Tag Archives: Scarlett Johansson

Phytovolume Actif

I love big hair, yet I have trouble finding products that truly help me achieve lasting volume.  Recently, I discovered Phytovolume Actif which thickens up my limp locks better than anything else I’ve tried. Phytovolume’s mist delivery system distributes the perfect amount of product directly into the roots.  Apply the volumizing spray to wet hair before styling and marvel at your hair’s new found density, thickness, and lift.Not only does this product perform, the results are sustained.  If you like to go a day or two between washings, Phytovolume Actif provides essential oomph for the days in between suds.  Phyto costs more than Pantene, but the volume it achieves reflects the investment. 

MET GALA 2012: impossible conversations about inexplicable selections

As those of us with a pulse know, last night the Met Gala threw down in NYC.  The ball celebrated the opening of the exhibit Schiaparelli and Prada: Impossible Conversations at the Costume Institute.  Let’s have a conversation about the fucking weird ass choices some of these bitches made last night. It is hard to know where to start, so let’s start with some one who should know better.  Rachel Zoe looks like a fringed push pop in this ridiculous-on-her frock.  Zoe styled Karolina Kurkova (where you been girl?) in a gown from her eponymous line. The dress appears to have been heavily influenced by the Armani gown Zoe dressed Anne Hathaway in for the Oscars not too long ago – that Zoe, always full of fresh ideas.Beyoncé loves that stupid ass pose.  Who the fuck stands like that in real life?  The way she stiffly palms her outer thighs is so forced and unnatural.  Do we need to talk about this Givenchy Couture?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it seems to me that Givenchy cares more about appearing on the red carpet than maintaining a high standard of brand integrity.  By my totally unscientific estimation, about one in ten times Givenchy gets it right with their red carpet loaners.  Sorry B, this is definitely not one of those times.  I hate almost every single thing about this dress.  It took some nutz for Christina Ricci to rock this odd Thakoon number.  It isn’t perfect, but it is courageous.  Is she going through another praying mantis phase or is it just a pre-Met crash diet?If Laura Ashley and a flora chintz sofa made a bastard love child, this Valentino blanket that SJP is wearing would be the unholy spawn.  Jessica Paré wore the shit out of this L’Wren Scott gold cap sleeve.  No dummy, our little Megan obviously plans to squeeze every last drop of exposure from her Mad Men supporting role.  Good for her, this was one of the better ensembles of the evening. From one Mrs. Draper to another, January Jones typically pushes boundaries, at times at the expense of flattery.  The more I look at this sculpted Versace, the less it offends me.  Yeah, the peplum has been overdone this season, and yeah yellow and black tends to evoke bumble bee, but I think this is a bold and interesting post-baby choice.  She’s done worse. Lately, Emma Stone has made me forget why I like her.  The color, shape, texture, and timing of this Lanvin cocktail frock is all wrong for this season and this event.  Did she get lost on her way to homecoming?Carey Mulligan co-hosted the event and wore this shield to protect her soul from the despotic clutches of Anna Wintour. Paltrow predictably in Prada presenting a pinch of side boob.  Have we reached a consensus on whether she conservatively augmented her tatas after Moses?  If she’s going to continue to push those absurd Tracy Anderson workouts then she might want to actually wear something that celebrates her hard-fought body.  Unfinished is the word I would use to describe this look.Is Cameron just straight up old now or what?  Squint – is this Sharon Stone or Cameron DiazStella McCartney provided the matronly gown.  Stella McCartney is just mean with some of the ugly ass shit she makes her friends wear, damn.Claire Danes evoked a little Betty Draper from the neck up, which was a welcome departure from her minimalist tendency.  J Mendel conceived of the ill-fitting garment.  The cut accentuates her tiny top and then betrays her by creating the illusion of a big bottom.  Face it, she’s serving sleeveless bathrobe. First, why are these two getting married?  I dislike them each individually more when they are together.  Biel looks like she hemmed that dress with two-sided tape 5 minutes before she strode onto the carpet.  We all know very well that Jessica Biel couldn’t dress herself  if she were locked in a Chanel store.  When it comes to Biel, the expectations are very low.  Yet she still repeatedly fails to meet them.  Much like Justin Timberlake’s acting career.  Dunst looks pissed.  I’d be pissed to if I wore that random shit to the fashion event of the year.  I hate this evening suit almost as much as I hate that overrated Melancholia.Hey Flo!  I truly appreciate your willingness to go balls to the wall.  At Coachella, you served me desert couture and I’m grateful for it.  However, you are not Lady Gaga.  This fussy layered McQueen is an overreach that reads more costume than gala. Prabal Gurung is a pimp.  That’s called swagger bitches.  Recognize. One of the best dressed of the evening – Marion Cotillard in head to toe Dior.  Don’t usually love a sheer bottom, but this dress photographs and fits beautifully.  J’adore. We saw quite a few subtle variations on a very similar look; here Rihanna does the long-sleeved reflective column in black Tom Ford.  Snooze. Scarjo no!  This embellished, pink, antiquated Dolce & Gabbana mess had no bizness at the Met Gala.  I need more modernity from you Scarlett!  You are not a little girl anymore; evolve past this princessy shit. Bad Grandma!  Bad, bad Grandma!  We told you not to leave Shady Pines without a nurse’s aid.  Oh wait, that’s just Mary Kate at the Met GalaJessica Alba improved over last year, but she should have worn this dress then when this Michael Kors metallic lamé might have felt fresh.  Did Brad Goreski style her again this year?The unofficial perennial Prom King and Queen of the Met Ball, Gisele and Tom  stuck to boring black this year.  Is it me or does that photo reveal a bit of tension between the power couple?

