Tag Archives: Rihanna

GRAMMY 2012: whitney’s wake

The best of the night were all appropriately in black.  Rihanna plunged in the front and sloped low in the back in this major ArmaniGwyneth repped her inner-circle in Stella McCartney.  From the neck down Gwyneth looks amazing, but she’s looking a little inflamed in the face.  Bad bronzer or bad eight ball?  You decide.  Adele turned it out in Armani.  We sure as fuck knew she wouldn’t wear Chanel after Karl’s latest round of bad Grandpa fat comments.Not all the black was good; Julianne Hough wasted her crazy toned body in this unflattering and boring Kaufmanfranco.Bruno Mars gave a little ankle in this fashion-forward Thom Browne look.  Not everyone will get it, but I appreciate the effort. Saggy tits.  That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I see Katy Perry in this Elie Saab gown.  The sophomoric blue hair and the pastel Tinkerbell gown are enough to induce the heaves.  This girl cannot sing, she cannot dress, and therefore I have no use for her.  No use at all.  Good day Katy Perry.  I said good day.And the “desperately seeking attention” award goes to….miz Minaj.  She has talent, so why won’t she lead with it?  It’s Versace by the way.  The cape not the bishop. Let’s work our way through the “irrelevant in white” category.  Kathy Griffin wore Michael Kors rather well.  Why is it when she looks better she’s less funny?Kate Beckinsale usually shows up to these events in overblown ball gowns, so this Zuhair Murad is actually a surprisingly appropriate choice for her.  She still can’t ditch the pageant hair, but baby steps are still progress.  Paris Hilton wore a well-tailored Basil Soda.  I’m not on fire for the white and gold combo.  She looks better than usual, but a skosh overdressed.Robyn, L.A. doesn’t do the whole quirky Nordic thing.  Just ask Bjork.  This whole look is an unmitigated hell no. One of the few pops of color, Fergie in Jean Paul Gaultier; I can feel how much she desperately wants our approval, but I must withhold it.  Adam Levine doing his best Scott Disick.  Between Scott and Adam, who do you think gets called “douche” more often to his face?Taylor Swift is like the Nicole Kidman of the under-25 set.  This over-serious frock is a Zuhair Murad creation.

Sunday with T.I.

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Finish a Bite Before Starting a Sentence.

I admit occasionally I’m guilty of talking with food in my mouth.  As soon as I sense myself doing that awkward hand-in-front-of-mouth gesture while trying to articulate words, I feel gross and ashamed.  Chatting with your mouth full is a disgusting habit that unfortunately many of us indulge.  For some reason, we find the need to respond to conversation so urgent that we think we need to speak right that second – bite be damned.  Obviously, breaking this basic etiquette rule is disgusting and unappetizing for our dining companions, but it is also downright dangerous.  You could choke yo!  Most of us don’t spend enough time chewing our food anyway.  Digestion begins in the mouth with thorough mastication.  Skimping on this step means less nutrient absorption and an increased likelihood of indigestion.  Slow down and enjoy each bite so your body recognizes when it is sated and you get the most from your meal.  Let’s agree to finish a bite before starting a sentence.

Lysine: Sorry for the Herpes

Not long ago, an acquaintance had a cold sore the size of Saturn festering on her lip for at least two weeks.  The eruption was down right distracting, like one of those car crash situations where you don’t want to look, but absolutely can’t look away. I was dying to throw some Lysine in her direction.  Lysine inhibits the herp by repressing the metabolism of Arginine, another amino acid which acts as herpes food. Many foods contain Lysine in various levels.  For example, beans and lentils contain quite a bit.  Generally speaking, most of us don’t get enough of this essential amino acid to effectively inhibit canker sores without a dietary supplement. Clinical studies suggest that at least 1250 milligrams must be taken for significant results.  Keep in mind that gelatin contains Arginine, so definitely avoid Lysine supplements containing this counterproductive ingredient.Synthetically produced Lysine is cheaper than naturally sourced, but both seem to do the trick to combat fever blisters.  Use Lysine to ward off an attack, shorten its duration, and speed healing.  Lysine is a cheap, natural, and effective treatment for the herp – pass it on. 

Beyoncé’s 4 Problems

Beyoncé’s new record 4 came out this week and it isn’t very impressive or interesting.  The mainstream media blows rose petals up B’s ass all day long, but is she really all that?  The highly overrated Beyoncé has got issues, and here’s just 4.Some might argue that despite the success of Dangerously in Love and B’Day, Beyoncé has yet to release a seminal work.  In this download-the-single world, some may not see the importance of a well-constructed, complete album, but releasing an album with 2 hit singles and 10-12 tracks of filler illustrates the difference between a greedy paper chaser (Forbes top-earner 2009) and artistic integrity.  When Beyoncé is on, she’s really, really, sublime, see Ring the Alarm, Me, Myself & I, but her filler is so offensive it makes you question her overall standards.Beyoncé’s fucking boring.  Next to Gaga’s theatrics and Rihanna’s edgier sexuality, Beyoncé’s show looks like a cotillion.  Respectful, well-behaved, and lady-like, Beyoncé’s biggest rebellion is wearing a heavily-enforced diaper on stage and setting her wind-machine to high.  Hanging out with Gwyneth fucking Paltrow isn’t doing much for her swagger either.  These days, stepping out with Beyoncé is more akin to visiting with your proper aunt than raging with a rockstar.Beyoncé’s stuck in a rut.  The lyrically uninspired 4 sounds like it could have come out three years ago.  Tired and unoriginal, Beyoncé vacillates between deferential obedience and put-him-in-his place neck-rolls, all very well-tread ground for the artist. What’s new here?  Nada.

