As many of you know, I served as a bridesmaid on Friday. I wore the matching dress – the whole bit. This wedding was one of the most fun I’ve been to, which in all honesty, was an unexpected surprise. The whole event got me thinking of the best and worst ceremonies I’ve attended, and what makes some of these events sing while others are off key. After much nuptial analysis and observation, I humbly offer these considerations when either planning or attending a ceremony. 
A chill bride goes a long way in making a wedding day bearable for everyone else. What makes for a relaxed bride? An attentive bridal party. As a bridesmaid your only job is to say “What do you need? What can I get you? You are the most beautiful.” The rest of the time anticipate the needs of the bride and her parents. Remember that attending a wedding as a bridesmaid is a job. It doesn’t end until the bride pulls away from the reception. My devotion was so unwavering that I hoisted the bride’s dress up while she peed and lifted her train up all night so it wouldn’t drag in the mud. 
I lost a strap on my shoe and improvised with a ribbon and kept it moving. I doubt anyone really noticed, and I even got a few compliments on my shoes. Some guests thought it was a creative fashion statement, which really isn’t that farfetched since I’ve been known to wear some pretty fucking random shit on occasion. Thankfully, I found the strap of my brand new Jeffrey Campbells later that night. 
Expect at least one bridesmaid, close female friend, or relative to come completely unhinged before or during the big day. The myriad motivations behind these dramatics vary greatly, but typically include at the very least jealousy, existential crisis, groom hating, Peter Pan Syndrome, and more. Don’t bother trying to root out the ire. Just distance yourself from the negativity. Wait until after the honeymoon to decide if the behavior is a relationship deal-breaker. 
Friction between the bride’s dad and the groom isn’t exactly uncommon. Most of that tension can be dealt with early and honestly if the groom nuts up and asks Dad for the bride’s hand. Some will find this antiquated. Let me be perfectly clear – the conversation is not some fucked up cow-trading dowry conversation. The purpose of the chat is to provide the opportunity for any parental concerns to be voiced. It is also a gesture of respect and goes a long way in garnering good will. Gays should talk to parents too if feasible under the particular circumstances. 
Speaking of gays, have some sensitivity to the fact that your best gay friends may be really sick of attending straight weddings when most cannot legally marry themselves. 
We’ve discussed buffets here on DC before. As far as I’m concerned, buffets = barffets. Consider family style, served plated, or heavy hors d’oeuvres as an alternative. Don’t you find passed tray hors d’oeuvres kind of awkward for both server and guest? Ask yourself when you’ve ever truly been thrilled with a buffet, and then admit that wedding buffets are notoriously bad. 
What is it with the limp-ass sauteed vegetable medley? I love vegetables, but this oft-presented dish is a good reason why they get a bad reputation. Food must be delicious, appropriately hot or cold, and of a large variety. Provide fruits, vegetables, cheeses, nuts, and yummy bread, in addition to other options, so those with specific dietary needs can negotiate the meal without a fuss. 
Much more to come on weddings and more little doves. The internet is finally up and running in my new nest, so expect a full posting schedule moving forward. Thanks again for your kindness and commitment. Hugs, DC
Aries experience harmony this summer and even more so as you thin the physical, psychological and relationship clutter that’s been bogging you down. Some cuts will be harder to make than others, but your sense of what is real and what isn’t has never been sharper. Rely on it. Mid-month, Aries experience intense and vivid dreams. Use them to inspire you in unexpected directions. Towards the end of the month, avoid getting into petty arguments pertaining to gender roles. Fail to heed this advice and you are the one who will look like an asshole.
Extraordinary is not a word to throw around willy-nilly, but Taurus deserves it because you are not like others. Stronger, more stubborn, and often more successful, you are very well liked and admired. Capable Bulls handle in a day what many people struggle to complete in a week. The hot weather has you looking good and feeling magnetic. Wear daring outfits just because you can. The last week of the month is a good time to get away by yourself. Steer clear of family and friends, especially the 23rd-26th. A solo camping trip perhaps?
With the New Year comes the inevitable flood of engagement announcements. Word trickled out that boring Biel and Timberlake got engaged in Wyoming. Always-the-bride-never-the-bridesmaid Drew Barrymore and her boyfriend Will Kopelman also allegedly agreed to marry. Trawick recently sprung a diamond on Britney, and Matthew slid carats on Camila’s finger too.
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Most of you have heard about the struggles Bethenny Frankel has experienced while attempting to develop, market, and sell her version of a daily network talk show. Reports surfaced that decision-makers didn’t think she wasn’t likable enough. Then there were those pesky allegations concerning false labeling on Skinnygirl Margarita, which further chipped away at her crumbling credibility. And it wasn’t so long ago confusion swirled around the value of the Skinnygirl sale. The cumulative effect? Page Six reports that any hope for a syndicated deal is as dead as a Thanksgiving turkey.
You guys watching Revenge? Can’t really say it’s good, but blank-eyed Amber Valletta and an Herve Leger-clad Madeleine Stowe have kept it mildly interesting. How much has this fall sucked in terms of tv? So much. In any other year at any other time, Revenge wouldn’t even be worth mentioning.
