Tag Archives: self-control

a month of sobriety

SEETHING RAGEWell kiddos, I made it a month without smoking grass.  I can hardly believe it myself.  There have been some trying times.  I managed to avoid puffing at a party, during relationship duress, and through several sleepless nights.  After I made it through the physical detox, a new set of psychological challenges emerged.  What surfaced was a deep well of seething rage that I’ve been spouting out in every direction at anyone who even slightly annoys me.  It’s fair to say that without weed, I’m a total cunt.  All my physical symptoms have diminished.  No more sharp pains between my ribs.  The wheeze is gone, as is the choking feeling I experienced around my throat.  My moods, however, need regulation.  For quite some time, I’ve been using ganja like some people use lithium – to manage moods.  While I was aware of my dope dependency, I didn’t realize until I quit that I arrested my emotional development by using instead of feeling.  Now, at this late stage in the life game, I’ve got to come up with new ways to cope with the depressing state of the human condition.  I’m far from figuring out a consistent solution, but I’m working several different angles – yoga, meditation, and therapy, to name a few.  Some days these methods are effective, and I can self-soothe my frustration.  And some days I yell “fat boy” at my neighbor for continuously slamming his door like an obnoxious idiot.  I’m not proud of the way I behave when I get aggressive with others, but I’m working on it.  SHUT UP FAT BOYI also wonder if I will ever be able to successfully reintroduce miss maryjane back into my life in a similar fashion to the relationship I have with alcohol – which is I can take it or leave it.  I don’t crave booze.  I can have a Scotch occasionally with friends and go months without a drink.  It is this relationship of non-attachment that I strive for in every area of my life.  DETACH

Finish Line

As I prepare for this move, I am appalled by the number of partially used beauty products on my shelves.  I usually do really well until I get 75% through the product, then I tend to move on to a new one and lose interest in the original before I get to the bottom of the jar.Disgusted with this wasteful habit, I vow to finish this hodge-podge collection of halflings before I purchase anything new.  I’ll throw out any potion outdated or past its prime, but otherwise it is time to steward the responsibility of the investment through to its natural conclusion.

In the ultimate and on-going quest to simplify and clarify my daily routine, I first must decide what I love and what can go.  We have to make room for results, right?  Let’s see how long it takes me to run out of the last quarter inch of at least three dozen products, and how difficult it is to withstand the temptation of adding another pony to the herd.