Tag Archives: Rodger Berman

why no zoe?

I apologize.  I watched the last two episodes several times and tried to muster any enthusiasm for this trite, tired-ass show, but I just can’t care.Don’t give a fuck about the self-created moving drama.  The world might literally end if Rachel and Rodger have to spend an extra night in the lap of luxury at the Montage.  Boofuckinghoo. Don’t give a fuck about what Anne Hathaway wore 8 months ago at the dullest Oscars ever. Everything else is pretty much Zoe pimping Zoe. Extra don’t give a fuck about watching femmy Rodger and his cheesy friends toast to a “masculine” child.  If you want a masculine child, don’t name him “Skyler.”Whereas in previous seasons Joey was sprinkled into episodes like a rare Lebanese spice, now the annoying fame-whore sucks the energy out of every scene.  He’s making me hate him.  Zoe’s whole limp dick team this season is so boring, whiny, and kiss-ass.Zoe is obviously exercising her EP muscle and editing out all the real drama because there have to be legit reasons why she can’t seem to keep a stylist for any length of time.  For most staffers, there is an awfully short shelf life at Team Zoe.  Nobody seems to leave on good terms, though the details of the departures are always nebulous.Mostly, I’m just super uninspired by her right now.  I’m over her derivative style and shallow, needy banter with her hired gay.  She’s obviously exhausted this season, and she’s worn me out too.

 

The Rachel Zoe Project: Bitch gets paid for this shit?

Rodger took Jeremiah to the 7,000 square foot rental that Zoe insisted on leasing in anticipation of the baby’s arrival.  This decision makes no sense on a variety of levels.  For one, why spend oodles on furniture for a rental?  Second, what newborn needs 7,000 square feet?  Don’t newborns basically inhabit one foot of space surrounding their mother or father for the first several months of their lives?  Not to mention stylistically the house is totally unlike anything Rachel and Rodger have dwelled in previously.  All these considerations notwithstanding, in typical Team Zoe fashion, Rodger gave Jeremiah a two week deadline to complete the daunting assignment.  Jeremiah looked like he might pop a vessel when Rodger declared that completing the project on the super accelerated time line was his problem.

Rachel got a last minute call to style a shoot for Kim Kardashian.  Realizing the enormity of the ass she needed to cover, Rachel called Joey and Jeremiah for an emergency meeting at Zoe headquarters.  Joey received the call from dispatch and gave Jeremiah all of ten minutes to wipe the sleep out of his eyes and sculpt his Robert Pattinson ‘do before showing up at his door with an impatient toe tap.  The two rushed over to Zoe’s office curious to learn of their latest assignment.When they arrived, Zoe informed them that the world’s most overexposed and under-talented celebuwhore would require a minimum of two looks to shoot her perfume commercial the following day.  The competitive bitchery started brewing between the queens as soon as the Kardashian assignment was handed down from above.  They rushed off to Bismarck to collect every red gown and Brian Atwood shoe in the showroom.  Once at BPCM, Joey and Jeremiah bickered over their approaches to pulling items for the shoot.  Joey stuck with Rachel’s mantra of “more is more,” and Jeremiah thought it wiser to streamline the selections.  After the pull, J+J called Zoe, and she informed them that only one could attend the shoot tomorrow.  It was no surprise when she selected her favorite sycophantic gay Joey to attend in lieu of Jeremiah.  She sure has a way a pitting her staff against one another.  It’s no wonder she goes through employees like she does her Cosabella thongs.

The next day at the shoot, Zoe kissed Kardashian’s gargantuan money-maker before dressing her in two of the most uncreative looks ever.  First, Zoe put together a clichéd men’s button-down with boy shorts and a lace bra ensemble.  Even though this interpretation has been around as long as the white button-down, Rachel described the outfit as if it were a work of creative genius, and as if she had copyrighted that shit.  Rachel dressed Kardashian in an equally uninspired look for the second round of photos.  Joey greased Kim and slid her into a red stretch satin Dolce & Gabbana gown.  The obvious selection read more sausage casing than sexy.  A body-con red gown for Valentine’s Day?  This bitch gets paid for this unoriginal shit?  What a weak-ass lazy effort yo.

The Rachel Zoe Project: Who’s buying?

