Recently, I bought a sex toy online. It wasn’t a vibrator or a dildo. It was this weird spreader bondage contraption. Anyway, in case my little Midtown Meltdown indicated otherwise, I’m strong as fuck. I destroyed the bondage toy before my first orgasm. I literally tore the flimsy binding completely apart. The inner-rod detached from the larger outer rod. I snapped the chains in two. This bitch don’t play.
For a variety of reasons, I don’t return items very often even when I’m dissatisfied. However, I’m super pissed, stunned, and profoundly disappointed that this expensive, but crappy accouterment disintegrated at my first healthy tug. Shouldn’t a bondage toy effectively bind? Weak Sauce.
Stymied by my dilemma, I asked around to see what others thought was appropriate in regard to initiating a refund. Let me be crystal clear here: no bodily fluids touched the device. Indeed, I destroyed it before anyone climaxed or even felt much of a tickle. (By the way, even if the thing hadn’t broken, the spreader didn’t actually spread enough, so skip this amateur shit and get your favorite lesbian to build you a sturdy custom device from Home Depot.)The overwhelming response from a sampling of trusted advisers was to indeed return the overpriced janky novelty to the allegedly reputable website that sold it to me. I packed it up piece by piece, making sure every broken part made it back into the box in some semblance of its original form and shipped it back to the sex toy graveyard. Now let’s see if the site actually refunds the cost of this crap. This junk was over $75 or I probably wouldn’t have bothered at all.