Tag Archives: sex toys

Plug It In?

ALEX AND SIMONThink waaay back to season one of The Real Housewives of New York City.  There’s a moment when Alex, Simon, and Bethenny are standing around gossiping about Ramona’s reaction to Alex adding her husband Simon to “girl’s night.”  Alex defends Simon’s attendance at the dinner and makes some stupid remark about discussing vibrators in mixed company.  To paraphrase, “What’s the problem?  Just plug it in.”  In a subsequent interview segment Bethenny shrieks nasally, “Plug?! Plug?!  Like what era are you in?!”WAND MASSAGERWhat I’ve learned about vibrators as of late applies equally to power tools of any kind.  A cordless will work in a pinch or when convenience necessitates, but if you want the type of power that completes the job professionally with efficient ease then plug into the grid.  Plug-in vibrators never tire, rarely overheat, and don’t require constant battery replacement.  Plus, many innocently double as damn good massagers for sore muscles.    SINCLAIR INSTITUTE SELECT

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: to Return or not to Return Broken Bondage?

Recently, I bought a sex toy online.  It wasn’t a vibrator or a dildo.  It was this weird spreader bondage contraption.  Anyway, in case my little Midtown Meltdown indicated otherwise, I’m strong as fuck.  I destroyed the bondage toy before my first orgasm.  I  literally tore the flimsy binding completely apart.  The inner-rod detached from the larger outer rod.  I snapped the chains in two.  This bitch don’t play.

For a variety of reasons, I don’t return items very often even when I’m dissatisfied. However, I’m super pissed, stunned, and profoundly disappointed that this expensive, but crappy accouterment disintegrated at my first healthy tug.  Shouldn’t a bondage toy effectively bind?  Weak Sauce.

Stymied by my dilemma, I asked around to see what others thought was appropriate in regard to initiating a refund.  Let me be crystal clear here: no bodily fluids touched the device.  Indeed, I destroyed it before anyone climaxed or even felt much of a tickle.  (By the way, even if the thing hadn’t broken, the spreader didn’t actually spread enough, so skip this amateur shit and get your favorite lesbian to build you a sturdy custom device from Home Depot.)The overwhelming response from a sampling of trusted advisers was to indeed return the overpriced janky novelty to the allegedly reputable website that sold it to me.  I packed it up piece by piece, making sure every broken part made it back into the box in some semblance of its original form and shipped it back to the sex toy graveyard. Now let’s see if the site actually refunds the cost of this crap.  This junk was over $75 or I probably wouldn’t have bothered at all.