Tag Archives: Virgo

September 2011 Horoscopes

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

Virgo

Happy Birthday virtuous Virgos!  Rooted in Earth and known for mutable and feminine qualities, Virgo communicates eloquently and possesses impeccable manners.  This month you’ll be especially articulate and persuasive.  In September, carefully mind your bank accounts and holdings.  Relationships are simpatico.  You and your partner feel especially synchronized.  Keep the wallet shut.  If you must spend, research bargains.  Special Virgo birthday shout out to my long time EDF Lisa.  Love you girl.

Libra

Libras are vulnerable to identity theft this month.  It will come from an unexpected person or organization.  Mindfully manage personal information in all dealings this September.  Sloppiness will cost you.  After some misunderstandings last month, you find a way to make things right with your charm and diplomacy.  A genuinely forgiving attitude can salvage relationships.  September brings on spendy temptations.  Maintain a conservative attitude towards purchases.

Scorpio

That long hard run has finally caught up to you, forcing Scorpios to spend most of September nursing themselves back to health.  Don’t be thinking you are the exception to the rule of proper diet and ample rest.  You more than anyone suffer when you let those areas of self-care slide.  New friends enter the mix this month.  Let your guard down a little and enjoy some fresh energy.  The career takes off this month.  Build a trustworthy team to support your professional ascent.

Sagittarius

Sags look forward to an evenly paced September.  You might get a little restless and plan a fun trip or finally engage in that activity you’ve been meaning to try.  If that new activity happens to be sexual, remember dirty things end up on the internet.  All this creativity floods relationships with happiness.  Those unattached may convert friendship to love this September.  Professionally, all looks favorable with new opportunities on the horizon.

Capricorn

Capricorns feel lost right now professionally and personally.  Afraid of exhibiting vulnerability, you stifle your true voice.  When Caps reveal the truth, success will follow in both areas.  September is a better month for major splurges.  Evaluate the options carefully and then move forward.  An opportunity for a trip or visitors materializes this month.  Try to make it happen.

Aquarius

Occasionally, the stars align and the clouds rain down good fortune.  Such is the case for Aquarius this September.  Games of luck and chance could be especially profitable.  Visits with your partner’s family may send chills up your spine.  Swallow down all those little jabbing comments with a gulp (of booze).  Transportation could get hectic during the last half of the month.  Hitch a ride, or better yet walk.

Pisces

Pisces shine in September.  You trade in melancholia this month for a buoyant mood.  This sunny outlook brightens and lightens the heavy hearts of those surrounding you.  Even though Pisces burst with energy in September, listen carefully.  Don’t get behind with responsibilities even when fun calls.  Prioritize wisely and you can fit everything in this busy September.

Aries

September brings a little romantic intrigue for Aries.  Evaluate the situation with a skeptical eye.  Stay mellow this month and keep social engagements casual and easy.  After the 18th, the planets provide a social jolt, but feelings remain murky.  Seemingly out of nowhere, another option pops up at the end of September.  Wait for the reveal before making any permanent decisions.

Taurus

Prepare for struggle and strife this September, Taurus.  People will drive you crazy with their agendas and maneuvering.  Try not to get too upset.  You know deep down that focused and thorough work pays off.  On the relationship front, an interesting opportunity arises.  Don’t dismiss this person just because the immediate impression isn’t romantic.  Listen to your inner nudge; it could save your ass this month.

Gemini

You’ve done well lately financially Gemini and you will continue to prosper.  Keep on eye on the portfolio this September or your investments could take a hit.  After a busy summer, relax and nest this month.  Keep activities family-oriented and home-centric.  Make further connections by getting to know friends of friends.  At times you disregard your instincts and first impressions.  If something or someone feels off, it is.

Cancer

Your purse gets slutty this month and opens her legs indiscriminately to fulfill your shopping desires.  Tell that ho to slow her roll so you don’t end up one bankrupt Cancer.  That control freak in your life – avoid that motherfucker in September.  Some fun creeps in by way of day trips.  Maybe consider an end of summer romp in the amusement park for nostalgia’s sake?  Good sex acts as a prelude to promising relationship progress.

Leo

Leos get bogged down this September with constant little drains on their time and energy.  Even though you may feel like making a hasty retreat, avoiding the figurative stack of correspondence and calls won’t make them disappear.  Keep out of the intense fray at work.  The hostile environment has got folks acting a fool.  Don’t be one of them.  September’s unpredictable weather brings travel delays.  You’ve been warned.  This month put your balls on the table and ask you-know-who out on a date.  This person is worth courting.

Permalink | Filed in ART, HOROSCOPE | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

AUGUST 2011 HOROSCOPES

Monday, August 1st, 2011

Leo

As promised, August is a vast improvement over July for Leos.  Already well-liked, Lions’ magnetism and charisma soars this month.  Established relationships experience romance. Unattached Leos enjoy an end of summer fling.  However, don’t expect anything permanent to come from the dalliance.  That influx of wealth you were counting on, don’t bet on it.  The stars show positive financial momentum for Leos, but not a windfall.

Virgo

For a full 21 days of August Virgos enjoy supercharged magnetism.  Folks will find you ultra enjoyable and appealing.  Soak up all the adoration and you will absolutely glow.  Virgos do not get a pass on the bad communication mojo floating around the astrological wheel this month.  Don’t make any big decisions on critical concerns.  Co-workers keep secrets this month and their non-disclosures cause drama and confusion.  Virgos ask a lot of unanswered questions and find the lack of incoming information maddening.  Best to keep your mouth shut and ears open at work.

