Tag Archives: Virgo

June 2013 Horoscopes

Saturday, June 1st, 2013

GeminiGEMINI

Happy Birthday Gemini!  Blow out your candles and make a wish for real.  This month the stars and planets align to materialize your deepest dreams.  Positive, mutable, and masculine, Geminis master their universe with their remarkable mind.  At your best, Gemini is brilliant, fun, and useful.  At your worst, Gemini dithers, is emotionally distant, and often scattered.  This birthday month Geminis will be especially attractive to the opposite sex.  Unattached Geminis, this is your month for a dalliance.  For those in love, June ignites a rekindling.  Consider compatibility and then choose wisely among your options.  Geminis get very nervous very easily.  What structure and practices have you in place to help calm down when over-agitated?  It’s especially essential for you Gemini, to deal with your unexpressed emotions and anxiety in a constructive manner.  Work requires teamwork this month and certain interactions have you bristling.  Take notice when you delight in seizing opportunities to hurt people.  You can be damn sure they do.  Even though Geminis scheme, it often backfires.  That’s because for the most part you are good-natured and wish others well.  However when hurt, Gemini can be a petty, passive-aggressive, and intentionally hateful.  That’s you at your smallest.  Geminis shine this month creatively.  Look forward to working with others to build on an ongoing project.  June’s demands could run you down, so take care of your body or you’ll feel it.

CancerCANCER

Cancer, I’m happy to inform you that run of hardship is over and this month brings with it a windfall of fortunate opportunities.  Circumstances and chemistry begin to gel, and all that you’ve been hoping for with regard to your relationship comes together in a logical way so you can move forward together.   Seal the deal with a little trip.  Make a moment in June all about romance and growing the trust and history of your relationship.  Professionally, decide now what you want with a clear head.  An unexpected array of options will unfold before you in the coming weeks and you will be woozy by the flood choices.  A focused idea of what you truly desire will make the decision-making hangover a little less intense.  This June, much of your luck boils down to appearing at the right place at the right time.  You know what Oprah says, “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”  Prepare and the universe will supply opportunities aplenty.

LeoLEO

A rising tide of career momentum culminates in a fiery burst of success this June for Leo.  Once you start to catch some of that career shine, you can relax and enjoy a little fun.  Would it kill you to put an umbrella in it?  To that end, I gently encourage you to drop that extra weight and show off your best body this summer.  Leos feel best when lean and strong.  Embrace spontaneity and accept invitations from acquaintances that could lead to some interesting introductions.  If you are planning to change up the home front with renovations or a move, do it now for the most painless transition.  Leos should consider the next several months a preparation period for bigger and better things to come.  Organize your physical space.  Set up a course to achieve clear goals.  Any relationship, habit, or obligation which does not service your new direction needs to go.  Leos value family, and a special nexus of energy makes this the perfect time to rely on their advice.

VirgoVIRGO

Big changes come your way this June and shift everything for Virgo.  Virgos love to plan, but some events just can’t be predicted.  Prepare to permanently change emotionally by what goes down this month.  There will be times you doubt yourself, but remember that you are resilient and capable of surviving and even thriving under a number of difficult circumstances.  Virgos, this won’t be an occasion where you can ignore what is plainly before you.  Professional obligations will just have to wait this month.  June brings some enchanting folks into the mix that energize that once-vibrant social spirit.  Virgos can be the most fun when you aren’t bogged down in over-analysis, nerves, or downright fatigue.  Virgos trying to make it happen in the bedroom may want to consider a trip.  A change of scene will help free your inhibitions and bitterness.  You will return refreshed and a brand new Virgo.

LibraLIBRA

Get the fuck out of town this month Libra.  The stars support an adventure, so if you have the time and resources go big.  Maybe a special someone wants to go, and if not take someone else special like a free-spirited friend or your Mom.  Or why not go it alone?  What you learn from this trip could have long rippling positive influence on many different sectors of your future.  Cut a bitch to make it happen.  Libra shines at work which triggers a heavy emphasis on career, a pattern that will remain over the next several months.  Libra prefers an ordered home.  Displeased by your current domestic situation which causes unnecessary background stress, clean, move, renovate – whatever you need to do to make it right and make it tight, do it now.  Next month, when you are ballsdeep in work demands, you will be glad your home feels like a comforting hideaway instead of a hoarder’s den.

ScorpioSCORPIO

Get your shit together Scorpio because at the end of this month you set off for a full year of unbelievable adventure.  You’ve been chipping away at responsibilities, but this month your larger scheme takes root and the possibilities of financial payoff become a reality.  Scorpio plans and strategizes, but has difficulty initiating action.  Challenge your fixed nature.  Send momentum in a given direction and see what comes of it.  You won’t know until you try.  Towards the end of the month some retrograde activity could bring an unexpected bump in the road.  Strong intellect and judgment, paired with planetary support, stabilize you financially (and otherwise) through the mini-crisis.  Lately, Scorpio has physically experienced a personal renaissance.  This renewed confidence and swagger has admirers staring longingly at you from behind.  That’s just because you have a gorgeous ass.  Just put down the chocolate and stay on the yoga mat to make sure it stays that way.

SagittariusSAG

Sagittarius has been longing for emotional and financial stability that has been so elusive up until this point.  What you learn Sag, is that your level of commitment corresponds to your sense of belonging.  Only now do you feel ready to commit.  June opens up the possibility both romantically and professionally depending upon where you would like to focus.  Your personal cheerleader has been working behind the scenes to clear the way for your advancement.  Be sure to acknowledge those that got you there, especially when you start enjoying those lucrative rewards for your talent.  Super-sensitive to a fault, check yourself and ask whether it is your own diva-like behavior that is causing conflict.  Why do you need everyone to agree with you?  Sags overreactions come from a deep festering insecurity.  Temper your expectations against your own self-righteous and hostile behavior.  In the end, you’ll discover it’s a wash.

CapricornCAPRICORN

Many Capricorns visit love like an animal at the zoo.  They keep themselves safely partitioned on the spectator side of the plexi.  After months of fermentation, June makes or breaks you and your prospect.  Accelerate the process by taking a trip together.  The confined space and challenges of travel will dictate whether the two of you can stand each other for the long haul.  Spend time training this month, Caps get magnified results from physical activity.  Work remains busy, but lighthearted and fun this June.  There is a strong sense of camaraderie permeating the workplace.  Much credit goes to your leadership in developing a congenial atmosphere.  No stranger to therapy, this month discover a professional that is a perfect fit for you.  Now begins a new path of healing.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Power, action, and luck are on your side this month when it comes to romance Aquarius.  Whether it is jumpstarting a sluggish love or igniting a new one, June provides all the energetic support you need to get properly laid.  A relationship that begins now will stick.  Take a trip to someplace cute and invite lust along for the ride.  Even if it is just a nearby weekend jaunt on the cheap, take a twirl with a dance partner you would normally decline.  You never know.  Dedicate a good portion of your time away to lazily loafing and catching up on sleep.  Professionally, the first three weeks of June will be your most productive in months, so ideally plan your trip for the last week.  You deserve a little fun and a little fuck Aquarius.

PiscesPISCES

Family obligations soak up Pisces’s energy this month, and you dutifully rise to the occasion.  Unfortunately, this places some rather urgent matters on the back burner while you selflessly tend to the needs of others.  The weekend of the 23rd looks most promising for confidence and success.  Plan accordingly.  Friends float in and out this month providing gentle support and a friendly face when Pisces needs a soft place to land.  Particularly irresistible this month, Pisces have their choice of all the fishies in the sea.  You do some of the best courting around.  Those Pisces sowing relationship seeds will see a growth spurt of lusty passion that renews your unwavering commitment.  No matter what, the life of Pisces looks good this month and even more fortuitous in the coming months.

