Tag Archives: Nicole Kidman

OSCARS 2013: wake me when it’s over

I commence this year’s Oscar fashion criticism frenzy with Kelly Osbourne in Tony Ward Couture because this is the dress I stared at longest and ultimately found most controversially interesting among a thicket of bland and boring looks. Was Charlize exquisite in Dior Haute Couture?  I guess.  Is it memorable?  No.  Am I bored?  Very.  Is she serving a little Sharon Stone with that hair and smirk?  Yes. Aniston possesses a rare talent for making Valentino look like the Macy’s Prom Collection.  Stand up straight bitch. This tin-tittied mess is Anne Hathaway in Prada.  Nobody noticed the diamonds, that’s for sure. When I see Halle Berry in this Versace, I want to pronounce it VersayceI despise everything about Amanda Seyfried in this Alexander McQueen: the bridesmaid hair, the pageant pose, and the washed out non-color of the firefly patterned gown. Jessica Chastain has truly never looked better in impeccably-tailored spiderweb Armani.  I don’t love Melissa McCarthy in this ill-fitting David Meister, but I will always love Melissa McCarthyJennifer Lawrence lacks a style identity.  I suspect Dior hands her a dress and she obediently wears it. One of the best dressed of the evening, Octavia Spencer looks fantastic in this soft pink Tadashi Shoji.A wrinkled mess, Kerry Washington served some sorbet Miu Miu.  It’s too long, no?I don’t get dead-eyed Kristen Stewart in Reem Acra.  I know she makes some bitches swoon, but to me she is not everything.  Can she close her mouth?  What’s up with her constant open mouth?  It’s creepy.This Louis Vuitton just doesn’t fit Reese Witherspoon, and the fabric isn’t modern. Nicole Kidman wore L’Wren Scott and I think we can agree it was a decent choice for her.  It’s a little fussy for my personal taste, but she wears it well and looks luminous. Let’s finish with the couples: Naomi Watts wore Armani PrivéArmani far and away fit the best dresses of the night.  Ben & Jen, she in Gucci, but it doesn’t matter what she wears because nothing pops on this girl.

 

SAGS 2013: If you care what they wear

Jane Krakowski wore KauffmanFranco – best color, unforgivable tailoring.

Zac Posen really only makes variations of one basic gown, but it is a damn fine gown – as seen here on dingbat Amanda Seyfried.

Boldest couple debut: Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel.  Our little Rory Gilmore loves her co-stars doesn’t she?

Anne Hathaway demonstrates the most ill-advised use of a Giambattista Valli dress.

The Jenny Packham girls, the better version above on Jenna Fischer and the lesser below on Kelly Osbourne.

The head to toe hell no – Sofia Vergara in Donna Karan.

Claire had nowhere to go but down after her last showing, but the aging makeup and side boob vadge action aren’t working in this Givenchy. Giuliana is showing positive progress on probation after her last fashion felony in this far less offensive Max Azria.

Elisabeth Moss gives some gams in Dolce & Gabbana.

Can you feel the tension in this high-fashion face off between January Jones in Prabal Gurung and Jessica Paré in Jason Wu?  The straps on the Jason Wu look a bit like suspenders.  I appreciate that January Jones doesn’t dress for the men, but could she pick something flattering just once?

Most timelessly spectacular putting all these young bitches to shame – Mizz Jessica Lange.

Jessica Chastain contends for best dressed in Alexander McQueen, but the lipstick is wrong and she needs to whiten her teeth.

Gorgeous and talented Jennifer Lawrence has no fucking clue how to dress herself.  Christian Dior can throw couture at her the whole award season through, and she’ll waste every opportunity with the wrong hair, jewelry, and makeup.

Julianne Moore should only let Tom Ford dress her because this Chanel is a fucking floral flat-tittied disaster.

What do we think of these two?  Jennifer Westfeldt looks better than usual if a tad boobish in Blumarine.

Let’s start with the hair – an obvious hot mess, move down to the 3D bustage on this strange Vivienne Westwood, glance at those lame duck shoes and declare Nicole Kidman an epic dud.

