I hate spring because intoxicating clouds of allergens trigger such an overwhelming immune response I feel exhausted all day. I only nap in the spring.
I hate spring because I never know what to wear. It’s too early for bare legs and skirts. Jeans and boots feel too heavy. I’m too hot. I’m too cold. The erratic weather means it’s warm enough for tank tops one day and cold enough for sweaters the next. Nothing looks or feels quite right.
I hate spring because folks get yearning loins and make bad sex decisions. Don’t get mad at me because you did something grimy.
I hate spring because Cadbury Eggs and Peeps are fucking gross.I hate spring because it highlights my need to shed a chunk of winter weight.