AriesARIES

The adventure bug bites Aries in the ass this month and it has you entertaining all kinds of crazy and far-fetched ideas.  How about a cross-global move?  Why not a last minute trip?  Maybe a proposal?  Your enthusiasm is well-appreciated Aries, but June isn’t ideal for signing binding agreements.  Aries just ain’t thinking straight.  You won’t do much damage as long as you don’t make any permanent decisions.  Pressure from colleagues to make a decision may come mid-month.  See what you can do to extend the conversation until next month when your mental clouds will have parted.  In the event that stalling tactics can’t delay the matter, push aside all the chatter and trust your research and your gut.  As far as romance goes, get to hunting.

TaurusTAURUS

Taurus, you work so hard that the summer could just pass you by if you aren’t careful.  It would be a shame to waste the numerous serendipitous opportunities for romantic connections which abound in the warm weather.  Why waste that banging body at the office?  Would it kill you to show your arms?  Get a little more naked than you usually would this season.  Remember if the bitches are talking shit, that just means you look good.  The work momentum is solid and financially it makes sense to buckle down.  Plus, June serves up extracurricular cash activities that get your purse all hard and throbbing.  The planets have some mischief in store for you this month, so to the extent possible, brace yourself for a visit from Miss Calamity Jane.  The best way to get out alive is to focus on your ability to clearly communicate.  Stay out of and away from that which isn’t your business and isn’t for you to control.

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May 2013 Horoscopes

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

Taurus

Happy Birthday Taurus!  You are some of the best the zodiac has to offer when it comes to integrity, generosity, and unconditional love.  Those of us with a Bull in our inner circle count ourselves blessed.  Armed with unmatched strength and determination, your meaningful gifts are plentiful.  To rely on a cliché: to whom much is given, much is expected, and Taurus generally rises to those expectations.  That’s not to say you don’t suffer from crushing insecurity because most Tauruses do.  Get super selective about the company you keep this coming year.  You deserve the best, so surround yourself with a circle of high-caliber folks.  Taurus self-limits by getting marred in guilt and a misguided sense of obligation.  Overcome this destructive paradigm and chase your aspirations with abandon.  Even though you may not understand the path required, Taurus dreams big.  As Bulls begin to chart their course, others may challenge the plan for a variety of reasons related and unrelated to the outcome.  You hate opposition and tend to take it personally.  Don’t let your pussy-hurt ego deafen the sound of reason.  You are unbelievably strong Taurus, but you are strongest when you listen.

Gemini

May initiates a period of solitude for Gemini.  For the majority of the month, you’ll work quietly and steadily all by yourself.  Not only will you be pleased about what you accomplish, but you prove you don’t need anyone else and can do just fine on your own thank-you-very-much.   Secret-keeping Gemini continues to progress on private endeavors.  Most of us will never understand why you play everything so close to the vest, but it is a strategy you often rely on to navigate relationships.  Consider how you might be limiting your ability to connect with others by refusing to share your true beliefs.  Gemini doesn’t feel strongly about everything, but when you do feel something strongly don’t budge regardless of doubts, fear, or logic.  Several opportunities for leadership arise and now you can unequivocally prove your ability to take charge.  The question becomes, where do you wanna go?  Confusion clouds your better judgment, so use that sharp mind to think matters through.  After all that time alone at May’s beginning, the last week of the month serves up a series of breakthroughs.  Brace yourself for a major shift in perspective.

Cancer 

The last few months have seen Cancer steadily progress on the career-front.  Work winds down steadily as May unfolds and those responsibilities take a backseat to more interesting and exciting socializing fun with friends.  After suffering loss and emotional challenges, Cancer learns the value and importance of a devoted support system and fan club.  Of course your tried and trued pals are there for you, but May brings some new amigas into the already zesty mix.  Even though Cancer feels extremely depleted, give a little energetic attention to these new acquaintances and it will pay off substantial dividends in a number of unexpected ways.  I wish I could tell you May brings only flowers and sunshine, but a storm quietly brews in your midst.  Unfortunately, Neptune makes your clear, sunny perceptions cloudy rain clouds of confusion.  This fermenting conflict feels like a sharp stab in the back when it surfaces seemingly out of nowhere.  Look closely at the ways you have been complicit in this disaster before reacting in a flood of tears.  You have the right to be angry, but you also shoulder some of the blame.

Leo

Listen up Leo, professionally May means more than any other month this year. Ready for a promotion, move, or upgrade?  Be bold Lioness, it is yours for the taking.  What a shitty friend you’ve been lately Leo, seriously.  Would it kill you to return a text?  You are losing friends left and right as a direct result of your flaky and selfish behavior.  It’s why you are getting fat too.  Call your friend and take a walk, sheesh.  It’s a good thing work is going so well, because romantically Leo can’t seem to strike a harmonious chord.  Attached Leos find themselves hitting every relationship landmine imaginable.  Brace yourself for surprising and unpleasant news to crack the foundation of your relationship.  Only you can decide if the revelation is a deal breaker.  Single Leos just can’t seem to find an authentic connection because the only thing genuine about you right now is your desperation.  Best to put your energy into where the sun is shining on you this month: work!

Virgo

Pack your bags Virgo, May sets you sailing on an enjoyable voyage so filled with fun you return brimming with joy.  Leave all the daily worries behind and slip into your vacation shoes.  We promise that the world won’t burn down without you.  Virgos spend the time sandwiching the trip on an innovative project that requires the best of your tactical negotiation and communication skills.  Buoyed by favorable planetary alignment, Virgo finds easy success in May professionally speaking.  This creates positive momentum through next month where recognition and awards follow your hard work and brilliant strategy.  Toward the end of May, Virgo reinvests in the idea of family.  Miscommunication has plagued your central relationship, but this month you have a damn good chance of getting lucky.  Put your differences aside and a very unexpected yet joyous surprise could come your way this May.

Libra

Libras spend significant time with their hands in other peoples’ pocketbooks this May.  This tremendous responsibility requires a precise attention to detail.  There will be times this month when a thick stack of complicated paperwork sits on your desk defiantly staring back at you.  Fatigue, Neptune, and other influences make wading through the wordiness especially taxing.  Not only will any mistakes you make be discovered, they’ll be exploited for advantage by your enemies.  Ultimately, the deal gets fortified by unexpected funding.  Once the cash starts flowing, the pace picks up as well.  A well-prepared Libra impresses everyone, so get organized now and blow their minds with your grace under pressure.  May serves up some extra creativity.  Find a way to channel this bright talent into your work where your contribution will be noticed and validated.

Scorpio

Scorpios find themselves in a pickle this May.  Energetically, your best bet is to collaborate with others to impressive results.  Scorpios need others to make their big dreams happen, but Scorpios aren’t really Marxist by nature.  It doesn’t matter to Scorpios that a collective can achieve more because they can’t stand anyone else in the commune.  You just don’t have much patience for dicking around.  A third of the way into May a surge of energy changes everything.  Seize this power and use it to push ahead toward meaningful progress.  The possibility for a new source of income enters the scene.  Balance the need for financial security against the personal cost of taking the opportunity.  This rare chance could prove unbelievably profitable.  Put in extra effort to prepare your body, mind, and closet for incredible fun, friends and romance come June.   I wish I could tell you we didn’t live in a superficial world, but in truth the better you look the better your opportunities.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius has already begun to feel the crushing weight of May’s work responsibilities shading the fun and sun of spring.  Sags possess a certain swagger that carries them through the most demanding of moments, so you’ll make it through the bustle mostly unscathed by coming up with efficient methods of productivity.  The first three weeks get swallowed whole by work obligations, but towards the end of the month your life again broadens.  A certain relationship could very well reach a make-or-break-it moment this month.  Will you or won’t you?  Unless the answer forms crystal clear, put off deciding anything definite until you are without doubt.  May makes a better month for woo and surprises, so design a super fun day for someone deserving.  Sags effort and willingness to show their intention and desire clarifies any lingering ambiguity about the relationship.  Check your tendency to get snapish and bitchy when challenged on your unqualified assertions.  It indicates an unattractive defensiveness.

