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Dear Divided Attention:
We both know your boss is feeling low on account of her crumbled marriage. While it is truly pathetic that feeling attractive to a few lazy hanger-ons validates her, that’s her sad little world right now. Only you can decide if you want to be the kind of woman who snatches her dim shine for a little ego boost of your own. No judgment. Before you decide how to play it, I have a few predictions and recommendations. 1) Before long the unrequited love will get requited or rejected. The mere act of Boss Lady finally choosing among her minions will diffuse the sexual tension. My first piece of advice with regard to hanging on to the job: wait out this weird energetic vortex and the dynamic will change. 2) I strongly discourage you from hanging out at work when you aren’t working. Beyond the obvious unprofessional implications, it ruins your mystique by making it look like you have no life outside of work. If you do end up flirting and/or fucking anybody at work then all the coworkers and regulars will know. Why set up a potentially messy and undignified situation? For what? A sloppy one night stand? Plus, dudes that spend their evenings wooing a desperate divorcee are so beneath you. 3) I predict the stool warmers are bored disarming Boss Lady with semi-sincere compliments, especially if their efforts have yet to yield even a lousy beej. Without engaging in job-endangering flirtation, you can still bask in the shine of the hanger-ons attention by completely ignoring them. Yup, the more you blow these dudes off, the more they will work to wear you down. I’m not suggesting you act like a snob, just meet them with polite indifference. Make them work HARD for it girl. Nobody is a challenge anymore. You’ll get a kick out of watching the lengths they’ll go to win you over. 4) Once Boss Lady and her bitch brigade see that you don’t dissolve into a puddle of giggles and swoon every time an attractive man fancies you, they will be forced (even while choking on bitter pettiness) to respect you. Furthermore, your disinterest in this obvious cock display will make them question their own overvaluation of these sad little stool warmers.
I’ve been waiting for the dust to settle on this season of The Real L Word. Romi, Whitney, and the boring baby couple are back with a bunch of new bitches. After the first two episodes, Whitney’s already wifed up with Sara. Sexually indiscriminate Romi’s predictably returned to riding dick. I’m not even sure I like this show anymore. Kiyomi and her Hunter Valentine lead singer syndrome, dunno about all that. Some asshole in Colorado gave us another good reason not to go to the movies. We don’t get too political here at DC, but with instances like this latest mass shooting, gun control remains more of a logical issue than a political one. Human beings aren’t responsible. We keep demonstrating this. And before you get all 2nd Amendment on my ass, let me ask you. What about my right to attend a public function and not get shot to death? With great freedom comes great responsibility. That said, movies like We Need to Talk About Kevin teach us you don’t need guns to go on a killing spree. A fucked-up person will find a weapon if there is intent to destroy. Let’s not turn this into a gun control debate when the issue is actually much deeper, more sinister, and cuts to the very core of what it means to be human.Loyal readers may have noticed a shift in the posting schedule. The internet service is less reliable in my current abode. Posts will be regular, they may just come at different times. I appreciate your patience with change. Check back often and you may find a surprise. Got any requests? Those of you who have written lately, I hear you! I’m behind. I love you, and I’m not ignoring you. I’ve stuck to my pledge not to buy any new cosmetic or beauty products. It feels really good to hit the bottom of a bottle and recycle it knowing I’m depleting my hoarder stash, reducing waste, and getting the most out of the investment. I’m really learning what products I love and what I can do without which is another great angle to this resolution. I’ll tell you what I’m for sure going to miss when it is gone – Obagi Professional-C Serum 20%. A few weeks ago I reported preliminary satisfaction with this product and my affection for this super-effective serum has only grown. It legitimately improves skin texture and fades discoloration. From my view, it is one of the few pricey serums that warrants a splurge.
Loyal and lovely reader Leah Love wrote me with a request for a Demeter Clarc Manners Moment on RSVP etiquette. Thanks so much for reading and writing to me Leah. I really appreciate your kind words and support. Here is an excerpt of LL’s letter.
Well said Mizz Love, well said. Let’s be honest about the politics of the RSVP. It goes without saying that anything involving a written, posted invitation requires a response. Wedding invitations and baby showers, replies are 100% required for events of this nature. Proper etiquette gets murkier the more casual the gathering. This is a shitty thing to admit, but sometimes folks wait to reply hoping a better social opportunity comes along. Only the cruel and honest truth delivered here at DC.As the host, you absolutely must make your expectations clear. If you want an RSVP, you must unequivocally state in the invitation that you expect the courtesy of an RSVP and when you expect it. If it is really important, add a “bitches” to the end. RSVP bitches, or better yet “Don’t make me hunt down your RSVP you rude-ass bitches.” See why I don’t throw many parties?I want to propose a different angle that you may not want to hear Leah, and please know I say this with Love. Consider letting go of the need to know how many people will arrive. Regardless of the number of confirmed RSVPs, guest attendance always fluctuates at the last minute. Hosting a sit down dinner? Fine, be rigid about a response. Casual cocktails? Why not just see who shows up? I seriously doubt you have ever really run out of food or drink. Reflect upon whether this is more about wanting to maintain control or about an irrational anxiety that no one will show up to your party. Not to worry, of course they will come, because you are obviously social lava. A relaxed host is a happy host. Focus on your fun.
