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I come in close contact with at least 20-40 people everyday, and therefore I do my best to combat hot breath. I prefer Altoids Smalls because they do not contain gelatin. Diminutive yet powerful, I can discreetly pop a mini-mint and still carry on a conversation unobstructed. For high-quality kissing, consider these a pre-smooch ritual.
So now that it is over, can we admit a few truths about Thanksgiving? I hear a lot of people say that Thanksgiving is their favorite holiday. When you peel away all the layers of butter and get to the core intention of gratitude, I understand the appeal of the holiday. However in my practical experience, Thanksgiving celebrations rarely reflect that core intention.One of the most annoying aspects of Thanksgiving is the collective white-washing we find so comforting with regard to the historical facts surrounding early settlers’ contact with native people. Why are we still spewing this happy pilgrim / helpful native bullshit? Not to get all preachy, but how ’bout we use Thanksgiving to highlight other examples of neo-colonialist exploitation happening right now? Or better yet, take a trip to a Reservation and show the kiddies how great it worked out for those helpful “Indians.” Even though this isn’t a new criticism, there’s still no new narrative. Thanksgiving has become more a celebration of gluttony than gratitude. Now I’m going in on the food – which if you actually think about it is really disgusting. The traditional Thanksgiving spread is a depressing two note tune. SWEET or SAVORY. There is usually nothing raw, scant spice, and little in the way of contrast. Veggies drown in heavy sauces or casseroles. Fruits slug through sugary syrups. Almost everything else is brown or white. Every year experts hotly debate the best way to prepare a moist turkey. Brine?! Parchment?! Deep fry?! Newsflash. Any which way you prepare the turkey it will be dry and gross. That’s because turkey is innately dry and gross. No amount of submerging, poking, or braising the bird will change this eternal truth. I watch people saw away at dry turkey every year. No one ever compliments the turkey. They compliment everything but the turkey.
The art of conversation is apparently lost. People truly don’t know how to communicate with one another anymore. A series of rapid-fire questions isn’t a conversation; it’s an interrogation. Don’t force me talk about being a vegetarian when everyone at the table is eating meat. Don’t ask about work. This isn’t a job interview. I hate small talk. There is an art to finding interesting and inclusive topics of conversation. Engaging the group requires social tactical skill. Cultivate it. Myself included.
I admit I long for the classic marshmallow-topped sweet potatoes every year at Thanksgiving, but I never get to enjoy them because of the non-vegetarian friendly gelatin in the marshmallows. This year will be different because of Dandies vegan marshmallows. In texture, taste, and quality they equal or exceed regular non-vegetarian marshmallows without relying on gelatin or non-vegan sugar. Substitute Dandies for this year’s topping so EVERYONE can enjoy the sweet potatoes. Yum!
I confess I hate Las Vegas. It is not the town for the pragmatic or the vegetarian, so there are two strikes against me right there. However, after recently seeking out Veggie House, I now have a reason to look forward to refueling in the (cultural) desert.
In the ancient tradition of vegetarian Chinese cooking, Veggie House serves some of the best mock meat for miles. Veggie House offers an extensive menu of cruelty-free seafood, beef, and chicken. Enjoy the crispy “beef” and save the sweetfaced cow.
Veggie House is truly a vegetarian oasis in one of the world’s most unrelentingly carnivorous cities. Located in Chinatown, it will also get your uncultured ass off that gawd awful soul-less strip.
Cumin imbues deeply warm flavor to beans and soup.
Auspicious Turmeric possesses major health benefits and is currently the subject of a number of studies. Sprinkle the yellow spice on almost anything for pleasing color and miraculous anti-inflammatory properties.
Paprika spikes dishes with antioxidants and color. Try it on homemade mac-n-cheese to create a mysterious smokiness.
Pair Black Pepper with all the aforementioned spices. It dramatically increases the bio-availability and absorption of other nutrients and minerals like selenium, vitamin B, beta-carotene and curcumin and also amplifies serotonin and beta-endorphin production in the brain.
