It’s that time of year again, the weather is warm and all the dog owners have their canines on parade. Other than shitting everywhere and the occasional mauling, I have no real problem with dogs. Their owners, well that’s another story. I have a friend who compulsively pets every dog she sees. Hiking with this girl can take an extra minute depending on how many dogs we encounter. I understand dog people meet each other this way, but I don’t want to pet your dog. When I don’t bend down to gush, owners look at me like I’m calling their firstborn child retarded. Today, this girl had her puppy leashed to the fence during lunch – obviously baiting us with puppy cuteness. She acted annoyed when people “interrupted” her to fuss over her adorable babydog. You’re the one rolling one puppy deep on a sunny Saturday you attention-seeking bitch. Eyeroll. Back in college, I had this dumbass friend Marisha who was wandering around the city one hot summer day. A dog was locked inside a car with the windows cracked. Well-meaning Marisha, concerned for the pup, administered water from her plastic water bottle through the window crack. During the attempted hydrating, the ungrateful twatdog bit her hand. Moral of the story: other people’s dogs aren’t for you.
And pick up your pooch poo.