Tag Archives: sleep

sleep better

Some people like massages.  Some people like expensive wine.  I like sleep.  For me it is the greatest luxury, but it can be quite elusive.  Meaningful sleep at times requires coddling, so I’m always exploring options for extending my stay in dreamland. 

Set the air conditioner temperature to chilly, open a window, or turn on a fan.  A cooler room makes for more restful sleep.  Lose the pajamas.  Try linen, bamboo, or modal sheets. Cut the data connection to the bedroom.  Seriously, isn’t it enough we have to endure the constant intrusion of cell phones on the dinner table, but the bedside table too?  Most modern cell phones emit significant light and noise even when dimmed and set to vibrate.  I know many folks use their cell phones as alarm clocks.  If you enjoy undisturbed sleep with a cell phone by your head, then no problem (other than that pesky radiation), but if you are up in the middle of the night obsessively texting and checking Facebook then that explains why you are acting like a cranky asshole during the day.

Maybe it is just psychosomatic, but I swear that I feel more ready to rest after a cup of Yogi Bedtime tea.  In times of desperation, the following options never fail:  1) a doobie, 2) an orgasm.  Try getting stoned or laid or both before popping one of those crazy and dangerous sleeping pills. 

 

 

 

sleep thief

After 27 days of sleep deprivation, I’m totally exhausted and annihilated.  This got me wondering how long it will take me to catch up and recover.  The most recent studies suggest that sleep debt can’t be repaid in one or two nights of longer snoozes.  The average American gets 6.9 hours of sleep.  Subjects restricted to 7 hours of sleep had slower response times during cognitive testing.  Those restricted to 6 hours of sleep performed so poorly after several days of limited sleep they actually fell into micro sleeps during simple ten minute cognitive tests.   Folks performed consistently well on tests with 8-9 hours of sleep, though I feel best with a luxurious full ten.  This is one of the main reasons I’m not interested in children.  Children steal sleep. With my cognitive capabilities greatly diminished by the chronic sleep deprivation, this math may be be wrong.  By my calculations, I have 108 hours of sleep to recover.  How much sleep do you owe yourself?  Are folks bitchy or just tired?

 

Four for Friday

Notice how ever since The Soup moved to Wednesday it’s lost some of its zhush?  How can you do a thorough weekly round-up on a show that airs midweek?  Explain this suicidal programming decision por favor.  Jersey Shore sputtered out like a two-pump chump.  I’m guessing that’s what the lesbians affectionately call Vinny after the world’s least erotic three-way. Notice Bethenny’s show is building up to the infamous Amador boat trip even though everyone already widely believes the entire event to be staged for the cameras?  PR strategy or arrogant stupidity?Spent the last two days learning some interesting, scientific, and at times witchy stuff about the human body.  As if I needed another reason to sleep a full 8-10 hours, apparently the only way to truly rest and repair the adrenal glands is by consistently getting a full 8 hours of sleep.  The body repairs the adrenals during a specific period later in the sleep cycle.  If sleep is interrupted, the body resets to hour one and misses the opportunity to repair.  Can you poop without a stimulant (caffeine, nicotine, etc.) in the morning?  If not, this could be a sign of adrenal insufficiency.  Stressed, pissy and fatigued?  Consider the possibility that your chronic sleep deprivation depletes important hormones.

 

Friday’s 5 ways to burn 500 calories

Fuck for 100 minutes.Rearrange furniture for 67 minutes.

Shop if you must: 3 hours, 6 minutes. Catch up on sleep; 8.5 hours burns approximately 500 calories.Mop your dirty ass floors for 100 minutes.

nap time

Have you been pissy, fat and accident-prone lately?  Consider this…

1) Inadequate sleep can make you fat.  Studies show that chronic sleep debt is linked to increased appetite and energy expenditure.  Some argue that Americans aren’t gluttons, but instead just really, really tired.2) Sleep deprivation can make you psycho suggest studies from Berkeley and Harvard.  Lack of sleep can cause distortions, erratic emotional responses, and unpredictable behavior.

