Tag Archives: Oprah Winfrey

4 for Friday

YOGA TIMES SQUAREHappy Solstice!  Today we welcome summer.  I will complete 108 sun salutations to initiate in the new season.  The practice helps me shed old energy and embrace the future.  If my tan so far is any indication, this summer is going to be the best summer ever.  KIM AND KANYENo those bitches didn’t name that baby North West.  For fucksake. KIM AND KANYE MET BALL

PAULA DEEN LOVES BLACK PEOPLEIn this week’s non-bombshell news, is anyone actually surprised that Paula Deen is a racist?  OPRAH KNOWS ABOUT PAULA DEENFor today’s overreaching bossy advice I command you go outside and smile at a stranger.  Okay, fine, sneer if you want to, but go outside.  REESE BITCHFACE

Oprah’s Awkward Next Chapter

Who watched the premiere of Oprah’s Next Chapter last night?  Oprah visited Steven Tyler at his Sunapee, New Hampshire home and more often than not it was awkward and uncomfortable.  First, Oprah showed up with two huge buckets full of hydrangeas “she cut herself from her garden,” as a totally random gift for the singer. Without their personal assistants to wrangle the flowers, Oprah and Steven dithered indecisively over where to set them down until eventually plopping them down next to a tree.In case you didn’t know, Steven Tyler randomly bursts into song without provocation.  Regular Oprah Winfrey Show watchers remember how embarrassing Oprah gets in the midst of live music.  The two of them together made for some weird moments over the first hour.  Tyler intermittently released guttural screeches, and in response Oprah froze in an uncomfortable smile, not sure of whether to do her usual pretend lip synch routine, laugh, or gaze on in admiration.   Even though it was laced with uneasiness, we learned a few things about Steven Tyler from the interview.  He believes the rest of Aerosmith envies him – a phenomenon his describes as LSD – Lead Singer Disorder.  Tyler literally thinks he’s magic and proclaims he always knew he would be a famous rockstar, informing his mother of the fact as a child.  In a nutshell, he totally buys into his own delusions of grandeur.  As Steven pontificated on his many gifts, a wash of recognition came over Oprah as she realized he sounded like a self-aggrandizing asshole.  Did the queen of self-reflection consider whether she came off equally as pompous when talking about herself?  This remains to be seen.  Later in the interview, during a ride in his antique car, Steven clasped Oprah’s hand and said, “I’m so lonely in life.  I have no friends like you.  I’m alone.  I’m alone.”  Oprah responded, “Now you’re not, cause now we will be friends.”  How can you be friends with a self-important, insufferable asshole who believes musical talent and a lot of good luck makes you a superior species?  And I say that with a total fondness for the delightful kooky genius that is Steven Tyler. During the last twenty minutes of the 2 hour program, Tyler’s new fiancé Erin Brady joined the interview.  In an unexpected turn, I kinda like her.Industry gossips say Oprah and the pockets behind the struggling network were hoping Next Chapter would improve the ratings and begin to turn things around at OWN.  While the interviews may perform decently in the ratings, this is not Oprah at her best.  And I don’t think I’m the first to wonder if much like Madonna, her best days are done. 

Sunday with Mo’Nique

Dear Oprah, OWN Sucks

Even us schadenfreuders hoped Oprah’s OWN might serve up a programming highlight or two, but we’ve generously given Ms. Winfrey more than a month to win us over, and she’s already squandered most of our patience and good will.  If Oprah’s foray into OWN proves nothing else, it illustrates that there is a huge difference between running a successful talk show and overseeing an entire network.The first of many problems with OWN is lack of original programming.  In the age of streaming, old movies ain’t gonna cut it, and reruns of Dr. Phil definitely ain’t gonna cut it.  She’d be better off showing reruns of her own show if the network needs filler.  Oprah’s so technologically out of touch she quaintly believes that we’re all going to sit down and watch an edited version of Postcards From the Edge during primetime?  Up against Jersey Shore, is she bananas?Let’s discuss the original programming that has aired so far.  Basically, it generates hostility.  The Gayle King Show is some seriously amateur shit.  King’s sloppiness only serves to highlight the rather obvious coattail-riding nepotism which landed her the position in the first place.  Next, tune into Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes and watch the production team shield Oprah from any backstage complication while simultaneously anticipating and meeting her every high-maintenance whim.  Even if you liked Oprah before, you won’t after you watch this.  Her staff gives new meaning to the term sycophant.OWN’s self-proclaimed mission is to “entertain, inform and inspire people to live their best lives,” but is this really the best Oprah can do?Oprah has approximately six months or less to turn things around at OWN before becoming a cautionary tale.  Some have already dubbed the venture a failure, and the ratings continue to drop, but don’t count Ms. Winfrey out just yet.Oprah, first things first, you need some appointment television, and no, your reality show definitely doesn’t count.  OWN needs an unmissable water cooler show.  Try bankrolling forward-thinking, risky artistic projects that more conservative networks reject – find OWN’s version of Mad Men, Sex and the City, or Sons of Anarchy.Despite rumors of upcoming Tatum O’Neal and Shania Twain reality shows, Oprah has yet to bring an interesting celeb-reality entry into the programming mix.  If she knew anything, she’d give Nicki Minaj her own show.OWN’s definitely squandered an opportunity on cornering the healthy lifestyle angle.  How about a vegetarian cooking show?  We all know you have Kathy Freston on speed dial.  What about giving Michael Pollan a camera and letting him explore where our food comes from?Most importantly, where the fuck is the fashion, beauty, and interior design?Come on Oprah, we all expect more of you.  Time is running out for you to salvage this disaster.  Start by cutting Gayle a severance package.