Hey Kanye, Anna wouldn’t let you bring Kim?

83rd Annual Academy Awards Fashion Review

The award for most improved goes to Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein Collection.  After a tragic run, bitch clearly got a stylist. Also Calvin Klein-clad was Gwyneth Paltrow.  Many went crazy for this look, but the severe middle parted hair with the long narrow plunging neck evoked butt crack.  GOOP wins for most over-rated, and that doesn’t just apply to her fashion choices.Two old ladies in Dior Couture: Nicole Kidman and Sharon StoneSharon served a little high-end Cruella DeVille with a good dress and bad hair. Marchesa’s minions, Halle and Hailee.  This gown’s a little too young and try-hard on HalleHailee finally succumbed to the princess pressure after several chic and tailored moments this awards season.  This awkward length doesn’t flatter her. Celine Dion and Reese Witherspoon werked Armani Privé, two of the strongest looks of the night.  Anyone else suspicious why Reese looked a little too proud of herself all night.  We all knew the Rodarte was coming.  Portman loves Kate and Laura Mulleavy.  After all the built-up expectation, this plum number was just okay.  Some of that train should have been repurposed to fill out the front hemline.  Also repping purple, Scarjo in Dolce & Gabbana taking the baton from Michelle Williams to finish the defiantly unattractive relay.  Mila chose lilac Elie Saab and looked absolutely fantastic.  She managed to balance sweet and sexy – arguably the best, except for that awful makeup.Another best dressed contender, the always impeccable and fashion-forward Cate Blanchett in Givenchy CoutureHilary Swank also ventured into slightly new territory in GucciSwank’s softly sculpted eye makeup was undoubtedly some of the best cosmetic artistry of the night.  Michelle Williams gave good glam with stunningly perfect hair and makeup. Three ladies arrived in gowns previously featured on Demeter Clarc: Amy Adams in L’Wren Scott, Giuliana Rancic in Christian Siriano, and Mandy Moore in Monique L’huillier.  Remember, you saw it here first.Penelope, Jennifer Hudson (Versace), Anne Hathaway (archival Valentino), and Sandra Bullock (Vera Wang) opted for a range of carmine hues.  The rosebuds were neither particularly interesting nor especially fug.  These four surfed the crimson sea of mediocrity.Worst without needed elaboration: Marisa Tomei in vintage Charles James and Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer.

Sunday with Pat McGrath

GOLDEN GLOBES 2011: the chic and the weak

Best of the night, Anne Hathaway in a modern fashion-forward Armani Privé gown (featured here in best gowns of Fall 2010 waaaay back in August).

Worst of the night, Heidi Klum in Marc Jacobs serving Neapolitan nausea.

Calvin Klein Collection provided intense color and clean lines resulting in two of the most refreshing looks of the evening – Emma Stone and Claire Danes. The two biggest disappointments were Jennifer Lawrence in Louis Vuitton and Scarlett Johansson in Elie Saab.  These were not the most offensive gowns of the evening, but neither selection does its wearer justice.  Since this was one of Scarjo’s first appearances post-divorce announcement, her failure to turn it out is really inexcusable. More than ever, these mega-gowns feel really antiquated.  Catherine Zeta-Jones goes to prom in Monique L’huillier

Pretty pink princess Lea Michele joins her in Oscar de la Renta

Eva Longoria looks like she’s dragging her grief behind her in this Zac PosenWho invited Hewitt?

From the washed-up diva collection, Zuhair Murad dressed both Christina Aguilera and Jennifer LopezAwkward and abysmal asymmetry abounded; unfortch, no one executed this look correctly.

Julie Bowen in Tadashi Shoji - we want so much more for you Claire.

Julianne Moore tried her best to work a Lanvin dress that was in desperate need of a good steam.  Nicole Kidman bored us in Prada.Granny gown girls: Leighton Meester misfired again in Burberry and Michelle Williams continues her defiantly unappealing streak in Valentino. The two most overrated?  Sophia Vergara in Vera loves-a-sash Wang and Angelina Jolie in Versace.  Hey Angie, Joan Collins called and demanded you return her gown.  The most stylish and appropriately dressed youngin’ was Hailee Steinfeld in Prabal Gurung. Sarah Hyland could have used some guidance away from this fug Max Azria. Many folks will criticize Natalie Portman’s Viktor & Rolf gown, but who can be mad at this feminine display of whimsy?  Olivia Wilde deviated from the crowd with this full-skirted, sparkly, starry night Marchesa gown.  

