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Please Don’t get a Boob Job
Monday, March 19th, 2012
One of the women involved in this intensive training had her boobs done about 10 years ago. The last couple weeks have convinced her that her silicone implants are the source of all her pain. This is a woman who only eats raw snacks, but has plastic titties. I ask you Ethan Hawke, is that irony? (According to his definition, I suppose no.)
Here are just a few of the possible side-effects of breast augmentation: infection, breast or nipple numbness, capsular contracture, scar tissue, breakage and leakage, necrosis, cognitive impairment, metal poisoning due to platinum exposure (in silicone implants), silicone migration into lymph nodes and other organs, autoimmune disease, and the worst case scenario – death. 
Were you aware that all breast implants will eventually break? Nobody knows how long current breast implants will last. Some break during the first few months, whereas others endure more than 15 years. Most women had at least one broken implant within 11 years. In over twenty percent of women, silicone migrated outside of the breast capsule and most of them were unaware of it.
Health consequences aside, a boob job smacks of insecurity and vanity. Save up for a dignity implant instead. Men in particular, do your best to talk women out of this dumbass procedure. 
autoeroticism
Monday, November 7th, 2011
Yesterday I was in a three car pile up on a major freeway because some ignorant uninsured bitch can’t merge. No one was hurt, but the truck I’ve loyally driven for the last ten years is probably totaled. When thinking about replacing my ride, I’m totally uninspired by the current options. 
Even though I bought my last car new, this time around I’m going used because I just can’t stomach the depreciation. There are a few different categories under consideration: prestige, environmental, or classic. What to choose?
Prestige 
BMW, Lexus, Mercedes, Range Rover, since pre-owned is an option, why not splurge for a chic ride? These cars tend to be safe and reliable, but when they do breakdown, repairs can be pricey. Good thing I have a special relationship with an impeccable mechanic. Another drawback? Driving these cars can be the equivalent of carrying a logo bag – a little gauche and showy.
Environmental
I promised myself that the next time I purchased a car, environmental impact would be a major factor in the decision. I can’t with the Prius. I just can’t. There is a Lexus Hybrid that looks interesting, so maybe I can combine prestige + fuel efficiency into one purchase. There are some obvious advantages to this route. Low inventory is the main challenge with a general lack of available, desirable vehicles in the pre-owned market. Even the used ones are pricey, but at least they retain value. The fuel savings are also no fucking joke and offset some of the initial sticker shock. I’d love an electric, but they are even more rare.
Classic
Every time I see a cherried out classic car, I think to myself how fucking sweet and styley it would be to roll in one. Nothing grabs more attention than a mint condition vintage ride. Sexy cars generate aesthetic goodwill, and after the dust up I just had, I need some good automotive karma. The disadvantage to oldies is they require constant tinkering and maintenance. My ass doesn’t like to get stranded on the side of the road like a truckstop hooker, so reliability does matter. The eternal question: style over substance? Another downside? Unlike prestige + fuel efficient, classic + fuel efficient is a mutually exclusive combination, and therefore going with a restored Bronco is like giving mother Earth the middle finger. 
Thoughts? Do you love your car? Tell me everything. 
Are you over-exfoliating?
Friday, September 2nd, 2011
Went to the high priestess of skincare again today and realized I’ve been over-exfoliating. I attributed the downturn in my skin’s appearance to tremendous stress. A demanding life taxes the skin for sure, but I shoulder partial blame as a result of my over zealous exfoliation routine. 
Too frequent or vigorous exfoliation can cause inflammation and over-active oil glands. This extra oil paired with extra stress results in extra unhappy skin. 
I learned my lesson, and I’m taking it easy. The wise and generous Joyce Bunch of La Boe Salon hooked me up with an amazing array of products like Facial Cleansing Gélee, a Fortifying Toner, an incredible Daily O2 Optimizing Creme, an ALA Eye & Neck Lifting Creme, and a Calendula Crème for day. After applying the products as advised, my skin already feels more balanced and less aggravated.
If you are experiencing a breakout resurgence, reevaluate your routine. What worked at twenty years old may need some tweaking at thirty. If you find yourself layering one harsh product over another and working a physical exfoliation program too, it might be doing you more harm than good. Try dialing it back a bit and see if your skin doesn’t positively respond. 
Enough Herve
Friday, August 12th, 2011
I’ve been trolling around for some ferocious looks for a wedding rolling up this Labor Day weekend and can’t believe the stale inventory at many boutiques. After a few years of ubiquity, can we give the Herve Leger a rest please? Holy fucking bandage dress enough is enough.
Hardcore body-con has been over for quite awhile. Even skanks who wore this look two years ago donned it two years too late since this shit hasn’t looked fresh since before oh-eight. Let’s move on from the shrink wrapped look to something a little less obvious and desperate. Hate to break it, but as you can see, the silhouette is not as forgiving or wearable as many girls would like to believe.
Courtesy of Max Azria, Leger’s one trick pony has pranced up and down the runway with slight variations for several seasons. Is that all you got Herve? I’m sick of the same old tired tea. Give me something fresh please.
Seriously, this glorified spanx shit is so boring. I know I’m not the first to raise this objection, but this dress keeps coming back. Please don’t; promise you won’t. 