Sunday with Oprah

OWN Preview

On January 1, 2011, Oprah unleashes her network across the country.  Here’s a preview of the very self-helpy and reality-heavy lineup.

The Gayle King Show.  A given.

Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes is a backstage doc-style look at the final year of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Oprah called upon all her favorites for Master Class including Jay-Z, Simon Cowell, Sidney Poitier, Dr. Maya Angelou, Diane Sawyer, Lorne Michaels, and Dr. Condoleezza Rice.

Also in the mix, a reality show about an Indiana prison, a couple cooking shows, myth-busters for miracles, and a Hoarders ripoff with Peter Walsh.  Both Laura Berman and Lisa Ling snagged shows, along with several other Oprah Winfrey Show regulars, but the most exciting notion of all is the return of Rose O’Donnell to the daily talk show format.

Portia de Rossi Gossip Part One

Remember in American Beauty where Jane (Thora Birch) and Angela (Mena Suvari) enjoy a joint in the car after the basketball game?  Angela informs Jane, “There’s nothing worse in life than being ordinary.”  Portia de Rossi is Angela, and the fear of mediocrity has driven both her success and her eating disorder.  Here are a few tidbits not covered in that surprisingly snoozy Oprah interview.  Did you know that Portia’s husband (Mel) left her for her brother’s wife (Renee)?  Juicy, right?   I’ll give that one a moment to sink in. We all know that Amanda Rogers changed her name to Portia de Rossi when she was 15, though I’d never heard the whole back story until reading Unbearable Lightness.  Underage Amanda was at a club when the manager took her upstairs to give her herpes an all-access medallion awarded to VIP’s.  When asked her name, she decided Amanda Rogers was way too average, so she pulled a Keyser Söze and renamed herself Portia de Rossi.  “Portia” she lifted from The Merchant of Venice, and “de Rossi” was plucked from a string of credits rolling by at the end of a movie.Read into this what you will; Portia on her first unrequited love: “If I was successful, I could win her, seduce her with money and power just as Martina Navratilova and Melissa Etheridge had won their previously heterosexual girlfriends.  By their actions, these powerful, famous lesbians told the world that straight women were more desirable than gay ones and if you were rich and powerful enough, you could snag one of your own.”

Oprah and Whoopi Bury the Hatchet?

Whoopi slipped a quiet bombshell into this morning’s View.  Apparently, Oprah has invited Whoopi on her show to celebrate the 25th anniversary of The Color Purple.  Guess Oprah’s finally gotten over that Lonesome Rhodes comment…

OPRAH, By Kitty Kelley

If you like a good unauthorized biography, pick up Kitty Kelley’s OPRAH, an impeccably researched behemoth that will likely change your perspective on Ms. Winfrey.  For instance, did you know….Oprah’s “dad” Vernon Winfrey does not enjoy Oprah’s BFF Gayle King.  I believe his words were “that dirt hog Gayle.”

Vernon had a sign in his grocery store that read: “Attention Teenagers: If you are tired of being hassled by unreasonable parents, now is the time for action.  Leave home and pay your own way while you still know everything.”

Oprah, a voracious eater, once allegedly devoured two entire pecan pies while Stedman was out golfing. Oprah can cry on cue, and it was reported that she said every tear is worth half a ratings point.

The beef between Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah dates back to The Color Purple days.  Whoopi compared Oprah to Lonesome Rhodes in A Face in the Crowd, and in turn, Oprah omitted her from her Legends Ball. Word on the street is that Oprah gave Gayle $1,250,000 (a million bucks plus taxes), so they both could be millionaires for Christmas.  Other gifts Oprah has allegedly given Gayle: a $7.5 million Manhattan apartment, $3.6 million house in Greenwich, the head bitch in charge position at O Magazine, and private school for Gayle’s kids.My most favorite tidbit of all?  If her royal highness Oprah Winfrey is asleep on either leg of a flight in her private jet, her pilots are under strict orders not to wake her until she’s slept a minimum of eight hours.  Seriously, the pilots, crew, and her staff must wait until she wakes up or has slumbered a full eight hours.  Bitch needs her beauty rest; it is exhausting running the world.