Some hateful bitches are talking smack about you. A shitty friend adds to the gossip. A mediocre friend remains sheepishly silent. An exemplary friend ferociously defends you. You trip and fall flat on your ass in front of a crowd of people. A shitty friend laughs. A mediocre friend backs away fearing contamination by third-party embarrassment. An exemplary friend scoops you up, asks if you are alright, and loudly proclaims “nothing to see here” as she escorts you to the bar for a recovery drink.You get engaged and share the news. A shitty friend informs you she slept with your fiancé a few years ago. A mediocre friend offers a bland congratulations. An exemplary friend says “I’m so happy for you” and really means it. Your Dad dies. A shitty friends sends you a sympathetic text. A mediocre friend sends flowers. An exemplary friend sends weed.