Capricorn

May means love for Capricorn if you make room for it in your relentlessly over-scheduled life.  Prioritize love Cap.  When you look back on your life, it isn’t your work that will bring you the most pride.  Your relationships are what sustain you and are what matters now and forever.  Get cute and get out there.  The universe has a little something for you.  For those Caps who have somehow stumbled their way into a relationship, now more than ever a solid commitment seems like a realistic possibility.  Ultimately, it is less about the marriage than the baby right?  You can’t fool me Capricorn.  You’ve got a crazy parental itch.  If you can’t make a baby now, generate creative offspring.  Don’t waste any time at the beginning of the month because the last week of May work will require you to drop everything and immediately tend to matters of great importance.

Aquarius

Lucky Aquarius!  May happens to be your month.  The universe has generously provided you a planetary cushion.  Take advantage of all the energetic good will.  It doesn’t come around that often.  Expect a steady build of momentum and power which culminates in an apex around the 9th.  Aquarius possesses all the tools to decide, schedule, and execute this month.  Wow us with what you achieve.  Since you are imbued with freshness in May, everyone is gonna want to fuck you.  They are yours for the choosing.  Remain selective.  Some of the seemingly more seductive options have really big mouths and will tell everyone about the experience.  The chatter may not all necessarily be so positive.  It is up to you if you want your business on the internet.  Spend more time romancing than rushing to get naked.  Nascent love is so sweet, don’t immediately squash it in semen.

Pisces

May brings many opportunities for different forms of expression for Pisces.  Clearer and more decisive than ever when it comes to your philosophical ideals, now you feel confident to speak your mind.  Pisces are at their most sexy when assertive, so don’t stop wielding your power.  Come up with a pretense to sneak away for a little trip this month, and even better if you can get work to foot the bill.  A moment away will profoundly benefit you even if geographically you remain close to home.  Conflict enters the scene through your sibling.  Think about the situation then don’t back down from your side.  Even though seemingly insignificant, the way you handle this dispute will change the way you relate to one another moving forward.  Pisces finally receives the professional recognition you’ve been yearning for after the 25th.  Then you quickly realize you don’t need validation from those fools anyway.

Aries

A profitable (and possibly spontaneous?) business trip serves as the energetic touchstone for Aries in May.  Money worries inspire Aries to focus on performing at a high level.  A tempting new opportunity presents itself and at first you are chomping at the bit to get in and commit all available resources.  Slow your roll Aries, this may not be the most advantageous move for you.  Planetary opposition may stall progress.  The stars can’t possibly align for every situation.  Don’t force it. This time it is the universe telling you that it isn’t quite right.  If it is right, you will not be marred with crazy complications.  Regardless, talented Aries shines and remains focused throughout the sensitive dealings.  That aforementioned trip could pay off financially and romantically.  Let serendipity twirl in a new dance partner.  Let’s hope it’s someone who knows how to lead a strong dancer.

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April 2013 Horoscopes

Monday, April 1st, 2013

Aries

Happy Birthday Aries!  You little dirty bitch!  You’ve been up to no good and causing drama in all four corners.  Your reactive emotions fuel this behavior.  Aries tend to externalize which means you are always looking outside for sources of glory, security, joy and gloom.  It also means that those around Aries feel every ping of their energetic pong.  It’s more exhausting than that unrelenting table tennis fuck scene in Girls this season.  Aries generously offer wit, spark, and fun to the mix.  Don’t just skip past the word fun like its three little letters of meaninglessness.  Instead, consider how many people you know that are actually really good fun?  Remarkably few.  That’s why we appreciate you Aries.  Save the yelling, stomping, and fit throwing energy for more productive endeavors this April.  Let’s be honest: you’ve fallen a bit behind in some areas and need to quickly come correct.

Taurus

When the Bull makes up its mind there is no budging her no matter how insane and illogical her position.  Sometimes, Taurus wears this fixedness like a Girl Scout badge sewn arrogantly across the heart.  In other moments of great introspection, the Bull sees the folly in taking such unyielding stances.  Narrow, inflexible thinking limits you.  The sooner you learn that stubbornness is not a reliable power source, the better.  The corresponding positive trait to your stubborn nature is that you have grit and strength like no one else.  When you decide to do, you do.  When you commit, you are sincerely committed.  This tenacity basically guarantees you success if you can stay out of your own damn way.

 Gemini

Gemini takes April by the balls and executes on a number of important projects.  Geminis get a little muddled in their own dithering.  The theme for this year is clarity, power, and control.  Decide what you truly want without external influences.  Gather the resources to move forward.  Guide the process with a specific goal in mind.  How much time did you waste last month on activities that propelled you nowhere?  Exactly.  Now is the time to really examine yourself at the most basic and mundane levels, Gemini.  As a highly intelligent and skilled person, many ask for your help.  Remember you control the gauge on the generosity meter.  Give when it feels right, not out of a misguided sense of obligation.

 Cancer

The idiom “she has her heart in the right place” must have first been spoken about a Cancer.  Certainly, intention matters when you are navigating the world.  Just remember that other old saying – the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Accountability has never been your strength Crab.  Rather than deal with the consequences of your decisions, you’d rather hole up in your shell and hope the cloudy days and bill collectors pass.  To quote Heathers, “get crucial.”  None of this shit is going away.  One particularly interesting and frustrating thing about you Cancer is that once you decide to change, you do so rather easily.  Use this adaptability to move past some of your most childish and selfish behaviors.

Leo

Lately Leo has ladled up bowlfuls of excuses for bad behavior.  Little Lion is such a busy bee: too taxed for friends, too overstretched to lend an extra hand at work, too exhausted for family dinner.  We get it Leo.  You are much in demand.  Keep on keeping on with the one-sided relationships and you’ll see the demands on your time greatly diminish because no one will want to hang out with you anymore.  This April, concentrate on small gestures that demonstrate that you care about others.  Open doors.  Take the time and courtesy to smile.  Use please and thank you gratuitously.  Your kindness will have ripple effects.  Beyond mundane acts of common courtesy, reach out to that friend that obviously needs you, but that you keep blowing off.

 Virgo

Big change has ruptured the Virgo routine and it’s thrown your world and relationships into a chaotic tailspin.  Denial continues to plague Virgo’s advancement.  Acceptance is the first step, hunny.  Acknowledge the great success you have made in certain areas.  The respect you’ve earned and deserve is truly remarkable and rare.  Accepting your great strengths as part of a total package, it is only fair to consider your shortcomings too.  Virgos have a slow burn rager of a temper.  Adversaries who stoke that fire should prepare for a thrashing.  Virgos won’t hesitate to tell you how much you suck when you fail to meet their typically unreachable standards.  Instead of getting so angry, just get out.

 Libra

Always accommodating, Libra’s relationship idealism often clouds their common sense and better judgment.  Everyone you know isn’t going to move to the same block, line their yards with picket fences, and live happily ever after.  That’s not real life.  Rather than trying to cultivate this false Truman Show ideal, overcome your fear of disharmony.  Conflict and disappointments are realistic counterpoints to the greatest joys of life.  To live fully, Libras must embrace the full spectrum of relationship interactions, including discord.  Less prone to clutter than filth, dust bunnies do not constitute an Easter celebration.  You feel me?

 Scorpio

Unusually scattered Scorpios have been living a-maybe-this-maybe-that existence recently.  This out-of-character approach has you feeling flush with choices and the stress that accompanies multiple opportunities.  So what the fuck do you want to do Scorpio?  Rarely one to take the easy choice just because it’s easy, many won’t understand the reasoning behind your future course of action.  It won’t matter what anyone thinks if you are actually capable of executing on your grand plans.  Let the critics motivate your success.  Expect major breakthrough moments during this year of physical and emotional transit.

 Sagittarius

When Sags get into something, they really immerse themselves in a subject.  You love to learn every nuance and detail until you qualify as an expert in your area of interest.  Mastery fascinates you.  Sags learn with a child-like innocence that makes them excellent and dedicated pupils.  With all this energy directed towards your goals and intention, what time is left for your nearest and dearest?  Remember, other people have shit going on too.  We all enjoy celebrating your successes and joys, but avoid becoming a one-note Nancy.  Make sure your friends and family feel the same intensity of affection.  Meet others’ celebratory moments with the same enthusiasm you expect when sharing yours.

