Tag Archives: The Muppets

April 2015 Horoscopes


Happy Birthday Aries!  You are the initiator and where the astrological cycle begins.  It all starts with you, Aries, and now the Sun has come to light your very best angles.  With the spark of the Sun catching you fire, there isn’t anything you can’t accomplish this month.  Swagger into work.  Set that start-up into motion.  On the 4th of the month, we get the change-forcing energy of an eclipse.  For you Aries, this energetic reckoning manifests in your relationship sector.  The eclipse will either nudge you together or launch you into different orbits.  Why fight what is inevitable?  Tension brews between your professional obligations and your personal desires for freedom.  Who are you beyond your occupation?  Right now, you feel like a foot soldier in someone else’s army, when your true destiny is to lead your own brigade.



A yearly tradition of a spa week in April would be a beautiful gift to yourself, Taurus.  Even if you can’t literally slip away into a tub of mud, self-spa whenever possible this month.  Chow on the first wave of organic spring vegetables.  Slip crisp white linens on your bed.  Artistic endeavors feel good in April; dance, sing, paint, crochet.  Create an offering.  The eclipse of the 4th triggers a manic cleaning spree not a minute too soon.  A clean home streamlines your life, Taurus.  April isn’t going to be easy interpersonally.  Relationships suffer the strain of some tense celestial standoffs.  Bulls are usually the stubborn ones, but this month others will test your resolve.


You’ll be even more addicted to your FB page in super social April, Gemini.  You can’t wait to connect with your friends and celebrate spring with a few rounds of cocktails on the lanai.  At work, always the smarty, Gemini enjoys problem solving with new colleagues.  The eclipse on the 4th influences your romance realm.  If you are alone, you might find yourself together.  If you are together, you may find yourself suddenly alone.  Eclipses force change, so expect a palpable shift.  Romance, friendships, and your sense of stability compete for attention in April.  Everybody has an agenda.  Your tendency to slow down and retreat may come in handy towards the end of the month when you’ll need some much needed grounding.



All aboard the train to your professional destiny, Cancer!  This train has several stops, so you should invest in the sleeper car and settle in for the long haul.  The first depot houses your accumulated career accomplishments.  A moment to grandstand in the cacophony of accolades won’t hurt.  The 4th’s eclipse causes drama in ladytown.  Conflict ignites with a close female friend or relative, and neither of you much feels like compromising.  After some retroactivity in your career section, April 8th eliminates that resistance you’ve been experiencing and professional matters progress in a profitable fashion.  If you find yourself annoyed with other people this month, you are the one who is actually annoying.



Spring Break, anyone?  You are ready to get the fuck out of dodge for some much needed rest in a far-flung locale, Leo.  April’s all about big risks and big rewards for you. The 4th offers an eclipse which inspires change on the homefront.  Perhaps a reworking of your interior is in order?  Your mind and body are at odds this month.  Your deep need for self-expression manifests in a few awkward moments in April.  Leo struggles between needing to shut the fuck up and needing to scream from the roof tops.  In all your interactions, consider a happy medium between shouting and silence in the form of clear and assertive commentary.



Virginal what?  You’re a dirty slut this month, Virgo.  How fun!  Just teasing you Virgo, it isn’t sluttery that interests you but, deep, total, and complete merger on every satisfying level.  You’ve put a significant amount of thought into how you want your life to look though you doubt your ability to execute your dreams on your own terms.  Hogwash.  You don’t need deep pockets or any seal of approval to move forward on shaping a visionary life, Virgo.  The eclipse of the 4th influences your finances with sudden epiphanies about work and the best use of your talents.  Listen Virgo, you know you can be a real dick at times.  This April nobody has the patience to deal with your ornery bullshit.