Rachel arrived in New York and fussed with the final touches to the collection.  Jessica Iredale from Women’s Wear Daily arrived for a private preview.  Zoe described the collection to Iredale and not-so-subtly dropped the sex of her unborn child in the mix.  Interesting PR strategy.Overall, the color in the collection is off.  The camel isn’t quite right.  The gold buttons are a bit too garish.  It does feel very Studio 54 Halston-y and therefore true to Rachel’s aesthetic.  The larger problem is that her viewpoint is predictable and one-note.We all agree that creatively Zoe isn’t in the same stratosphere as Alexander Wang, right?  Put it this way – you’ve got $400 bucks are you gonna buy Wang, or are you going to buy the Rachel Zoe Collection?  Ask Lauren fucking Conrad.

Zoe themed with clichés like “the Parisian Girl” and “the London Girl” and “the Uptown Chic Girl.”  The buyers and editors humored her.  Nobody’s gonna to tell a pregnant woman her debut collection sucks, even in this cut-throat fashist crowd.The lemming buyers must have liked what they saw because more than one high-end department store scooped up the collection.  A QVC sell-through is one thing, but can Rachel attract a high-end shopper?  In Zoe’s case, what she lacks in design talent she overcompensates for in reality show exposure.  We’ll see how the collection sells with its well-timed commercial release.

 

The Rachel Zoe Project: Premiere Collection

We met up with Zoe who is 6 months pregnant but barely showing.  She apparently sustained her unborn child on Pellegrino and cranberry juice alone in an effort to maintain her sample size figure through her last trimester.Since we last saw her, Rachel’s expanded and divided her team into four divisions: RZ digital, styling, archive and design, and product development. Mandana’s the new VP of Rachel Zoe, Inc.  Like most of the RZ staff, Mandana’s underqualified for her position, but she aesthetically fulfills a role in Rachel’s editorial vision for the office.  An awkward kiss-ass, she literally lowered down to hug Rachel’s “peanut.”  Don’t ever. There’s always a last minute push at RZ.  Preparations for the launch of her first collection bogged down the office on this particular day.  Zoe invited editors, buyers, and other important fashion folk to view the collection before the rush of fashion week. Since Rachel can’t seem to keep a stylist for more than a year, she and Rodger conducted interviews to fill a nebulous position which basically boiled down to gay sidekick.  Jeremiah came at Mandana’s recommendation and is equally unqualified. It is fair to question the eye of someone who would wear that outfit to an interview at Rachel Zoe.  Although Jeremiah lacked credentials and experience, Rachel predictably adored him and couldn’t wait to add him to the team, despite Rodger’s well-founded hesitation.  During Jeremiah’s second interview, Rachel was wooed by his (not that clever) one-liners and hired him on the spot. In anticipation of his growing family, devoted wife Rodger went house hunting with Zoe’s personal assistant Marisa.  A very slick LA-ish real estate agent showed the two a vacant $20,000 a month, 7,000 square foot behemoth.  Rodger worried about furnishing the massive mansion and asked Marisa not to tell Rachel anything about the unattractive rental.  Later on, Marisa showed Rachel photos of the place and Zoe got a “witch vibe” and obsessed over renting the dated monstrosity.Working a tired Twilight look, Jeremiah showed up for his first day and didn’t even know how to use the steamer.  When Rachel showed up a short while later, she was pleased with the samples of her new collection.  Just as the episode closed, Jordan the fit model (as opposed to Jordan the stylist) arrived to display the line.  Want more RZ Collection coverage? Demeter Clarc included a few different seasons of Rachel Zoe’s offerings earlier this year, use the search feature below to catch up.

Finding Shawn’s D….

Shawn wrote asking about the “D” jackets Brad Goreski wore on The RZP this season.  Well Shawn, after some exhaustive research, I’ve got an answer for you.  I’m pretty damn sure Dsquared designed the jacket you desire.  As we all know, Brad hearts his Dsquared.  The white and black tuxedo bomber jacket he rocked in Milan looks like a variation on a theme Dean and Dan presented for S/S 2010.   I’m not sure who he had to blow to get it, because I couldn’t find a picture of that exact jacket anywhere else.

The version of the jacket Brad wears is sort of a combination of these two looks.

The Dream fancies it too.

There is even a version for the ladies.

Okay Shawn, I’m not sure if you are rolling in dough or what, but these puppies cost upwards of $1,000.  Also, since this is last season’s style, who knows if it is still available?  Honestly, I think you could create this look, DIY-style, for much less.  With such a trendy item, only you can decide if it is worth the investment. 

Varsity letter patches are widely available for under $20.  You can customize your letter (“S” for Shawn, holler), and they come in a wide variety of colors and sizes.  A vintage tux jacket shouldn’t be too hard to find.  You could turn this look out in no time, trust.

Keep the requests coming ya’ll.  Mama loves a challenge.