Me likey Nina Dobrev in this Elie Saab, even if it is quite derivative of Emma Stone in Calvin Klein from a season or two ago.

Look at our little Kiernan Shipka all grown up in this Oscar de la Renta.

Golden Globes 2013:…and the Award Goes to…

Salma Hayek in Gucci for the Best Bluish Black.  She has a certain carefree sparkle only a billion dollars can buy.  Nicole Richie in Naeem Khan for best Palm Beach Housewife.  Is this bitch 74?  G-jus. Amanda Seyfried in Givenchy for most Unseasonably Springy.  I should hate this doily shit, but I don’t. Claire Danes in red Versace for best Post Baby Body Bounce-Back.  Doesn’t she look 10 years younger with those 15 extra pounds?Connie Britton wins Most Consistent in KaufmanFranco.Jessica Alba for most Irrelevantly Gorgeous.  Penalty for skinning a defenseless Muppet for that embarrassing bag. Amy Adams in Marchesa wins the prize for Most Likely to be Accidentally Confused with Taylor Swift.Halle Berry for Misdemeanor Midriff Exposure in VersaceSally Field for worst Granny Globes, gown by Alberta Ferretti.Kerry Washington for Most Overrated in Miu Miu.Anne Hathaway for Most Boring Chanel.Zosia Mamet for Best of the Girls.Lena Dunham for snatching Helen Mirren’s Zac Posen gown.Allison Williams for Most Forgettable Girl.Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein Slightly Wrong from Head to Toe.Jennifer Lawrence for failure to learn from Jessica Biel’s Weird Dior-titty Mistake. Lucy Liu for Most Incongruent in Carolina Herrera.  What is this floral fuckmess?Hayden Panettiere wins Most Repetitious in Roberto Cavalli.  Jennifer Lopez for Most in Need of a Divorce from Zuhair Murad.Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta for Most Misguided Personal Style.…Naomi Watts for Best Zac Posen.…Nicole Kidman for Most Improved Hair.  This is a chicer length for her. …Rachel Weisz in Louis Vuitton for the Worst 3-Way Split.Giuliana Rancic in Celia Kritharioti for Most Felonious Showing by an Officer of the Fashion Police.

GRAMMY 2012: whitney’s wake

The best of the night were all appropriately in black.  Rihanna plunged in the front and sloped low in the back in this major ArmaniGwyneth repped her inner-circle in Stella McCartney.  From the neck down Gwyneth looks amazing, but she’s looking a little inflamed in the face.  Bad bronzer or bad eight ball?  You decide.  Adele turned it out in Armani.  We sure as fuck knew she wouldn’t wear Chanel after Karl’s latest round of bad Grandpa fat comments.Not all the black was good; Julianne Hough wasted her crazy toned body in this unflattering and boring Kaufmanfranco.Bruno Mars gave a little ankle in this fashion-forward Thom Browne look.  Not everyone will get it, but I appreciate the effort. Saggy tits.  That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I see Katy Perry in this Elie Saab gown.  The sophomoric blue hair and the pastel Tinkerbell gown are enough to induce the heaves.  This girl cannot sing, she cannot dress, and therefore I have no use for her.  No use at all.  Good day Katy Perry.  I said good day.And the “desperately seeking attention” award goes to….miz Minaj.  She has talent, so why won’t she lead with it?  It’s Versace by the way.  The cape not the bishop. Let’s work our way through the “irrelevant in white” category.  Kathy Griffin wore Michael Kors rather well.  Why is it when she looks better she’s less funny?Kate Beckinsale usually shows up to these events in overblown ball gowns, so this Zuhair Murad is actually a surprisingly appropriate choice for her.  She still can’t ditch the pageant hair, but baby steps are still progress.  Paris Hilton wore a well-tailored Basil Soda.  I’m not on fire for the white and gold combo.  She looks better than usual, but a skosh overdressed.Robyn, L.A. doesn’t do the whole quirky Nordic thing.  Just ask Bjork.  This whole look is an unmitigated hell no. One of the few pops of color, Fergie in Jean Paul Gaultier; I can feel how much she desperately wants our approval, but I must withhold it.  Adam Levine doing his best Scott Disick.  Between Scott and Adam, who do you think gets called “douche” more often to his face?Taylor Swift is like the Nicole Kidman of the under-25 set.  This over-serious frock is a Zuhair Murad creation.