So you’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating, traveling on the Hawaiian Islands is fucking astronomically expensive. Know what else is surprising? The food is consistently mediocre and totally overpriced (You were so RIGHT Annabella!), even for vegetarians.After navigating three different islands over the last 9 days, I’ve picked up a few strategies for cutting culinary costs. In preparing for this trip, I came across a lot of advice. Most of it was useless. My aim here is to offer up some helpful non-obvious information.For instance, one of the most common recommendations I read on the internet before coming to Hawaii is to hit up the COSTCO. If you are rolling a week deep with a family of four, perhaps that is a smart move for you. However, think about whether or not you can really get through COSTCO-size servings before you return home. The tendency is to overbuy and end up wasting. Not a good look. Buy only the essentials in quantities you can use during your trip. You aren’t really saving money if you throw half of it away.Remember as a general rule, in Hawaii nothing comes with anything. Order a veggie burger for $8; don’t expect fries. Realistically expect to pay another $5 for fries. First, decided if you MUST have fries. If the answer is yes, then decide if you need a whole order to yourself. If not, share. Sharing is caring.They also really love “wraps” here, so expect a lot of burrito-shaped foods. Grab a wrap and then buy extras like chips and a drink at a convenience store to avoid the deli-style markup.Make this a vegetarian vacation. You’ll pay more for vegetarian food here than on the mainland – which by the way makes no fucking sense since many of the veggies are grown locally – but vegetarian dishes are still less expensive than anything else on the menu. (Why not try some taro?) Plus, sticking with veggies will keep you looking good in your swimwear and ward off pesky travel constipation. Don’t act like you don’t get backed up bitch.Generally speaking, the exploitative resorts have pretty crappy food served in the least interesting environment. What you are essentially paying for here is a premium on convenience. If the timing or circumstances of your travel require a meal on the property, skirt the ridiculous up-charge on room service by walking your lazy ass down and picking up carry-out from the bar. Skip the “fanciest” restaurant on the property and just stick to the bar and cafe – almost always the food is all coming out of the same kitchen anyway.Let me caution you on the hyperbole-laced shaved ice. I was standing in the grocery store in Waimea looking at postcards when I heard the check-out girl exclaim “Oh No!” A customer passed the fuck out in the check out line. I pulled her up on my lap, got her some water, called her friends, and waited with her until the paramedics arrived. What took her down? Shaved Ice. Poor girl had too much sugar, too much heat, and not enough quality nutrition. After that bad churro took me down at Coachella, I learned my lesson about the overly sweet snacking, especially in the heat. While that $5 shaved ice looks tempting, skip it for a low-glycemic, substantive option.By the way, don’t ever be the dork at the luau. So Fucking Lame. I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can be friends if you attend a rude pig-sacrificing luau.
Mai e `ai
You guys juice? I go back and forth. I definitely feel more energized and hydrated after a good juice. To clarify, when I say “juice,” I mean self-squeezed from my home juicer. Juicing is an efficient way to include a variety of produce. When done at home it can be relatively cost-effective. Some claim juicing has profound health benefits. I would like to believe that is true, but I’m not aware of anything more than anecdotal evidence to back this claim. Juicing has its drawbacks too. When done at home, it’s annoyingly messy. When done at juice bars, it’s annoyingly expensive. Juicing requires work, preparation, and clean-up. Just gathering and cleaning the fruit and veg can feel like a pretty daunting task. I know some super hardcore everyday juicers. I don’t have the devotion for all that, but occasionally getting some fresh juice in the system can do a body good. By the way, you can juice a wide variety of fruits and vegetables and the taste can be rather bland. Include ginger for spice and digestion, and add some lime without the peel for zest.
Thai ChiliScotch BonnetRed Savina HabaneroBhut JolokiaMorunga Trinidad ScorpionChili peppers = dietary air conditioning. Too hot? Eat extra spicy.
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