For Better or Worse: Early Fall Edition

For Better…

With Taylor gone, I feared The Rachel Zoe Project had lost its teeth.  With the addition of A-listers like Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway however, RZP fulfilled the behind-the-scene celebrity styling promise that in seasons past it had failed to keep.

Unlike the boring botoxed Beverly Hills bitches and the irrelevant social faux posers of D.C., the most recent season of the Real Housewives of New York City was a total game changer with Bethenny’s engagement, pregnancy, and friendship-ending feud with Jill, the aftermath of LuAnn’s divorce, and the endless entertaining mania provided by Kelly Bensimon

Mad Men somehow managed to improve upon perfection.  Season four was the best so far for the impeccably written, acted, and styled period drama.  The finale left a huge gaping hole in Sundays.

For Worse…

We’re seven episodes into a meandering kidnapping plot on Sons of Anarchy and it pales in comparison to last season’s tightly constructed story anchored by a brilliant Katey Sagal.  Get it together boys.  Though we all appreciated the stunt casting of Stephen King, you only have a few episodes left to salvage this season. Admit it, this once-brilliant show has been circling the drain for awhile.  At this point, it is beyond salvation.  Once the Botwin’s left the construct of suburbia, the show’s concept fell apart.  Where is Elizabeth PerkinsRomany Malco?  This show deserves double demerits for dropping some of its best cast — without explanation — along the way.   Schwartz and Savage are the poster children for squandered opportunity.  First with the O.C., and now with Gossip Girl, the overrated duo begin with a great concept and then proceed to completely mismanage its potential.  The first season of Gossip Girl sizzled; since then, it has gone from lukewarm to completely irrelevant.  At this point, Degrassi has more edge.

Arrested

E! recently made a genius programming decision by upgrading Fashion Police to a weekly series.  Joan Rivers has never been sharper as the Grand Dame presiding over a panel which includes Kelly Osbourne, Giuliana Rancic, and George Kotsiopoulos.

With segments called “Starlet or Streetwalker?” and “Bitch Stole My Look,” this show doesn’t pander to the celebrity ego.  Joan, above reproach at her age, gets away with saying Taylor Swift must be bad in bed, and George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis make a stylish lesbian couple. Speaking of Giuliana, we don’t do baby here at Demeter Clarc, but didja all happen to catch Giuliana and Bill on Friday’s View pimping their new book on their miscarriage press tour?  We all sympathize with the couple for sure, but my inner cynic recoils at the notion of leveraging this kind of loss to bolster book sales and promote the upcoming season of a reality show.While Giuliana has a comforting chipmunky quality, sort of a Katie Couric for Carrie Bradshaw disciples, a ravenous, fame-seeking beast pulses beneath her perky veneer.  Even though the couple’s intentions to share their struggles may come from a pure place, the decision to craft their image around reproductive challenges is a risky strategy indeed.  What if they have five miscarriages before they conceive?  What if they never conceive?  Is the public now privy to every detail since they have offered up the most private part of themselves in exchange for fame?Speaking of late-thirties baby news, OK! reports Rachel Zoe has finally dulled the ache in Rodger’s pussy by incubating their very own Scarlet Begonia this awards season.  Mazel Rach and Rodg!

The Rachel Zoe Project: Period. The End.

While Team Zoe prepared for a shoot for Love magazine, Brad and Jordan kvetched about the tireless devotion Rachel requires.  Apparently, Tayloritis is contagious.The shoot featured a Bardot-inspired Ginta Lapina, a breath of fashion fresh air and one of the baddest bitches on the scene.  Between Ginta Lapina and Jessica Stam (featured last season on the RZP at the V shoot), it is Team Ginta all the way.  For the record editors, we are all nauseous with Stam oversaturation.Brad and Jordan talked shit in the makeshift wardrobe room.  While Rachel lugged furs around the shoot, complaining about her ineffectual staff.After the shoot, it was all about prepping for the Met Ball, perhaps the single most mayjah night for fashion folks.  Typically, designers select a few starlets to wear their gowns and accompany them as part of their entourage.  For some inexplicable reason, Marc Jacobs invited Rachel to join his group.  Rachel also took credit for dressing Demi, Eva, Kate, and Anne.  More likely, designers sent a few choices to each of these actresses, and Zoe may have edited those options and accessorized the final look.At her fitting, Anne thanked Rachel and Brad for influencing her to embrace her inner fashion icon.  I’ll (begrudgingly) give credit where credit is due, and Zoe has been responsible for some of Hathaway’s most memorable moments on the red carpet.Zoe on Hathaway, “She’s like über-intellectual, and I’m über-not.”Later, the time came for Rachel to craft her own look for the Ball.  First, Rachel drowned in a gigantic Marc Jacobs.  After determining the dress failed to flatter her “70’s disco titty,” it was eliminated.  Next Rachel donned a strange, velvet, mustard, drapey, vintage gown that highlighted her bony sternum.Too bad she traded in the sliver geometric clutch for a tan day bag that downgraded the entire look.  While I appreciate Rachel’s yin for unexpected whimsy, this frock was Met Gala unworthy.  At an event of this magnitude, timeless glamour must trump quirk when finalizing a gown choice.  Admit it; this aberration treads uncomfortably close to shmatta territory.