Sunday with Matrimony

83rd Annual Academy Awards Fashion Review

The award for most improved goes to Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein Collection.  After a tragic run, bitch clearly got a stylist. Also Calvin Klein-clad was Gwyneth Paltrow.  Many went crazy for this look, but the severe middle parted hair with the long narrow plunging neck evoked butt crack.  GOOP wins for most over-rated, and that doesn’t just apply to her fashion choices.Two old ladies in Dior Couture: Nicole Kidman and Sharon StoneSharon served a little high-end Cruella DeVille with a good dress and bad hair. Marchesa’s minions, Halle and Hailee.  This gown’s a little too young and try-hard on HalleHailee finally succumbed to the princess pressure after several chic and tailored moments this awards season.  This awkward length doesn’t flatter her. Celine Dion and Reese Witherspoon werked Armani Privé, two of the strongest looks of the night.  Anyone else suspicious why Reese looked a little too proud of herself all night.  We all knew the Rodarte was coming.  Portman loves Kate and Laura Mulleavy.  After all the built-up expectation, this plum number was just okay.  Some of that train should have been repurposed to fill out the front hemline.  Also repping purple, Scarjo in Dolce & Gabbana taking the baton from Michelle Williams to finish the defiantly unattractive relay.  Mila chose lilac Elie Saab and looked absolutely fantastic.  She managed to balance sweet and sexy – arguably the best, except for that awful makeup.Another best dressed contender, the always impeccable and fashion-forward Cate Blanchett in Givenchy CoutureHilary Swank also ventured into slightly new territory in GucciSwank’s softly sculpted eye makeup was undoubtedly some of the best cosmetic artistry of the night.  Michelle Williams gave good glam with stunningly perfect hair and makeup. Three ladies arrived in gowns previously featured on Demeter Clarc: Amy Adams in L’Wren Scott, Giuliana Rancic in Christian Siriano, and Mandy Moore in Monique L’huillier.  Remember, you saw it here first.Penelope, Jennifer Hudson (Versace), Anne Hathaway (archival Valentino), and Sandra Bullock (Vera Wang) opted for a range of carmine hues.  The rosebuds were neither particularly interesting nor especially fug.  These four surfed the crimson sea of mediocrity.Worst without needed elaboration: Marisa Tomei in vintage Charles James and Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer.

GRAMMY 2011 FASHION

Of everyone, Keri Hilson turned it out best and most appropriately in Basil Soda. Predictably, metallic mania saturated the 2011 Grammy red carpet.  JLo in Emilio Pucci, and look at little Snooks werking an exaggerated shoulder. Selena Gomez looked ten years older in J MendelHeidi Klum improved over her last dress disaster with this Julien MacDonald. Kim Kardashian gambled on titty tape in Kaufmanfranco, Miley in Cavalli, and Rimes in Reem Acra. JHud channeled Naomi in Versace.  She’d be a contender for best dressed if the skirt had reached the floor.  From the waist down, the dress is reading budget. Ciara showed almost everything in Emilio Pucci.  Wrong shoes girl. Minaj in Givenchy, Gaga in Hussien Chalayan, and (to some extent) Rihanna in Gaultier served avant-garde, but their attempts at fashion rebellion felt a bit contrived. Florence Welch broke out the new Givenchy hot off the runway.  Katy Perry dug up her Halloween faerie costume from 2001.  Wings Katy, really?  That abomination is fucking Armani yo!Don’t love the dress, but overall, this is a vast improvement for Nicole Kidman who has been looking like dookie lately.  Natasha Bedingfield and Julianne Hough also donned florals and patterns.