 Capricorn

Nerves.  Let’s talk about your nerves Cap.  You gotta lot of nerve, as demonstrated by your rather audacious and reckless choices.  Lately, all your nervous energy has wrecked your progress with a potential conquest.  At work, your nerves are frayed and your bitchy attitude is getting on everyone’s nerves.  Spend April soothing yourself and calming the fuck down.  Messy skin, dull eyes, clenched jaw, and the constant fidgeting are all evidence of your tightly wound personality.  You are serving us a clenched-ass Cameron from Ferris Bueller and it’s not a good look.  Relax.  Puff a doob.  Sip a scotch.  Enjoy an orgasm.  Meditate.  Find a way to relax.

Aquarius

Aquarius has undergone a period of self-flagellation recently which may have manifested in weight-loss, sleeplessness, and love lost.  Whatever it takes to make it back home, get there.  Now is the time to stabilize, center, and secure.  Get your bearings by surrounding yourself with people who really know you and want only the best for you.  April leaves Aquarius vulnerable to users, manipulators, and liars.  Guard your heart and secrets carefully this month.  Spend time alone walking in nature or playing with pets.  At least the animals won’t betray you.

 Pisces

Pretty Pisces articulates needs clearly this month.  Fishes feel deeply.  This spring, they are ready to reveal their honest sentiments without barriers of insecurity.  A new confidence and swagger comes with a clear understanding of what and who you want.  Just be careful what you wish for little dove.  Pisces tend to extend and then retract themselves, never really exposing true vulnerability.  What if you extended yourself with no expectation in return?  By adapting this courageous approach, you will profoundly evolve.  Pain is an inextricable part of life.  The Piscean tendency to recoil from discomfort explains why they often seek comfort in drugs, sex, or food to destructive ends.

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March 2013 Horoscopes

Friday, March 1st, 2013

Pisces

Happy Birthday Little Fishies!  Truth be told, I have a soft spot for Pisces.  They truly are the kindest and tender-heartedest folks, but I do like to joke that if Pisces are fish then their subspecies is Self-fish.  Don’t fret little Fishies, I mean that in a loving way.  It isn’t that you aren’t generous; you are very giving, but also very self-involved.  Pisces just aren’t capable of personal objectivity, but it isn’t a deep character flaw and you make up for it in many other ways.  Pisces are super charming, fun to be around and usually decent in bed (don’t expect them to choke you out or anything though).  This year has all the makings for wonderful growth opportunities if you wildly abandon your drippy fears.  Grab opportunities when they come, but maintain your integrity at all costs.  Without your honor, you have nothing.

Aries

Aries, one of your best traits is your dependability and general talent for making shit happen.  A true energetic catalyst, you draw people near and then get them all buzzed up.  This Aries flame gets some people all hot and bothered, so watch out for relationship interlopers.  If you are single, watch out for the HPV – contrary to the Girls propaganda not All Adventurous Women Do…  What else?  March asks you to dig deep and make some decisions about work.  What do you really want and what are you willing to sacrifice with regard to your quality of life?  Time is your most precious gift; use it wisely.

 Taurus

With the wake of February’s crazy upheaval behind you, now you must put one foot in front of the other and make decisions to right the course.  Determine what you really want from your life and relationships.  Vigorously pursue the very best for yourself because you deserve thorough satisfaction.  Talented and trusted, professionally Taurus has no where to go but up, up, up.  Those threatened by your success turn an evil eye on your back.  Repel the negativity with a shield of confidence.  Even though you are deeply sensitive, don’t let ‘em get you down.  Stand strong in the face of evil.

 Gemini

Intellectually Gemini surpasses most, but they can be some of the dumbest motherfuckers when it comes to common sense.  Focus.  When you are scattered you are at your least effective.  Ruthlessly clear obstructions blocking your path.  Gemini excels with a plan and plenty of time.  The question is whether you are able to truly formulate a plan of your own volition and with your own dreams in mind.  Let go of the coattails of those you’ve been clutching and move forward on crafting the life you truly desire.  If you want to be admired, turn yourself into someone admirable.

 Cancer

Recently Cancer has experienced some of the calmest waters in recent memory.  Professionally, you’ve made critical gains.  Personally, Cancer experiences greater and more intense intimacy than ever before.  So what is missing little Crab?  When completing your moral inventory do you get paper cuts?  You can’t go back and change the past, but you can stop recapitulating the same mistakes while recreating the same situations.  Look at what is going well in your life right now and properly nourish these areas.  Distractions are landmines for Cancer; remain committed to the beneficial.

 Leo

Bold Leos occasionally write checks their asses can’t cash, and this March they find themselves overdrafted.  Friends and family react with impatience at the pickles you get yourself into in March, Leo.  Hopefully, you’ve banked some goodwill because you are going to need it.  Let me spell it out for you: Leos need help this month.  What all this drama reveals is an unexpected confidant.  You’ll grow closer to a person you weren’t even sure you liked and that will surprise you.  Whether or not this person has romantic inclinations is yet to be determined, but you certainly have some sway in intensifying or deflating the potential suitor’s feelings.

Virgo

Mostly Tauruses wear the stubborn crown in the astrological court, but you could really threaten to dethrone Bulls this month Virgo.  For some reason you refuse to accept certain realities of your situation.  A change is in order and you must abide the universe and what it has in store for you.  No amount of digging in of the heels will prevent the inevitable.  Resistance is futile.  Virgo has been looking better than ever lately.  Goes to show your commitment to certain regimes provide legitimate results.  This month invest in a good moisturizer and perhaps even splurge on a facial if time and finances permit.

 Libra

In some ways February felt like the longest month for Libra, and you welcome March with open arms.  Don’t worry, this month will embrace Libra with affection in return.  Simple pleasures like long walks bring deep satisfaction as you peek towards an early spring.  These easy afternoons and honest conversations begin to stir Libras from their winter funk.  While flipping through fashion magazines you contemplate a new look for spring.  You always do well with black & white in modern shapes, but how can you add some unexpected sex appeal to your daily swagger?

Scorpio

Oh Scorpio what are we going to do with you?  Some may perceive your recent course of action as impulsive, but you never act rashly.  Quite the opposite actually, Scorpios ruminate on decisions at length before setting forth with a decisive and definite plan.  Get on board or get out of the way.  Conduct yourself with integrity and kindness regardless of how momentarily impatient or hostile you may feel.  When you look back at your greatest regrets, you’ll note they almost universally involve your mistreatment of others, especially those you love.  Remember Karma is only a bitch if you are.

 Sagittarius

Sags always try to paint everything with a pretty pink rosy brush.  One Sag I know just told me a long story culminating in a dead dog and she still tried to tie it up with a positive bow.  It’s a dead dog, lady.  There really isn’t an upside.  After a period of aimlessness, Sags find clear and unequivocal direction in the coming months.  Just because you follow the map doesn’t mean it will lead you to your destination.  Ballsy Sags explore detours to get where they really want to go.  There will be a few moments that test your honor and dignity.  These tests you must not fail.

 Capricorn

Dutiful Capricorns feel particularly put-upon and resentful recently.  The hang-dog looks have been dimming your shine and bringing down your daily circle.  Expressions of gratitude help reverse your sad-Sally attitude.  Maybe when you realize how good appreciation feels you’ll send some to the deserving.  Caps excel at sweet and attentive gestures.  It is the grander proclamations of love that choke you up.  Clear your throat Cap.  Nut up and make your intentions clear.  You know what you want, that’s never been the problem.  Effectuating your desires is a different story.  Get out of your own way Capricorn.

Aquarius

Aquarius floats in and out of March like a feather.  Mostly you spend the next few weeks in a period of preparation, setting everything up to properly execute on future plans.  Richly talented and great at navigating the nuances of your professional world, there is really no excuse for you not to succeed.  Two possibilities?  Aquarius isn’t punctual and occasionally lacks gravitas.  Consider if one or both of these qualities limits your growth.  A cleanse could do you good right about now.  Abstain from food and alcohol for a day and see what good comes of it.