I got the sweetest email day before yesterday from Demeter Clarc reader Cora.
Well Cora, thank you for your kind words and your questions. I really appreciate your email and the courage it takes to reach out. I haven’t been in the blog game very long. Demeter Clarc celebrated her 2nd birthday just this month, so I’m not purporting to be a leading expert or anything. Without further digression, here are a few things to consider.Cora, before you even get into formatting and hosting decisions, you have to ask yourself a hard question. Can you create enough content to nourish the site everyday? A website of this nature requires enormous commitment. If you want traffic, you must post. No excuses.Personal taste dictates most formatting decisions. Despite numerous substantial offers, I’m not interested in selling advertising space. Demeter Clarc is an exercise of free speech. I’m against corrupting the site with commercial interests or renting any real estate to bottom feeders. When I recommend, it is important to me that the readers know that I’m giving an unbiased opinion free from agenda. I don’t do this for profit, so if you are looking to get rich, you shoulda written to Michael K. who is legitimately earning his living writing his genius (and personally inspiring) Dlisted.Demeter Clarc comes to life through WordPress. It is relatively user-friendly and there are plenty of advice forums to help answer any specific questions. Once you get in and start working with the program, pick a theme – basically how your website will visually appear to the readers. I picked a very simple theme and removed even more of the default gadgetry for the super clean look. Demeter Clarc exists as a very specific artistic visual and written experience. That is why she is special and unlike other sites. Cora, find a way to boldly differentiate your site too. I look forward to your offerings. Please promise to keep me posted and thanks again for writing.
After several recent appalling experiences on the subway, Blanche D’Almonds requested a Demeter Clarc Manners Moment on the social boundaries of public grooming. This one’s for you Blanche. No public nail clipping please. In China public nail clipping is a socially acceptable practice, but you don’t live in China do you? I’m pretty sure this website is banned in China. Public nail clipping should be banned everywhere. A tacky bitch labors under the delusion that a public lipstick application is some sort of foreplay for the orally fixated. Do not break out your compact and lipstick at the dinner table. Ever. Along with your compact and lipstick, keep your hairbrush in your bag until you reach private quarters. Furthermore, keep your hands out of your hair whenever in the presence of food. No matter how tempting, keep your fingers out of your mouth in public. This prohibition includes teeth picking, nail biting, and thumb sucking. Note how enchanting Catherine Zeta-Jones looks extracting her appetizer from her incisor.
Hey friends, DC loyalist Leah Love wrote asking about giving good gams. Her letter appears (with permission) below.
Sooooo, I need your advice: liquid pantyhose? I’ve been anti-hose
since the mid-90s, especially the nude ones. Occasionally during the
winter time I will wear some sheer black stockings, but that’s about
it. But now that I’m in my mid-30s and have been in a car accident, a
motorcycle accident, broken my leg twice (separate from the motor
vehicle accidents btw), torn my meniscus, and had a tumor removed from
my leg, I have some weird coloration in a couple spots on my legs
(they’re probably a lot more noticeable to me than anyone else).
Actually, now that I list all that shit out, I’m thinking my legs look
pretty good after all!
Anyway, I remember a few years back this queen I knew telling me about
liquid pantyhose and making your legs look like silk. I have never
used it, don’t know where to get it, and definitely don’t know which
brands are better than the others, so I thought I’d ask for your two
LL, here’s at least twenty five cents worth of options for you. Please enjoy.Getting directly to the heart of your question, air stockings, liquid pantyhose, called by whatever name, are a great option for camouflaging veins and minor imperfections. Different formulas have different finishes, so personal preference will guide the selection. These products are not self-tanners. They are similar to bronzers, but typically provide better coverage and are less slippery on sweaty summer days. For best results, dispense product on hands and then rub into legs. Budget: Sally Hansen Spray On Subtle Shimmer, Air Stocking Silk Spray
Luxury: Classified Cosmetics ERA RAYZ Spray On Bronzer, Judith August Invisible Stockings For Silky Sexy LegsBody bronzers are another alternative: temporary like liquid stockings, but with less coverage and staying power and more moisture. This group is best for evenings out as they many contain shimmer that can be a little much for the daytime. Here are some pricey but decent options: Nars Body Glow, Booty Parlor Flirty Little Secret Firming Bronzer Cream (Booty Parlor claims this stuff contains pheromones, so do with that what you will…), Scott Barnes Body Bling, and Lorac TANtilizer.Michael Kors offers Leg Shine and Tarte makes Glam Gams, both variations of bronzers hyper-focused on legs. These formulas come in stick form – good for travel. Hippies might like all natural Dr. Hauschka Translucent Bronze Concentrate which turns ordinary lotion into bronzer with a few pumps. Finally, consider a self-tanner + bronzer combo which gives you instant gratification and a parting gift of gradual color for later. You all know the self-tanner rules: exfoliate, moisterize rough spots first, wear gloves, and take the time to apply carefully. There are several pocketbook friendly options in this category: Australian Gold Continuous Spray with Instant Bronzer SPF 15, L’Oreal Sublime Bronze, or Urban Decay Santa Tanita.