It takes more than a mythical range and amazing vocal control to make a hit record – just ask Christina AguileraBeyoncé works in all the grunts, runs, and big-note belting she can, but we’ve seen all these tricks before, and they do nothing to bring the snoozy 4 to life.

With all of Beyoncé’s access and resources, there really isn’t an excuse for this mediocre offering.  You won’t hear the truth elsewhere because Tina Knowles scares the shit out of everyone.

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: put the phucking phone down

Folks have been seriously out of control with the cell phones for awhile now.  Chatting in the car, texting on the train, checking voicemail at lunch, the electronic leash has almost completely choked out authentic face to face communication.  Let’s agree the phone should never sit on the table or on your lap during a meal.  Who are you?  Doogie Fucking Howser, M.D.?  You must receive every communication instantaneously?Why not honor the person who is actually in front of you by turning the phone off?  Less accessibility = more mystery, so rethink the compulsive availability and occasionally please put the fucking phone down.

GRAMMY 2011 FASHION

Of everyone, Keri Hilson turned it out best and most appropriately in Basil Soda. Predictably, metallic mania saturated the 2011 Grammy red carpet.  JLo in Emilio Pucci, and look at little Snooks werking an exaggerated shoulder. Selena Gomez looked ten years older in J MendelHeidi Klum improved over her last dress disaster with this Julien MacDonald. Kim Kardashian gambled on titty tape in Kaufmanfranco, Miley in Cavalli, and Rimes in Reem Acra. JHud channeled Naomi in Versace.  She’d be a contender for best dressed if the skirt had reached the floor.  From the waist down, the dress is reading budget. Ciara showed almost everything in Emilio Pucci.  Wrong shoes girl. Minaj in Givenchy, Gaga in Hussien Chalayan, and (to some extent) Rihanna in Gaultier served avant-garde, but their attempts at fashion rebellion felt a bit contrived. Florence Welch broke out the new Givenchy hot off the runway.  Katy Perry dug up her Halloween faerie costume from 2001.  Wings Katy, really?  That abomination is fucking Armani yo!Don’t love the dress, but overall, this is a vast improvement for Nicole Kidman who has been looking like dookie lately.  Natasha Bedingfield and Julianne Hough also donned florals and patterns.

NICKI MINAJ: PINK FRIDAY

For months folks have been chomping at the bit to get at Pink Friday.  Does it live up to the hype?  Does anything ever?Minaj comes strong, hard, and quick with tight rhymes paired with poppy techno beats and eighties revival (Simple Minds, Annie Lennox, The Buggles).  No doubt, this is a formidable debut worthy of your attention.The album is not without its flaws.  Nicki spits power on Roman’s Revenge, but whiny whiteboy Eminem’s tired woman-beating rants drag her down and undermine her credibility.  Why ladies like Minaj and Rihanna dim their shine with that misogynistic troll, I’ll never understand.Nicki’s at her best grimy and bass-heavy on Did it on ‘Em, though this moody track isn’t a likely hit single.

“If I had a dick, I would pull it out and piss on ‘em.”

Rihanna does some interesting vocal work on Fly, but I wish these two ball-busters had recorded a track with sharper teeth.  Collaboration-heavy Pink Friday also includes moments with will.i.am, Kanye West, and Drake.  Occasionally, all this collabo feels like gilding the lily.

Mostly, I’m just grateful for a fierce, uncompromising talent bringing something fresh to the scene.  Welcome Miz Minaj.

RIHANNA: LOUD

Truthfully, Rihanna’s new record really kinda sucks.  She musta caught the Christina Aguilera Bionic virus.  Symptoms include: repetitious, unoriginal, over-sexed lyrics, forgettable beats, and rushing out an uninventive, stylistically scattershot record.  Drinking, S&M references, and cunnilingus, this tired parade of pseudo-sex-shock is all well-tread territory.She’s at her best on this record (which in this case is minimally competent) when she puts on her shiny dancehall pants and works her patois, but don’t be thinking there is an Umbrella or even Pon de Replay buried in this mediocre mess.  You’ve surely heard the Eminem track Love the Way You Lie (Blair and Chuck wore that shit out a few weeks ago).  I have no use for Eminem, and I’m telling you their duet is one of the highlights of Loud.

Dumbest song on the record: California King Bed.

Songs that won’t make your ears resent you: Man Down and Raining Men, featuring the highly anticipated Nicki Minaj.