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February 2013 Horoscope

Friday, February 1st, 2013

Aquarius

Happy Birthday Aquarius!  If life were dessert, you’d be the fluffy, foamy, creamy topping.  You are truly an effervescent joy, so much so that the more cynical among us sometimes read your jubilance as disingenuous.  Depending on how you wield your charisma that reading may or may not be true.  Getting to know you can be difficult Aquarius.  Actually, sometimes just getting you to sit still long enough to have a meaningful conversation is challenging.  Aquarius likes to maintain a wide social circle and has a knack for bringing folks together, albeit, somewhat indiscriminately.  In contrast, many Aquariuses (Aquarii?) also maintain a hermit-like private life.  A flourishing spiritual life is important, and many admire your commitment, but what about LOVE?  Light up in the thrill of flirt, and if you by any chance feel a spark, fan the flame.

 Pisces

Pisces rather selective nature often means they go months without taking a lover, but when they do, watch the fuck out because it is like a thirsty man found water.  Slightly self-obsessed navel gazers, Pisces spend a significant amount of time contemplating their own process and feelings.  Close friends of Pisces know that sometimes little fishes act like life is only happening to them.  Pull your head above water and inventory your nearest and dearest.  Don’t turn every proximate drama or trauma into your own.  Pisces possess a compassionate and forgiving nature; apply these qualities in your dealings with others this month.  Your personal integrity is admired by many.

 Aries

To others, Aries seem really moody and irrational for no apparent reason.  Of course the reason is apparent to you.  When you hit your limit with other people’s inconsiderate actions you aren’t afraid to let them know.  Since the world is full of rude and hateful people, from your point of view you are doing community service by informing them of their annoying behavior.  How noble.  Channel work stress into rough sex.  The bedroom is appropriate place for Aries to aggress this month. Think more heart-felt than extravagant this Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget your Mom.  Small gestures of loving generosity pay dividends in surprising ways.

 Taurus

Taurus envisions things a certain way, and when the illusion is shattered it is truly destabilizing.  The choices of some of your most trusted mentors have come to influence your thinking in certain matters.  Where are you willing to compromise?  More importantly, where are you not willing to compromise?  Life is too fleeting to waste time on the unworthy.  For you Taurus, this is especially true.  Over the next few months, there are consistent and significant demands on your time.  Typically very responsible, there will be some days in February where you just want to blow off your responsibilities.  You can get away with playing hooky once, so choose wisely.

 Gemini

Over the next three months Gemini will experience some serious upheaval that will inevitably throw your rigid world into relative chaos.  Emotionally, this will be a challenging time.  Rely on your intelligence to make wise and thoughtful decisions.  Whatever comes of change, you will adapt, grow, and more importantly thrive.  Spend more time organizing than procrastinating.  Just choose an item of clutter and put it away or get rid of it.  Rinse.  Repeat.  It’s not that deep.  Never one for big romantic gestures, ask yourself what it means when you pass up those small opportunities to show you care.

 Cancer

February should prove especially enchanting for Cancers.  Romance, delicious food and general wooing is coming your way, so brace yourself to swoon.  They say at any given time a person juggles at least five worries.  You shoulder your share of troubles, but lately those concerns have taken a less prominent role in your thinking.  All of your hard work really benefits the bank account which allows you to pay off your debts if you choose to responsibly allocate your resources.  This is an opportunity to break a pattern.  Stay active; it will keep not only your body in shape, but quiet your mind as well.

 Leo

Oh lovely Leo, mundane repairs and maintenance dominate over the first three weeks of the month.  This is a fantastic month for collaboration both professionally and privately.  Professionally, others view you as a contributor and team player.  Your ideas are valued even if you find the perspectives of teammates ludicrous.  Listen carefully to the wise opinions of those you trust. Personally, you begin to realize that your current situation is hindering your progress in general.  When it comes to love Leo, a little strategy wouldn’t hurt.  You are a Lion, so go stalk your prey.  Nothing feels as good as being desired, so express yours.

Virgo

That hectic pace has finally caught up with you dear Virgo and whether you want to or not life has forced you to slow your roll.  Professionally, you’ve proved yourself, but at what expense?  Look at your calendar.  Is there a blank day?  Virgos tend to overschedule.  Virgos need blank days.  We all need blank days.  Towards the end of the month Virgos brim with creative and practical solutions.  February forces conversations about living situations, especially the balance of indoor outdoor space.  These considerations cause you to go back over your past which leads to some interesting personal revelations.

 Libra

After a rather lengthy gray period, February opens up some opportunities for fun, perhaps even including animals or children.  It’s been awhile since Libra enjoyed frivolous, silly fun and activities you enjoy.  Libras gain a renewed sense of confidence with a full dance card, and you come on like a tropical breeze this February.  A little levity lightens your mood and this leads to closer intimacy between you and your partner.  Already prone to nostalgia, February has you contemplating the family legacy.  Libras especially value family and therefore make the perfect candidates for creating tributes to parents.

 Scorpio

Just when you think you know a Scorpio, they totally surprise you – sometimes with their sweetness and sometimes with their stinger.  Profoundly manipulative, there are few lengths Scorpios won’t go to get what they want, especially when motivated by revenge or spite.  When Cartman tells Scott Tenorman, “I made you eat your parents,” Scorpios not only relate to the sentiment, they champion it.  If revenge is a dish best served cold, Scorpios invented the recipe.  What many Scorpios forget is that they are not exempt from the balancing forces of the universe.  What goes around comes around.  So if you are going to serve up a plate of parents, make sure you are prepared to eat yours.

 Sagittarius

Wow Sags what an amazing month!  Sincerest congratulations on all you’ve accomplished.  Sags put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the consummate everything.  You get really worked up and set personal expectations unreasonably high.  Now is the time to set the temptation of future-thinking aside and discipline yourself to fully inhabit this moment.  Humble yourself to receive information rather than suffocating the process.  Sex is important to Sags on many levels, but this month you crave substantial physical validation.  Rather than playing coy, just level with your conquest and let them know what you need to feel fulfilled.

 Capricorn

Experience the New Year as a fresh start Capricorn.  Take stock, reevaluate, and reprioritize what is most important to setting you up for success.  After doing a personal inventory, your path will appear much more clear and obvious.  February will be a social month full of face to face communication.  Pop a mint.  Two-thirds into the month, Capricorn’s focus shifts to property and material security.  Caps expend time and resources on financing and development try to maximize profit on investments.  Gotta love a Cap always trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.  Your hustle is one of your best qualities.

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January 2013 Horoscopes

Tuesday, January 1st, 2013

Capricorn

Happy Birthday Capricorn!  After reveling in the soft fragrances of home and the nostalgia of bygone days, it’s time to get back to what you do best – work.  Even though Capricorn is prone to procrastination due to perfectionist tendencies, above all you favor efficient execution.  Properly completing tasks becomes your dull passion the first part of the year.  Passionate for you, dull for everybody else.  Where is the fun for you Capricorn?  Can you balance your thirst for accomplishment against the need for leisure and contemplation?  Because when you relax the most officious part of your personality, you are a real crowd pleaser.  For the New Year ditch all the dreadful unworn garments in your closet and craft a fresh look from the winter sales.  Trust, a physical transformation will have unpredictable positive ripple effects.

 Aquarius

Hey Aquarius, you’ve made some rookie mistakes in the romance department lately.  It is fun to fall head over heals and totally submerge in another person, but that fragile nascent butterfly feeling doesn’t last long, so don’t go squandering it all in a greedy weekend.  Professionally, things quiet over the next six weeks, which gives you plenty of time to stew in your personal life which in some ways you perceive as a failure.  Waste no time in self-flagellation.  Focus that powerful Aquarian energy on more productive pursuits.  Consider a last minute trip to shift your perspective.  You might be surprised who you meet on the journey.

