Tag Archives: Robert Pattinson

3 for Thursday

What most of us are thinking…

Did anyone really ever buy this showmance?  She got sloppy and I love it.  The Twilight movies suck ass anyway.  Oral in the Mini Cooper.  It must have a surprisingly roomy interior. 

What I’m recommending…

This recommendation is overdue ( it was on my watch list before Telluride).  Without a doubt, Marina Abramović The Artist is Present is a super interesting and inspiring movie.  I know some documentaries can feel tedious.  This is not one of them.  Some of you will need more, so I’m loathe to point out the Marina Abramović’s work was referenced in SATC when Carrie was courted by the Russian.  Hey whatever the reason, do watch.  Extra points for the James Franco and Orlando Bloom sightings.

What I’m hearing…

The xx sleeper single Angels.  What’s with the self-consciousness in the vocals Romy?  Got the sophomore album scares?

pOST-hOLIDAY cLEARANCE mASTERCLASS

Broaden the search by shopping the mens and kids departments for excellent markdowns on sweaters.  On the mens rack find plenty of small sizes and on the kids find the leftover XLs.  The patterns and proportions can be a fresh alternative to the same old womens offerings. Read the signage carefully.  Just went jeans shopping and my denim-purchasing companion would have probably bought twice as many pairs had he known at the time of selection that the $159 jeans marked down to $89 would actually ring up at 40% off the lowest marked price.   Don’t get suckered into buying fresh Resort 2012 right now unless you are actually traveling someplace warm in the next 4 weeks.  Now is the time to stock up on deeply discounted coats, winter accessories, and boots for the rest of this season and next. 

The Rachel Zoe Project: Bitch gets paid for this shit?

Rodger took Jeremiah to the 7,000 square foot rental that Zoe insisted on leasing in anticipation of the baby’s arrival.  This decision makes no sense on a variety of levels.  For one, why spend oodles on furniture for a rental?  Second, what newborn needs 7,000 square feet?  Don’t newborns basically inhabit one foot of space surrounding their mother or father for the first several months of their lives?  Not to mention stylistically the house is totally unlike anything Rachel and Rodger have dwelled in previously.  All these considerations notwithstanding, in typical Team Zoe fashion, Rodger gave Jeremiah a two week deadline to complete the daunting assignment.  Jeremiah looked like he might pop a vessel when Rodger declared that completing the project on the super accelerated time line was his problem.

Rachel got a last minute call to style a shoot for Kim Kardashian.  Realizing the enormity of the ass she needed to cover, Rachel called Joey and Jeremiah for an emergency meeting at Zoe headquarters.  Joey received the call from dispatch and gave Jeremiah all of ten minutes to wipe the sleep out of his eyes and sculpt his Robert Pattinson ‘do before showing up at his door with an impatient toe tap.  The two rushed over to Zoe’s office curious to learn of their latest assignment.When they arrived, Zoe informed them that the world’s most overexposed and under-talented celebuwhore would require a minimum of two looks to shoot her perfume commercial the following day.  The competitive bitchery started brewing between the queens as soon as the Kardashian assignment was handed down from above.  They rushed off to Bismarck to collect every red gown and Brian Atwood shoe in the showroom.  Once at BPCM, Joey and Jeremiah bickered over their approaches to pulling items for the shoot.  Joey stuck with Rachel’s mantra of “more is more,” and Jeremiah thought it wiser to streamline the selections.  After the pull, J+J called Zoe, and she informed them that only one could attend the shoot tomorrow.  It was no surprise when she selected her favorite sycophantic gay Joey to attend in lieu of Jeremiah.  She sure has a way a pitting her staff against one another.  It’s no wonder she goes through employees like she does her Cosabella thongs.

The next day at the shoot, Zoe kissed Kardashian’s gargantuan money-maker before dressing her in two of the most uncreative looks ever.  First, Zoe put together a clichéd men’s button-down with boy shorts and a lace bra ensemble.  Even though this interpretation has been around as long as the white button-down, Rachel described the outfit as if it were a work of creative genius, and as if she had copyrighted that shit.  Rachel dressed Kardashian in an equally uninspired look for the second round of photos.  Joey greased Kim and slid her into a red stretch satin Dolce & Gabbana gown.  The obvious selection read more sausage casing than sexy.  A body-con red gown for Valentine’s Day?  This bitch gets paid for this unoriginal shit?  What a weak-ass lazy effort yo.