Libra

Rely on Libran intuition to navigate August.  Interpersonal landmines dapple the landscape causing the typically gentle Libra to be perceived as downright offensive.  Watch your mouth and ass this month.  No one will give you the benefit of the doubt.  When out with friends or at work, the atmosphere is ripe for misunderstanding.  Communicate clearly and succinctly.  Double check anything important.  Enjoy a love fest around the 5th, whether single or attached.

Scorpio

Direct your energy toward family and the domestic sphere this month Scorpio.  Use that laser-accurate intuition to navigate challenging relationships.  Don’t doubt that feeling in your gut.  It is right on.  You’ll be in the mood to fill that already brimming brain with more knowledge.  Seek out reliable sources for independent learning.  You’ve collected an amazing group of friends and this month they lend support in unexpected ways.  Let them know how much they mean to you.  Work will pretty much suck until the third week of August.

Sagittarius

Stay home this month Sags.  Travel plans are plagued with delays and cancellations.  Give important documents a second look and pay extra attention to minutia.  The Devil is in the details.  There is a strong likelihood you’ll be called for jury duty.  August proves promising professionally with advancements and a bonus on the horizon.  Keep a moderate attitude in relationships and refrain from digging your heels in during petty fights.

Capricorn

Caps miss important long distance communication due to careless oversight.  Thoroughly inspect your inbox for overlooked emails.  Congratulations to those with scholastic pursuits.  You will receive positive responses from scholarship applications.  Caps struggle with relationships and yearn for authentic connection.  August remains inconsistent in this area with satisfying highs and depressing lows.  Expect a few major blowups in August, particularly on the 10th and 25th.  Hold off on big financial decisions until next month.

Aquarius

Miscommunication dominates August for Aquarius.  Much of this month will be spent cleaning up confusing messes in relationships, finances, and work.  Thank Mercury in retrograde for this stressful stretch.  Reduce the potential negativity by mindfully reviewing statements and settling debts in advance of their due date.  Professionally, important conversations need to take place before the 10th or after the 25th to avoid temperamental flare-ups.

Pisces

Retrograde Mercury in Virgo curses Pisces through the majority of August.  Fuck-ups abound, especially interpersonally where crossed wires cause heartache.  This chaos seeps into love and work, leaving you frustrated at every turn.  Delegate responsibility where possible and try to get the hell out of dodge – if not physically, mentally with a little introspection, meditation, or prayer.  Things improve after the third week with love.  This is the time for unattached Pisces to werk the flirt.

Aries

The first week of August brings the gift of fun with friends as Neptune enters the scene.  Unfortch, Aries too will suffer with this Mercury in retrograde situation.  Additionally, other planetary shifts harbor family hostility.  Let’s face it, getting bitched at by the fam ain’t ever fun.  Organization and thoughtful planning prevents future hassles to the extent possible.  Cloudy communication causes distress from every angle; even the hobbies you love will cause more agitation than relaxation until things lighten up in the last five days of the month.

Taurus

Bulls have it easier this month than the rest of the signs of the Zodiac.  Light and positivity shine on Taurus as long as you edit aggressive verbal expression.  That sharp tongue acts as your strongest weapon and greatest weakness.  Fun times with the offspring fill August with genuine joy.  Take pleasure in non-competitive family activities.  Neptune strengthens Taurus professionally during the first week.  Get ready for recognition and financial rewards.  Enjoy this August Taurus; you definitely deserve it.

Gemini

Overall, August looks cautiously positive for Geminis.  Not usually one for planning, this month you map out a future course of action for achieving accomplishments this autumn.  A change of scene provides a fresh perspective.  Seek out a beautiful place for a respite.  Geminis aren’t so much mean as they are careless with their words.  Consider phrasing and select statements with forethought, especially in dealings with family members.  August may bring the temptation to awaken a comatose relationship.  Giving this relationship another go isn’t advised.  The outcome will not be as you hoped.  That side gig you hope might bring in extra cash?  Don’t bet on it.  Focus professional energy on your primary source of income.

Cancer

Cancers should maintain complete control over finances this month.  Crabs may be tempted to delegate money matters to others, but that choice will result in wallet ruin.  Double check important dates and meetings and stay organized.  This month Cancers experience delays, unexpected obstacles, and mishaps.  Work ahead and clear the docket, so when an unplanned challenge arises you have the time and resources to address it.  Look forward to an energy surge the first week.  Leverage it to complete unfinished tasks and gain a real sense of accomplishment.

Permalink | Filed in ART, HOROSCOPE, READ | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

JULY 2011 HOROSCOPES

Friday, July 1st, 2011

 

Cancer

Happy Birthday Crabs!  A Cardinal sign, the Cancerian energy flows like the ocean tides in one clear direction – usually towards home.  Guardians of the Moon, introverted and feminine Cancers are the heart of the family.  Running things in July, increased responsibility burdens relationships.  Continue the theme of constructive stress relief.  Reduce the overall load by relying on trustworthy confidants.  Heightened emotional attunement results in prosperous partnerships and business ventures.  Leash spending and enjoy a thick wallet.