Thanks for your letter Leah Love. Don’t forget to tell us what you try and how you like it. XOX, DC
Holding down Ohio, gorgeous DC reader KB wrote requesting advice on how to fake a Miami glow in the Midwest:
“I would like to look sun-kissed but don’t want to damage my skin. I got sunburned by accident two weeks ago and my skin looked worse almost immediately. And not just redness, wrinkly. So the issue is twofold; I’m interested in the Demeter Clarc recommendations for sunscreens as well as a way to fake the tan. I’ve never done a tanning lotion or bronzer (more interested in faking through the latter…I feel like there are scary nasty things in those turn-ya-orange lotions). So I don’t know which is better, how to apply, or what yields the best results. Also, if there are products in the mid priced range, I’d be much obliged as well.”
I’ve avoided giving general advice about bronzers. Achieving the perfect bronze usually requires a bit of trial and error. That said, I’m not about to leave you beyond the pale, so here are a few tips and recommendations to get you started down the terracotta brick road.
The first and most important rule of bronzing is that the product MUST be matte. No shimmer. No sparkles. No glitters (ever, anywhere). Add luminosity later; this is not the place.Next KB, you gotta decide on liquid or powder formula. Both have advantages and disadvantages, therefore it is worthwhile to have one of each in your arsenal for different occasions and purposes.
Let’s start with liquid/cream/gel options. On a really good skin day, this type of bronzer replaces foundation for good glow. This time of year, mix bronzer with foundation for a subtle transition to summer. Many of these products contain sunscreen too.
Luxury: Bobbi Brown All Over Bronzing Gel SPF 15, Soleil Tan de Chanel.Budget: Organic Wear Liquid Bronzer, Bonne Bell Gel Bronzer.
Powders are more a common choice, but also the source of many a makeup mistake. Finding the right color is super challenging. For the most part, avoid red or orange undertones (unless you are a red-head). Look for a brown base. Go too dark for your skin tone and risk looking muddy. Fair-skinned folks look for light brown sandy shades. Often when a brand offers two shades, the lighter one can look orange and the darker one is too dark. Think café au lait.
Luxury: Nars Bronzer in Laguna, The Balm Bahama Mama Bronzer.
Budget: Rimmel Natural Bronzer, Organic Wear Natural Bronzer.
Once you find the perfect product in the most flattering shade, keep these bronzing commandments in mind.
1) Exfoliate first.
2) Matte finish only. Said it once before, but it bears repeating.
3) Don’t forget the neck! Blend softly all the way down to the collarbone.
4) Consider blush compatibility.
5) Less is more. Forehead, nose bridge, chin, temples, cheekbones, stop there.
Dearest friend and DC fan Annie wrote asking an excellent question which combines two of my favorite topics: cleaning and yoga. Specifically, Annie wants to know how to clean her yoga mat.Before we get into the how, let’s explore the why. Let me disgust, horrify, and hopefully motivate you. Warts, Athlete’s Foot, Ringworm and Staph are the most common yucky yoga mat squatters. Seriously, you put your face on that mat. Here are some recommendations for getting your saucha on.The first cleaning choice is somewhat controversial – the washing machine. Some companies market their mats as machine washable, and this is certainly the most low maintenance option. Beware that mats of lesser quality may not stand up to the intensity of this method. Most recommend cold water, however hot water, a little detergent, and a skosh of bleach works best to disinfect and deodorize. Use the gentle cycle. Expect an extremely wet mat that may take a couple days to dry. Keep mat unrolled and in a well-ventilated place.Rather obvious is the mat wipe down. This should be done at fairly regular intervals even if more vigorous cleaning methods are employed only occasionally. The question then becomes, which cleaning product to use? Having tried everything from Mrs. Meyers, diluted bleach, tea tree oil, Simple Green, and vinegar, rest assured that none of these concoctions are ideal for this specific task.Recently, I randomly broke out the Scrubbing Bubbles Foaming Bathroom Cleaner and tried it on my mat to surprisingly excellent results. Unlike many other products, Scrubbing Bubbles doesn’t leave a residue, wipes away easily, and the foam reaches every indentation. Saturate mat with spray, allow product to stand for a few minutes and then dry thoroughly with a paper towel. Flip mat over onto a large towel and repeat on the other side. Place near a heating vent to dry completely.During the winter, if you live in a cold climate, keep your yoga mat in the car. The below zero temperatures kill germs in between uses. Folks generally forget about the power of a deep freeze. This underrated disinfection method works for a variety of hard to clean items.Also consider using a towel or Yogitoes as a hygienic barrier between you and your mat during your practice. For any kind of heated yoga, many consider Yogitoes an absolute requirement. In general, stay away from the essential oil based cleaners which tend to make mats slick.
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