Tag Archives: rude

Skills for Life: on bullies

ASSHOLEI’m an Alpha.  Nobody who knows me would contest this.  That means in my worst moments I can be a bully.  It’s just one of the many flaws on my mental personal improvement list.  The upside to knowing how to bully is knowing how to handle bullies.  This morning, I encountered a doozy.  This rich, white, entitled asshole is accustomed to getting his ass kissed by everyone.  Boy, did he get a Sunday morning surprise when he quickly realized I’m not in the ass kissing business.  He was rude.  I stood my ground.  He threw a tantrum.  I firmly and politely looked him in the eye, unmoved by his childish antics.  It was as if he’d never heard the word “no.”  Within 5 minutes he relented.  So incredibly uncomfortable with my powerful, direct, and uncompromising stance, he couldn’t cope.  In the face of true courage and strength, he crumbled like an insecure little bitch.  Money and status are common external qualities and neither one makes you powerful.  Power comes (in part) from courage – a much rarer internally-cultivated quality.  Don’t ever let anybody push you around.  Stand powerfully with your courageous heart and watch the weak wither.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear,not absence of fear.

— Mark Twain

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Don’t Post About Your Friends Without Permission

BACKSTABBERWow.  I really shit the bed you guys.  A couple of weeks ago, I threw up a post willy nilly that hurt my friend’s feelings.  I’m concerned I’ve done irreparable damage to the relationship.  I’m heartsick at the thought because I truly love, value, respect, and honor this person.  This woman is generous, kind, intelligent, caring, and fun, so I’m a real asshole for hurting her feelings.DON'T BE MADOver dinner with other friends, one of my nearest and dearest leveled that she thought is was definitely off-side that I hadn’t given our other friend a head’s up on the post.  Duly Noted.  In fairness, if someone put me on blast on the internet, I would be IRATE.  Hypocrisy is just another of my more charming qualities.A TRUE FRIENDMy friend is super pissed and she has every right to be.  I have apologized in writing because she understandably isn’t interested in talking to me right now.  I hope she gives me the opportunity to make amends in person.  I make really good amends.FORGIVE METo this dear and cherished friend:  I apologize.  I was wrong.  I mishandled the situation.  My intention was never to hurt you, and I feel terribly that I did through my own thoughtlessness.  I hope you will forgive me because you are like a sister.I'M SORRYIf it makes you feel better you can call me a bitch on Facebook.  I deserve it.CALL ME A BITCH

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: The Noid

CAT AND BRAINS

Okay, so the Halloween Party last night was super fun.  Good Group.  Except for one.  You know the one.  That one motherfucker nobody likes: the Noid. THE NOIDHe would splooge into the circle, and I would politely duck elsewhere.  Illiterate to basic social cues, when this dude approaches, people look around nervously.  He’s a loud, rude, narcissistic, interrupting attention hog.  He eyefucks the women and cock compares men.  He’s that guy.HATE THAT GUY

And my friend is dating him.  Uhggg.TEEN MOM 3

When I was younger and more naive, I would have tried to fervently convince her that this dude was at best annoying and at worst predatory, but now I’m wise enough to know that it would do no good.  I’ve learned you just have to put up with the obnoxious people your friends date and hope none marries the Noid.

OWL AND GANESHA

No matter how gross, unfaithful, violent, offensive, or irritating your friend’s fucktoy is, you just have to put up with him until they get tired of fornicating.  Once the delusion of lust wears off, hopefully your smart friend will see this asshole for who he is – an embarrassing douche.

cid_444

In addition to getting bossy with my friend, the younger, dumber me would have allowed aforementioned asshole to drag me into his asshole Olympics during which I would have felt compelled to win the gold medal in assholery.  The older and tireder me has no extra energy for such fuckery.  A confrontation would have fueled his attention-suck and ruined my fun time.  So when he appeared, I disappeared.  Nothing needles an attention whore like non-reaction.

NOT THE NOID

 HALLOWEEN FIRESIDE

Monday Morning Management Meeting: Put the Cookie Down

WON'T EATI attended a meeting the other day.  As a rough estimate, there were about 40 or so people there.  The professional gathering lasted just over 90 minutes.  During the brief assembly a number of people snacked.  This is a fit crowd and not a bunch of sedentary cubicle dwellers.  Still, they munched.  Some nibbled on some really smelly and random shit.  Like did that bitch just pull out a salmon roll? BUG SUSHI When did eating every second of the day become appropriate?  Barring some sort of specific health requirement, there isn’t any constructive reason to self-soothe through a meeting with food.  I never heard of anyone dying of starvation from waiting a whole 90 minutes between meals.  Furthermore because we care about manners here at Demeter Clarc, it’s rude to eat in front of others and not share.  If you don’t have enough raspberries for the room, then put them away.  GIMME SOME

guys

TRASH LINER OBSESSION

Guys obsess over pushing out every last gasp of air between the trash can and the liner.

