Pregnancy speculation themed this week’s Tori & Dean yet again. Since this child was born months ago, do we really care?
May I comment on the fact that Stella is like the most delightful child ever? I have yet to see her throw a tantrum, and I’ve been watching closely. Even Liam is less of an asshole this season. That Adderall-laced breakfast cereal must be working. 
The last press-heavy event scheduled to take place during Tori’s first trimester was the GLAAD Awards. This bitch obviously has no fucking idea of how to disguise a pregnancy with intelligent fashion choices. Tori thought it appropriate to wear a shiny black tent attached to a Wilma Flintstone-style set of oversized gold pearls. 
The dress draped over her bump and the shiny fabric betrayed her secret. Who needs a confirmation? This fug dress is the confirmation. Oh, and she took the chicken. 
It was Dean’s turn to spin the career wheel this week and his arrow landed on “culinary student.” Because every opportunist actor needs a back up plan, Dean decided to enroll in a culinary arts program to secure his future as a sous chef.
He fucked up his first frittata.
After getting the clear from her long-suffering OBGYN, Tori decided to scoop the gossip weeklies and announce the pregnancy on her own Twitter feed. Then she thoroughly enjoyed taking a fame bath in her self-drawn trending-topic tub.
Naturally, Kathie Lee was butt-hurt over Tori denying the pregnancy to her face on the 4th hour, but a bouquet of flowers and a cheeky note seemed to smooth things over.
Tori and Dean made it through the Ann Curry portion of their appearance on the Today Show without having to field any pregnancy questions. 
During the 4th hour, the couple wasn’t so lucky. Without a hint of irony after just bragging about how honesty is the cornerstone to their reality show’s popularity, Tori denied the pregnancy to an overly inquisitive Kathy Lee. Is she under an obligation to inform the public of the status of her baby farm? Of course not, but is she insulting us all by appearing on live television with what looks like a 5 month pregnancy bump and denying what is obviously and apparently true? Yes. Wanna keep your pregnancy a secret? Then reschedule your press junket fame whore. 
Tori turned to Dean for support, but he just stammered. The consummate professional, Tori fibbed that they weren’t currently expecting, but they were working on it. After an awkward beat or two, Kathy Lee wrapped the segment and Tori stumbled off set looking extra nauseous. 
After the Today Show appearance, Tori and Mehran hit up a string of meetings. First up, the two met with a potential new manufacturer for Little Maven. The current manufacturer filed for bankruptcy, so this meeting was a last ditch effort to save the Tori-plays-kids-designer project. 
Next came the purse conference, because the world needs another purse line like the world needs another McDermott child. While Tori did business, Dean, Patsy, and the kids did the natural history museum. 
During a meeting with Gallery Books, Tori presented her vision to the team and confessed she planned to dedicate the party planning book to her Mom. The publishers got big book boners over Coco the blue-beaked chicken, indicating that the publication of Celebratori was a foregone conclusion. A preliminary Amazon search reveals the book is due for release early April, 2012. 
A trip to New York wouldn’t be complete without a frozen hot chocolate moment at Serendipity, so that’s where the whole gang followed up a sickly sweet visit to Dylan’s Candy Bar. In public, Tori can’t help loudly discussing her poorly concealed pregnancy. Not only did she inhale her frozen hot chocolate, she kept hunching over in an obvious attempt to overcompensate. She’s acting like she’s Angelina Jolie or something. Nobody really cares that much. Plus the McDermotts are self-proclaimed baby farmers, so anticipating a third pregnancy isn’t a wild stretch. Less than a week away from her second trimester, Tori’s obviously just stirring up unnecessary drama for this tired-ass reality show. Girl never tires of the hustle. 
So what do we make of the Bethenny Frankel money mystery? Her desperate visit on The Today Show did little to clarify doubts surrounding the sale of Skinnygirl Cocktails. She implied the 100+ million dollar figure was accurate. Doubters at Huffpo ran a retraction. Her defensive and side-stepping response has everybody wondering about the truth. Fishy.
Today also broke the Giuliana Rancic cancer diagnosis story this week. I have a soft spot for Giuliana and frown over her sad turn of luck. Word is the cancer was present in both breasts, and she had a double lumpectomy within the last couple days. The medical community rushed to defend IVF and insist that the treatments did not necessarily increase the risk of cancer. Some cancers are hormone-fed, correct? IVF involves super doses of hormones, correct? Doctors are making a shitload of money off fertility treatments, including IVF, correct? Correct. 
In more uplifting news, I’m living for Beavis and Butt-head right now and anxiously await the premiere next Thursday. This is one remake that won’t suck. No one will miss Jersey Snore. This season was extra weak marinara sauce. Seriously though, the question we’ve all been skirting: is it possible Pauly D is gay? Carefully consider it. 