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Rachel Zoe
Friday, February 11th, 2011
Rachel Zoe rolled out her self-titled collection this season. Some of you may be familiar with the little copycat scandal served up à la Teen Vogue. In Rachel’s defense, every non-designer with a label does this – mines their own closet for inspiration (including Kate Moss). Zoe’s rookie mistake was particularly conspicuous because she didn’t even bother to tweak her version. 
Truthfully, the entire collection looked eerily familiar. Here’s a summary of Zoe’s take on suiting.
This red suit was one of the stronger looks, but we’ve seen Valentino do this better. What is Zoe bringing to the table that is new and fresh? Really, we need another version of a white suit? Master tailors offered up a hundred versions of the white suit over the past five seasons. We’ve seen the white suit done better Rach, but thanks for playing. 
Rachel hopped on the one-shoulder, sequin train a few seasons too late. This look is so tired, and for the most part so are the rest of her cocktail offerings.
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This cape is pretty cute, but I don’t die for the color. Her coat looks a lot like the one Gwen Stefani modeled during Zoe’s visit to the L.A.M.B. showroom last season. 
Can we let the fucking shorts go? And Gwyneth, I’m talking to your ass too. Grown-ass women have no business in shorts outside the gym or the beach, maybe even ever. Please stop trying to make fashion shorts happen. Enjoy Rachel Zoe’s take on the unwearable trend. 
Having thoroughly considered the collection, all in all, I say Rachel No. 
PARTY NYE
Friday, December 31st, 2010
Venturing out for a gathering tonight? Remember these simple tips to keep your dignity intact this New Year’s Eve.
Have a strategy for getting home or arrange a place to crash before you go out. The last thing you want to be doing at 2:18 a.m. New Year’s Day is trying to find a cab or foolishly trusting a drunk-ass friend to drive you. Lazy, opportunistic cops love New Year’s Eve. The last place you want to spend the night is the drunk tank in county lockup, Trust. Plan ahead bitches. For the record, hoping for a one night hook-up does not constitute a legit plan.
Please resist the temptation to dress like a disco ball and call it “festive.” Tonight, expect to see a hot mess of metallic wherever you go. Buck the obvious choice, and you’ll stand out against a sea of tired frocks. If you already have a sparkler lined up, it better be the best shit ever. Seriously, ill-fitting metallic looks so budget. Regardless, wear a damn coat. Shivering is not chic.
If someone hands you a bong or a joint, puff-puff-pass. No sleeping in the grass. If you stumble into a room where people are doing blow, don’t inquire loudly, “Is that coke!?” 
Clean up after yourself. Don’t pee on the seat. Share your drugs. Take one before you take two. If you are rolling, maintain your composure. Nobody wants your emotional ebarf all over them. Stay away from pharmaceuticals. Drink water. Eat dinner. Sometimes puking is the best solution. Keep a level-headed bitch in your crew.
Never be the first to arrive or the last to leave. Don’t flirt with someone else’s date. Absolutely no catfighting, crying, or public relationship drama allowed. Bring cash. Nudity will surely end up on the internet. Keep your clothes on.
Most of all loves, thanks for your visit. Wishing you the most phenomenal and blessed year of your life. Smooches, DC
Finding Shawn’s D….
Friday, November 19th, 2010
Shawn wrote asking about the “D” jackets Brad Goreski wore on The RZP this season. Well Shawn, after some exhaustive research, I’ve got an answer for you. I’m pretty damn sure Dsquared designed the jacket you desire. As we all know, Brad hearts his Dsquared. The white and black tuxedo bomber jacket he rocked in Milan looks like a variation on a theme Dean and Dan presented for S/S 2010. I’m not sure who he had to blow to get it, because I couldn’t find a picture of that exact jacket anywhere else. 
The version of the jacket Brad wears is sort of a combination of these two looks. 
The Dream fancies it too.
There is even a version for the ladies.
Okay Shawn, I’m not sure if you are rolling in dough or what, but these puppies cost upwards of $1,000. Also, since this is last season’s style, who knows if it is still available? Honestly, I think you could create this look, DIY-style, for much less. With such a trendy item, only you can decide if it is worth the investment. 
Varsity letter patches are widely available for under $20. You can customize your letter (“S” for Shawn, holler), and they come in a wide variety of colors and sizes. A vintage tux jacket shouldn’t be too hard to find. You could turn this look out in no time, trust. 
Keep the requests coming ya’ll. Mama loves a challenge.
For Better or Worse: Early Fall Edition
Saturday, October 23rd, 2010
For Better…
With Taylor gone, I feared The Rachel Zoe Project had lost its teeth. With the addition of A-listers like Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway however, RZP fulfilled the behind-the-scene celebrity styling promise that in seasons past it had failed to keep.
Unlike the boring botoxed Beverly Hills bitches and the irrelevant social faux posers of D.C., the most recent season of the Real Housewives of New York City was a total game changer with Bethenny’s engagement, pregnancy, and friendship-ending feud with Jill, the aftermath of LuAnn’s divorce, and the endless entertaining mania provided by Kelly Bensimon. 
Mad Men somehow managed to improve upon perfection. Season four was the best so far for the impeccably written, acted, and styled period drama. The finale left a huge gaping hole in Sundays.
