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NOVEMBER 2011 HOROSCOPES

Scorpio

Happy Birthday Scorpio!  This month you have permission to shop, but pay cash.  Double check your statements because money mix-ups are likely with Mercury in retrograde.  Invitations roll in this month and you are on every guest list.  Lucky Ducky Days fall on the 16th and 23rd. Those Scorpios yearning for a commitment may just get their wish come true this month.  Scorpios waiting for their ships to come in will have to hold out until December.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius must watch the hyperbolic talk this month.  If you can’t deliver it, don’t promise it.  Especially scattered when it comes to times, dates, and appointments, double check your schedule to avoid missing important events.  In November, Sags brings flare to social circles and in turn widen their own.  Get your good underwear out; November looks active in the bedroom.

Capricorn

With Mercury in retrograde this month, Capricorn suffers confusion and misunderstanding.  Confirm and keep accurate records.  Slow the pace a bit this month, and consider if things are headed in the right direction.  Enjoy time with the family and a little nostalgia.  November will be highly social.  For single Capricorns looking for a new romance, this is the time.  Career advancement may be in the painting.

Aquarius

Aquarius risks losing valuables this November, so mind your belongings.  You really can’t afford to replace expensive items this month. To make matters worse, a dispute with a friend has you feeling down and misunderstood.  Thanksgiving will be a big to-do this year which brings added stress and insecurity to the end of the month.  Ultimately, all will go well, and you will be popular and complimented.  Mercury in retrograde causes mix-ups with appointment details; double check your shit.

Pisces

In November, Pisces succeed at work.  This is where you should focus your energy and expect to see the biggest return.  Towards the holiday, expect a flurry of activity.  Save your best outfits for the 16th and 23rd.  Fishies in relationships do well this month, but watch your mouth.  Careless words can’t be retrieved.

Aries

Thanksgiving plans prove extra annoying this year.  Expect bad food, travel delays, and the aftertaste of regret.  At least your wallet looks thick, particularly after the 10th.  Knock out some early holiday shopping.  You’ll have a knack for finding bargains this November.  The first weeks of November, focus on friends and social activities.  Need a favor?  The best time to hit ‘em up is the 2nd or 3rd.

Taurus

November brings misunderstandings to the work place.  Try to stay out of the inter-office drama.  Taurus glows in November with charm and confidence.  Coupled Bulls share romantic cozy evenings.  Those on the prowl have opportunities for sexy times.  Stable finances ease your mind, but careful to avoid delayed payments.  Devote energy to your social life rather than big money or career decisions this month.

Gemini

Take care of yourself this month Gemini.  You are particularly susceptible to a bout of illness in November.  Sleep more, eat better, and skip the late nights of debauchery.  All this hanging at home will have you tempted to commence a new project.  Now is not the time.  Those looking for love may find it this month, including a commitment.  Don’t get too excited about the deal you scored on gifts; you’ll need the extra dough to pay for all those upcoming events.

Cancer

Crabs are on full blast in November which can lead to clumsy accidents.  Think before you leap.  Romance sucks up all the energy in November.  Couples spend ample time together and singles link up with a soul mate.  You’ll know by the instant familiarity.  Build a foundation in November for future recognition at work.  Don’t expect instant results.

Leo

November brings family strife for Leo, so get ready to have it out with your nearest and dearest.  Set aside a reserve for unexpected home repairs that pop up.  Select repairmen carefully.  November is for saving rather than spending.  Curb impulsive purchases.  Expect scheduling confusion in your social life.  Confirm date, time and place before leaving.  Professionally, a raise and promotion are in the stars.  If a raise isn’t in the budget, at least you’ll catch a little shine.

Virgo

Have you been resisting scheduled maintenance on your cars or appliances?  Invest in a check-up or risk pricier repairs in the future.  November serves an energy spike.  Don’t get so worked up into a tizzy that you make dumbass mistakes.  Slow down.  This is a favorable month for family relationships, except for the cloudy communication.  Choose words carefully.  At work, get everything in writing and avoid signing contracts around the 1st and the 20th.

Libra

November’s mellow and enjoyable for Libra, as long as you take care of yourself, including ample rest.  Reserve the end of the month for family, holiday decorating, and planning.  A flurry of communication promotes healthy relationships, but misunderstandings are a possibility too.  Review messages for clarity before sending.  Extra cash tempts you to spend.  Exercise restraint.  When conducting online transactions, leave room for others’ mistakes.

JULY 2011 HOROSCOPES

 

Cancer

Happy Birthday Crabs!  A Cardinal sign, the Cancerian energy flows like the ocean tides in one clear direction – usually towards home.  Guardians of the Moon, introverted and feminine Cancers are the heart of the family.  Running things in July, increased responsibility burdens relationships.  Continue the theme of constructive stress relief.  Reduce the overall load by relying on trustworthy confidants.  Heightened emotional attunement results in prosperous partnerships and business ventures.  Leash spending and enjoy a thick wallet.

