Tag Archives: Skating With the Stars

Bethenny Ever After: $120 Million Dollar Baby?

Bethenny and Jason needed a new nanny since Gina left to convalesce after her surgery.  Their top choice is a woman named Dawa.  Born in India and of Tibetan descent, Dawa must be genetically calm or some such racist shit according to her new employers.After butchering her four letter name repeatedly, Bethenny and Jason gave Dawa the grand tour of the nursery and pantry.  Bethenny in particular put on a high-drama neurotic show for the cameras.  No wonder ratings are way down this season.  Truthfully, this mundane shit is dreadfully dull.Dawa informed Bethenny that she doubles as a hair dresser, so Bethenny got a blowout from the new two-for nanny.  Not sure how long ago Dawa werked weaves in India but her technique and finish on the blowout left much room for improvement.  Stick to burping babes Dawa.Over dinner, Jason told Bethenny that sales of Skinnygirl expanded from 13 states to 40.  She contemplated the future sale of Skinnygirl and revealed that several companies that had previously turned her down were now begging to buy her out.  No doubt a satisfying moment for Bethenny, but it is disappointing to think the same people that doubted her are now financially profiting from her idea.Speaking of sell outs, a few episodes back we discussed the sale of Skinnygirl to Beam, and at the time the sale price was undisclosed.  Recently, several outlets from the Wall Street Journal to Wendy Williams reported Bethenny sold Skinnygirl for $120 million.  Does that officially make her the richest Housewife?  (Bitch please, spin-off or not she’ll always be a Housewife.)  The timing of the sale makes sense because Bethenny officially peaked awhile ago, even if she continues to fight against her inevitable decline.Despite her public bitch fight with Johnny Weir (Team Johnny!), Bethenny made it all the way to The Skating with the Stars finale show by riding a wave of drunken Skinnygirl fan support.  To properly prepare, Bethenny rented a beachfront house in Malibu and invited Ethan over for a Mexican fiesta and tabletop dance.Bethenny keeps hinting that a move to California is around the corner.  Can we look forward to a new cast member on The Real Housewives of Beverly HillsBethenny and Kyle go way back, so the notion isn’t that far afield.  Plant the seed ya’ll.

BETHENNY EVER AFTER: metro card

The first of several 40th birthday parties kicked off at a suite at the Gansevoort where Bethenny and her girls pre-gamed with Skinnygirl and mini-sliders.  Later, Bethenny rallied the group for a schlong hunt at Plunge.Why does Bethenny think she has game?  She acted like a crazed Ramona lusting over the general manager conveniently named Jason.  At 40 not 30, Bethenny’s a little more resistible than she thinks.  Seriously, slow your roll and stop embarrassing yourself.After a few drinks, each sloppster took a turn stomping out her dignity in the center of the dance circle.  Julie offered the most interesting dance craze – the metro card – a reenactment of that graceful moment when the metro card fails and you whiplash against the immobile turnstile.  Bethenny acted like Julie was nutz.  Apparently it has been awhile since bougie Bethenny has taken the train, because that shit was brilliant.  Anyone who takes public transportation would know that dance of shame anywhere.The next day, Bethenny got the call about Skating With the Stars and it was immediately obvious that she was going to say “yes,” even though she pretended she was going to discuss it with the family.  Back at casa Hoppy, Jason braced himself for the latest news.Jason didn’t seem too enthusiastic about the idea and immediately started chipping away at her excitement with loaded questions.  Jealous much?  Then he asked if it would be better for her to do Dancing With the Stars.  Her response was fucking priceless, and proves how big her head has become.

Super snotty she says, “I don’t really want to do the twelfth of anything.”

Her implication – that she would turn down the highly rated Dancing With the Stars in favor of Skating With the Stars – could not be more patently absurd.  Bitch please.  No one asked you to be on Dancing With the Stars.  Don’t fucking act like you would have turned down Dancing with the God Damn Stars because no one on this planet believes your fame-seeking ass would ever do any such thing.Julie joined the meeting and even though she and Jason had concerns about time and scheduling, there was no talking Bethenny out of her skates.  She knew she was accepting the offer the minute they called.  Make no mistake: Bethenny furthers her fame first.Even though no one had even mentioned Bethenny’s birthday, she moaned that everyone kept “harping on her 40th birthday,” so she simply must have a lavish party to satisfy the masses or some such self-important bullshit.  She met up with her wedding planner Shawn for lunch and he offered to plan the party for her as a product placement gift.  Bravo probably pressured Bethenny into having a party on the show to give it some zest, and this might explain her mixed messages.  This does not bode well since when the sentiments “reluctant” and “party” are combined, it never makes for a very festive event.Later Jason and Bethenny took Bryn on an afternoon stroll.  Jason nit-picked the proposed plans.  The two began to bicker about the number of guests, the timing of food and drink, and the appropriate night for the party.With a proposed guest list of 35-45, Bethenny didn’t want to exclude her friends for Jason’s buddies.  In another dick move, Jason played the “you’re married now, Bethenny” card.  In this instance, Bethenny’s right on.  It is her birthday, and the guest list should be comprised of her friends.  Jason manipulated her by calling her selfish, and got his way to invite ten friends to her party.  When Jason turns forty he can invite all his friends.  Not all couples must share friends.  Furthermore, Jason’s friends don’t actually give a fuck about celebrating Bethenny’s birthday, so he should stop fronting like they do.From there things got progressively uglier, and a sour cloud hovered over the rest of the walk, the talk, and the party.  Bethenny began to regret agreeing to the bash.  Considering the amount of celebrations Bethenny’s had for Bethenny this year – engagement, showers, a televised wedding – a low key fortieth might have been a better way to go.Bethenny met her skating partner Ethan Burgess at the rink, but the chemistry wasn’t exactly gelling.  Awkward chatter peppered practice and culminated with Bethenny declaring that she’d seen Ethan fall in a competition on youtube.  Not knowing when to STFU, Bethenny continued to prattle and opined his fall was due to the rocky relationship with his girlfriend/skate partner.  Nice first impression.Back in bed, Bethenny and Jason continued to write “birthday party disaster” all over the walls.  Each time the topic came up, the two clashed.Since Bethenny’s latest book is about conquering negative thoughts, take note of Bethenny’s own self-defeating behavior.  She says things like “my whole life has been like that.”  Boo Fucking Hoo.

Your life is a result of your own choices.  Quit bitching.