Leo

Leos should cancel road trips and stay off the road when possible this month.  Exercise extra caution while out and about locally.  Particularly vulnerable to pressure in July, don’t cave.  You’ll end up stuck in a very unfavorable position.  Others slack professionally; set yourself apart by seizing bonus opportunities.  The extra effort will result in recognition.  Best to keep a low profile for now; next month brings improvements.

Virgo

Virgos have avoided making tough and permanent decisions about some major unresolved issues.  Conflicts with finances, offspring, amici, and colleagues require legitimate action this time around.  Now is the time to take up the rug and sweep up all that dust and dirt.  Busy worktimes require organization and strategy.  Domestically, trips keep the temperature warm and the mood romantic.  Couples teetering on the brink?  July’s the time to let go for good.

Libra

Blindsiding professional upheaval disrupts progress at work.  The drama could easily suck up the first two weeks of the month.  Find a way to  attract attention because competitive sharks circle Libras.  If you want it, you will have to fight for it.  In other respects, July looks calm and easy.  Casual summer entertaining fills up warm evenings with innocent fun.  The invitations don’t stop all summer and the socializing expands your social sphere.  Many of these upcoming events have a charitable angle; don’t show your ass by being cheap.

 

 

 

Scorpio

Put on your party pants Scorpios; whether you like it or not socializing is the summer agenda.  Instead of shutting everyone out, keep the lines of communication open.  It is unlike you to fuck up, so mind invitation details to avoid offending your host.  A heartbreaker of an old flame resurfaces this month.  Will you play with fire?  This grudge has taken up enough cardiac real estate.  Whether you ignore the overture or reciprocate, find a way to let go of the long-standing bitterness.

 

Sagittarius

Sags are looking good right now; take advantage of your heightened appeal and enjoy a day or two off the usual grind.  Reunions make for unexpected sparks with random acquaintances.  Have fun with the nostalgia, but don’t get too serious.  Focus some attention on gathering intel socially and professionally.  Knowledge is power.  Financially, Sags can expect more steady drip than flowing stream.  Manage accordingly.

 

Capricorn

May I congratulate you on the steps you’ve taken to make things right?  Effort duly noted.  Relationships aren’t ever easy for Caps, but after the New Moon positive change arrives.  Professional disappointments discourage and frustrate Caps in July.  A temper tantrum won’t help.  Keep work and home separate or suffer interpersonal misery.  No big shopping sprees in July for you.  Schedule important biznass sometime between the 8th-11th.

 

Aquarius

Aquarius enjoys great relationships or love prospects this July.  Keep the vibe easy breezy and without strings.  Code word: summer fling.  Let the good sexytimes distract you from office drama.  Storms gather at work; expect ego clashes, posturing, and backstabbing due to some planetary fuckery.  Fear not; by month’s end, Aquarius enjoy professional glory.

 

Pisces

Reasonably financially prudent, Pisces swim in unfamiliar water this month when you run into some unexpected money issues (which are totally your fault).  Rather than waste time stressing funds, devote time to DIY home improvement and gardening.  Midmonth, friends lighten the mood, and Pisces always get invited to the party.  However, romantic strings tangle in July and have you hunting for the scissors.  In contrast, work looks really fantastic, so enjoy the sun where it shines.

Aries

The first half of the month brings struggles to Aries.  Both romantic and familial connections suffer interference.  Consider the best way to defuse the drama.  Celestial movements make the second half of July an entirely different conversation.  Get ready for some super fun times and the potential for new love.  Already prone to sluttiness, don’t get carried away with the short-shorts and tequila.

 

Taurus

July brings drastic changes in almost every important relationship in your life.  Everyone close will feel the aches and pains.  Others may behave erratically; calm them with your steady reliability.  Enjoy long talks with those nearest and dearest during lazy lovely summer days.  Now is the time for a trip, long or short – make it happen if you can.  Always financially savvy, Taurus are extra amped to earn this month.

 

Gemini

Gemini glows in July.  Take the extra charm and direct it towards meeting new friends or getting back in touch with far-flung relatives.  We know how much Geminis hate to make decisions, but July demands you take a stand in that impossible relationship.  This time, you must initiate action.  Others may try to weasel into private financial dealings.  Stay vigilant and keep intruders out of your biznass.  Expect a flux of household income, but manage surplus wisely.

 

Permalink | Filed in ART, HOROSCOPE | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

JUNE 2011 HOROSCOPES

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011

Gemini – arms

Mutable and governed by air, Gemini’s moods, ideas, and opinions shift as easily as the breeze.  Others may find your fickle personality frustrating, but versatility provides a distinct advantage in certain situations.  Geminis have a leitmotif of fun, relaxation, and good times this summer.  A care-free fling, platonic or romantic, imbues new energy in the atmosphere and adds a little glide to the stride.  Financially, June proves unpredictable, so mellow on the extracurricular spending.  Don’t front the cost for your own birthday fun.  If cheap friends bristle at the expense of the celebration, leave them out.

Extra special Birthday Shoutout to Demeter Clarc’s favorite Gemini and in-house tech-support EMC.  Without your genius, DC could not be. xox

Cancer – chest

Here we are in June, what have you accomplished so far this year?  For Crabs, the answer is quite a bit – thank you very much!  All the recent upheaval has taxed your energy and resources.  Be especially mindful of overdrafting your account, literally and metaphorically.  The stars signal self-indulgence, but since you trend toward giving into worldly desires, consider a novel approach to self-care.  Maybe a cleanse or meditation retreat?  The second-half of 2011 looks fruitful, with broader influence and game-changing leadership opportunities at work.

