Mehran visited Old McDermott’s mini-farm and finally articulated what we’ve all been wondering. What is the deal with the indoor/outdoor livestock? Do they really think they are going to recreate the Beekman in Encino? Bitch please. Do guests just politely pretend her house doesn’t smell like animal feces?Tori countered Mehran’s inquiry by explaining she wanted the kids to grow up around animals. She doesn’t quite seem to grasp that goats aren’t lap pets – especially when you are four months pregnant. Tori hosted a meeting with HSN product-pusher Pulsar. During the presentation, Totes McGoats nibbled on the mood boards. This leads us to Tori’s career lark of the week: parties in a box. Is anyone else surprised that last week Tori covered the Royal Wedding and this week she’s trying to launch the same business model that made the Middletons their millions? Tori moves forward with these inane ideas without any sense of self-awareness. Evidently, no one has the heart to tell her that she lacks the experience, follow through, and commitment to launch any of these half-cocked notions into successful ventures. In a blatant cross-promotional bonanza, Patti Stanger appeared under the pretense of matching Mehran. Tori and Patti sifted through the best of the very limited pool of potential dates and invited them to a mixer. From there, Mehran chose two guys to meet one-on-one for cocktails. Mehran conveniently chose the same location for drinks as the surprise baby shower that he and Tori planned for InvenTori manager Sally Smoody. Tori and Sally wore conspicuously large hats, and Tori waived her cell phone around wildly as part of the most non-stealth spy mission ever attempted. Tori escorted Sally upstairs and “surprised” her with her shower, which was actually just a huge product placement for her gay husbands’ baby PR firm and her party planning book. Tori orchestrated a seance for her 38th birthday. Guests, including Jeff Lewis, came dressed as their favorite horror movie characters. Tori dressed as Mia Farrow from Rosemary’s Baby, Mehran chose Damien from The Omen, and the one costume that will haunt me in my nightmares: Liam channeled Chucky.
Anybody catch ANTM’s Cassandra Jean on the Mad Men finale playing Carolyn Jones? If you remember way back, she’s the pageant girl who freaked out when Tyra tried to cut her hair like Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby.
P.S. I knew Joan didn’t have that abortion.
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