3) The American Academy of Sleep Medicine proved that sleep deprivation makes you sloppy.  A person’s driving ability, math aptitude, and general response time significantly diminishes when overtired.4) Sleep deprivation is torture.  At least the Russians, British, and the U.S. have used sleep deprivation as an interrogation technique.  While not every country has defined the practice as “torture,” those that have suffered through imposed sleep deprivation describe it as worse than restrictions on food or water.5) Not sleeping enough can make you vulnerable to illness.  Sleep deprivation causes our T-cells to decrease, and inflammatory cytokines to rise.  A weaker immune system leaves us open to colds, flu, and a whole lot worse…Take care of yourself this fall by extending the sleepytimes whenever possible.  Bright-eyed bitches wake up less hateful, look better, and conduct themselves more competently.  Imagine what a better world this would be if we all had the luxury of a solid nine hours.

appreciate you

Gonna take a long rest after an epic road trip, but Rachel Zoe commentary is on the way, Trust. Thanks for your patience.

Sniffle Season

As we forge ahead towards the official commencement of winter, many of you bitches are sniff, sniff, sniffling around, calling in sick, and bringing your coughing children to Target.  A bout with the cold or a tango with the flu is not a wintertime inevitability. 

Humidify

We’ve chatted about the importance of sleeping in humid air for beautiful skin, but did you know that low absolute humidity prolongs influenza survival, thereby increasing transmission rates?  A well-maintained humidifier is a must.

Neti

A neti virgin’s first experience may require some self-coaxing and good old fashioned nutting up, but once you do it, you really will feel so much better.  A natural alternative to cold medicine, the neti pot cleanses the sinuses and relieves congestion.

Gloves

The cheap magic stretch gloves work fine.  Create a barrier between you and the world during sick season.  Glove wearing ladies of yesteryear were on to something.  Keep your hands off your face, regardless.

Veggies

Yeah, yeah, you are sick of hearing the virtues of vegetarianism.  Well, then go read Ted Nugent’s site.  Cranberries, collard greens, sweet potatoes — pretend veggies are Skittles and taste the rainbow everyday.  The benefits for you, the planet, and the animals are immeasurable.  Veggies offer a combination of nutrients like magnesium, potassium, folate, vitamin B6, and antioxidant-rich flavonoids in a nutritional package superior to supplements.

Sunlight/Vitamin D

The Sun can be a rare treat in many parts of the country this time of year.  If it peeks out, make a point to take advantage of it.  The Sun is healing in a variety of ways.  Take time to bask in it.  Supplement the sunshine with vitamin D if you are deficient.  In the past, the spotlight focused on vitamin C for its immune-boosting properties, but recent studies have linked low vitamin D with respiratory infections.

Probiotics

Advocacy for probiotics has been gathering momentum for the last few years.  It may seem somewhat counter-intuitive, but recent studies demonstrate a favorable relationship between a balanced gut and resistance to catching colds and flu.

Sleep

How much do you love to sleep?  I love, love, love to sleep.  If I could fuck sleep, I would, totally, with abandon.  To truly assess whether you are sleeping enough, go to bed (dark, cool, room, no distractions) at the same time every night for a week and sleep until you naturally wake up.  By the fifth, six, and seventh days your body’s sleep schedule will begin to regulate, giving an accurate gauge of how much glorious unconsciousness you require to awake your most well-rested, gorgeous, not-grumpy self.  Besides, people who sleep less than seven hours per night have three times the risk of catching a cold than those who slumber for eight hours or more according to researchers at Carnegie Mellon.

lava tu cama

When is the last time you washed your sheets?  How about your comforter?  Pillows?  Maybe you aren’t sleeping so well because your bed is filthy.

You will sleep better with clean sheets.  Once a week is the bare minimum.  We could get into a lengthy discussion about dust mites and bed bugs here, but basically a weekly wash should keep you out of ferret bed territory. Select white sheets.  Nothing invites a beautiful night’s sleep like a pristine, crisp, white bed.  Super hot water, bleach, detergent, booster, softner, these are the key ingredients to optimal results.

Cleanliness is Godliness bitches.