Leo – spine

“Got a secret.  Can you keep it?  Swear this one you’ll save.  Better lock it, in your pocket.  Taking this one to the grave.  If I show you then I know you.  Won’t tell what I said.  Cause two can keep a secret.  If one of them is dead…” The Pierces Secret song is your theme this month.  You got your lion paws on some intel which suggests an opportunity.  How will you play it?  Always popular with the opposite sex, June connects Leos with an insightful comrade who guides you towards an epiphany concerning your life’s work.

Virgo – belly

June serves up a slew of group gatherings; some aspects of the get-togethers will be pleasurable and others annoying.  Dress comfortably so one of the irritations isn’t ill-advised attire.  Throughout this year, Virgos have struggled when ethics and money clash.  June is no different.  Prepare for the possibility that this fermenting struggle might blow this month.  Virgos spend time and energy sprucing up the abode.  This investment brings about a new sense of domesticity, happiness, and renewed feelings.

Libra – skin

Feelings of anxiety surface due to unpredictable relationship and career news.  Don’t freak; everything will go according to design.  Make stress relief a priority, keep up with yoga, meditate, and take unpressured strolls.  In-laws suck up some attention in June.  Expect a flurry of extra emails, texts and errands that will vampire your already taxed time.  One area of concern you can set aside?  Finances.  Libras enjoy a gilded June.  Save more than you spend.

Scorpio – genitals

June rains bank on Scorpios from multiple directions and sources.  Even though Scorpios roll in the deep, keep out of the shops a third of the way through the month to avoid credit issues.  June ain’t great for travel; take a riveting book and expect delays.  Try to maintain your pleasing personality, because when your mood sours, you take everyone down with you.  For many Scorpios, more sex = more patience, so work on getting laid regularly this summer.

Sagittarius – hips and thighs

Spend energy creating connections through communication and compromise this June.  Sagittarian cooperation impresses others and leads to a variety of beneficial relationships.  Perhaps even locking down an engagement or major commitment?  Keep the pocketbook shut this month Sag.  June is rife with potential financial complications concerning your credit/debit cards.  Use cash when possible, monitor accounts, and follow up on any suspicious activity within three days.

Capricorn – knees

Family and work feed into an already stressful Capricorn head space this June.  Under times of pressure, Caps often turn from their close confidants who are best equipped to support them.  Fight the impulse to push others away, and make time to decompress with a special someone.  Fail to heed the stars and invite increasing conflict.  June creates a favorable environment for creative expression.  Get back to what you love, or check out something you have been itching to try.  Capricorns aren’t usually big gossips, but listen for the dirt at the work place this month, so you’ll be prepared for the shit that goes down later this summer.

Aquarius – calves

Aquarians battle haters trying to dim your shine this month.  Keep the guard up and protect your interests.  Find support and restoration with good company and light-hearted entertainment.  Trying to conceive?  The stars look favorable for a new edition.  Find a cool, dark room to retreat to for extra rest when life’s pressures become overwhelming, especially towards the end of the month.  Invite others to visit you; Aquarians risk perilous travel in June.

Pisces – feet

Ramp up for a busy twelve month run Pisces!  Family relations brim with positivity and warmth.  In contrast, friendships suffer mid-month.  Don’t let the conflict spiral out of control, especially if plans are already in place for travel with this person later in the summer.  Instead of engaging in tense bitchery with amici, let your light shine by showcasing your extraordinary talents.

Aries – head

The eloquence faerie visits Aries, bringing the gift of mellifluousness.  Deliver grand speeches and professions of love because Aries will articulate thoughts in a particularly clear and memorable manner the first twelve days of June.  Take a holiday the 1st and the 15th, or hell, take a holiday the 1st through the 15th!  Why not?  The piggy bank’s fat with bacon this June.

Taurus – neck

After a busy May, June serves an optimistic and uncluttered outlook for Taurus.  Enjoy sunny bright mornings and lazy evenings on the deck.  Bullheaded as usual, Taurus experiences relationship drama at nearly every interaction, whether personal or professional.  Shoulder some of the blame for the discord.  Always responsible with the dough, look out for the opportunity for more delicious cake to sweeten the deal in early June.

 

 

Permalink | Filed in HOROSCOPE, STAR | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

MAY 2011 HOROSCOPES

Monday, May 2nd, 2011

Taurus

Happy Birthday Bulls!  You are powerful and successful and are accustomed to others telling you so.  Tauruses work hard and both deserve and reap the rewards of their labor.  A planner in general, now is the time to map out the course for the next year.  Interpersonally, you can be a real pain in the ass.  Stubborn and at times irrational, Bulls are notoriously difficult, but you make up for it with generosity. This month the heavens align in a way that’s favorable for relationships.  Don’t squander all the planetary good will with a tendency for needing to get in the last word.

Gemini

May looks mad hectic with both fun and obligations Gemini.  To survive all the demands, make sleep a priority.  When tired and hungry you are down right bitchy, so take care of yourself or others will find you utterly intolerable. Be mindful of your belongings while traveling, and try to make it a relaxing trip.

Cancer

Crabs can expect a trifecta of good fortune at work, and with family and friends this month.  Look forward to fun and romance; your dance card will be full.  Prepare some cute outfits now.  In addition to extracurricular fun, this will also be an important month for networking.  Smart Crabs seize May’s opportunities and exploit them for the greatest all-around gain.  Remember the big picture.

