Tag Archives: parents

shame corner. I sometimes agree with Dr. Laura

DR LAURA LARRY KINGEven though (in my opinion / legal disclaimer) Dr. Laura has behaved as a bigoted hypocrite, occasionally she preaches truth.  If you’ve never listened to Dr. Laura, she’s an ultraconservative radio talk show host with a harshsauce advice delivery system.  Ask your Mom.  She’ll explain.  START LIVING

I admit it.  I agree with Dr. Laura regarding the following three points:

1)  Don’t marry a weak man. 

Weak men = mama’s boys.  Weak men = childishly obsess over internet porn.  Weak men = lie.  Nearly every show, Dr. Laura’s callers illustrate how weak men are the source of innumerable problems.  Weak men don’t get strong.10 STUPID THINGS

2) Don’t marry an addict.

Addicts only care about their addiction.

DIVORCE

3) Stay home with your kid(s) until they go to school.

Controversial, right?  Can we agree that 0-5 years old are hugely formative years for a human being?  Can we agree that children are at their most vulnerable to predators before they can speak or physically defend themselves?  I am not a parent, but if I were and could possibly afford it, I would commit five years to my child to nurture and protect the kid during this crucial developmental period.  Obviously, such a scenario is not financially feasible for every family.  Regardless of income, no one is ever going to love and protect my kid like I would with such unwavering and priceless devotion.  IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Don’t Raise a Dickhead

KIDS YOGARecently, I invited kids to join a class I usually teach for adults.  I’m not a fan of pandering to children, so I expect the youngsters attending my class will demonstrate a modicum of self-control and respect.  In general, I treat kids as capable beings.  That’s why I blame parents when I observe many children have not been taught how to properly greet another human.MEET THE KIDSFor example I’ll say: “Hi kids, welcome to class, nice to see you again.  Thanks for joining us.”  No eye contact.  No response.  These children range in age from 6-10 years old and are quite capable of an age-appropriate level of social interaction with adults.  The accompanying parent, a highly intelligent, insightful, and successful person, makes no effort to corral the children for a proper greeting.  I find this unbelievably shocking.  Without exception, children must learn to respectfully acknowledge adults.  I need some eye contact and a bonjour at the very least.  PLEASED TO MEET YOUEven though it is fully possible that the kiddos ignore me because I’m a child-hating cunt, I’ll just humbly offer that no one is twisting their arms to come to this class and they attend quite voluntarily and enthusiastically.  So even though I am a mean witch, I haven’t revealed my broom to the little ones just yet.  This clearly isn’t a personal rebuff, but routinely rude behavior.  Unfortunately, these kids just haven’t been taught proper manners.  HI THEREObviously, parents resent advice from non-parents, but non-parents resent having to deal with rude children, so let’s just agree to call it even.  Remember: little assholes grow up to be big assholes.  We are all counting on you not to raise a dickhead.  Don’t let us down.    HOW RUDE

Adult Lessons from Bringing Up Bebe

BRINGING UP BEBE COVER ARTI was desperate for something to read and in a weird mood, so I downloaded Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting.  As you well know, I am not a parent and have a deeply instilled aversion to most children.  I didn’t even like children when I was a child, so I’m not really sure why I wanted to read a parenting book.  As I read the book, it sent me into an analysis of my own deeply flawed upbringing.  I’m no gushing francophile either, but Pamela Druckerman’s conversational and confessional writing style drew me into her world of raising little Americans in Paris.DRUCKERMAN KIDSIn reading the parenting guide, I was struck just how few adults (including moi) have learned some of the basic lessons institutionalized in the French child-rearing philosophy.  Like what you ask?  How about….CA VA1) attendre - to wait.  According to Druckerman, instead of saying “stop” French parents say “attend” or “wait.”  This practice instills a sense of patience in the child and reminds the child that the world does not stop at his or her command.  Now how many rude and self-important adults do you know who could benefit from an understanding of this very basic principle?   CHILDREN WAIT2) cadre – Druckerman refers to the cadre or framework for French parenting.  Essentially, the framework consists of strict boundaries with much freedom within those boundaries.  For instance, in France a child can enjoy cake, chocolate, or other indulgences everyday, but only at the designated snack time and in a reasonable portion.  Perhaps with a little structure to my eating times I wouldn’t be devouring Chocolove pretzel bars at 10 am.  GOUTER3) sage – The French prefer their children wise and calm.  A kid must exercise self-control as well as be able to amuse oneself.  Based on my limited observations, self-control may be the single greatest factor in crafting a successful life.  Furthermore, a grown-ass person really has no excuse for complaining of boredom.  The French understand you must make your own fucking fun.LOVE HATE BABY

What You Should NOT Do for a Dollah

1) Don’t get lured into exploitative direct marketing or pyramid schemes.  I recently was invited to an Arbonne event by someone.  Arbonne is a “natural” beauty company sold through representatives in the vein of Mary Kay or Avon.  At first, I thought this person was just asking me for a friendly drink.  Then it turned into: watch these chicks get Mercedes for selling skincare.  Despite the aggressive tactics, it is almost impossible to make any money with the slim profit margins in these shady ventures.  If they ask you for money up front, back away.2) Why waste energy on enterprises that don’t value what you have to offer?  As you well know, life is short.  You can waste yours lining unworthy pockets or you can refuse to settle for anything less than a fulfilling use of your time, talent, and resources.  3) Please don’t resort to performing sexual favors; depleting your plasma; permanently moving back in with your parents; signing up for a reality show; sacrificing your pride and dignity, or staying on at a job you truly loathe. 

sleep thief

After 27 days of sleep deprivation, I’m totally exhausted and annihilated.  This got me wondering how long it will take me to catch up and recover.  The most recent studies suggest that sleep debt can’t be repaid in one or two nights of longer snoozes.  The average American gets 6.9 hours of sleep.  Subjects restricted to 7 hours of sleep had slower response times during cognitive testing.  Those restricted to 6 hours of sleep performed so poorly after several days of limited sleep they actually fell into micro sleeps during simple ten minute cognitive tests.   Folks performed consistently well on tests with 8-9 hours of sleep, though I feel best with a luxurious full ten.  This is one of the main reasons I’m not interested in children.  Children steal sleep. With my cognitive capabilities greatly diminished by the chronic sleep deprivation, this math may be be wrong.  By my calculations, I have 108 hours of sleep to recover.  How much sleep do you owe yourself?  Are folks bitchy or just tired?