Tag Archives: Rodarte

Met Gala 2014: Inexplicably Offensive

Lupita Nyong'o PRADA MET BALL 2014In a fug-flapper Prada, Lupita stretched the limits of her “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” title.ANNA WINTOUR CHANEL MET BALL 2014Anna Wintour has her pick of any dress, and yet she chose this chunk-adding Chanel.  This is why I don’t trust her.  Furthermore, I consistently despise her shoes. IVANKA TRUMP MET BALL 2014

Oscar de la Renta costumed Ivanka Trump as a mossy pond.

KAROLINA KURKOVA MET BALL 2014 MARCHESAIn a gown that doubles as weaponry, Karolina Kurkova’s poised to prick a bitch in her thorny Marchesa.  LENA DUNHAM MET BALL 2014

Lena Dunham is so fucking talented….just not at getting dressed.SHAILENE WOODLEY MET BALL 2014

Rodarte did Shailene Woodley dirty with this abomination unless the earthy actress insisted on a gown made from recycled fabric scraps.

Maggie Gyllenhaal MET BALL 2014Even in Valentino, Maggie Gyllenhaal’s personal style is to the eye what pickle juice is to the palate.  RITA ORA DONNA KAREN ATELIER MET BALL 2014

Lara Flynn Boyle ballerina barf redux courtesy of Rita Ora.

NAOMI WATTS MET BALL 2014Naomi Watt’s sinister swan metamorphosis!  I can see your gams through your Givenchy, girl. NICOLE RICHIE DONNA KARAN MET BALL 2014

Bitch, you stole Kelly Osbourne’s look!

MET GALA 2013: punc as phuc

Most people won’t get it, but Anja Rubik (in Anthony Vacarello) managed what many could not at the 2013 Met Gala.  The model executed on the punk theme without falling into some of the most common sartorial traps of the evening (don’t worry, we’ll get there).  The shape, color, and fabric reference punk while remaining high fashion.  If this puresex look isn’t totally fuckable, you tell me what is?  Let’s just get this GOOP out of the way right now before this candy-coated bitch drives me to distraction.  I thought Paltrow swore off pink gowns after that cloying Ralph Lauren she donned for her Oscar win.  Is she fucking with us?  I loathe this Valentino Couture gown on so many levels I can only assume she chose it as her hate campaign uniform.  Nude illusion, really girl?  Pink shiny too short long sleeves?  What?  A puddle of bridesmaid satin pink?  Incomprehensible.  How is she going to sell those expensive gym memberships when the skinny bitch actually looks chubby (gasp!)?Who the fuck did Kanye blow to get Kim in this year?  So this florabomination is courtesy of Riccardo Tisci.  I’m not sure we can blame him.  All I can focus on is her Miss Piggy foot.  Poor pregnant Kim is puffed up painfully and spilling over the edge of that shoe.  The gloves are totally freaking me out.  Hand camo.  Cameron Diaz served up a spiky-waisted Stella McCartney in a bold blue cape style.  I dislike how this frock is both droopy and restrictive. After all that Hathaway drama at the Oscars, Amanda drew upon all her Givenchy spokesbitch connections to score this archive gown.  I think it is fucking genius. Suck it Anne! In Valentino, Anne Hathaway’s boobs channeled Madonna’s titties from the Express Yourself video, right?  Do we like Annie as a blonde?  I don’t hate it, but the brassy color is undoubtedly aging. Christina Ricci knocked on the door of the right fashion house – Vivienne Westwood – for a post-punk glam moment, but it looks like she got tangled up in the tartan.  I do love the orange lip and fishnets.   Ashley Olsen robbed a Palm Beach Socialite of her vintage Christian Dior Couture for her sherbet sparkling Met moment.  In keeping with her body dismorphic trademark style, Mary-Kate wore Chanel and Balmain that was five sizes too big for her. I get the impression Allison Williams takes herself way too seriously.  She smacks of try.  The heinous piecemeal gown is Altuzarra.Anna Wintour stuck with sequined floral Chanel, and Bee wore Dior.  Can’t say I’m particularly wowed by the wicked stepsisters.Does anyone wear clothes better and with more enthusiasm than SJP?  Love her Giles Deacon gown and Phillip Treacy headpiece. Topshop dressed Nicole Richie.  The overall styling isn’t that flattering, but I’m still oddly attracted to her white hair.  Punk Glam Granny?Opa!  Here comes the flaming cheese – Beyoncé in Givenchy.Uma Thurman looked absolutely snatched in this leafy Zac Posen.  What did she do to her face?Stella McCartney must be best friends with Liberty Ross because this outfit is obviously a revenge burn on Kristen Stewart.  Is she smuggling honey-baked ham in there?I’ve been loving me some Rita Ora lately.  She not only successfully fucked-over that whiny Rob Kardashian, she looks super fresh in this white Thakoon.Emma Watson worked her sexy, but she remained eternally adorable and demure in this Prabal Gurung.  She’s our modern day Audrey.  Miley really went for it in Marc Jacobs and it worked.  Hate to admit she’s been serving something savory lately.  Applause. Compare Miley to her contemporary Taylor Swift who looks about 53 in this old lady J. Mendel number.Speaking of 53, Madonna came in her Givenchy costume.  For a woman who hates her thighs, she sure is accentuating them in this fussy get-up.  You could bounce a quarter off that face (and ass!). Dakota Fanning looked super cute in her Rodarte.  Even though this look was understated compared to most, the simple and sweet styling stood out from the crowd. Here is Lena Dunham in Erdem with Erdem.  The makeup is the best ever for her. Jessica Alba belongs on a Maxim list and nowhere else.  Seriously, who wears Tory Burch to a punk themed gala?  Sheesh.  Why don’t you just wear Lilly Pulitizer bitch?  Carey Mulligan is everything in Balenciaga.  Die for the safety pin.  It isn’t showy, but it doesn’t need to be.  Fucking chic.Lopez put a little leopard on it in Michael Kors.  The girl gives good face, and I love the unusual hair Jen!  Bonus points for not letting the cabana boy ruin the shot. May we all be this ravishing at her age.  Diane von Furstenberg rolled in as a disco-dipped Mrs. Roper.  