For Worse…
We’re seven episodes into a meandering kidnapping plot on Sons of Anarchy and it pales in comparison to last season’s tightly constructed story anchored by a brilliant Katey Sagal. Get it together boys. Though we all appreciated the stunt casting of Stephen King, you only have a few episodes left to salvage this season. 
Admit it, this once-brilliant show has been circling the drain for awhile. At this point, it is beyond salvation. Once the Botwin’s left the construct of suburbia, the show’s concept fell apart. Where is Elizabeth Perkins? Romany Malco? This show deserves double demerits for dropping some of its best cast — without explanation — along the way. 
Schwartz and Savage are the poster children for squandered opportunity. First with the O.C., and now with Gossip Girl, the overrated duo begin with a great concept and then proceed to completely mismanage its potential. The first season of Gossip Girl sizzled; since then, it has gone from lukewarm to completely irrelevant. At this point, Degrassi has more edge.
Arrested
Saturday, October 2nd, 2010
E! recently made a genius programming decision by upgrading Fashion Police to a weekly series. Joan Rivers has never been sharper as the Grand Dame presiding over a panel which includes Kelly Osbourne, Giuliana Rancic, and George Kotsiopoulos.
With segments called “Starlet or Streetwalker?” and “Bitch Stole My Look,” this show doesn’t pander to the celebrity ego. Joan, above reproach at her age, gets away with saying Taylor Swift must be bad in bed, and George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis make a stylish lesbian couple. 
Speaking of Giuliana, we don’t do baby here at Demeter Clarc, but didja all happen to catch Giuliana and Bill on Friday’s View pimping their new book on their miscarriage press tour? We all sympathize with the couple for sure, but my inner cynic recoils at the notion of leveraging this kind of loss to bolster book sales and promote the upcoming season of a reality show.
While Giuliana has a comforting chipmunky quality, sort of a Katie Couric for Carrie Bradshaw disciples, a ravenous, fame-seeking beast pulses beneath her perky veneer. Even though the couple’s intentions to share their struggles may come from a pure place, the decision to craft their image around reproductive challenges is a risky strategy indeed. What if they have five miscarriages before they conceive? What if they never conceive? Is the public now privy to every detail since they have offered up the most private part of themselves in exchange for fame?
Speaking of late-thirties baby news, OK! reports Rachel Zoe has finally dulled the ache in Rodger’s pussy by incubating their very own Scarlet Begonia this awards season. Mazel Rach and Rodg!
Au Revoir Brad
Wednesday, September 29th, 2010
After succumbing to the crushing pressure of Style Director, word on the street is that Brad Goreski has resigned from Camp Zoe. 
The Rachel Zoe Project: Period. The End.
Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010
While Team Zoe prepared for a shoot for Love magazine, Brad and Jordan kvetched about the tireless devotion Rachel requires. Apparently, Tayloritis is contagious.
The shoot featured a Bardot-inspired Ginta Lapina, a breath of fashion fresh air and one of the baddest bitches on the scene. Between Ginta Lapina and Jessica Stam (featured last season on the RZP at the V shoot), it is Team Ginta all the way. For the record editors, we are all nauseous with Stam oversaturation.
Brad and Jordan talked shit in the makeshift wardrobe room. While Rachel lugged furs around the shoot, complaining about her ineffectual staff.
After the shoot, it was all about prepping for the Met Ball, perhaps the single most mayjah night for fashion folks. Typically, designers select a few starlets to wear their gowns and accompany them as part of their entourage. For some inexplicable reason, Marc Jacobs invited Rachel to join his group. Rachel also took credit for dressing Demi, Eva, Kate, and Anne. More likely, designers sent a few choices to each of these actresses, and Zoe may have edited those options and accessorized the final look.
At her fitting, Anne thanked Rachel and Brad for influencing her to embrace her inner fashion icon. I’ll (begrudgingly) give credit where credit is due, and Zoe has been responsible for some of Hathaway’s most memorable moments on the red carpet.
Zoe on Hathaway, “She’s like über-intellectual, and I’m über-not.”
Later, the time came for Rachel to craft her own look for the Ball. First, Rachel drowned in a gigantic Marc Jacobs. After determining the dress failed to flatter her “70′s disco titty,” it was eliminated. Next Rachel donned a strange, velvet, mustard, drapey, vintage gown that highlighted her bony sternum.
Too bad she traded in the sliver geometric clutch for a tan day bag that downgraded the entire look. While I appreciate Rachel’s yin for unexpected whimsy, this frock was Met Gala unworthy. At an event of this magnitude, timeless glamour must trump quirk when finalizing a gown choice. Admit it; this aberration treads uncomfortably close to shmatta territory.
Back in L.A., Rodger decided to attend Rachel’s lady doc appointment to discuss the possibility of having a child. The very awkward and staged appointment ended with Rachel and Rodger fighting over Rachel getting a blood test that day. Rachel refused, Rodger insisted, and the gyno nodded uncomfortably.
Back at home, Rachel and Rodger continued to go round and round. Rodger emphasized that biologically, time keeps ticking. Career-obsessed Rachel informed him that nothing, including a baby, would curtail her megalomaniacal styling ambitions.
Acknowledging that a refusal to spawn will cause “major marital problems,” Rachel swallowed her reproductive ambivalence and concluded, “We are meant to be parents and I wanna do it, not totally sure how yet, but we’re gonna be. Period. The end.”