We are neither surprised by nor interested in the break up of Ashton and Demi’s marriage. Nobody seriously thought that shit would last, so the media can just relax with all their pearl clutching. We all know the grounds for divorce. Under the reason for dissolution, next to Ashton’s name, check the “douche” box; next to Demi’s, check “desperately clinging to youth.”
Look, I know we’ve all suffered severe Kardashian fatigue, but I can’t deny watching the first and second parts of the Kim Kardashian wedding miniseries (like the rest of you bitches). I think we can all agree the major takeaway is that Humphries is an insufferable asshole. Please enjoy five reasons why Kris Humphries will be the second, but not last husband of the poorman’s Elizabeth Taylor, Kim Kardashian.
1) The Dogs. The moment K+K began bickering over the dogs, it was obvious they were incompatible. A neat freak will never be comfortable with animals crawling amid the duvet and contaminating the bed. Furthermore, arriving with dogs without asking first was a totally self-important dick move on Humphries‘ part. 
2) He’s late. Setting aside the absurdity of a modern couple registering at Geary’s, when a groom is scheduled to appear on wedding related-business, he best show up on time. Kommandant Kris Jenner calls all the shots in this family; a bad impression with her and end up with a million dollar cap on the pre-nup. 
3) He talks too much. This oversized oaf fucking talks too much, no? He’s yapping at Khloe, poking the bear. He talks shit behind Kim’s back. He constantly blurts dumbass comments and causes offense. He’s confused if he thinks he’s the star of the show, honey. Know your place Hump; you get paid to toss balls, not provide narrative. At the time of filming he didn’t even have a ball-tossing job; does he now? 
4) He’s controlling. Raise the red flag when the groom cares so much about the color scheme he’s Skyping the wedding planner. A recent run-in with an über controlling groom was very unattractive. Not to sound old timey, but go smoke a cigar and let the womenfolk fuss over arrangements. 
5) He’s arrogant. Humphries emits the stank of undeserved superiority. Nobody knew who his ass was before Kim, and no one cares now. He needs to stop acting irreplaceable. And why did he race outta the room when Khloe pressed him on his STD history?
We totally hate him, right? If for no other reason than because he makes me sympathize with these vapid Kardashian Kuntz. How long are second marriages running these days? 9 months? I got $5 on 9 months in our theoretical office pool.
My dear friend Sam is getting married soon and she recently inquired about how to achieve a natural, dewy, minimalist look for her big day. She cited Kate’s (Moss not Middleton, ya’ll) recent nuptials as inspiration.
Wedding makeup is tricky business. The bride must consider lighting, photography, and longevity. Often what works on camera can look down right freakish in person. Furthermore, who can be bothered with endless touch-ups on such an important occasion?
Most brides aim for subtle enhancement to show their best selves. The approach for each bride must be individually tailored to achieve optimal results, but there are a few hard and fast rules for wedding day makeup that simply should not be ignored.
Despite what you might have learned from last weekend’s Jerseylicious marathon, a smoky eye doesn’t work for everyone. Those with hooded eyelids or smaller eyes should stick to lighter neutral shadows. A smoky eye can easily melt into a raccoon eye without proper preservation. If you insist on breaking out some intense shadow for the big day, have at it, but for the love of Aucoin please no super bright colors. Save the hot pink and purple; this is your wedding day and not a club crawl through the Jersey Shore.
Keep shimmer to a minimum. A little here and there to catch the light is fine – corner of the eyes, brow bone, a smidge on the cheek bones, a dab in the center of the lip or arch of the cupid’s bow (NOT all locations por favor). Shimmer reads prominently in photographs. If you go crazy with the highlighter all over; you’ll appear oily and shiny in your pictures. Soft matte works best on camera.
Dramatic brides may consider a red lip. Proceed with caution. Red lips are extremely high-maintenance. Gotta keep it off the teeth, off the dress, and reapply often for maximum punch. A scarlet smoocher can easily dominate the face and take over a photo. The wrong shade of red causes the rest of the face to recede. The tendency is to overcompensate with too much color elsewhere or look washed out. Consider a subtle red wash on the lips to keep features balanced.
Go easy with the foundation and concealer application. Let your skin and inner light shine through. Remember the aim of these products is to perfect the skin, not mask it. Splurge on high-end foundation and concealer, even if you go budget in other areas. Without a perfected base, the whole look crumbles.
Invest in a primer. A decent primer provides staying power. Primer is the key to 8-12 hours of longevity, so you look as good at the end of the reception as you did walking down the aisle.
Interpretations of the Two of Cups fall into essentially three categories. First, this card symbolizes marriage and partnership. Where applicable, it also evokes forgiveness and healing within a broken relationship. Lastly, under other circumstances, The Two of Cups can also indicate a growing attraction or even coming out. Remember, The Cups = our emotions, and these two look ready to bare their souls. New friends and nascent love are all good things, but when 2 Cups is reversed, watch out for discord, divorce, and betrayal.