Back in L.A., Rodger decided to attend Rachel’s lady doc appointment to discuss the possibility of having a child.  The very awkward and staged appointment ended with Rachel and Rodger fighting over Rachel getting a blood test that day.  Rachel refused, Rodger insisted, and the gyno nodded uncomfortably.Back at home, Rachel and Rodger continued to go round and round.  Rodger emphasized that biologically, time keeps ticking.  Career-obsessed Rachel informed him that nothing, including a baby, would curtail her megalomaniacal styling ambitions.Acknowledging that a refusal to spawn will cause “major marital problems,” Rachel swallowed her reproductive ambivalence and concluded, “We are meant to be parents and I wanna do it, not totally sure how yet, but we’re gonna be. Period. The end.”

The Rachel Zoe Project: Rosenzweig Family Passover

Sidelining fashion this week, Rachel focused on hosting her entire family for a Passover Seder dinner.  Having never cooked a meal before, Rachel informed Rodger he would be hitting Bristol Farms with her later.  Like all recent conversations between these two, this one spiraled into baby talk with Rachel promising to be in the delivery room by this time next year in her black vintage cashmere Chanel cape-robe.Team Zoe met up with comic Amy Phillips to film a “viral video” for The Rachel Zoe Report.  Rodger tried to run the meeting, but ended up chucking a pen across the table at Rachel when she failed to give him her full attention.Rachel and Rodger continued to criticize, degrade, and humiliate one another publicly, thereby breaking one of the cardinal rules of successful relationship preservation: only fight in private.  After the extremely tense and unfunny shoot concluded, Rachel and Rodger took their vitriol to the street where they got noticeably loud on the sidewalk.Next, Beau Garrett showed up with her dog to get looks for the international up-fronts and Kalamity premiere.  Leave your fucking dog at home!  The utter hubris of risking dog piss on Dior makes me hate this wooky-eyed bitch from the get.Team Zoe and Beau selected three looks: a cute Diane von Furstenberg, a boring blue Lela Rose, and a random long black Malandrino.  After searching far and wide, not a single photo of the Z-list Garrett in any of these looks could be found.  Doesn’t mean she didn’t wear them, just means she’s not worth photographing.Rachel delegated styling the Zico coconut water Molly Sims job to Brad and Jordan, so she could concentrate on Passover dinner.  Sidenote: enough with the disgusting fucking coconut water.Since Rachel wouldn’t be micro-managing, Brad decided he would like to keep the selection tight and not take every rack to the shoot.  This strategy totally blew up in his face when he arrived and was informed of an entirely different vision for the campaign.Rather than just rolling with the changes, Brad argued with the photographer over wardrobe.  He tried to hide his humiliation with defensiveness, but just ended up looking flustered and unprofessional.Molly Sims showed up looking like she’d been pulled out of a drain, and Brad looked slightly panicked.  Ultimately, an intern returned with some additional white exercise choices.  You would think as “Style Director” Brad would know that in the world of fashion, options are everything.Meanwhile, Rachel and Rodger met up with Marisa at Bristol Farms to shop for the Seder.  Rachel wandered from aisle to aisle, infuriating an irritated Rodger.Back in the kitchen, Joey and Rachel worried whether the turkey would have “hair” on it.  Marisa, sick of hearing Rachel’s idiotic ramblings, took over and materialized dinner.  Rachel barely managed to execute a salad before her family arrived.Rachel’s agent brought his baby to the Seder, and Rodger nearly melted at the sight of Rachel with child.During a break from kitchen duty, Rachel and Joey talked reproduction on the porch.  Rachel tried to explain that to her, clothing and bags are a reasonable substitute for a baby.Rachel confessed her anxiety over having waited so long to get pregnant and her doubts of carrying a baby to term.  She worried that she lacked the physical and emotional strength to endure pregnancy.  Her articulation of these deeply personal fears provided a glimpse into a more authentic, sincere, less-superficial Rachel.