Leo

While out and about this month, distracted Leos lose stuff – like a phone, wallet, ring or keys, so mind your belongings or prepare for the hassle that comes with misplacing any of the above.  If you fail to heed this advice and experience loss, take extra care in replacing the item.  The good news is that the planets align for a windfall this month in the form of an award, prize, or trip.  Luck favors Leos, but you’ll need more than good fortune to face tough workplace competition.

Virgo

May presents challenges for Virgos.  Someone you trust is trying to manipulate and mislead you surrounding a new opportunity.  The moral and ethical strength of the Virgo makes them vulnerable to over-trusting.  A good rule for you – assume everyone will try to fuck you over and operate from that place.  Trust, but verify.  Don’t let anyone pressure you when making financial decisions in May.  Changes in the home front make for even greater community involvement and neighborly introductions.

Libra

Financially Libras benefit in May, particularly mid-month when previous industriousness pays off.  Beyond money, May presents a few obstacles.  Without a doubt, avoid travel or legal dealings in the third and fourth weeks.  Libras prefer everyone to be happy, and you’ve sacrificed quite a bit lately to make that happen.  A treat is coming your way to make up for all your compromise.

Scorpio

The words positivity and Scorpio don’t always go together, but this May Scorpios shine.  Scorpios can be self-indulgent in some ways, but down right restrictive in others.  Up the ante this month by investing in yourself; the dress, the trip, a new haircut, teeth whitening, find the spark that will take you from an 8 to 10.  Planetary alignment turns up the Scorpio charm and dulls Scorpio’s pricklier traits. This month you’ll be unusually upbeat and glowy which of course bodes well for romance and work.  All those interpersonal quirks that hold you back vanish this month.  Take advantage.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians sail a sea of tranquility this May.  A rosy disposition and pleasing personality make for harmonious relationships, easy workplace interaction, and chill family times.  Even though you ain’t one to gossip, keep your ears open for some intel that could be valuable later.  Float around like your charming self, flirt, have fun, and enjoy a beautiful month.

Capricorn

Capricorns get to lighten up in May.  Get outside this month with family and friends and shake off winter.  All the excitement towards the end of the month can get really distracting.  This can result in clumsy accidents, so be mindful of letting your feet get in front of your head.  Hold major meetings or projects off until June if possible.  Start now and things could get messy.  Even though you aren’t the recipient this time, share in the glow of good news received by friends and family.

Aquarius

Aquarian energy is best spent on career this month.  Make sure those in power see what you can do and it will advance your career.  This could be a big move for you if you play it right; not just a job promotion, but an elevation of lifestyle and prestige.  The atmosphere is ripe for misplacing valuables or carelessly supplying thief with opportunity, so mind your shit.  Romance looks favorable, but it ain’t the main event in May.

Pisces

Fishies swim with the current and experience a mellow May.  A favorable time for travel and socializing, throw a weekend trip together with friends.  Already expressive, Pisces feel almost a compulsive need to communicate this month.  This propensity only creates problems when you blurt without thinking first.  Take a deep breath and articulate thoughts clearly to avoid hurt feelings.  Remember, when it comes to chatter, less is always more.

Aries

Aries seriously deserve a break.  Always on the go, the past few weeks haven been extra hectic.  May provides an opportunity to focus energy on a few deserving relationships.  Instead of giving a lot of people a little love, give a lot of love to a select few.  The pocketbook looks full the last half of the month, so enjoy the added sense of security.

Permalink | Filed in ART, HOROSCOPE | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

APRIL 2011 HOROSCOPES

Friday, April 1st, 2011

Aries

Happy Birthday Fiery Bitches!  In astrological terms, Aries comes first, and that’s just the way you like it.  Super fun, superfly, and irrepressible, Aries are en fuego.  Even though the last few years have been a struggle, Aries maintains momentum.  Perhaps professionally things haven’t progressed ideally.  All that will change this year if you take the time to cultivate balance.  Aries feels super-charged this April.  Rein the energy in or suffer the consequences – stupid embarrassing ones too – public stumbles, idiotic fender benders, and pride-wounding chokes.  Get plenty of sleep, take care with relationships, and for fuck’s sake, think before you speak.

Taurus

Typically Taurus has it all together, but this month you’ll feel pulled in a million directions.  The way you cope with all this hectic energy will dictate whether things getter better or escalate.  Taurus vent frustration and anxiety on loved ones.  Needling the significant other won’t ease stress, and tussling with the in-laws will only make things worse.  Channel that negative energy towards a more constructive activity – like an Easter egg hunt!  Keep an eye on finances and stick with your budget in April.

Gemini

Here’s the bad news for tax season, April is not a good month for Gemini and numbers.  Strongly consider hiring a professional or get someone to double check any fiscal matters.  Friendships get tested when heads butt.  You may have to agree to disagree this time.  April skews romantic mojo, so now’s not the time to trust your instincts.  Have a friend cosign before moving forward, especially after three or more cocktails.

Cancer

April brings a tremendous amount of freedom and stress.  The wide open future awaits; seize it by the balls.  Interoffice politics play a big role in generating conflict this month.  On the upside, Cancers find true comfort in family and a peaceful home.  Both these gifts are yours this April.  When it comes to finances, please balance optimism with reality.  The full moon makes a great back drop for a party.  Consider hosting.