The titty committee, January Jones in Versace and Halle Berry in Nina Ricci. The Glee girls gave good gownage.

Single-note strong colors adorn Kyra Sedgwick in Emilio Pucci and Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan.

Most random?  A heavy-banged Sandra Bullock in Jenny Packham

JANUARY 2011 HOROSCOPES

Capricorn

Some mistake your decisive confidence as dismissive, but Capricorns know what they want and aren’t waiting for anyone’s permission.  This uncompromising approach tends to alienate friends, family, and potential love interests.  Nobody’s asking you to change, and you won’t anyway.  Sailing on the Sea of Independence this year, Captain Cap unapologetically steers the ship where he or she sees fit.

Aquarius

A flurry of communication will have you checking your inbox and calendar this month.  Get selective regarding how you spend your time.  Rest is essential to protect your vulnerable immune system.  Aquarian aloofness can be off-putting, so go out of your way to bring warmth to important social interactions.

Pisces

This is the year that you must deal with all your relationship baggage.  Family and friends aren’t the issue.  Look inward and do the work, because January looks favorable for romance.  Financially, the free ride is over.  Yeah, you’re thinking, what free ride?  In four months you’ll be wishing you had it as good as you do now – recognize.

Aries

Prepare to professionally pimp your way through the first third of 2011.  Aries deserve recognition after putting in major heart through a tiring 2010.  Interpersonally, a quick fuse + a serious patience shortage = a strong likelihood that your current relationship could end if you don’t put in extra effort to resolve conflict.  Little annoyances can simmer over; don’t leave the stove unattended.

Taurus

Unresolved health issues continue to remain central, but these challenges provide loved ones the opportunity to show their devotion.  Reliable, stoic, and generous Taurus, always giving, giving, giving; now is the time to receive.  You must learn to relax and practice self-care to flourish.  Cozy down and allow others to nourish you.

Gemini

Jealous haters are out to dim your shine.  Gross.  Unless you let them goad you into some petty bullshit, the whole situation will be more personally disappointing than financially devastating.  This month’s back and forth centers on discontent in your romantic relationship.  Get grateful or get out.  Save yourself and everyone else the tortuous indecision.  Slow your roll on any major purchases or investments.

Cancer

Book a vacation online, but stay the fuck off those internet dating sites.  Consider tapping into your creative or performance talents by entering a singing, art, or cooking competition.  This could also be a good time to hone a new skill.  Save your money the next four months, so you can make a job change this summer.

Leo

The light shines all over your ass this month giving you great glow.  Non-negotiable responsibilities ground an otherwise buoyant time.  The upside?  The increased workload will be profitable.  Go ahead and gamble.  An unexpected windfall could be headed your way, lucky fucking bastard.

Virgo

Mellow is the theme of the month.  Enjoy financial stability, and a consistent, if uneventful work life.  Anticipate no major conflict on the relationship front, and maybe even the possibility of a baby.  One caution, you are not detailed-oriented and sloppiness will result in harsh consequences.  No DIY accounting, investing, or legal decisions.

Libra

Clinginess is not chic, so tone it down with the over-attachment, especially calls and texts.  Fun gatherings perk up the rest of January and these events give you a chance to show off that pretty Libra face to the whole crowd.  Employ those disciplined financial planning skills to stretch through upcoming tight spots.

Scorpio

The stressful holidays have left you spent.  You must take care of yourself or you will definitely get sick this month.  Illness and fatigue compromise your ability to channel the creative energy necessary for you to reach your highest self.  Take everything you learned last year and apply it.

Sagittarius

Extreme behavior in the past has compromised your health and it will take the first two-thirds of 2011 to get back on track.  A recent career upgrade has you feeling generous.  Know the difference between a gift and a loan; this one won’t get paid back.  Your undeniable charm will help you form an important connection, possibly romantic.  Back up the hard drive; some technical problems may be on the horizon.

Christmas Cleavage

Another weekend in December means more office holiday parties and more felonious fashion choices.  I think it’s time we sat down and had a little chat about appropriate cleavage.  Honestly, deep cleavage is gross.  More porn than Prada, cleavage is a cocktease, not fashion.  Sporting more than two inches of visible cleavage also guarantees no one will look at your face all night.  Acknowledging that some of you bitches love your chichis, and whether they are store-bought or natural, come cocktail hour, you like to put your girls on display.  Keep the following examples in mind if you must display the bust.

Dita does it right, subtle and sexy.Christina, I love you, but no.  Her titties arrived fifteen minutes before she did.Blake’s so much less offensive when she doesn’t force the girls front and center.Borderline Barrymore, she saves it with soft makeup and covered arms. They shouldn’t face east and west.¡Ya basta! Vergara!A skosh too much moonz, Mz. Greene.