Tag Archives: So noTORIous

We’ve Got Spirits Yes We Do. We’ve Got Spirits How ‘Bout You?

This week Dean jetted off to NYC to promote a project even more D-List than a movie of the week – a sequel to a movie of the week called Santa Baby 2. While little asshole Liam snubbed his Dad, Tori made small talk while she waited for overpriced red velvet cupcakes to arrive at Dean’s hotel room. I’m sure they served as a nice nightcap to the wild night of coke and hookers he had planned while away from the McDermott Baby Factory.As many of you have heard, Bori and Mean’s fairy godmother granted them a multi-million dollar development deal with Oxygen.  One of the shows rumored in production is a wedding-themed show where Dean and Tori orchestrate nuptials for what I can only imagine are desperate couples.  The Brandy wedding story line is a clear attempt to introduce the concept of the spin-off.  For this event, Tori will double as planner and bridesmaid while Stella plays flower girl.

Man polish is more than a little gay.Told you he was a bully.

In the haunted McMansion, Tori and Mehran learned that Liam’s been courting the dark side while Stella’s suffering from crib-side cold spots.  This lead Tori and Mehran to call Mama Lola (captured beautifully by Whoopi Goldberg in an episode of So noTORIous.)The real life Mama Lola and her spiritual lackey Zaar dropped by to balance Tori’s mojo.  Miss Clairvoyant determined Tori’s preoccupied with Dean’s philandering by consulting with her magic oracle deck of playing cards.

Man-tunic wearing Zaar, channeling Otho from Beetle Juice, declared that two dead guys were chilling in the baby’s room sending Tori into a paranormal tailspin. Meanwhile downstairs, Mama Lola prepared Tori’s ritual cleanse.

Stripped down to her silicone, Tori rubbed burning voodoo tonic all over her body while Mama Lola repeatedly insisted “it’s not cold.”Mama Lola ordered Tori to wash her wcoocoon (booboon?  raccoon?) sending Tori into a flaming woodle dance as Mehran and Zaar cackled in the background.

Dean returned from NYC with gifts for the children.  He handed out candy to the kids and then chastised Tori for giving them the whole bag.  Dick you brought the M&M’s, why don’t you ration them appropriately if you are so pussy-hurt about it?Dean blew off the family his first day back to pimp some motorcycle crap that no one cares about.  This is a man in his mid-forties and he acts like Nick Hogan.  No surprise, they are both tribe douche. Again, instead of putting her Louboutin down on his nutsack, Tori let that shit slide and sought refuge in her gays.  While sorting through pictures under the pretext of organizing, Tori found barf bags with puppy love proclamations from the early days of their courtship.  She presented Dean with the nauseating mementos while they both sentimentalized Tori and Dean: the adultery years.

Both of these narcissists lack the insight to see that their marriage will never feel like their affair.  Tori has become the woman Dean left for her.  She married a serial cheater and it’s only a matter of time before she suffers a Sandra Bullock-style public humiliation.