Leo

Miscommunication frustrates Leos and causes conflicts with friends, lovers and coworkers this April.  With a little patience and kindness on your part, these little squirmishes will take care of themselves.  Take extra caution with internet banking and transactions.  Keep important documents organized.  Leos stills shine this month, especially in the career sector – great time to leverage for a raise or promotion.

Virgo

Virgos need a luxurious day just for themselves this month.  Invigorate with spa treatments, delicious food, and long naps.  Whatever the pleasure, indulge for an afternoon.  Financially, unexpected shenanigans make it ultra-important to check the credit report.  The entire household needs to know what’s going on with money.  Keep them informed and they will step up.  Ethical beyond reproach, Virgos forget not everyone rolls that way.  Trust, but verify.

Libra

That new relationship you’ve been toying with?  April will make it or break it.  Libras usually have the subtle upper hand in relationships, so ultimately the decision will be yours whether to invest in or ditch the prospect.  Around the 18th, plan a get together and by the end of the evening the decision will be obvious.  Either way, anticipate a rocky aftermath.

Scorpio

Unclench your fist Scorpio.  Those little work bitches stir up weird energy this month.  Preserve calm dignity and reap the rewards later in May.  Even with obstacles, Scorpio’s high productivity results in accomplishment.  The love life looks really good this month for the committed and single, so take a few opportunities to get your Scorpio swagger on.

Sagittarius

Unfortunately, March’s drama seeps into April, but don’t fret Sagittarians.  These things have a funny way of working themselves out.  Concentrate on enjoying family and friends through a creative activity.  Unexpected expenses pop up later this month.  Don’t get caught off-guard.  Set aside some extra dough now and save yourself the stressful last minute scramble.

Capricorn

Hating home life right now?  You’ve heard that cliché about making your bed and sleeping in it right?  Tension permeates work relationships as well.  As usual, the battles boil down to ego.  Caps, consider whether hubris limits your ability to genuinely connect with others.  Smarties bypass drama with a humble approach, creating a safe space for creative exchange.

Aquarius

Spring travel plans go awry this month; even the car may experience issues.  Aquarians experience foggy communication like many other signs this month, though misunderstandings should clear up before the last week of April.  Aquarians get pissed at space-invading family and neighbors.  Establish and enforce boundaries.  On the bright side?  Cash fills the pocketbook.

Pisces

A side opportunity for some extra cash gives Pisces a long-needed financial break.  The added monetary cushion gives you a chance to relax and finally feel comfortable.  Especially charming and charismatic this month, take advantage of this moment and go after what you want.  Your chances of success are particularly high now.  Things also flow nicely on the relationship front thanks to April’s added magnetism.

Permalink | Filed in HOROSCOPE | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

MARCH 2011 HOROSCOPE

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Pisces Elizabeth Taylor – 27 February 1932

Hey there little birthday fishies.  Half the time you go with the flow; the other half you struggle against the current trying to make your way upstream.  Expect an extra dose of clumsy thanks to planetary fuckery.   Leave yourself enough time and pay attention.  Crutches really strip the swagger and ruin an outfit.  Especially enticing around the 18-19th, don’t waste your amped allure, Pisces.  Trade on the currency and let your admirers pay for the fun this month.  Wasting money ain’t an option this March.

Aries Joan Crawford – 23 March 1905

After a run of good luck Aries, sorry to say you are super fucked this month.  Blame Mercury in retrograde.  Mistakes, confusion, computer crash, accidents – you can’t stop the chaos, but try to remain supple in response.  Not all bad news this March, opportunities with long-reaching future benefits (or consequences) surface.  Best to focus efforts on friendships for the next few weeks.  Set up a few dates now, because later this month work will be miserable and tense.

TaurusKatharine Hepburn – 12 May 1907

Taurus glows this month, shining socially and professionally.  New connections and inspiring people enter the mix.  Cultivate old and new friendships; the soil is rich with all the right makings for meaningful affiliations.  Love and romance too blooms and thrives now.  The moon and planets align for Taurus this month, so take advantage and wake from the winter hibernation.

GeminiNatalie Portman – 9 June 1981

All the energy swirls around career this month for you Gemini.  A certain work project leads you down an interesting and unexpected path.  Intelligence has never been the problem; it is a lack of patience that delays your personal and professional advancement.  Invest in your career by attending trips, continuing education, or networking seminars.  Spend dough only on endeavors that pay career dividends this month – i.e. social events with a career-enhancing angle.

CancerMeryl Streep – 22 June 1949

Work has finally hit the shitter.  Save your ass by keeping a paper trail.  All the stress has got you fleeing for warmer waters.  Try checking out a new place for a quick getaway.  Communication flows and Crabs get their message across clearly now.  Don’t worry about money so much; a flux of income – maybe not yours, but at least in family – is headed your way.  Therefore, set your financial anxiety aside and think about this new career phase.

LeoAngela Bassett – 16 August 1958

Stick close to home Leos; delays, cancellations and lost luggage are on the cards for you this month.  Brace for mechanical problems with vehicles and appliances.  Set aside a safety net for repairs.  Planetary alignment creates an atmosphere ripe for learning over the next eight years.  Consider investing in new education or specialized training.  Leos are accustomed to attention, but this month folks will be especially receptive to your ideas.