SINDY MARTINGuys back into parking spaces.DOUCHE PLEASEGuys nudge their junk in public. AIRPLANE ARMRESTGuys take the armrest.  HOT SAUCEGuys love hot sauce. GUYS

 

 

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: it’s just really expensive to feed you

Thank our girl Blanche for this one folks.  Early in February, Blanche received a tacky save-the-date email from two betrothed friends.  At the end of March, she received this email from the couple:

Hi Everybody!

We have decided to cut back the scope of our wedding and are now planning an alternative ceremony with immediate family and will be canceling the July 19 ceremony.

What started as a desire to throw a simple party for friends and family quickly grew into something neither of us wanted and no longer represented the evening we had in mind.  Thank you for all your love and support!  We love all of you, it’s just really expensive to feed you :)

With love,

(names withheld to protect the guilty)

Where to begin with this?  G-SUS.  Yeah, let it wash over you.  Rub it in your skin.  The pair has the audacity to disinvite guests whom they’ve already asked to save-the-date.  To add another layer of grime to the email, they dangle the morsel that they will still be having a festive little clan gathering, you just don’t warrant an inner-circle invite.  If that weren’t enough, the reason you can’t come is because you eat too much.  Well fuck you too then.  And don’t expect a gift either. 

 

 

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Did You Seriously Just Fart?

Quick question, when did it become appropriate to let unrestrained farts fly in mixed company?  Just wondering, because lately dudes (in particular) have been loudly farting nearby and don’t seem to give a fuck who hears. To be clear, the offering isn’t a joke – like a ha-ha toot and run.  No, we’re talking unabashed shameless flatulence.  I notice all you “clean” eaters are especially unlimited in your willingness to share your exhaust.  Look, nobody wishes to suffer through painful bloating with no release, but can a mutherfucker please muffle that ass?  G-sus.

 

 

fuck cats

Cat lovers scroll on through.  I’m about to go on an anti-cat rant that’s going to make your pussy hurt. (Michael, Katie, I mean it.)  Why am I filled with feline vitriol you ask?  Because I spent the day bleach mopping cat piss out of sub-flooring, that’s why.  WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH CAT PISS ANYWAY?I know, I know, you love your cat.  Your cat does for you what no person could.  I get it.  Do you get that when cats get old they piss everywhere and it is FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to remove the smell?  Do you realize a nuclear apocalypse would not eradicate that stank of cat pee from your apartment?  In addition to destroying your home with their incontinence, cats can transmit diseases and parasites to people including, but not limited to: Toxoplasmosis, Leptospira, the Plague, Rabies, roundworm, hookworm, ringworm, Salmonella, and tapeworm.  Yeah, keep letting kitty climb all over your kitchen.  Add a side order of tapeworm to that PB&J. As you all know, I’m a staunch defender of our animal friends.  I don’t eat or wear them.  But I also don’t keep any pets for a variety of reasons.  Do I really hate cats?  No.  Do I really hate irresponsible dirty-ass cat owners?  Fuck yes.  And while I’m getting up after all you pet owners, dog people CLEAN UP FIDO’S SHIT.  Why don’t I take a dump on your lawn?  How about that?  Fucking gross yo.

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Leah Love Deserves an RSVP Dammit.

Loyal and lovely reader Leah Love wrote me with a request for a Demeter Clarc Manners Moment on RSVP etiquette.  Thanks so much for reading and writing to me Leah.  I really appreciate your kind words and support.  Here is an excerpt of LL’s letter.

I would love to see a post on the importance of RSVPing. I’m trying to affect change and influence behavior with a grassroots RSVP etiquette movement. As a person who throws my fair share of parties, nothing annoys me more than people not RSVPing. It’s so fucking rude, and it serves a real and important purpose: so the host knows how to properly provide food and drinks for her guests.  It seems like these days, with the casual nature of connecting caused by technology, that manners have fallen by the wayside.

Well said Mizz Love, well said.  Let’s be honest about the politics of the RSVP.  It goes without saying that anything involving a written, posted invitation requires a response.  Wedding invitations and baby showers, replies are 100% required for events of this nature.  Proper etiquette gets murkier the more casual the gathering.  This is a shitty thing to admit, but sometimes folks wait to reply hoping a better social opportunity comes along.  Only the cruel and honest truth delivered here at DC.As the host, you absolutely must make your expectations clear.  If you want an RSVP, you must unequivocally state in the invitation that you expect the courtesy of an RSVP and when you expect it.  If it is really important, add a “bitches” to the end.  RSVP bitches, or better yet “Don’t make me hunt down your RSVP you rude-ass bitches.”  See why I don’t throw many parties?I want to propose a different angle that you may not want to hear Leah, and please know I say this with Love.  Consider letting go of the need to know how many people will arrive.  Regardless of the number of confirmed RSVPs, guest attendance always fluctuates at the last minute.  Hosting a sit down dinner?  Fine, be rigid about a response.  Casual cocktails?  Why not just see who shows up?   I seriously doubt you have ever really run out of food or drink.  Reflect upon whether this is more about wanting to maintain control or about an irrational anxiety that no one will show up to your party.  Not to worry, of course they will come, because you are obviously social lava.  A relaxed host is a happy host.  Focus on your fun.