Tag Archives: The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kenya Moore gets Wiki-Bombed

One of my favorite things in life is catching an unintended editing error – like an errant boom mic or funny typo.  So behold my delight when I skimmed Kenya Moore’s Wiki page last night and caught this unauthorized entry.  It’s not the most clever web burn, but congratulations Kenya!  A Wiki-bomb means you’ve officially arrived.

The Housewives are so Over

We’ve known all along that The Real Housewives of Wherever celebrates materialistic, shallow, catty, back-biting bitches.  How come watching that shit isn’t fun anymore?  A few theories…What was already artificial is now completely fake.  I have this theory about reality shows.  The first season delivers the most authentic version of a person.  When folks see themselves on TV, they change.  Who can blame them?  Yet rarely do those changes result in improvement.  See Kathy Wakile’s grotesque plastic surgery makeover as a recent example.  These women aren’t friends.  Very few, if any of the ladies, would spend time with each other if they weren’t paid per episode.  Close relationships, even among family, virtually never survive filming.  Fame, ego, and greed quickly replace love, trust, and loyalty.  The contrived drama cooked up by producers has become increasingly nonsensical.  Rather than trust the subtlety of female intrigue to unfold, Bravo impatiently forces it.  It smacks of effort and it’s boring.Two franchises are wrapping up (NYC & Miami) and two more (BH &ATL) are fixing to get underway.  Who else is tired of the constant rotation and inundation of haughty useless women?  I’m not being sanctimonious, I love a bitch fight as much as the next living and breathing person, but the desperate story lines and bad acting on reality have sent me running back into the arms of well-written scripted television.

 

Leaky Ass & Self-Head

Last night E! closed out the holiday weekend with the premiere of Kim and Kourtney Take New York.  Many tuned in to see the demise of Kris and Kim’s short-lived marriage predictably unfold.  As expected, Kris behaved childishly, and narcissistic Kim remains completely self-involved.  None of this matters though because the only thing worth discussing was the anal leakage Kourtney left behind on the duvet after her Basti (Ayurvedic herbal oil enema).   Just to be clear, oil leaked out of Kourtney’s ass through her pants and onto Kris and Kim’s bed.  Ass oil spill ya’ll.   How do you compete with anal leakage?  Bravo aired a new episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  First, we’re in agreement that Peter’s a bitch, right?  He was a bitch last week to Apollo and he was a bitch this week to Cynthia’s sister MalSheree was right, Peter’s serving bitchassnesss.  Again, none of this matters because the only thing worth discussing was Phaedra’s 35th birthday gift to Kandi in the form of Ridiculous, the stripper who performs self-head.  Like dude can straight suck his own dick.  After the performance, some guests (including Kandi’s Ma) acted deeply appalled at the auto-fellatio, but during the show not a single one of those riveted bitches turned away.

Rescue RHNYC

Reality stars pretty much follow the same pattern.  The first season of any show is always a little delightfully rough around the edges.  Cast members, lacking in self-awareness, most resemble their true selves (and in turn, the audience).  During this golden period of sincerity, humanity’s basest tendencies – envy, narcissism, and deceit – inevitability elbow their way into the spotlight.  This makes for excellent television.  See the first cycle of America’s Next Top Model, The Real Housewives franchises, first seasons of Project Runway, Flipping Out, Top Chef, The Real World, and many other series for prime examples.Once the first season airs and folks get plunged into a freezing cold tub of disembodied self-analysis, it forever obliterates the unguarded, pre-reality show personality.  Polished and molded by seasons of criticism, Alex and Simon now avoid overtly discussing their social climbing aspirations.  Are Alex and Simon even less genuine for having abandoned their original insincerity?By season three, staged dramatics, behind-the-scenes backstabbing, and spin-off angling is in full effect.  Nearly everyone succumbs to the self-important pseudo-celebrity syndrome.

Rumors swirl as to why the premiere of RHNYC has been delayed, but the only logical inference is that the footage lacked.  Bethenny alone didn’t make the show, but her burgeoning breakout stardom created legitimate jealous friction last season.  With Frankel spun out, Bravo should recast the entire show.  What about…. A newly engaged Dylan Lauren?  Designer Erin FetherstonPaulina Porizkova is probably available, and throw in Sherri Shepard for comic flavor.