Jessica Simpson wore custom Carolina Herrera. It’s such a princess-y Jessica Simpson dress. It is exactly what you’d expect her to wear. I do like the candlelight color, the snatched waist, and the how the beading catches the light. I don’t love the pattern of the beading on the skirt and the way it creates a weighty bedspread feeling to the bottom of the dress. Also in Carolina Herrera, I feel like Olivia Palermo is trying to be the hipster chick that wears Chuck Taylors to prom. Like she’s above the fuss of an actual wedding dress. She can only bother with a skirt and sweater (in the summer). I offer you begrudging props for originality paired with an eyeroll, Palermo. She looks way baked in this picture, no? Kandi fucking Burruss. Did you watch that hot fucking mess of a televised shitshow? Coming to America, for real girl? Today is just about dresses and this one makes me recall that line from Steel Magnolias, “Looks like two pigs fightin’ under a blanket.” What do you expect from a designer who delivers your dress in a bedsheet?I threw Taylor Armstrong in here for a little Real Housewives compare and contrast. She’s wearing Chagoury Couture. The dress is dated; it’s giving me a very 1997 prom sensation. Poor Naya Rivera, attempting to bride her post-Big Sean pain away in Monique Lhuillier. This dress is totally inappropriate for a Cabo wedding. Could you imagine wearing all that lace and long sleeves in Mexico in the summer? Kaley Cuoco opted for carnation pink Vera Wang. I’m all for non-white, but this gown isn’t really that special. The color borders on cloying. Carmen Marc Valvo made Katie Couric’s dress for her ceremony in the Hamptons. I know she’s nearing 60, but that has nothing to do with the bad cut, fabric, and color of this frock. She could have looked a whole lot cuter, and it’s a damn shame she wore this disservice of a dress on such a blessed occasion. I actually like elements of Kim’s Givenchy dress, just not the part that looks like she’s wearing North’s bib. The back is beautiful, especially with the totally impractical exaggerated veil. For sure, that skinny white belt will be ripped off and all over the bridal runways next season – you heard it here first.
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