Calm down Gisele.  (From what I hear Cara brought the eight-ball).

Fall 2013 RTW: Rodarte

SPRING 2012 RTW: Shoe Shine

Jean Paul GaultierCalvin Klein CollectionYves Saint LaurentAlexander McQueenVera WangCelineRodarteBurberry ProrsumChloeEmilio PucciGiambattista ValliRalph LaurenPradaVersace

SPRING 2012 RTW: COCKTAILS

Betsey JohnsonPrabal GurungRodarteCalvin Klein GilesMonique L’huillierLela RoseErin FetherstonHerve Leger

83rd Annual Academy Awards Fashion Review

The award for most improved goes to Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein Collection.  After a tragic run, bitch clearly got a stylist. Also Calvin Klein-clad was Gwyneth Paltrow.  Many went crazy for this look, but the severe middle parted hair with the long narrow plunging neck evoked butt crack.  GOOP wins for most over-rated, and that doesn’t just apply to her fashion choices.Two old ladies in Dior Couture: Nicole Kidman and Sharon StoneSharon served a little high-end Cruella DeVille with a good dress and bad hair. Marchesa’s minions, Halle and Hailee.  This gown’s a little too young and try-hard on HalleHailee finally succumbed to the princess pressure after several chic and tailored moments this awards season.  This awkward length doesn’t flatter her. Celine Dion and Reese Witherspoon werked Armani Privé, two of the strongest looks of the night.  Anyone else suspicious why Reese looked a little too proud of herself all night.  We all knew the Rodarte was coming.  Portman loves Kate and Laura Mulleavy.  After all the built-up expectation, this plum number was just okay.  Some of that train should have been repurposed to fill out the front hemline.  Also repping purple, Scarjo in Dolce & Gabbana taking the baton from Michelle Williams to finish the defiantly unattractive relay.  Mila chose lilac Elie Saab and looked absolutely fantastic.  She managed to balance sweet and sexy – arguably the best, except for that awful makeup.Another best dressed contender, the always impeccable and fashion-forward Cate Blanchett in Givenchy CoutureHilary Swank also ventured into slightly new territory in GucciSwank’s softly sculpted eye makeup was undoubtedly some of the best cosmetic artistry of the night.  Michelle Williams gave good glam with stunningly perfect hair and makeup. Three ladies arrived in gowns previously featured on Demeter Clarc: Amy Adams in L’Wren Scott, Giuliana Rancic in Christian Siriano, and Mandy Moore in Monique L’huillier.  Remember, you saw it here first.Penelope, Jennifer Hudson (Versace), Anne Hathaway (archival Valentino), and Sandra Bullock (Vera Wang) opted for a range of carmine hues.  The rosebuds were neither particularly interesting nor especially fug.  These four surfed the crimson sea of mediocrity.Worst without needed elaboration: Marisa Tomei in vintage Charles James and Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer.

FALL 2011 RTW: gowns part one

FALL 2011 RTW: day dresses part one

Best of Spring 2011: SHOES