April provides a great opportunity to evaluate your primary partner, Libra.  Are you getting what you need out of this relationship whether personal or professional?  April amplifies any imbalances in this relationship making the unequal efforts painfully clear.  The eclipse on the 4th challenges your sense of personal independence.  Have you been so consumed with painting a pretty picture of your life that you neglected to assert your needs?  Libra struggles among the competing forces of self, primary relationship and family.  This month, nobody seems to keen to compromise, but that doesn’t mean it is your obligation to give in to unreasonable demands.



Among your myriad talents, practicality stands out as one of your most useful, Scorpio.  In April, you apply your no-nonsense approach to organizing and streamlining every area of your life.  Results-oriented accomplishments like completing your taxes, sorting stacks of paperwork, and clearing the clutter feel particularly satisfying to you now.  The eclipse of the 4th presents an opportunity for healing.  It may be time to let go of something, someone, a notion, or unrealistic idea.  This month, Scorpio offers a grounding and calming influence to those coming undone.  Don’t come unraveled yourself.



Spring fling, Sagittarius, April is all about fun for you!  Start with an inspired shift in your appearance.  Why not go really dramatic and start conversations?  You still gotta deal with rigid-ass Saturn harnessing your glee, and this month the task-master planet goes retrograde.  Keep up the diligent work you’ve been doing on yourself and you should survive with relatively few limitations on your festivities.  Fortunately, Jupiter starts moving again and encourages you to expand your horizons – perhaps with a little travel?  The eclipse on the 4th creates division in the team.  It is up to you to pull all the uncompromising factions back together.



Snug up Capricorn, you don’t feel like doing much outside your home this April.  Make your favorite meals.  Hang with your favorite women.  On the 4th, an eclipse influences your professional sphere.  Eclipses are synonymous with abrupt change and a realignment of priorities.  In the midst of the upheaval, turn to trusted male figures for guidance.  There will be moments in April where it feels like every major area of your life is at odds from your personal identity to family and your career.  If the situation becomes too pressured, flee for solitude where you can do you best thinking, sorting, and deciding.



Hey smarty!  Aquarius thinks, writes, and communicates on a higher frequency this April.  Your admirable quality output will be the envy office-wide.  Apply any excess energy and verve to help those who could use a hand – particularly with writing like resumes and professional materials.  April 4th’s eclipse has you asking deeper questions about the trajectory of your life.  Does your day-to-day routine support your higher calling?  If not, enroll in a program or shift your focus so that your daily activities support your larger mission.  While others struggle with each other this month, your conflict is primarily a self-limiting internal chafe between your personal growth, subconscious beliefs, and intellect.



Your mind is on your money this April, Pisces.  Your issue is spending, so get realistic about your income to outcome ratio.  Part of the problem is your fondness for convenience and your tendency towards laziness.  It’s easier to run to the corner store and buy one ice tea than hike it all the way to the bulk store for the best buy, but those hassle-lessening decisions are draining your bank account.  A smidge of effort in planning your week and budget make major impacts on your bottom line.  The eclipse of the 4th brings a reckoning to that new relationship in the form of an explosive conflict that only the strongest connections will survive.  This epic battle exposes the unworthy – and this time it might be you that’s lacking.

Sunday with Whoopi Fucking Goldberg

The Great Muppet Caper

Judgment-clouding 80’s nostalgia causes folks of a certain generation to recall their childhood entertainment a little too fondly.  When revisited, not all of those “80’s classics” hold up.  Unlike some of it’s less clever cousins, The Great Muppet Caper is as enjoyable and over the top now as it was 30 years ago. The Great Muppet Caper stars the incandescent Miss Piggy in the most stylish role of her career.  A mayjah runway show, a synchronized swimming fantasy montage, and a jewel heist culminating at the Mallory Gallery make The Great Muppet Caper the most fashionable and chic of all the Muppet movies. Like all Muppet movies, star cameos sprinkle the story, but unlike other offerings in the series, the low-key celeb appearances aren’t heavy handed and distracting.Miss Piggy kicks ass and bends bars breaking out of the big house to save her Kermie!

The Baseball Diamond Bitches.