 Pisces

Pisces negotiated a demanding December with style and has a well-deserved run of steady professional recognition and personal growth to show for it.  You’ve managed to swim along with the current of luck, but that’s about to change in the first few months of the New Year.  First and foremost, spend extra time and energy caring for yourself by sleeping.  Next, for a couple months cut back on extraneous activities involving crowds.  You will have to say no to some things and should not feel guilty for doing so.  Finally, keep your space extra clean.  Heed this warning; if you catch the flu it will take your ass down like a bitchy girl at Midtown and you won’t feel right until winter’s end.  Pisces can’t afford a sick day right now.

Aries

Aries pop off loud and quick and then it’s over, but for others left in the wake of your simmering temper the experience can make a more lasting impression.  There is nothing wrong with expressing dissatisfaction, but soften the delivery.  If it isn’t major, suck it up.  The New Year presents opportunity for character-building, which is really just a euphemistic way of saying that trouble’s coming.  What you make of that trouble will define your direction for 2013.  What you lack in self-control you make up for in style.  Aries possess a certain undeniable flare that sets off jealousy in an adversary.  When you feel the withering stare of criticism challenge it by shining brighter.

Taurus

Your theme song this month is What Have You Done For Me Lately by Janet, Miss Jackson if you’re nasty.  Unlike most folks, you strive to treat people well, to honor your commitments, and to live with integrity.  When others don’t meet you where you are, you get disappointed.  Lower your expectations and insulate yourself from disappointment by protecting your interests.  Not everyone is worthy of your full attention.  With the New Year comes an itch to get organized.  Some Bulls begin 2013 with a fresh set of responsibilities.  Creating order will make the added burdens feels less heavy.

 Gemini

Happy New Year Gemini!  2013 has much in store for you.  Are you ready?  Travel, adventure, fun and romance await; get all your mundane responsibilities in order so you can really enjoy the unexpected experiences coming your way.  Very generous with time and resources, Gemini at times feels put out and overstretched.  Remember you don’t have to do everything for everybody all the time.  Watch your back; there is a schemer trying to get at what you hold most dear.  Gemini loves a free lunch – too bad you still haven’t figured out there is no such thing.  Protect your identity and financial information.  If an offer seems too good to be true, it is.

 Cancer

Cancer has experienced a series of extreme up and downs lately.  One day it’s promotions and pay raises and the next you are moving your stuff out of the Extended Stay America. You’ve done well navigating the peaks and valleys by smartly chugging away in low gear.  Circumstances beyond your control have made it difficult to plan your life past a three month time frame, but it is still important to set an intention for the upcoming year.  This focal point will provide a guide for charting the very confusing course ahead.  Cut down on eating comforting but nutritionally devoid crap.

Leo

Even though you are very charming and likable Leo, it won’t excuse bad manners or inconsiderate behavior.  Some times it isn’t about you, so suck it up and take one for the team.  Even under meager circumstances, you bring a certain charisma that adds sparkle to the dull.  Work demands increase in the coming weeks.  Careful not to get unnecessarily run down trying to impress your superiors; they are caught up in their own dramas and won’t notice.  Keep your head down and reserve your energy for when it really counts.  Plan a romantic gesture for someone deserving.  Use that Leo creativity and make an extra special effort.  The gesture will pay triple dividends.

 Virgo

You’ve undergone a fragile period lately little dove and the first three months of the year should provide some relief from the uncertainty.  At times your programmed responses come off as dismissive defense mechanisms.  What truth are you shielding by hitting auto-pilot?  Over the past several months Virgos have taken personal responsibility for their health and fitness.  The commitment has paid off with better sleep, improved fitness, and a stronger body.  Well done!  Achieving meaningful results in a world full of quitters is a major accomplishment indeed.  Eat wholly, healthfully, and simply to see even greater improvement.

 Libra

Sloppy housekeeping has left you embarrassed more than once in the last few months Libra.  Time to clean up the mess.  Start in one corner and make your way all the way around tossing trash, dusting, sweeping, and moping the floors.  Delete old contacts and head into the New Year with only the essential circle.  Libra should watch becoming overly involved in his or her significant other as you are ripe for codependency.  Keep a full life and separate friendships.  Not every activity has to be a couple moment.  Forcing the chemistry gets tiring for all involved.

 Scorpio

Scorpio likes to surprise others with unexpected gestures of generosity and your kindness over the holidays sent positive ripples far and wide.  You may not feel the goodness immediately in January, but it will come back around in the most surprising and unexpected ways early this year.  You have the capacity to deeply connect with others, but less evolved Scorpios usually squander this gift in one of two ways.  Some give of themselves too freely and then feel deep disappointment when the intensity of their affection isn’t reciprocated.  Others tighten their trusted social circle to such extremes they become reclusive and closed off.  Find a place for acquaintances; not everyone has to be your very best friend.

Sagittarius

January has so many exciting and anxiety-inducing moments for you Sag.  While you will try your damnedest to maintain a façade of perfection, there will be missteps, so take them in stride.  Approach new challenges with a beginner’s spirit.  After a few months of fun, friends, and family, now is the time to laser in on more serious pursuits.  May your look match your mission.  Evolve your winter look and tighten up the silhouette with exquisitely tailored classics.  Sags feel most confident when they look their absolute best.

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December 2012 Horoscopes

Saturday, December 1st, 2012

Sagittarius

Happy Birthday Sag!  You resent the holidays for creeping into your special birthday time, but this year your day deserves extra attention all its own.  Enjoy your most favorite things: yummy treats, a show, a fine bottle of Scotch.  It’s for you.  Many fun and exciting adventures lie ahead for you in the coming year.  Invest in a fabulous pair of shoes to carry you forward in style.  Maintaining a sense of balance and sanity takes priority over the next several months.  Sags have to let go of a few of those responsibilities and indulgences to make room for a new routine, energy, and people entering your life in the coming months.  May your month be all cinnamon and sugar-topped Sag!

Capricorn

Caps turn the work intensity towards family, friends, and loved ones this December.  The effort yields miraculous results.  Take note that the connection to those you care about most fosters a more sincere sense of security than a fat bank account ever has.  A Cardinal sign, Capricorns are natural leaders and initiators.  Though the pokey pace you take in your personal life is inexplicable.  Life is short Caps.  Put some of that famous initiative towards crafting a great love.  Snag some mistletoe for a few tasty stolen smooches.

Aquarius

December means quiet evenings by the fire and intimate conversations for Aquarius.  As the days become shorter and shorter, turn inward, cozy down and spend time alone or with your inner circle.  Spend this time solving the puzzle that has been nagging you for the last few months.  There is a practical, logical, simple solution available.  Just relax and let the answers come.  Give generously this year; if not materially, then physically with your time and attention.  One of your greatest gifts Aquarius is your excellent listening, so lend an ear.

Pisces

Little Fishes find catering to competing interests particularly exhausting this December.  Much effort goes into smoothing the path and making other people feel comfortable.  How at ease are you?  Nobody hired you as cruise director, so just relax and let everyone fend for themselves.  Pisces get stressed about stretching a thin budget this holiday season.  Trust your crafty skills to turn out amazing, affordable, personalize gifts.  You really shine in this area and recipients enjoy the handmade gesture.  As you think about what you can gift, you’ll be too distracted to sleuth out the surprise coming your way.

Aries

Aries love nothing more than to make a lot of noise, literally and figuratively.  You make your needs known which is essential for getting them met, but learn the difference between a demand and a request.  Here’s a clue, the main distinction is a massive sense of entitlement.  One of your most valuable contributions is your quick and nimble thinking.  Even though you are quite bright, you never get bogged down in big intellectual ideas.  For the most part, Aries keep it light and fun.  Let go of old animosities and ring in the new year free from all that poisonous bitterness.

Taurus

Bulls have much to celebrate as they say goodbye to 2012.  You’ve secured a certain position, a coveted status, and finally you can exhale.  Sort of.  As it is often said, be careful what you wish for.  Now that Taurus has achieved what you think you’ve always wanted the reality feels much different.  If you have serious and legitimate doubts about moving forward then retreat now before sticky entanglements make it even more difficult to bail later on down the road.  Spend free time decorating and making your home feel extra whimsical this winter.