VirgoIngrid Bergman – 29 August 1915

Like some of your astrological cousins, March brings chaos for you too Virgo, but this time in the form of financial mistakes.  Avoid any messiness: review statements carefully and pay bills timely.  After a rough patch personally, circumstances change and significant improvements are to your credit in the relationship realm.  Now is an excellent time to revamp your tired-ass look.  Finally things ease at work and cash-flow increases, perhaps in the form of a recognition, raise, bonus or gift.  Verify the veracity of gossip before passing it on.

Libra Susan Sarandon – 4 October 1946

Invest in some new bedding and loungewear.  March aspires to sleeping-in, relaxation, and brunch.  Take it easy, and this should be a great month for you.  Throughout the coming year, friendships will face a series of challenges.  Some amis prove their worth and others fall by the wayside.  Over the next two months in particular, focus attention on a relationship decision, but apply caution before acting.  Professionally, expect long-awaited news.

Scorpio Whoopi Goldberg – 13 November 1955

After a relatively peaceful stretch, conflict pops up again this month.  Trying to tell a Scorpio to avoid discord is like telling a fish to avoid water, but restrain from taking sides.  Domestic bliss comprised of lazy evenings and easy weekends dapple March.  Freshen the nest, clean, rearrange, and redecorate.  Friendships and romantic associations fill out the month; anticipate a few interesting new acquaintances.  Professionally, quick decisions precipitate rapid change.

SagittariusMo’Nique – 11 December 1967

March is all about competing values.  Friendships, romance, money, career, and self all struggle for attention this month.  Consciously choose where to spend your time and effort. As you may have noticed, the scattershot approach isn’t very effective.  One suggestion: turn on that Sag charm and play Betty Crocker.  Even though your words are all wit and woo, clarify thoughts before speaking, avoid assumptions, and give others the benefit of the doubt.

Capricorn  Luise Rainer – 12 January 1910

March finds Caps balancing a number of serious responsibilities.  Since juggling isn’t really your thing, the stress of it causes you to lash out.  We always hurt the ones we love and shit, right?  Always good with the pesos, the finances look stable, even though that bonus fell short of your prediction.  Purchase household items the first week of the month for value.  Shopping the last week of the month spells rip-off.

Aquarius Geena Davis – 21 January 1957

This is an interesting March for you Aquarius.  First off, surprises are on the horizon.  An extra dose of intriguing charisma increases your attraction and power.  At the very end of the month, close relationships suffer upset.  Turn the compassion way up.  Financially, now is the time to budget for the rest of the coming year.  This month, take extra care behind the wheel – no tailgating.

Permalink | Filed in FILM, HOROSCOPE, STAR | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

FEBRUARY 2011 HOROSCOPES

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

AquariusAubrey O’Day (February 11, 1984)

In the soda fountain of life, Aquarius provides the bubbly carbonation.  Likable, easy-going, but still reliable, Aquarius make great friends.  However, the propensity towards adventure, travel, and moving on-to-the-next makes for a complicated love life.  Vacation sex was made for this sign, as was the cliché, “easy come, easy go.” Just remember the same cannot be said about the herp, so don’t be an airhead.  When patience seems in short supply this month, forgive short-comings with magnanimity.

PiscesDina Manzo (March 7, 1971)

Pisces, always trying to adapt and accommodate, sometimes even without an awareness to the sacrifice.  Feminine and negative in nature, it is your very mutability that attracts some and frustrates others.  It also tends to make you awesome in bed.  One of those fringe friends lurking about might be ready to step up to the plate.  Prepare a game-changing outfit for Valentine’s Day.

Aries   Jeff Lewis (March 24, 1970)

Attention-loving Aries start (and often finish) the party.  The spark that ignites the fun fire, no gathering is truly worthwhile without you.  February isn’t the best month to get slizzard.  Now is the time to turn inward and decide for sure what you want.  A task master at heart, getting your priorities in line will set the course for the immediate future.  With a plan in place, anxiety subsides.

TaurusTabatha Coffey (May 17, 1969)

House guests may be on the horizon for Taurus as this is a fabulous time for hosting.  Avoid serious home-improvement projects, or you’ll end up in a fit of frustration on the floor.  Try not to fixate on all the little annoyances that accompany visitors.  Call upon that famous Taurean patience to help you endure the irritations.  No visitors?  Look forward to a little of your favorite thing – hibernation.

GeminiFarrah Abraham (May 31, 1991)

Loosey goosey spending habits have you in the lurch this month.  Hopefully, you had the good sense to set aside a little safety net.  Money worries will have you seriously preoccupied, which could cause fallout in other areas of life left unattended.  You have a bad habit of learning life’s lessons the hard way.  Get off the carousel of mistakes.

CancerPauly D (July 5, 1980)

Moon-child Cancer, this month looks good for your bank account and bad for your genitals.  When romanticism takes over, you leap without a net, which often results in bitter disappointment.  Be careful about expecting reciprocation this early on; best to let yourself be the object of the chase this time.  Don’t even think of spending that extra dough.

LeoTiffani Faison (August 20, 1977)

The most likable person ever is a humble Leo.  Unfortch, the rarity of humility among Leos makes the combination of those two words a virtual oxymoron.  February brings the potential for a real Leo ego bath.  Resist the temptation to fill up the tub with your own self-satisfaction.  You’ll get out smelling like it, and trust me, it stinks.