17th Annual SAG Fashion: the pretty and the shitty

Best dressed goes to Julie Bowen for her flattering and original Catherine Malandrino jumpsuit.  Julie gets the prize because this may be the best she’s ever looked.  Hitting her fashion stride, the choice highlighted her toned arms and tiny waist.  Christina Hendricks also deserves compliments for reining in her (allegedly enhanced) rack in this elegant long-sleeved L’wren Scott gown.  Modern and slimming, a much-improved showing for our Joanie. Yeah, yeah, Mila looked great in Alexander McQueen.  Finally, she picked a gown that does her justice.  She’ll be the obvious contender for “best dressed” among the mainstream critics.  It wouldn’t be a proper awards show without a Demeter Clarc selection making the cut.  This time Julia Stiles worked this Monique L’huillier ombre from the Pre-Fall 2011 collection.  Don’t love the uninspired hair, but she gives good gown. A trio of cap-sleeved gowns appeared on January Jones, Jenna Fischer, and Nicole KidmanJayma Mayes and Jennifer Lawrence worked detailed variations of the theme.  None were particularly spectacular. On the fug continuum, Jayma sits on the least offensive end and Jenna on the way, way, way other side.  Heather Morris, Kyra Sedgwick, and Sarah Hyland served sexy strapless.  Tina Fey, Winona Ryder, Claire Danes, Dianna Agron, Julianna Margulies, and Natalie Portman sucked all the seduction out of the silhouette.  Angie Harmon suffered from a serious case of overcompensation.  I’m so mad at WinonaThe one-shoulder women, tasteful Hilary Swank wearing Versace, and budget Kim Kardashian in Marchesa. While originality is always appreciated, the most interesting part of Eva Longoria’s Georges Hobeika gown was estimating how much titty tape went into tacking that strap down.  Sophia Vergara joked that she makes everything look like Cavalli.  Unfortunately, that means she makes Cavalli look like JovaniLea Michele came with a whole different take on the deep-V in Oscar de la Renta.  Overall, it was a very de la Renta-heavy evening.

GOLDEN GLOBES 2011: the chic and the weak

Best of the night, Anne Hathaway in a modern fashion-forward Armani Privé gown (featured here in best gowns of Fall 2010 waaaay back in August).

Worst of the night, Heidi Klum in Marc Jacobs serving Neapolitan nausea.

Calvin Klein Collection provided intense color and clean lines resulting in two of the most refreshing looks of the evening – Emma Stone and Claire Danes. The two biggest disappointments were Jennifer Lawrence in Louis Vuitton and Scarlett Johansson in Elie Saab.  These were not the most offensive gowns of the evening, but neither selection does its wearer justice.  Since this was one of Scarjo’s first appearances post-divorce announcement, her failure to turn it out is really inexcusable. More than ever, these mega-gowns feel really antiquated.  Catherine Zeta-Jones goes to prom in Monique L’huillier

Pretty pink princess Lea Michele joins her in Oscar de la Renta

Eva Longoria looks like she’s dragging her grief behind her in this Zac PosenWho invited Hewitt?

From the washed-up diva collection, Zuhair Murad dressed both Christina Aguilera and Jennifer LopezAwkward and abysmal asymmetry abounded; unfortch, no one executed this look correctly.

Julie Bowen in Tadashi Shoji - we want so much more for you Claire.

Julianne Moore tried her best to work a Lanvin dress that was in desperate need of a good steam.  Nicole Kidman bored us in Prada.Granny gown girls: Leighton Meester misfired again in Burberry and Michelle Williams continues her defiantly unappealing streak in Valentino. The two most overrated?  Sophia Vergara in Vera loves-a-sash Wang and Angelina Jolie in Versace.  Hey Angie, Joan Collins called and demanded you return her gown.  The most stylish and appropriately dressed youngin’ was Hailee Steinfeld in Prabal Gurung. Sarah Hyland could have used some guidance away from this fug Max Azria. Many folks will criticize Natalie Portman’s Viktor & Rolf gown, but who can be mad at this feminine display of whimsy?  Olivia Wilde deviated from the crowd with this full-skirted, sparkly, starry night Marchesa gown.  

The titty committee, January Jones in Versace and Halle Berry in Nina Ricci. The Glee girls gave good gownage.

Single-note strong colors adorn Kyra Sedgwick in Emilio Pucci and Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan.

Most random?  A heavy-banged Sandra Bullock in Jenny Packham