Leo

Leos should cancel road trips and stay off the road when possible this month.  Exercise extra caution while out and about locally.  Particularly vulnerable to pressure in July, don’t cave.  You’ll end up stuck in a very unfavorable position.  Others slack professionally; set yourself apart by seizing bonus opportunities.  The extra effort will result in recognition.  Best to keep a low profile for now; next month brings improvements.

Virgo

Virgos have avoided making tough and permanent decisions about some major unresolved issues.  Conflicts with finances, offspring, amici, and colleagues require legitimate action this time around.  Now is the time to take up the rug and sweep up all that dust and dirt.  Busy worktimes require organization and strategy.  Domestically, trips keep the temperature warm and the mood romantic.  Couples teetering on the brink?  July’s the time to let go for good.

Libra

Blindsiding professional upheaval disrupts progress at work.  The drama could easily suck up the first two weeks of the month.  Find a way to  attract attention because competitive sharks circle Libras.  If you want it, you will have to fight for it.  In other respects, July looks calm and easy.  Casual summer entertaining fills up warm evenings with innocent fun.  The invitations don’t stop all summer and the socializing expands your social sphere.  Many of these upcoming events have a charitable angle; don’t show your ass by being cheap.

 

 

 

Scorpio

Put on your party pants Scorpios; whether you like it or not socializing is the summer agenda.  Instead of shutting everyone out, keep the lines of communication open.  It is unlike you to fuck up, so mind invitation details to avoid offending your host.  A heartbreaker of an old flame resurfaces this month.  Will you play with fire?  This grudge has taken up enough cardiac real estate.  Whether you ignore the overture or reciprocate, find a way to let go of the long-standing bitterness.

 

Sagittarius

Sags are looking good right now; take advantage of your heightened appeal and enjoy a day or two off the usual grind.  Reunions make for unexpected sparks with random acquaintances.  Have fun with the nostalgia, but don’t get too serious.  Focus some attention on gathering intel socially and professionally.  Knowledge is power.  Financially, Sags can expect more steady drip than flowing stream.  Manage accordingly.

 

Capricorn

May I congratulate you on the steps you’ve taken to make things right?  Effort duly noted.  Relationships aren’t ever easy for Caps, but after the New Moon positive change arrives.  Professional disappointments discourage and frustrate Caps in July.  A temper tantrum won’t help.  Keep work and home separate or suffer interpersonal misery.  No big shopping sprees in July for you.  Schedule important biznass sometime between the 8th-11th.

 

Aquarius

Aquarius enjoys great relationships or love prospects this July.  Keep the vibe easy breezy and without strings.  Code word: summer fling.  Let the good sexytimes distract you from office drama.  Storms gather at work; expect ego clashes, posturing, and backstabbing due to some planetary fuckery.  Fear not; by month’s end, Aquarius enjoy professional glory.

 

Pisces

Reasonably financially prudent, Pisces swim in unfamiliar water this month when you run into some unexpected money issues (which are totally your fault).  Rather than waste time stressing funds, devote time to DIY home improvement and gardening.  Midmonth, friends lighten the mood, and Pisces always get invited to the party.  However, romantic strings tangle in July and have you hunting for the scissors.  In contrast, work looks really fantastic, so enjoy the sun where it shines.

Aries

The first half of the month brings struggles to Aries.  Both romantic and familial connections suffer interference.  Consider the best way to defuse the drama.  Celestial movements make the second half of July an entirely different conversation.  Get ready for some super fun times and the potential for new love.  Already prone to sluttiness, don’t get carried away with the short-shorts and tequila.

 

Taurus

July brings drastic changes in almost every important relationship in your life.  Everyone close will feel the aches and pains.  Others may behave erratically; calm them with your steady reliability.  Enjoy long talks with those nearest and dearest during lazy lovely summer days.  Now is the time for a trip, long or short – make it happen if you can.  Always financially savvy, Taurus are extra amped to earn this month.

 

Gemini

Gemini glows in July.  Take the extra charm and direct it towards meeting new friends or getting back in touch with far-flung relatives.  We know how much Geminis hate to make decisions, but July demands you take a stand in that impossible relationship.  This time, you must initiate action.  Others may try to weasel into private financial dealings.  Stay vigilant and keep intruders out of your biznass.  Expect a flux of household income, but manage surplus wisely.

 

Memorialized

Sunday with Easter

CARD CASE

Retire the wallet; all you really need is one of these fun enamel cases from Classic Hardware, perfectly sized for your ID and a few cards.  Not only will this holder force you to simplify and lighten your stash, it serves as an interesting conversation piece.  Both men and women often compliment mine.Measuring approximately 4″ x 2″, the sturdy compact slips into even the slimmest clutch or pocket.   The high quality construction tolerates serious abuse and withstands cracking, chipping, and scratches.  Classic Hardware makes a variety of creative and original designs with a choice of smaller and larger dimensions.  All make excellent gifts for stylish friends.