VirgoCamille Grammer (September 2, 1968)

Avoid making contracts, leases, and long-term commitments this month.  The key word for February is maintain.  Keep the schedule mellow and leave room for unexpected fun.  Aflutter with the New Year, your charisma wins people over.  Enjoy the shine and don’t let your oversensitivity ruin it.

LibraAlex McCord (October 1, 1973)

After staring at the same four walls all winter, you are ready to spruce up your space.  February is the time for freshening your interiors, so think about clearing the way for new inspiration.  As a sign that recognizes and appreciates the importance of aesthetics, this should be a satisfying creative experience.  Apply self-discipline and clean first to avoid stirring up dust.

ScorpioEva Marcille (October 30, 1984)

No matter what the situation, you always have an opponent.  Why is that?  Do you realize that not everyone lives in a constant state of conflict?  Chill with the power plays this month and try to enjoy a little peace.  Interpersonal balance pays career dividends – nobody wants to work with a self-important asshole.

SagittariusNeNe Leakes (December 13, 1967)

Big thinkers, Sagittarians are typically well-traveled and well-educated.  The curse of this sign is the unrelenting itchy restlessness.  Friends keep you busy this month.  Make sure to select budget-conscious activities to avoid a financial pickle.  Back up your hard drive – literally and figuratively.

Capricorn Kyle Richards (January 11, 1969)

Venus influences the vibe this month and so you’ll be extra delectable to all those around you.  Expect several invitations.  That isn’t to say that other complications might not arise.  Unresolved issues swept under the rug in January come back to spoil the social sundae.  Cash flow is abundant this month, but your eye for detail, not so much.  Get a second pair of eyes to review any important documents before signing.

Permalink | Filed in HOROSCOPE, TV | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

JANUARY 2011 HOROSCOPES

Saturday, January 1st, 2011

Capricorn

Some mistake your decisive confidence as dismissive, but Capricorns know what they want and aren’t waiting for anyone’s permission.  This uncompromising approach tends to alienate friends, family, and potential love interests.  Nobody’s asking you to change, and you won’t anyway.  Sailing on the Sea of Independence this year, Captain Cap unapologetically steers the ship where he or she sees fit.

Aquarius

A flurry of communication will have you checking your inbox and calendar this month.  Get selective regarding how you spend your time.  Rest is essential to protect your vulnerable immune system.  Aquarian aloofness can be off-putting, so go out of your way to bring warmth to important social interactions.

Pisces

This is the year that you must deal with all your relationship baggage.  Family and friends aren’t the issue.  Look inward and do the work, because January looks favorable for romance.  Financially, the free ride is over.  Yeah, you’re thinking, what free ride?  In four months you’ll be wishing you had it as good as you do now – recognize.

Aries

Prepare to professionally pimp your way through the first third of 2011.  Aries deserve recognition after putting in major heart through a tiring 2010.  Interpersonally, a quick fuse + a serious patience shortage = a strong likelihood that your current relationship could end if you don’t put in extra effort to resolve conflict.  Little annoyances can simmer over; don’t leave the stove unattended.

Taurus

Unresolved health issues continue to remain central, but these challenges provide loved ones the opportunity to show their devotion.  Reliable, stoic, and generous Taurus, always giving, giving, giving; now is the time to receive.  You must learn to relax and practice self-care to flourish.  Cozy down and allow others to nourish you.

Gemini

Jealous haters are out to dim your shine.  Gross.  Unless you let them goad you into some petty bullshit, the whole situation will be more personally disappointing than financially devastating.  This month’s back and forth centers on discontent in your romantic relationship.  Get grateful or get out.  Save yourself and everyone else the tortuous indecision.  Slow your roll on any major purchases or investments.

Cancer

Book a vacation online, but stay the fuck off those internet dating sites.  Consider tapping into your creative or performance talents by entering a singing, art, or cooking competition.  This could also be a good time to hone a new skill.  Save your money the next four months, so you can make a job change this summer.

Leo

The light shines all over your ass this month giving you great glow.  Non-negotiable responsibilities ground an otherwise buoyant time.  The upside?  The increased workload will be profitable.  Go ahead and gamble.  An unexpected windfall could be headed your way, lucky fucking bastard.

Virgo

Mellow is the theme of the month.  Enjoy financial stability, and a consistent, if uneventful work life.  Anticipate no major conflict on the relationship front, and maybe even the possibility of a baby.  One caution, you are not detailed-oriented and sloppiness will result in harsh consequences.  No DIY accounting, investing, or legal decisions.

Libra

Clinginess is not chic, so tone it down with the over-attachment, especially calls and texts.  Fun gatherings perk up the rest of January and these events give you a chance to show off that pretty Libra face to the whole crowd.  Employ those disciplined financial planning skills to stretch through upcoming tight spots.

Scorpio

The stressful holidays have left you spent.  You must take care of yourself or you will definitely get sick this month.  Illness and fatigue compromise your ability to channel the creative energy necessary for you to reach your highest self.  Take everything you learned last year and apply it.

Sagittarius

Extreme behavior in the past has compromised your health and it will take the first two-thirds of 2011 to get back on track.  A recent career upgrade has you feeling generous.  Know the difference between a gift and a loan; this one won’t get paid back.  Your undeniable charm will help you form an important connection, possibly romantic.  Back up the hard drive; some technical problems may be on the horizon.

Permalink | Filed in FILM, HOROSCOPE, STAR, TV | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,