Gemini

Gemini works super hard and executes at an extremely high level and for this you should be very, very proud.  You’ve accomplished much over the last year and your output is indeed impressive.  When Geminis are present in the moment, the warmth of their attention feels like the Sun on your face on a snowy winter day.  When distracted and preoccupied, it’s all cold shoulder.  Careful planning for the gifting season keeps you out of the lurch.  When you wait until the last minute, it shows.  When you give it a little thought and care, it also shows.

Cancer

December presents life-changing decisions for Cancers.  Will you stay or will you go?  Only you know.  Circumstances beyond your control have sent you ricocheting around the planet.  Now it is time to decide where you would like to land.  These last weeks of the year provide a window of opportunity to truly evaluate what is important.  Hold tight to those values as different options present themselves in the first months of 2013.  Cancers can be quite paradoxical.  They are generous, but also opportunists often working an angle.  People don’t like to feel used.  Even if you sugar coat it, it still tastes bitter.

 Leo

Even though Leos are usually so full of life and fun, December brings a lag to your sails.  Worn down and a bit mopey, your closest people can’t seem to understand or swallow your uncharacteristic melancholy.  Everyone is allowed an off-month, and you really don’t owe anyone any explanations, even if their concern is well-meaning.  Purchase some new bedding and clean out your boudoir.  There will be days when you feel like hiding under the covers.  Immerse yourself in a good book, and if you get the chance, go play in the snow.

Virgo

Oh Virgo lighten up!  Lately, you’ve been such a drag.  Doesn’t all that worrying exhaust you?  It tires the fuck out of those around you.  Virgos’ controlling nature sometimes deludes you into believing you have dominion over areas that aren’t under your dictatorship.  This time of year all your business contacts, acquaintances and friends express gushing appreciation for all the good work you do through the year.  This only helps to reassure that you are highly valued in your particular sphere.  The pat answers don’t do much to disguise your true feelings pulsing just underneath a phony veneer.

Libra

Libras do their best to keep everybody happy this December, but visions of harmonious family holiday meals may be a touch optimistic.  You love to sweep tension under the rug, but the rug is getting pretty bumpy kid.  Stay out of conflicts that aren’t yours.  Let siblings work out drama in their own way.  Relax and enjoy good food.  Extend help and be of service whenever possible.  Keeping your hands busy will prevent you from sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.  Put together a new look for December and wow old acquaintances when you randomly bump into them on your ho stroll.

Scorpio

Think about what you love about the holidays and focus on that this month Scorpio.  A little nostalgia never killed anyone, right?  Keep a child-like spirit.  Jump at spur of the moment invitations.  Remain open to new opportunities.  Spend time with people who lift you up rather than dim your irrepressible shine.  Stash a few fun gifts aside as you will unexpectedly receive a few offerings that you will feel inclined to reciprocate.  I know how you despise getting caught off guard.  You resent dithering.  Rather than waiting for something or someone to happen, decide for yourself and follow through with what you know is best.

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November 2012 Horoscopes

Thursday, November 1st, 2012

Scorpio

Happy Birthday Scorpio!  The month of November celebrates gratitude, and you can be sure that more than a few are grateful for you.  Unlike some of their astrological brethren, Scorpios aren’t attention-seeking stunt queens.  Rather, this enigmatic sign attracts others because they are mysterious and interesting.  Scorpios have a quiet and under-credited talent for bringing folks together.  Dependable and loyal friends, Scorpios add texture to the social circle – as long as they aren’t crossed.  The upcoming year has much in store for you Scorpio.  The theme of the last quarter of the year is self-improvement.  More specifically, what can you leave behind in 2012 that is no longer serving you?  Purge vampiric people and habits and begin anew.  Embrace the best and worst of what’s to come free from unnecessary burdens.

Sagittarius

Brave Sags are prepping to for the holidays (perhaps hosting their very first Thanksgiving this year?), and with that responsibility comes heaps of anxiety.  You understandably want everything to be perfect down to the last yam, but release some of the perfectionistic pressure or your ass is going to blow.  Besides, like all meals, there will be highlights and lowlights.  Remember, no one expects Martha Stewart.  After the holidays, prepare for a bit of an energy crash which triggers some reevaluation on your part.  Sags act as loving caretakers, and this physical dedication at times tricks others into believing that you are present when you really aren’t.  What disservice are you doing yourself and your relationships when you dial it in absentmindedly?

Capricorn

The winter holidays get Caps all nostalgic for home and family traditions.  You tend to romanticize the past and get a little weepy and lovelorn this time of year.  This unusual foray into your feelings brings out a tenderness that others find endearing.  Reconsider indulging your moodiness just like you would that second helping of pie.  A packed schedule delivers the end of the year in a flurry.  Prioritize the most important commitments.  Duck out of less critical gatherings early.  Take opportunities for extra cash and then spoil your loved ones rotten.

Aquarius

Oh Aquarius, what a delightful presence you add this November.  Level-headed and neutral, others find your company comforting and non-political when competing interests create tension.  New friends (and perhaps more?) come your way.  Add them to your already wide circle of acquaintances.  Lately a few basic responsibilities have been overlooked because Aquarius is too busy examining the meaning of life or whatever existential bullshit occupies your mind.  We all appreciate a little esoteric thinking now and again, but don’t forget somebody has to pay the electric bill and load the dishwasher.  At the very least scrub the toilet.  You know it’s been an embarrassingly long time.

 Pisces

Pisces fills November with equal amounts of fun and work.  You deserve some extra credit for striking an elegant balance between competing commitments.  Style-wise, it is time for an overhaul.  You love cutesy shit, and that’s all fine, but at some point consider a grown-up investment in quality pieces.  It would not kill you to purchase an impeccably tailored classic garment.  Pisces in love continue to cook in the kitchen and the bedroom.  Make sure the calories from one activity offset the other.  Even though Pisces are gettin’ it good, that’s no excuse to let yourself go – quite the opposite actually.

 Aries

Aries enters a full-on plaza queen phase in November, complete with a ton of high maintenance demands.  Thankfully, Aries add a lot to the party, so most of the antics get a pass.  Add please and thank you liberally.  A snappy outfit boosts your mood at anxiety-inducing social obligations.  Put some thought into what you want to wear, and you’ll have more confidence as a result.  Aries work hard and deserve a break; try to steal some afternoons for lying around on the sofa.  Eat high quality food and lay off the drinking.  Now is the time when your body is most vulnerable, and Aries need a strong immune system to survive the harsh winter months to come. 

 Taurus

Taurus spent the last several months externalizing their energy towards others.  After all this giving, what is left for you little dove?  Since November is all about thanks, open yourself up to receiving gratitude rather than hastily brushing it aside.  Let the kind words land.  Bulls possess an unparalleled work ethic.  Intellectually sharp, no bullshit, and driven, Taurus succeeds for obvious reasons.  Interpersonally however, that same recipe won’t make for pleasing cake.  Wear something subtly incredible to family gatherings.  Good clothes act like armor against cutting comments.

 Gemini

Change ain’t easy, but Geminis have really pulled it together over the last few months.  Well done indeed.  You’ve taken responsibility for past mistakes and demonstrated positive growth.  Maintain the forward momentum.  Work demands significant resources for much of the month, but Gemini can look forward to an enjoyable and relaxing holiday…if you finish all your work on time.  Generous, kind, and loving, Gemini shines this month and positivity radiates your central relationships.  On balance, November looks very kind to your pocketbook, social life, and bedroom.

Cancer

Lovely Cancers enjoy nothing more than a table full of food surrounded by a large and loving family.  Whether hosting or attending, many Crabs get their wish this year and make the most of it, though overindulgence may have you swimming in regret.  On the upside, at least you’ll be exercising.  Burn off some extra calories and guilt by doing the dishes.  Cancers get wrapped up in their own perceptions, much of which are utter bullshit.  Sorry, it’s true.  Step out of the walls of the past depression, self-doubt, and bad decision-making and start running your life.