BATH SHEET

Don’t ruin delightful bath time with disgusting towels.  Donate those stringy, rough, hand-me-down towels and invest in luxurious bath sheets.Standard bath towels measure 27 X 52 inches and don’t envelope the body the way a thick, yummy, 35 X 70 inch bath sheet does.  Recently, a very discerning guest stopped by for a visit, and even he took notice of the magnitude, warmth, and absorbency of the mega-towel.Charisma makes very enjoyable, soft, durable, non-linty bath sheets which can be obtained on sale for $20ish with a little detective shopping.  Don’t ever pay full price for towels.

Like bedding, strongly consider purchasing white towels.  Nothing looks and feels fresher than crisp, bright, white linens.  Who really wants to hop out of the shower to a shit-brown towel?Since recommending that you change your sheets once a week sent bitches into a frenzy, advising you to refresh your bath towel at least every 2-3 days might start a riot.

Accepting Hideous Gifts with Grace

For some of us, Christmas means sitting around with people we don’t like opening presents we don’t want.  This is the gift of adulthood.  The only upside is booze.Microeconomists theorize Christmas gift giving as a deadweight loss.  Basically, all the crap we exchange has less value than what we pay for it, and storing the clutter costs more than it’s worth.  Nevertheless, we must learn to accept less desirable baubles with grace.  No matter how ill-suited the gift, don’t allow your reaction to match its inappropriateness.  Suck up your disdain; the only acceptable response to a gift is gratitude.  No need to disingenuously lay it on thick; a sincere expression of thanks will suffice.  Flex your honesty muscles, and you may end up with a sobbing mother-in-law.

DECEMBER 2010 HOROSCOPE

Sagittarius

Feel a little panicky lately?  Mercury’s in retrograde for the next couple months.  Sucks the planets took a piss on your birthday, but this is your opportunity to get right before the end of the year.  Unfortch, mail, communication, and travel will be all fucked up this month, so don’t be surprised if your birthday gift gets lost in the mail.  Since you value freedom and independence above material things, you’ll get over it, right?  As painful as it might be, you must resolve any lingering 2010 issues.  It would be very unwise to drag any bullshit into the New Year.

Capricorn

Don’t get smug; the planets aren’t doing you any favors this month either.  Get ready for opportunities to either heroically rise to the occasion or choke and shit the bed.  Part of becoming the very best Capricorn you can be is coping with unexpected change in a graceful and magnanimous manner.  In case you are feeling a little insecure, rest assured you’ve got everything it takes to emerge with admiration.

Aquarius

You need to watch your ass at the office holiday party this year because December brings a strong likelihood for interpersonal work conflict.  That is if you don’t catch the flu and miss it all together.  Take special care of your gastro-intestinal track through the end of the year.  This could be a great month for new projects, and after the 7th an interesting time for romance.

Pisces

Lately, have you had to suck up a series of disappointments?  Things will definitely be looking up for you next year if you apply that laser-sharp intuition to your life.  The twelfth month brings career recognition.  Take to the bed for extra rest if the headaches flair up.  That friend you are planning to spend New Year’s with – solidify those plans.  He or she will bring you some much needed energy to close out 2010.

Aries

Good news!  A raise or an aced exam might be in your future before the end of the year.  You deserve it.  You bring a lot to the table intellectually, professionally, and socially.  All around, December should be pretty great for you.  Don’t gloat or forget to appreciate your good fortune.  Find a way to support those around you who are having a tougher time.

Taurus

Lay low in December and observe the chaos, pragmatic Taurus.  November brought quite a bit of interpersonal turmoil and the residual irritation remains.  Never big on fancy New Years plans, you will use the last weeks of the year to wisely plan for the beginning of 2011.  Keep in mind – travel this month could be stressful.

Gemini

Good job busting your ass this summer; you leveraged it to create some good will which resulted in some hard-won career advancement.  The fact that you perform better under stress is a double-edged sword.  Yes, you always manage to pull through, but at what cost to your mental health?  In December, let your partner shine.

Cancer

After a couple of spendy months, you recover financially in December.  You will enjoy a conflict-free stretch in your relationships (which bodes especially well for your holiday plans).  This is the best possible time to initiate a fitness routine.  You will have the extra energy required to see it through.  There is a good chance you could meet someone special around New Years.  Brace yourself for butterflies.

Leo

Delicate, complicated issues in your love life should mellow this month as long as you remain stable and level-headed in your dealings.  Do something really romantic to smooth things over.  Single Leos feel especially creative through the end of the year.  Despite the fatigue, try to workout.

Virgo

Virgos will find December less frustrating than the preceding months.  Financially things look good, but regardless, you’ll finish the year content.  After a pretty rocky year on the relationship front, the efforts you’ve made towards peace are paying off.  Enjoy intense intimacy this month.

Libra

Pending relationship problems get resolved this month, for better or worse.  Don’t stress school exams, but put extra effort into research.  Watch your salt intake.  Problems arise for you if you did not heed previous warnings to rein in spending.

Scorpio

December is all about money for Scorpio.  After a shaky year financially, all that hard work will start to pay off in December and the beginning of next year.  There is mad potential in your new pursuit.  Stay unwaveringly focused on what is important because your schedule is about to become super packed.

GRATEFUL FOR YOU

Thanks for all your continued support.

xo DC