In a fug-flapper Prada, Lupita stretched the limits of her “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” title.Anna Wintour has her pick of any dress, and yet she chose this chunk-adding Chanel. This is why I don’t trust her. Furthermore, I consistently despise her shoes.
Oscar de la Renta costumed Ivanka Trump as a mossy pond.
In a gown that doubles as weaponry, Karolina Kurkova’s poised to prick a bitch in her thorny Marchesa.
Lena Dunham is so fucking talented….just not at getting dressed.
Rodarte did Shailene Woodley dirty with this abomination unless the earthy actress insisted on a gown made from recycled fabric scraps.
Even in Valentino, Maggie Gyllenhaal’s personal style is to the eye what pickle juice is to the palate.
Lara Flynn Boyle ballerina barf redux courtesy of Rita Ora.
Naomi Watt’s sinister swan metamorphosis! I can see your gams through your Givenchy, girl.
Bitch, you stole Kelly Osbourne’s look!
J. Mendel deposited a stiff Anna Kendrick into a fussy architectural number in which she appeared both lovely and seriously uncomfortable. Rihanna’s gorgeous face and defined abs almost distract me from this wrinkled two-piece Stella McCartney gimmick gown. Do we really need a choker, exaggerated shoulders, tattoo, midriff, draping, and ruching all in one look? We get it Cara Delevigne, you’re a dyke and you wanna wear pants. Lesbihonest, with access to every major designer on the planet, there is no excuse for anything less than an impeccable fit. Hailee Steinfeld almost gets it right with this graphic Prabal Gurung, but I can’t with the shoes and lipstick. The overall look is just a skosh too pretty-perfect-matchy-finished. Continuing sidenote: Do any of these wrinkly-ass bitches own a steamer? Goddamn. In a pairing as classic as black and white, SJP donned Oscar de la Renta. Is “classic” just a euphemism for old-fashioned?Here’s Naomi’s foot trying to escape from under that forgotten frock from Mrs. Roper’s Bridal Collection. Campbell’s feathery personal assault restraints sold separately.The sisters Prune cloaked in mourning; MK in Ferre and Ashley in death by Chanel. Kate Upton served up two tittypints of Dolce & Gabbana saloon slut. Then Gisele arrived in Balenciaga to demonstrate how a supermodel does it, hunny.
Eternamé Fernando Jorge Irene Neuwirth Lulu Frost Oscar de la Renta Sabine G. Saint Laurent Salvatore Ferragamo Swarovski Vionnet
Jane Krakowski wore KauffmanFranco – best color, unforgivable tailoring.
Zac Posen really only makes variations of one basic gown, but it is a damn fine gown – as seen here on dingbat Amanda Seyfried.
Boldest couple debut: Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel. Our little Rory Gilmore loves her co-stars doesn’t she?
Anne Hathaway demonstrates the most ill-advised use of a Giambattista Valli dress.
The Jenny Packham girls, the better version above on Jenna Fischer and the lesser below on Kelly Osbourne.
The head to toe hell no – Sofia Vergara in Donna Karan.
Claire had nowhere to go but down after her last showing, but the aging makeup and side boob vadge action aren’t working in this Givenchy. Giuliana is showing positive progress on probation after her last fashion felony in this far less offensive Max Azria.
Elisabeth Moss gives some gams in Dolce & Gabbana.
Can you feel the tension in this high-fashion face off between January Jones in Prabal Gurung and Jessica Paré in Jason Wu? The straps on the Jason Wu look a bit like suspenders. I appreciate that January Jones doesn’t dress for the men, but could she pick something flattering just once?
Most timelessly spectacular putting all these young bitches to shame – Mizz Jessica Lange.
Jessica Chastain contends for best dressed in Alexander McQueen, but the lipstick is wrong and she needs to whiten her teeth.
Gorgeous and talented Jennifer Lawrence has no fucking clue how to dress herself. Christian Dior can throw couture at her the whole award season through, and she’ll waste every opportunity with the wrong hair, jewelry, and makeup.
Julianne Moore should only let Tom Ford dress her because this Chanel is a fucking floral flat-tittied disaster.
What do we think of these two? Jennifer Westfeldt looks better than usual if a tad boobish in Blumarine.
Let’s start with the hair – an obvious hot mess, move down to the 3D bustage on this strange Vivienne Westwood, glance at those lame duck shoes and declare Nicole Kidman an epic dud.
Me likey Nina Dobrev in this Elie Saab, even if it is quite derivative of Emma Stone in Calvin Klein from a season or two ago.
Look at our little Kiernan Shipka all grown up in this Oscar de la Renta.
…Salma Hayek in Gucci for the Best Bluish Black. She has a certain carefree sparkle only a billion dollars can buy. …Nicole Richie in Naeem Khan for best Palm Beach Housewife. Is this bitch 74? G-jus. …Amanda Seyfried in Givenchy for most Unseasonably Springy. I should hate this doily shit, but I don’t. …Claire Danes in red Versace for best Post Baby Body Bounce-Back. Doesn’t she look 10 years younger with those 15 extra pounds? …Connie Britton wins Most Consistent in KaufmanFranco.…Jessica Alba for most Irrelevantly Gorgeous. Penalty for skinning a defenseless Muppet for that embarrassing bag. …Amy Adams in Marchesa wins the prize for Most Likely to be Accidentally Confused with Taylor Swift.…Halle Berry for Misdemeanor Midriff Exposure in Versace. …Sally Field for worst Granny Globes, gown by Alberta Ferretti.…Kerry Washington for Most Overrated in Miu Miu.…Anne Hathaway for Most Boring Chanel.…Zosia Mamet for Best of the Girls.…Lena Dunham for snatching Helen Mirren’s Zac Posen gown.…Allison Williams for Most Forgettable Girl.…Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein Slightly Wrong from Head to Toe.…Jennifer Lawrence for failure to learn from Jessica Biel’s Weird Dior-titty Mistake. …Lucy Liu for Most Incongruent in Carolina Herrera. What is this floral fuckmess?…Hayden Panettiere wins Most Repetitious in Roberto Cavalli. …Jennifer Lopez for Most in Need of a Divorce from Zuhair Murad.…Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta for Most Misguided Personal Style.…Naomi Watts for Best Zac Posen.…Nicole Kidman for Most Improved Hair. This is a chicer length for her. …Rachel Weisz in Louis Vuitton for the Worst 3-Way Split.…Giuliana Rancic in Celia Kritharioti for Most Felonious Showing by an Officer of the Fashion Police.
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