portion of the pageant B. Madonna and that other Guy. Marc Jacobs and Robert Duffy send a nod of the knee to McQueen’s heritage. Tux on top, tartan down low.The Christinas. Ricci>HendricksKristen Stewart sliced through the party in Proenza Schouler.Paltrow repped Stella McCartney.More beige-y neutrality from Zellweger and Hayek (also in McQueen), but Salma’s just-fucked hair was the best of the night. JLO served severity and overkill. Bleeding Armadillo. An unexceptional showing from the supermodels: Gisele, Naomi, Carolyn, and Miranda. Hey Kayne.
Of everyone, Keri Hilson turned it out best and most appropriately in Basil Soda. Predictably, metallic mania saturated the 2011 Grammy red carpet. JLo in Emilio Pucci, and look at little Snooks werking an exaggerated shoulder. Selena Gomez looked ten years older in J Mendel. Heidi Klum improved over her last dress disaster with this Julien MacDonald. Kim Kardashian gambled on titty tape in Kaufmanfranco, Miley in Cavalli, and Rimes in Reem Acra. JHud channeled Naomi in Versace. She’d be a contender for best dressed if the skirt had reached the floor. From the waist down, the dress is reading budget. Ciara showed almost everything in Emilio Pucci. Wrong shoes girl. Minaj in Givenchy, Gaga in Hussien Chalayan, and (to some extent) Rihanna in Gaultier served avant-garde, but their attempts at fashion rebellion felt a bit contrived. Florence Welch broke out the new Givenchy hot off the runway. Katy Perry dug up her Halloween faerie costume from 2001. Wings Katy, really? That abomination is fucking Armani yo!Don’t love the dress, but overall, this is a vast improvement for Nicole Kidman who has been looking like dookie lately. Natasha Bedingfield and Julianne Hough also donned florals and patterns.
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