Tag Archives: Ralph Lauren

Met Gala 2014: The Couples

AMBER HEARD GIAMBATTISTA AND JOHNNY DEPP RALPH LAUREN MET BALLJohnny Depp (Ralph Lauren) and Amber Heard (Balenciaga) are like two positively charged ions that repel me.BEYONCE JAYZ GIVENCHYIt was ill-fitting Givenchy for the Carters.  Think Kanye’s pussy hurts because Tisci is cheating on him with JayBLAKE LIVELY RYAN REYNOLDS GUCCIOf course Gucci dressed their spokesbitch Blake and her overrated Reynolds.  Gsus, her body won’t quit.   DAVID AND VICTORIA RALPH LAUREN MET BALLAre these Beckhams human or did someone snatch their wax statues from Madame TussaudsDavid’s in Ralph Lauren and Victoria’s in a gown of her own design.   EMMA STONE THAKOONMy favorite couple of the night Emma Stone (in Thakoon) + Andrew Garfield.   KIM KARDASHIAN LANVIN MET BALLThe brides wore Lanvin.  This is a major improvement over the sofa Kim wore last year, but this gown is still too bulky for her diminutive size.   SARAH SILVERMAN MICHAEL SHEEN MET BALL 2014By the look on her face, I can’t tell if Sarah Silverman is in on the joke and that concerns me.  For a homely guy, Michael Sheen snags a lot of interesting pussy, no?

Global Disappointment

JLAW PHOTOBOMBThe Golden Globes fashion was so utterly weak sauce it isn’t worth the duplicative discussion to go ballsdeep in an indepth review.  Lesbihonest, it’s a particularly bleak year when a pregnant woman steals the fashion show.  No offense expectants.OLIVIA WILDE GUCCIEven though she looks like a sexy swamp creature, Olivia Wilde wore this Gucci with a great deal of confidence.  REESE WITHERSPOON CALVIN KLEINAlso slightly less ratchet than the other chickens was Reese Witherspoon in Calvin Klein.  Yes, it is a simple dress, but it fits and the color suits her.  My primary critique is that the head-to-toe look reads too summery for January.  Lastly, I can rarely despise anything about Cate Blanchett especially her incredible back displayed in Armani Prive. BLANCHETT

The worst dressed was pretty much everybody else.  Such Bad Choices.

WORST GG 2014 ROWI know everyone’s dick is hard for Lupita Nyong’o in the caped Ralph Lauren, but this dress is basically Gwyneth’s white Tom Ford number in red.  I’m over it Little Red Riding Hood.   LUPITA GLOBESBAD GG 2014 FASHIONMORE BAD GLOBES FASHION 2014

 

Fall 2013 RTW: Ralph Lauren

Don’t with Decorative Towels

What the fuck is the deal with the decorative towels?  Can someone explain this fug phenom to me please?Daily readers know, last weekend I went to the Telluride Yoga Festival.  Saw Ralph Lauren’s ranch while I was there.  Major.  Telluride is major in many ways, but that’s a story for another day.  And I do have a story about puffing on the gondola and then having a pushy Texan wedding party come crashing into our little hot box.  But today we are talking towels; specifically, decorative towels and what purpose, (if any) they serve.I stayed at a friend’s in-laws.  Possibly awkward to begin with right?  Well we rolled up to their 2 year old mountain home and our host showed me to my quarters – a single fold-out cot set up in the office.  No problem, I’m not a snob.  Some curtains or blinds on the windows would be nice for privacy, but the sleeping accommodations were adequate, and let’s face it the price (free) was right.

The hostess provided a diminutive hot pink polyester bath towel.  One small towel for 3 nights.  No washcloth.  No hand towel.  Then I’m shown to the bathroom and I see at least a dozen decorative towel sets layered on three different rods.  A large bath towel, a hand towel, and a washcloth were stacked 2 to a bar all around.  Since the host pointedly provided me a different sad little towel, I assumed these towels weren’t for actual use.  So what’s the fucking point of having towels that no one ever uses? Ask me if the bathroom in this million+ dollar home was clean.  No it wasn’t.  In fact in the two years it has existed I wonder if it has ever been properly cleaned.  Nasty.  I’m not asking for much, but clean the goddamn bathroom for crying out loud.  I’d rather be poor and tidy than rich and filthy.  Is that why they call it filthy rich?  If you are one of those matchy-matchy mutherfuckers, I ask you to reconsider the useless decorative towels.  Towels are meant for absorbing water off the body, not for gazing at reverentially as if they are priceless art.  It’s a fucking towel. If you host a guest for three days provide the following at minimum: 2 large bath towels or bath sheets, 2 hand towels, and 1 or 2 washcloths.  They should preferably be white, soft, clean, and fluffy cotton. 

 

 

SPRING 2012 RTW: Shoe Shine

Jean Paul GaultierCalvin Klein CollectionYves Saint LaurentAlexander McQueenVera WangCelineRodarteBurberry ProrsumChloeEmilio PucciGiambattista ValliRalph LaurenPradaVersace

Sunday with Josephine Skriver

Christian DiorRochasRalph LaurenEmilio PucciAlexander McQueenOscar de la RentaEmilio PucciBackstage at Chloe.FendiAntonio BerardiAnn DemeulemeesterValentino

SPRING 2012 RTW: more glorious gownage

Oscar de la RentaHaider AckermannAlberta FerrettiBadgley MischkaMartin GrantAzzaroJohn GallianoChristian DiorJ MendelJulien MacDonaldDoo.RiPaco RabanneGilesRalph LaurenSophie ThealletZac PosenVionnetReem Acra

FALL 2011 RTW: gowns part one

Giuliana & Bill: Two in the Gut

Over the last two seasons we’ve watched Bill and Giuliana’s fertility struggles, and something ain’t sittin’ right.  After a recent miscarriage, Giuliana continues to jack her body full of hormones using needles long and short.  Ominously grinning, Bill stabs her in the belly and then attempts to sooth her with his rah-rah football field clichés.  Does anyone think Bill would endure the same risks and abuse to his body if the tables were turned?  Hell Nah.Giuliana, afraid of disappointing Bill, undergoes procedure after invasive fertility procedure even though her body clearly ain’t having it.  She reacted so badly to the last retrieval that she ended up in the hospital with serious complications.  A human child is supposed to spring forth from this madness?Bill distracts himself with his construction projects and speaking engagements, while Giuliana jetsets between L.A. and Chicago in the service of E! News, all with a reality show camera crew following to capture every medical appointment.  Apparently, natural conception is a ludicrous notion.  The two never entertain it as a viable option, probably because intercourse would conflict with their self-important work schedules.Instead of taking two in the gut, Giuliana may wanna consider inserting Bill’s optimistic sports metaphors up his smug, all-American ass.  Review his behavior this season for numerous examples of a very sinister streak lurking beneath his Ralph Lauren veneer.No one begrudges these two a baby.  If 2011 brings them a bundle of joy, I’ll be the first to offer Mazels; however, it’s possible Giuliana’s uterus is sending her a clear message not to procreate with this dick.