 Leo

Leo, lemme tell you the truth.  It is super rude to constantly let your eyes wander during a conversation.  That habit demonstrates a fundamental belief that many Leos hold: that there is always something better just over the shoulder of the person they are talking to.  Because they are so big, bright, and bold, Leos take for granted the amount of attention they receive.  Turn some of that radiance back around to the depleted masses huddled around your glowy flame.  When making clothing selections, camouflage becomes an increasingly important consideration.  Do you want to be a creative dresser or rock a killer figure?

 Virgo

Virgos’ singular intent and drive makes them super effective, but also self-righteous and narrow-minded at times.  A generous and caring friend and companion, know that your inner circle deeply cares for you.  Virgos grow more selective with their expenditure of time and energy as they grow wiser.  Remember that if you want an area of your life to grow, you have to nourish it.  If you really want to manifest change, then provide the space for that change to happen.  Otherwise, it’s just lip service, and we all know you are a person of action.  Virgo’s style inspiration for this winter is dewy on the tundra.  Bonus points for those who get the reference.

 Libra

November serves up a round of disappointments to Libra.  You’ve spent a great deal of time planning things which cannot be planned.  There’s that expression, we plan and God laughs.  That cliché is your theme song this month.  So what can you control?  How about your own reaction to disappointing news?  Libras can stew in self pity and entitlement or dust themselves off and get back on the ornery old nag that is life.  To your credit, you’ve stylishly adapted to a number of challenges that have shifted your life in unexpected ways.  Cultivate yourself in the soil where the wind decided you should land.  No one is suggesting you hand your life over to the whim of fate, just recognize where your power lies and where it does not.

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October 2012 Horoscopes

Monday, October 1st, 2012

Libra

Happy Birthday dear Libra!  How we love your pretty face and even temper.  You add grace and elegance to the scene and are usually a welcome addition to any gathering.  Not one for upfront drama, Libras prefer to navigate behind backs.  Libras can be gossipy, but typically aren’t cutting and mean.  You aren’t great about keeping your word and should work on strengthening your reliability muscles.  October brings much in the way of blessings to lucky Libra.  Professionally, some Libras are on the hunt.  A little innocent flirting may just land the job.  The employed Libra begins to feel comfortable which leads to more contribution on your part.  Your ideas land and are appreciated.  Don your best apparel for festivities, some of which will be celebrating well-liked Libras.  Take care in accessorizing.  Key pieces end up useful conversation starters.

Scorpio

Scorpio enjoys October: the crisp air, the leaves, the end of the year, saying goodbye.  Scorpio can get nostalgic and stuck in unhealthy patterns.  Use the last three months of the year to permanently change what you have been putting off all year.  Most Scorpios are addicted to something.  Gain control over indulgence.  Focus on more productive activities like tidying up your home before winter.  Start putting together your costume ideas early because the Halloween party invitations begin to arrive in the next couple weeks.  Take the month to get your body together and then kill all them bitches with your major look at the party.

Sagittarius

All that hustle of previous months finally pays off in October when Sags find their calendar crammed with commitments.  Going from one extreme to another creates much stress.  How will you deal with the added pressure?  When your anxiety takes hold you can be really difficult to cope with, so do everyone a favor and plan your life with some cushion.  Don’t overextend.  Prioritize around convenience.  Think about others too, as Sags can be notoriously narcissistic and shallow.  Enjoy a few sweet treats, but don’t overdo the candy intake towards the end of the month.  Eat simply, seasonally, and locally to feel your best and avoid the fall colds going around.

Capricorn

Capricorn experiences a crisis of conscience in October that results in manic and unpredictable behavior.  Poor impulse control and a mean self-destructive streak lure you into risky behavior like DUIs, random sex, and gambling.  If you hitch a ride on this downward spiral expect to spend the rest of the year cleaning up a hell of a mess.  Those Caps wise enough to head off erratic actions will demonstrate a new level of self-mastery.  What about love Capricorn?  Will it ever be time for love?  A person can’t live on work, friends, and family forever.  Consider what you want in a relationship and pursue a suitable mate as you would any one of your other life aspirations.

 Aquarius

Broad thinking Aquarius always has an answer for everything.  Smart, practical, and playing the long game, more impulsive signs envy the cool detachment Aquarius displays.  Spend some time strengthening key relationships in October.  Rather than spreading your energy thin, focus on a few important people and flood them with attention.  Parties pop up at the end of the month which gives you a good excuse to try on a new identity for the night.  Wear a mask and maintain a mysterious air.  Listen.  You’ll be surprised what you overhear when your identity is unknown.  The information will be valuable.

Pisces

Riding a merry-go-round of good feelings over the past several weeks, Pisces find that all the loose ends left undone lately cause chaos in October.  Pisces scramble to catch up and for the most part succeed.  The hustle has left you a little resentful though. Those little rituals you love, remember they are important too for keeping Pisces grounded.  However, a new routine for a new season will benefit Pisces.  Make fitness a priority.  Take time alone.  Eat as clean and simply as possible now as there will be a lot of obligation eating later in the season.  Definitely dance often, big, and crazy.

Aries

Vibrant Aries light up a room with vivacious energy, but often feel like subtle nuances of their personality get overlooked.  Don’t worry, we notice the details Aries and one of the most important details about you is that you’re a fantastic friend.  For the most part you make an excellent partner, except when you get self-righteous about not feeling appreciated, and then your eye begins to wander.  Aries tend to require a lot of external validation, but I’m sure you’ve evolved past needing the approval of others.  The more important question is whether you approve of yourself right now?

Taurus

October serves up a new round of frustration with your central relationship Taurus.  While your mate means well and really tries, you just aren’t sure of whether this person can fully deliver on all your needs – which by the way are significant.  Taurus definitely perceives herself as low-maintenance, when in fact Bulls can be one of the most difficult signs to deal with and satisfy.  High standards are great, but realistically accept how demanding you truly are.  A fierce and loyal lover, Bulls make their companions feel safe and protected…until they start nit-picking and tearing their paramour apart.  Learn the difference between kindness and weakness.  Not every warm gesture has to sacrifice your pride.

Gemini

Gemini suffer under the weight of tremendous responsibility, both professionally and personally in October.  Most of this burden is self-imposed, but that won’t stop you from complaining about it.  Your work ethic is impressive, and it explains why most of the Twins have hung on to their jobs during recent economic challenges.  Those of you prowling for employment have an edge over most, and that edge is your big-ass brain.  Even though you are super smart, Gemini acts spacey and often isn’t present in the moment.  Give folks the honor of your full attention.  Concentrate, listen, and see how your connections benefit and grow as a result.

Cancer

Cancers have worked hard over the last several months to get their shit together and for the foreseeable future things look relatively stable.  Good for you!  Now what are you going to do to fuck it up?  I’m only half-kidding as you are a famous self-saboteur.  Focus on executing your responsibilities thoroughly, completely, and with a high degree of quality.  Cancers get dreamy and distracted when work becomes demanding.  You can get away with a little fantasizing, but keep at least one toe grounded in reality or find yourself embarrassed and confused when you are caught sniffing the roses on the clock.

 Leo

Big proud Leo gathers new friends and acquaintances together in October for fun fall socializing.  Your warm demeanor entices other to join you in merriment this month and as a result lasting connections are made.  Pat yourself on the back for uniting folks Leo.  Building community isn’t easy.  You contribute significantly to the happiness of those lucky enough to share your company.  Platonic demands distract you from romance, but you will enjoy a cute flirtation.  So often a zingy flirt can be as satisfying as a good fuck.  Sneak in rest in October’s calmer moments Leo, so you’ll look your best when it really counts.

Virgo

Ready for a slower pace in October Virgo?  You are worn out and need to recoup from a long run of demands on your time and energy.  October will force you to slow down one way or another.  May I gently suggest you go voluntarily rather than kicking and screaming?  This month devote your energy to a few key events.  Delegate daily tasks to eager beavers looking for more responsibility.  This will free up your time to concentrate on more important matters.  Virgo, make breathing room in your life for what you really want so it can flourish and grow.  Take a walk in the leaves.

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